Merrill Kelly for Fantasy Baseball

It’s always so hard to know if a guy is GREAT uppercase, great lowercase or “Meh, was great but that’s because the Braves suck–Excuse me, I mean, the team he was facing sucked.” Though, the Braves do suck. Hard not to see that going on two years. So, was Merrill Kelly GREAT uppercase, great lowercase or “Meh, was great but that’s because the Braves suck–Excuse me–” Well, you know. So, he looks lowercase great. Which is uppercase GOOD. Yesterday, he went 7 IP, 0 ER, 1 hit, 1 walk, 8 Ks, and looked GREAT, uppercase, because the Braves do suck, but he’s lowercase great because he has a 8.5 K/9, 2.3 BB/9, 3.37 xFIP, almost completely neutral on luck with his 3.43 ERA. He looks like a carbon copy of his previous solid fantasy seasons. Remember, he did have those. Multiple ones. He looks healthy, pinpointing his pitches and finding great success. So, lowercase great, uppercase GOOD and uppercase VERY USABLE. Anyway, here’s what else I saw yesterday in fantasy baseball:

Justin Martinez – 1 2/3 IP, 1 ER, 0 hits, 4 BBs, 4 Ks, ERA at 3.68. “Justin Martinez is not right. He’s not bouncing back after throwing. Something might be up. Think we need to back off him. Actually, he needs an IL stint.” 15 days later, “We’re going to throw him for 37 pitches in almost two innings, when he can’t find the zone.”

Chris Sale – 6 IP, 1 ER, 7 baserunners, 10 Ks, ERA at 2.93. No offense to Merrill, Sale’s actually GREAT. Love to be a fly on the wall when you tell your friend, “No, he’s lowercase great. He’s not GREAT uppercase. That’s Sale! Sale’s uppercase GREAT. Yes, I am a knowledgable person.”

Pablo Lopez – Hit the IL with a Grade 2 teres major strain. He will miss 8-12 weeks. Time for a party! Sorry, that sounds insensitive in English. It’s time for Festa.

Harrison Bader – 1-for-4, 2 RBIs and his 6th homer, and his 1st hit in June. Hmm, not as dramatic as I intended. Let’s try this: He was hitting .180 in the last two weeks with one homer, prior to last night. That’s better. I mean, worse. You get the idea.

Zebby Matthews – 5 IP, 1 ER, 7 baserunners, 4 Ks, ERA at 5.21. Not sure when it translates, but Zebby’s peripherals are excellent and remind me of when Roupp was dealing, but had an awful ERA. And now Roupp’s ERA is solid.

Cal Quantrill – 5 IP, 2 ER, 6 baserunners, 2 Ks, ERA at 5.63. Quantrill sounds like a word Pusha T would use. By the way, I was perusing Pusha T’s wiki page as one does, and he had a feud with McDonald’s. He said he came up with I’m Lovin’ It, and they stole it, so he wrote a diss track, singing, “a little cube of fish from a clown is basic” about their Filet-o-Fish. That is all 100% true. I don’t know why this cracks me up so much.

Kyle Freeland – 6 1/3 IP, 0 ER, 4 hits, zero walks, 4 Ks, ERA at 5.19. Break up the Rockies!

LaMonte Wade Jr. – Designated for assignment. An end of an era. That era being the one where I think LaMonte Wade Jr. was the Son of Sanford and Son.

Dominic Smith – 0-for-4 as the Giants called him up. Ya know those videos they make of rookies being called up where the rookie is overwhelmed with emotion about finally being called up to the majors? They should do those videos for last-chance vets like Smith. “Dom, are you ready to go?” “Yeah, I just went.” “Where?” “Uhh…the bathroom. Where you talking?”

Randy Rodriguez – 2/3 IP, 0 ER, ERA at 0.66, and his 1st save, and I picked him up because I am a whore for SAGNOF. Doval was likely unavailable because he worked (and sucked) the last game, but Randy Rodriguez of the Redwoods has been exceptional, so why not grab him?

Matt Chapman – 1-for-4, 2 RBIs and his 11th homer, and 2nd homer in a week. He didn’t hit his 11th homer last year until June 30th. Cust kayin’.

Kyle Harrison – 4 1/3 IP, 5 ER, ERA art 4.34 vs. Nick Pivetta – 6 IP, 5 ER, ERA at 3.16. This matchup was billed as, “I think I’m gonna start both guys in this game. How bad could it be?”

Adley Rutschman – 1-for-4 and his 6th homer. In May, he hit .182 with one homer and zero steals. Lenyn Sosa had a better month, by almost a hundred points in average and stole a bag and had twice as many homers.

Cade Povich – 5 1/3 IP, 2 ER, 5 baserunners, 5 Ks, ERA at 5.11. Yet another Cade. Supposedly! That’s what they’re saying. So, I looked up Cade’s numbers. This Cade, I think. Doesn’t look too bad. Better than I expected. 9.3 K/9, 3.4 BB/9, 3.87 xFIP, and way too many fly balls, way too many homers, way too little run support. Not really usable, and barely Streamonator worthy, but better than I expected!

Sawyer Gipson-Long – 3 2/3 IP, 3 ER as he was activated from the sawyer-long IL. I refused to pick up SGL because he sounded like SGV and I try to avoid the Valley at all costs. Just went over him yesterday, “He’s shown impeccable command in the minors; this year’s BB/9 is 1.1 and that’s a monocle’s worth of info for me! If he can translate that to majors and hold an 8.5 K/9, it would be hard to not be somewhat useful. Prolly mostly for 15-teamers, but could be 12-team and shallower worthwhile.” And that’s me quoting me! Clearly, his 1st start wasn’t anything great, so monocle for now in most mixed leagues, though I imagine someone will grab him in 15-teamers after this start on the off chance he pans out.

Mike Burrows – 5 1/3 IP, 0 ER, 5 hits, zero walks, 6 Ks, ERA at 5.27. Bubba Chandler who?! He’s the top pitching prospect in the minors for the Pirates while they start this Mike Burrows guy. Wasn’t literally asking, Random Italicized Voice. Sorry, by you literally asking, I thought you were literally asking. Anyway, Burrows has bad command and looks like an NL-Only guy still.

MacKenzie Gore – 7 IP, 0 ER, 4 baserunners, 7 Ks, ERA at 2.87. He took on the Cubs and Michael Busch, as they recreated Gore vs. Busch. What are they doing with rope and why are they at Chad Cordero’s house? Nooooo!!! Let’s not recreate the whole thing!

Matthew Boyd – 7 1/3 IP, 2 ER, 5 baserunners, 6 Ks, ERA at 3.01. If it wasn’t for one bad pitch to Amed Rosario, Boyd’s night would’ve been pristine. Still, we rise our glasses to Boyd, hang our office clock from around our neck and say, “Yeah, Boyd,” in the style of Flavor Flav.

Clarke Schmidt – 5 1/3 IP, 3 ER, 8 baserunners, 8 Ks, ERA at 4.04. Surprised he didn’t look better at home vs. the Guardians, but I’m reminded of what a voodoo priestess said to me after biting a head off a chicken, “You’ll never have anything nice.”

Luis L. Ortiz – 5 2/3 IP, 0 ER, 6 baserunners, 7 Ks, ERA at 4.02. His peripherals are looking rather solid — 10 K/9, 3.59 xFIP — and maybe the Old Spaghetti Factory converted into the Cleveland Starting Pitcher Factory has opened its doors again. His next start isn’t terrible — by my mind, Streamonator doesn’t love it — so I could see trying him to see if he’s unlocked something in the CSPF.

Angel Martinez – 1-for-5, 2 RBIs and his 4th homer. Angel gave that ball some wings! Yes! High-five me! Right now! No? Okay.

Kyle Manzardo – 1-for-4 and his 11th homer. He really does nothing but homer. It’s fine for deeper leagues, but there’s so little else here.

Jose Berrios – 6 IP, 1 ER, 6 baserunners, 5 Ks, ERA at 3.67. Berrios pitched well yesterday even though I went against my number one rule for him, “Don’t watch him pitch.” I had to watch Abel to see if he was, and Berrios was a mere bystander.

Mick Abel – 5 1/3 IP, 1 ER, 3 hits, zero walks, 2 Ks, ERA at 0.79. Abel pitched on four days rest for some reason that I can’t unearth. His curve is nasty shizz to lefties. And he’s a righty, so bedazzle my denim jean jacket with “I’m a Fan.” His 96 MPH fastball tails in on lefties too. I don’t know how they can send him back down after that, but I didn’t think they would after his last start. I anticipate surprises, like I’m eating a 8-foot tall cake with a hole in the middle. So, grab Abel if you have room, but I wouldn’t drop anyone too worthwhile since the Phils plan for him is not clear.

Nick Castellanos – 1-for-4 and his 6th homer. The Greek God of Hard Contact is doing a lot of work on his fantasy value that isn’t power-related because he’s nearly a top 40 outfielder on the Player Rater. If you can’t tell, I was a little surprised by that. As surprised as I was to learn he’s Cuban, and not Greek at all.

Jordan Romano – 2/3 IP, 1 ER, ERA at 7.54. Back-to-back games allowing runs. Had it been already 20 days since the last Phils’ closer change? We are due one Phils’ closer change per month. A nation of battery-throwing fans chuck objects at Joltin’ Jo. Romano and turn their lonely eyes to you, Kerkering.

Griffin Canning – 6 IP, 0 ER, 4 baserunners, 7 Ks, ERA at 2.90. Griffin Canning has a 2.90 ERA. Just felt like I needed to type that out again.

Pete Alonso – 2-for-4, 5 RBIs and his 13th and 14th homer. Albombso!

Andy Pages – 3-for-4, and his 12th homer, hitting .290. Pages opening a new chapter in June. Clever!

Kumar Rocker – 3 1/3 IP, 5 ER, ERA at 8.87, as he was activated from the IL. Kumar can’t locate his slider. They made a whole movie about it. So, bad news is everything going on with Rocker. Good news is for Robert Garcia owners since it looks like Bochy won’t do any big-brained moves and try to make Rocker the closer.

Jonah Heim – 1-for-4, 2 RBIs and his 7th homer. Hit ’em with the Heim!

Shane Baz – 5 IP, 3 ER, 6 baserunners, 5 Ks, ERA at 4.96. Believe someone commented something like, “I know you don’t like Baz,” which is fair, I don’t, but he has a near-5 ERA. Why do you like him? You meaning everyone else.

Brandon Lowe – 3-for-4, 2 runs, 2 RBIs and his 12th homer. More an indictment of the 2nd base position, but Lowe is nearly the top 2nd baseman on the Player Rater. He hasn’t even been that good! What an incredibly weak position. It’s officially worse than catchers.

Hunter Greene – Hit the IL with a strained groin. What an odd thing to find in a colander. Reds signed Wade Miley to replace Greene. Miley isn’t great, but he is very ugly, so there’s that.

Andrew Abbott – 6 IP, 5 ER, ERA at 2.18. Regression could be worse, which is to say I’ll take it if the regression comes this light. Please stay this light. The Light, like Common sung about, make this about Abbott. (Will he continue to regress? Yes, possibly. Thankfully, you can’t jinx something when it’s in parenthesis.)

Jackson Chourio – 3-for-5, 2 runs, 2 RBIs and a slam (10) and legs (12). Ja-Chou, God bless you!

Isaac Collins – 1-for-1, 3 RBIs and his 2nd homer. Fun fact! An Isaac Collins is a cocktail of gin and shirako, a fish sperm sac. Oishii oishii!

Daz Cameron – 2-for-4, 2 runs, 2 RBIs and his 1st homer. Have you seen the German movie Daz Boot? It’s about Daz Cameron’s footwear. Very cool!

Quinn Priester – 5 IP, 1 ER, 5 baserunners, 4 Ks, ERA at 3.88. Brewers can’t not develop solid pitchers, double negative be damned!

Taylor Ward – 1-for-4, 4 RBIs and his 17th homer. Do me this favor, wait until Ward is no longer on pace for 40 homers, before you ask if he should be dropped.

Jorge Soler – Left the game with groin tightness. At least Soler is tightening one of our groins with his play.

Jose Soriano – 3 2/3 IP, 7 ER, ERA at 4.11. I am a long-time hater of Soriano, but Streamonator hated this start and likes his next, and I don’t see why not.

Ceddanne Rafaela – 1-for-5, 2 RBIs and his 6th homer, and 3rd straight game with a homer. Is there a hotter schmotato? Haha, you’ve discovered the hottest! Can you not recognize hot schmotatoness? Begone, non-recognizer of schmotatoness!

Alex Bregman – Said his rehab is going at warp speed. Original timeline was six weeks, but Bregman heard from his agent, who said, “Don’t you want to get a new contract this winter?” Now his recovery is at warp speed. Crazy how that works.

Lucas Giolito – 1 2/3 IP, 7 ER, ERA at 6.42. Giolito went from happily married and an ace to post-divorce Ben Affleck so disorientated that he’s accidentally smoking his donut and eating his cigarette.