This offseason I’m going to recap sixteen-after-twenty, then I’ll go over the best rookies for next year, then I’ll go into sleepers and, finally, the new rankings.  Holy crap!  We’re already at the new rankings?!  Oh, no, we’re not.  Sorry, I sometimes confuse exposition and reality.  Like, right now, am I explaining I confuse the two or am I really confused?  Any hoo!  I mention some offseason business now as an on-the-nose prelude to what’s to come, but also because I’m excited to talk about Alex Reyes for each one of those upcoming categories.  Best rookies?  Reyes still has eligibility, so check.  Sleepers?  He has a 1.57 ERA, more than a K per inning and averages 97 MPH, so check, check.  Rankings?  I want Reyes on every team next year so where do I rank him?  Check, check, check!  Check pah-vodka-sha!  He trap me with that alligator blood!  Damn, I haven’t seen Rounders in a while, I wonder if it holds up.  *looks to see Rounders DVD holding up crooked bookshelf*  Oh, yeah, baby!  Yesterday, Reyes went 6 IP, 1 ER, 9 baserunners, 6 Ks with the same superb — samperb? — pitching he’s done since he was called up.  I can’t imagine he’s not in the rotation to start 2017, but, as Teddy KGB would say, Cards speak.  Anyway, here’s what else I saw yesterday in fantasy baseball:

Jedd Gyorko – 1-for-4 and his 28th homer.  If I had to guess one Double-D breaking out this year on the Cards, I would’ve guessed Matt Adams.

Seung Hwan Oh – 1 IP, 1 ER after saying earlier in the day his groin is okay.  By the way, Oh said his groin felt good through a translator.  Imagine being that translator.  “Hey, honey, how was work?”  “Good, Seung’s groin feels great!”  Since Oh still looks like he’s struggling, if you’re desperate for saves, I’d grab Siegrist.

Yadier Molina – 2-for-5, 2 RBIs and his 8th homer.  Molina also hit the “game-winning double” in the ninth inning.  He hit a ground-rule double but the umps let Carpenter run around from first because the umps apparently didn’t see the ball left the field of play.  Hey, Baseball Jesus loves the Cards and if Baseball Jesus wants the Cards to win, so be it.

Joey Votto – 3-for-4, but left the game after getting hit in the face by a Pham throw.  Votto is believed to be okay.  On a semi-related note, is it me or does adding Pham to any sentence make it a tongue twister?  “I’ll be damned, Judd married Pam, not Pham.”  See?

Dan Straily – 6 IP, 3 ER, 8 baserunners, 7 Ks, ERA at 3.76.  His xFIP this year is 5.01.  If I were the type to el oh el, now would be that time.  Oh em gee, that’s awful.  Like fo’reallies.

Wilson Ramos – To go with his torn ACL, he might also have a meniscus tear, but he’s able to sit 28 feet away from the TV and still see it.  Thanks, Lasik!

Joe Ross – 4 IP, 1 ER, 5 baserunners, 5 Ks, ERA at 3.43.  I’m almost positive that Ross will be all but forgotten in fantasy leagues next year, allowing for great value, unless you happen to be in a league with our fantasy basketball editor and club-music-listener, JB.

Pedro Severino – 1-for-3 and his 2nd homer.  A question on a Sporcle quiz for how well you know baseball should be, “Which Severino is a catcher:  Pedro, Luis, Melania, Ballesteros or Gonzalez?”

Wilmer Difo – 1-for-4 and his 1st homer.  Weird to see his name like that.  Should be Wilmer (feat. Difo).   Or maybe Wilmer Difo (feat. Ellie Goulding).  It’s never just Difo, is it?  Or am I thinking of Diplo?

Jason Hammel – Scratched from his final start with elbow tightness.  Hey, Cubs, if you’re trying to impersonate the 2015 Mets, you’re not supposed to let your pitching fall apart until next year.

Ivan Nova – 5 1/3 IP, 1 ER with the wonky Complete Game as the game was ended by rain.  “Nova finished so strong with the Pirates, he ended the year with a complete game, needing only 57 pitches!”  That’s Scott Boras touting Nova this offseason.

Jeremy Hellickson – 3 1/3 IP, 0 ER, ERA at 3.71, but left the game due to a knee sprain.  This final week is making the Stream-o-Nator by like, “Aw, c’mon!”

Jeanmar Gomez – 1/3 IP, 4 ER.  Damn, Cousin Sweatpants is limping to the finish.  I own Hector Neris but he’s been virtually nonexistent for the last week.  Michael Mariot could see a save or two this final weekend, but he’s more of a Ramada.

Dansby Swanson – 1-for-3 and his 3rd homer.  I’ve called him a hot schmotato already once this week, and if there were a Buy column coming later today, Swanson would be in it, but there’s no Buy/Sell because at this point, I’m not picking up hot players, I’m just picking up players I hope are in their team’s lineup.

Ubaldo Jimenez – 6 2/3 IP, 0 ER, 1 Hit, 3 Walks, 5 Ks, ERA at 5.44.  I attempted to filter offense for the last week and compare it to last season’s final week then compare it to a random week in June.  My thought was either hitters have games off prepping for the playoffs or they just don’t care because they’ve been playing for the last six months.  There is so many problems with this theory.  The Jays, Ubaldo’s opponent, haven’t yet clinched, they had their A lineup in, I couldn’t figure out how to sort for team offense last September in the 45 seconds I gave myself, and Oxford comma.  Hey, at least I’m honest.

Marcus Stroman – 7 IP, 4 ER, 11 baserunners, 3 Ks, ERA at 4.37.  This isn’t much of an endorsement, but Stroman was much better in the 2nd half.  Wait, that does sound like an endorsement.  Except, Random Italicized Voice, his ERA in the 2nd half was still 3.68.  Well, he’s the best five-foot, six-inch pitcher in the majors.  Amen.  Are we praying now?

Yasmany Tomas – Was scratched with a stiff neck.  He must’ve got a Viagra stuck in his throat.

Jean Segura – 1-for-2, 1 run and his 32nd steal, but left yesterday’s game early with a cramp under his ribcage.  Sounds like he needs some water or has a tumor, according to WebMD.

Socrates Brito – 1-for-4, 2 RBIs and his 4th homer.  He doesn’t play every day, so it’s tough to recommend him.  That’s my philosophy on Socrates.

Robbie Ray – 4 2/3 IP, 5 ER, ERA at 4.90.  That’s the ticket, just keep building up your sleeper value for next year to be a “Sleeper that people draft, then want to drop by April 5th.”

CC Sabathia – 7 1/3 IP, 1 ER, 6 baserunners, 8 Ks, ERA at 3.91.  You next year, “Fantasy Master Lothario, excuse me for interrupting your primping time, but any thoughts on CC?  He finished strong.”  He was facing a B lineup that was partying the night before like it was CC in the 2000s.  And you know I’m a P-R-I-M-P.

Jacoby Ellsbury – 2-for-3, 1 run, 1 RBI and a steal.  Any guesses how many steals he has on the year?  Try a bit lower.  Nope, lower still.  I said still, not steal.  I mean, I said steal.  Oh, forget it!  He has 19 steals.  Somebody got old.

Carlos Sanchez – 1-for-4, 2 RBIs and his 4th homer, and 4th homer in the last eleven games.  This is the first time I’m mentioning him because each time he homered, I’d think, “Meh, he’ll never homer again, no reason to talk about him.”  Oops!  Worth trying Chuck Sanchez for the final few days just in case he stays hot.

Jose Quintana – 6 IP, 2 ER, 7 baserunners, 7 Ks, ERA at 3.20 vs. Chris Archer – 6 2/3 IP, 3 ER, 8 baserunners, 5 Ks, ERA at 4.02.  There isn’t always justice with baseball stats, but it’s nice to see Quintana finish strong and Archer, that effin’ schmohawk, end the year with a 4+ ERA.

Kevin Kiermaier – 3-for-5, 1 RBI.  He’s still so hot.  Bigly!

Jon Gray – 5 1/3 IP, 5 ER.  You would’ve been better off drafting Jon Gray this year instead of Sonny Gray.  Though, Jon Gray’s ERA is still 4.66, so Grey Albright wins the best Grey.  Eat a dee, other Grays!

Johnny Cueto – 7 IP, 2 ER, 10 baserunners, 11 Ks, ERA at 2.79.  Cueto looked like a shell of his former self early, giving up two runs in the 1st inning, but then Cueto emerged from that shell like ice cream emerges from Magic Shell, the chocolate topping, and put a cherry– I’m hungry, is it obvious?

Danny Duffy – 6 1/3 IP, 4 ER, 10 baserunners, 3 Ks, ERA at 3.51.  Too bad he limped to the finish these final few weeks.  Or is it?!  Actually, it’s not (unless you owned him).  Since he artificially bumped up his ERA these final few weeks, next year people aren’t going to be as interested in him as they would’ve been if he led the league in ERA as he was doing thru August.

Kennys Vargas – 2-for-5 and his 10th homer.  This was his 2nd homer in as many games.  One homer per Kenny.

Paulo Orlando – 4-for-4, 1 run.  As I said before, there’s no Buy/Sell coming later today, but if there was one, Orlando would be the lede.  Title:  Buy A Three Day Pass To The Magic Kingdom In Orlando.

Francisco LindorIndians/Tigers game was rained out yesterday.  It could be made up on Monday, if it’s necessary for the Wild Card.  The game itself won’t count towards fantasy in most leagues, so it means nothing to me.  I’m pfft’ing at you!  By the by, I hate, hate, aitch-ae-tee-ee — hate, hate, hate — how a guy is locked into your fantasy lineup when their game is cancelled.  Please, fix this!

Michael Brantley – Reports are saying his shoulder could sideline well into 2017.  Brantley, I have someone I want you to speak to.  His name is Grady Sizemore.

Mike Zunino – 2-for-3 and his 12th homer.  Who’s Zunino’ing who?!

Jesus Montero – Suspended 50 games for testing positive for dimethylbutylamine.  In related news, dimethylbutylamine shown not to work.

 
  1. Bob says:
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    Okay, I have to pick between walker vs oak or rodon vs min tomorrow. I don’t have the innings left to start both since I am saving them for the weekend. I need a qs, a whip that is under 1.4 and some k’s. Who do I bench? Both have good matchups. The twins got to duffy yesterday but dozier wasn’t playing. Duffy had only given up 1 run thru 6 and the wheels came off in the 7th, he wasn’t the same pitcher over the last month. But he is a lefty like rodon. Rodon was brilliant in his last start but wasn’t so good the two before it. Walker pitched a gem vs the angels, but hasn’t gone more than 5 1/3 in his last two although he pitched ok. This is a tough call for me. I probably will sit the wrong guy so I need a second opinion. Also seattle is a better pitchers park if that means anything. Who knows the wind may be blowing out tomorrow. As you can see, i am overthinking this and looking at all angles. Thanks

    • Bob says:
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      More data to consider. Rodon has faced Min 4 times this year. He has 2 qs/2 good starts vs them and 2 not so good ones. Walker has faced Oak twife this year and pitched great both times, 2 qs and 7+ innings each time.

      • Bob says:
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        Last facts to consider, rodon has pitched 162 innings including one minor league start. Walker is at 128 innings this year so if fatigue down the stretch is a factor, walker should be fresher. But, rodon was on a roll for 6 straight qs before he had two blips at cle and at kc. Sorry for the over analysis. As you can tell, I need to get this right. Thanks

        • JeF WiTh 1 F says:
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          @Bob: Both risky but I’d go with Walker

        • Cram It says:
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          @Bob: Need more data.

          • Rufus T. Firefly says:
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            @Cram It: And after Cram It gets his data, I’ll even more data.

            • Rufus T. Firefly says:
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              @Rufus T. Firefly: I mean I’ll NEED even more data. Damn it!

        • Cram It says:
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          @Bob: I’d check their twitter feeds, FB pages and Instagrams up until game time…see what they did the night before, if they went out, what they had for dinner, what they had for breakfast, how much sleep they got, if they drove to the stadium themselves (could elevate stress levels) or if they were chauffered. Ya know, really take everything into consideration.

          • Rufus T. Firefly says:
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            @Cram It: Horoscopes?

            • Rufus T. Firefly says:
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              @Rufus T. Firefly: Or is that stuff bullshit?

              • Cram It says:
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                @Rufus T. Firefly: They don’t say “the stars are aligned” for no reason!

          • The Hack says:
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            @Cram It: I’m big on their movements if you know what I mean

            • Cram It says:
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              @The Hack: Irregular bowel movements could be a factor.

            • Grey

              Grey says:
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              @The Hack: You read tea leaves, after they’re passed through a colon

              • The Hack says:
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                @Grey: I’m not liking this corn alignment here. It mimics Aquarius which tells me that it’s going to rain on my parade..

                • Grey

                  Grey says:
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                  HAHA…Oh God, I can see your future, and it’s seeing gastroenterologist…

                  • The Hack says:
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                    @Grey: mookie betts probably poops beautiful logs. Solid all americans!

                    Note: all Americans is what my buddy calls the no wipe movements.

                    • Grey

                      Grey says:
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                      He poops Slim Jims and they’re delicious!

                    • The Hack says:
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                      @The Hack: snap into that

    • Grey

      Grey says:
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      @Bob: Walker

      • Bob says:
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        Thanks. I know I threw out too much information which is why I am asking for a second opinion. I need this start to be good or I drop a point or two in the standings. That’s how close the pitching is in my league.

        • Grey

          Grey says:
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          No problem

  2. Malicious Phenoms says:
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    ‘hate, hate, hate — how a guy is locked into your fantasy lineup when their game is cancelled. Please, fix this!”

    I emailed fantrax on this, this morning. I’ll keep you posted on what they say.

      • Malicious Phenoms says:
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        @Grey:

        OK, I heard back.
        It can be done but only by the commish of each league in commish mode.

        So it is not all that easy. He said they will look into another way around it, but doubts anything can be done..

        • Grey

          Grey says:
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          Gotcha

  3. Malicious Phenoms says:
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    The umps didn’t wait very long after the ground rule double, that Cincy would have challenged..They set a record for getting in the tunnel..lol

    • VinWins

      VinWins says:
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      @Malicious Phenoms: Apparently a team has to show an intent to challenge within 10 seconds. But I think it’s more important to get the call right, so leeway should be given, especially in a game-ending situation. I say, take all the time you need to get the call right, and stop hitters from stepping out to adjust their gloves after every pitch.

      And let the computer call balls and strikes. It’s ridiculous that a pitch in the exact same place can be called a strike the first time, and then a ball because of the way the catcher received it.

      And I think umps are always quick to leave.

      • Malicious Phenoms says:
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        @VinWins:
        I nominate VinWins for the NEW Commish of baseball..

        I agree with you on all accounts 100%.

        Especially with a wild card on line for the Cards, they needed to get that play right at the end of the game and the didn’t.

        The umps calling of balls and strikes are ridiculous..Bring on the robots or the strike/ball thing they use on the TV screen..Changes need to be made.

        Even Teixera said during a recent interview, “they need to do something to speed up the game, they are losing fans”.

        • VinWins

          VinWins says:
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          @Malicious Phenoms: Also, make the fences so it is obvious when the ball is over them.

      • MattTruss

        MattTruss says:
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        They timed it, it took Price 34 seconds to get out on the field and start looking for the umps…who were gone. Umps were counting off 1 Mississippi, 2 Mississippi, 3 Mississippi as they walked down the tunnel.

        Granted, it should have been instant, it’s a game ending play, there’s no downside to asking for a replay of it. STL has that jacked up wall out there though, so it may not have been super obvious what happened at first. Plus, the whole place was going bonkers, so noise and chaos played a factor for sure. Agree, some leeway should have been given there. And fix that damn wall! And get off my lawn!

        Robot umps though…

        • The Hack says:
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          @MattTruss: they showed on real sports how the computer ump would work and it looks exactly like a regular ball game.

          • MattTruss

            MattTruss says:
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            Wait, aren’t you like an insane purist? You’re not for this shizz are you?

            • The Hack says:
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              @MattTruss: I’ve always hated the way umps control the game. Maybe if those guys weren’t such ego maniacs who think they are special I would say differently. I don’t think this effects the purity of the game it just gets right what some asshole cant. They showed the 2011 world series where the cardinals beat the Rangers and they gave 14 favorable pitches to the cardinals and only 3 to the rangers. Cardinals won that game 7. The stats on it were eye opening and these umps think they are doing the right thing.

              My major issue with baseball was the splitting of the divisions, the absurd amount of inter league and the wildcard for the playoffs because it makes it more interesting. Fuxk interesting, this year we have three teams with no businews being in the playoffs vying for the NL wildcard. Total horseshit

              • Grey

                Grey says:
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                But if one of those teams with no business being in the playoffs makes the World Series it’ll be on the back of some unsung hero and it will be fun

                • The Hack says:
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                  @Grey: I’ve never been one for rewarding second place. Even as a kid I would just throw my second place trophies into my closet. It never made sense to me. It’s like here is a big shiny object for being the first loser

                  • Grey

                    Grey says:
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                    I dislike interleague more… It still makes no sense that a team builds itself for its league, then 20 times a year it makes due with or without a DH… Wild Card got me like meh, whatever, it’s the playoffs, it’s real baseball, okay… If I could remove Wild Card, I would, but am dealing

                    • MattTruss

                      MattTruss says:
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                      Agreed. I rant on interleague in my DFS post today. So dumb the Tigers, in the thick of a WC hunt are playing…..the Braves! Huh? Meanwhile Toronto and Baltimore are playing division rivals.

                    • Grey

                      Grey says:
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                      I thought they made a rule where interleague would end by August

                    • MattTruss

                      MattTruss says:
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                      Welp, tell that to Detroit who is IN Atlanta with no DH when games matter most. V-Mart is pretty much droppable for this final weekend.

                    • Grey

                      Grey says:
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                      Yeah I know but I could’ve sworn they made the rule didn’t they?

                    • MattTruss

                      MattTruss says:
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                      Maybe that was back before it was a constant thing.

                    • Grey

                      Grey says:
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                      Ha

              • Malicious Phenoms says:
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                @The Hack:
                Interesting = more money.
                I agree with you, inter-league games and wild card teams suck..

                First place teams should be playing in the World Series, with the team with the BEST record having home field advantage..

        • VinWins

          VinWins says:
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          @MattTruss: Can’t really blame the umps. The Reds gave no indication they were thinking of challenging.

          • MattTruss

            MattTruss says:
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            34 seconds isn’t that long though

            • VinWins

              VinWins says:
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              @MattTruss: But you are supposed to indicate you are considering it within 10 seconds. They didn’t, so they left.

          • Malicious Phenoms says:
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            @VinWins:
            What seems to happen, is the bench coach will call upstairs to make sure they have a case before challenging..10 secs is NOT enough time, some of these players spend more than 10 secs adjusting all their gear.

            A play like that at the end of a very important game should have been reviewed to make sure they got it right!

            • VinWins

              VinWins says:
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              @Malicious Phenoms: You have to indicate you are considering it within 10 seconds, not whether you are going to challenge.

              • Malicious Phenoms says:
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                @VinWins:
                Stupid rule..they need more time.

      • Grey

        Grey says:
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        @VinWins: 10 seconds? Really?

        • VinWins

          VinWins says:
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          @Grey: Just to indicate you are thinking of challenging.

          • Grey

            Grey says:
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            But if there’s madness on the field with celebrations, and you need to talk to the guy in your booth who watches replays (or is that football?)…

            • The Hack says:
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              @Grey: allegedly they called the dugout but couldn’t hear the phone among the madness. They need a light that goes on

              • Grey

                Grey says:
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                That’s hilarious… So, Cards cut the phone lines and they win?

                • MattTruss

                  MattTruss says:
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                  The Cardinals are the Patriots of MLB…alledgedly

                  • Grey

                    Grey says:
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                    They’re deflating baseballs?

                    • Malicious Phenoms says:
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                      @Grey:
                      No, they are ADDING air to baseball’s!