One quick note, our War Room guy from last year has dropped out, so if you guys (maybe four girls) want a War Room this year, someone needs to step up to make it happen. I will take ready, willing and abled-bodied people in the comments. Oh, who are we kidding, no one here is able-bodied! I’ll take anyone, just comment and I’ll contact you. This is for the downloadable Excel War Room. Any hoo! With the top 80 starters for 2017 fantasy baseball, we are so close to the end of the rankings I can almost taste it! Wait, that’s not rankings I taste, I bit my lip and it’s blood. I wonder if when Dracula bites his lip it’s like when Cougs goes out with her friends and I’m left at home while Emmanuelle is on Cinemax. You might say to yourself, “Self, everyone is totally fooled by my toupee and do I really need to draft starters this deep in my friendly 12-team mixed league?” You don’t, except you will own guys from this post this year either from the draft or from waivers or your leaguemates will own them and beat you. Last year, in the tier of pitchers I liked in the top 80 starters was Aaron Sanchez (pitcher, not chef), Rich Hill (pitcher, not sniglets) and Tanner Roark (pitcher, not Tattoo’s boss). If you owned just them, you had a 2.74 ERA in 512 1/3 IP. You really still think you need starters drafted early? You throw in two earlier starters, say, Kluber and Gausman, and you have way too much pitching now. I’ll go over exactly how to draft starters in a few days, but there are so many ways to skin a cat we should have PETA breathing down our necks. All the 2017 fantasy baseball rankings are there. My tiers and projections are noted. Anyway, here’s the top 80 starters for 2017 fantasy baseball:
61. Gio Gonzalez – This tier started in the top 60 starters for 2017 fantasy baseball. This tier ends at Garcia. I called this tier, “The Board.” In years past, most of the guys in this tier would’ve found themselves in a ‘boring, but reliable’ tier. A tier that I would’ve recommended you draft if your rotation was high on upside and risk. But, let’s face it, these guys aren’t safe and/or reliable. Gio’s had moments in the past, but he had a 4.57 ERA last year, and he lost two miles on his fastball. Maybe Gio can put it back together, but he looks broken down and I’m gonna start calling him Yugo Gonzalez, because a Gio is too reliable for him. 2017 Projections: 10-10/3.87/1.35/166 in 175 IP
62. Marco Estrada – Honestly, I don’t know what’s coming or going with Estrada. Last year, Estrada’s Ks — Ponch-outs? — went up but his command — C.H.I.P.S.? — went down with his fastball velocity. If you can tell me what Estrada’s going to do this year, I believe you know, but I don’t trust you. Sorry, we can still be Facebook friends, since I don’t like most of my FB friends anyway. 2017 Projections: 10-12/3.91/1.21/150 in 175 IP
63. Jaime Garcia – Here’s what I said this offseason, “Braves traded for him. Braves have been active this offseason, huh? Already signed Colon and Dickey, which I said sounded like an after-shower spray Lorenzo Lamas would endorse. Well, now they’ve added a guy that sounds like what Lamas says into the mirror, “Jaime.” And that’s me quoting me! 2017 Projections: 8-11/3.88/1.28/125 in 150 IP
64. Jeremy Hellickson – This is a new tier. This tier goes from here until Moore. I call this tier, “Dollar Store condoms.” By this tier name I mean, these guys are a mix of sorta safe, sorta cheap and worth a flyer. “Wow, I’ve seen lambskin condoms before, but I never knew they made hedgehog skin condoms.” That’s you going through the Dollar Store condom assortment. As for Hellickson, I picture him being one of those guys that you draft in the last rounds, don’t really want, drop to waivers, then re-pick up and end up holding him for most of the year because he keeps putting up respectable starts. Or he’s flat-out terrible. Hey, we’re late in rankings here. To give you an idea, we’re likely around 225 overall. 2017 Projections: 10-12/3.83/1.18/150 in 185 IP
65. Jerad Eickhoff – “All these hedgehog condom wrappers are broken. That’s not a good sign, is it?” I might be underrating Eickhoff with this ranking. Last year, he had a 7.6 K/9 and 1.9 BB/9, which is more of a three than a five, which this tier is, but Finkle…Eickhoff! Eickhoff…Finkle! Finkle…Eickhoff! Just okay stuff…This ranking! 2017 Projections: 11-11/3.77/1.19/158 in 190 IP
66. Lance Lynn – “Honey, to give me an idea of what it will be like owning Lynn, I wanna try one of these hedgehog skin condoms. Hey, this one is prickly. That might be fun, right?” Lynn is returning from Tommy John surgery and says he will be ready to go for the start of the season. There’s at least a 25% chance that in April he says he’ll be ready to start by May. Worst case scenario, you DL him until he returns. 2017 Projections: 9-5/3.65/1.31/109 in 120 IP
67. Chris Tillman – “You were right about the hedgehog condoms, they were a bad idea. But they don’t have lambskin, so I got these new condoms…Snakeskin!” Tillman sorta epitomizes this tier. He has a tad bit of upside but will likely be a ~3.75 ERA guy, unless he’s not. 2017 Projections: 12-11/3.81/1.32/151 in 192 IP
68. Ivan Nova – “Fine! Fine! The snakeskin condoms were a bad idea too. I’ll grant you that. They shedded at the worst times. But I think these new ones might be up your alley, skunk skin! What? It’s multifunctional with its female hygiene spray included.” Based on very little actual math and mostly gut, Nova feels like he could be one of those guys that breaks out and ends up a top 20 starter out of nowhere. When you have a 1.6 BB/9, it could go a long way towards a lucky BABIP turning into a 2.75 ERA. 2017 Projections: 9-10/3.67/1.23/134 in 175 IP
69. Robert Gsellman – There’s a Puerto Rican Sphinx in Queens, NY and its question: Judo how the Mets can have a good starter for fantasy? The answer is obvious, but so many people are blinded by the resemblance of the Queens Sphinx to Rosie Perez that they never answer, they just respond, “Judo?” Never realizing it’s how the Puerto Rican Sphinx says ‘You know.’ The answer, of course, is the Mets can have a good starter in fantasy if they haven’t had a chance to wear the starter down the season before. I imagine we’ll see Gsellman by May for Wheeler, if not sooner, but then he’ll likely get bumped for Wheeler in June, then he’ll bump Wheeler in July, and lose the spot again on August 2nd. What, my Magic Eight Ball is very precise. UPDATE: The Mets said Gsellman will start the year in the rotation now that Wheeler has a sore elbow. Great news for Gsellman in the short term, but, of course, this means the Mets are going to overuse him and he’ll be garbage next year, and not the good garbage that you can turn into post-modern art. 2017 Projections: 9-4/3.71/1.34/121 in 131 IP
70. Alex Cobb – “Yes, chameleon skin condoms were a mistake, but these jellyfish skin condoms were 50% off! Baby? Where are you going?” So, if I could muster enthusiasm for Lynn, it’s only right we give Cobb one more chance too. He did, after all, return last year and throw major league innings. Okay, they weren’t great innings, but he’s pretty far removed from surgery and he once was a top 20 starter. Definitely worth a flyer. 2017 Projections: 10-10/3.91/1.27/111 in 132 IP
71. Matt Moore – “You were right, jellyfish skin condoms were a bad call. Man, were you right. But you know what they say is the best way to get rid of the stinging, right? Okay, so drink more water.” Moore had a 3.16 ERA in AT&T, and, well, that’s all I got, but that’s a lot compared to some guys in this tier. 2017 Projections: 10-7/3.77/1.29/137 in 146 IP
72. Mike Montgomery – This is a new tier. This tier goes from here until the top 100 starters for 2017 fantasy baseball. I call this tier, “Grey’s upside your head.” This is the last guy on your team in most mixed leagues. That high-upside flyer that you may or may not still have on your team by mid-April. I love all of these guys, but they are obviously risky and they may not even make it out of spring training with a rotation job. As for Montgomery, best case scenario for him is a Joe Ross-type year. Okay, who’s playing that damn music? Worst case scenario, Montgomery runs over your dog, sleeps with your girlfriend and finishes your 18-year-old Fudgie the Whale Carvel ice cream cake you were saving in your freezer for your 30th birthday. “I was saving the spout!” That’s you screaming at the heavens. Most realistic scenario, Montgomery is a decent third fantasy starter for fifteen starts, bouncing to the bullpen to let Brett Anderson start when he’s healthy. 2017 Projections: 7-4/3.42/1.21/111 in 124 IP
73. Julio Urias – I have artificial intelligence, and my silicone brain really likes these guys. Sadly, my soft-to-the-touch brain, also knows they all have problems. On a different team, Urias is a top 40 starter getting thirty starts. On the Dodgers, he has a better chance of winning a staring contest. You just know he’s going to juggle starts with Brandon McCarthy, Ryu, Brock Stewart, Stripling, Alex Wood and Jerry Reuss. 2017 Projections: 9-3/3.41/1.34/110 in 103 IP
74. Blake Snell – Already gave you my Blake Snell sleeper. I typed it up with my elbows. 2017 Projections: 9-12/3.63/1.37/181 in 160 IP
75. Alex Reyes – Already gave you my Alex Reyes fantasy. It put the whoa in “Whoa, awesome.” UPDATE: Reyes sounds headed for Tommy John surgery, so I wouldn’t draft him anywhere. 2017 Projections: 9-7/3.89/1.37/132 in 120 IP
Bad news, Alex Reyes may need Tommy John surgery. Good news, crying burns 150 calories per hour.
— Razzball (@Razzball) February 14, 2017
76. Mike Foltynewicz – Occasionally, I’ll cheat with these rankings. Guys I want to rank much higher, like Faultynewwirewitz, I concede to rank much lower knowing they are still way above where anyone else is going to rank them. I love Faultytowerswitz and know that I can get him this late, even though he could easily be ranked about thirty spots higher. Last year, he took the next step and no one even realizes it. He has 8+ K/9 stuff, easily. His 95 MPH fastball might even get him to 9+ K/9. The one thing that always held him back was his command, and last year his command was 2.6 BB/9, which isn’t a problem at all. As a 25-year-old, Foltynedalywitz should get a sleeper post, but may have to settle for just being well liked in the last tier of starters of the top 80. 2017 Projections: 9-9/3.81/1.27/160 in 174 IP
77. Daniel Norris – All the guys in this tier should get a sleeper post, and maybe I can corral some of our other writers to write them, since my time is monopolized with tending to my Chia Pet garden. I should’ve never took on the J. Lo Chia, there’s just too much feathering of the leafs. Speaking of J. Lo (Terrible Segue Alert!), I had a wart on my hand that I wanted to burn off, so I went to the dermatologist, and in the waiting room, there were dozens of articles about J. Lo going to see my same doctor. *blows knuckle where wart used to be* Yeah, I share a dermatologist with J. Lo, so whatever, don’t sweat me and my well-hydrated pores. Any hoo! The only thing stopping Norris from being a huge breakout is his lack of track record. Next year, he could be a top 30 starter. 2017 Projections: 7-9/3.75/1.35/110 in 115 IP
78. Michael Wacha – You know what’s crazy? Jackie Evancho is not a Native American remake of Jackie Brown. You know what’s crazy and on-topic? Wacha, due to unfortunate luck, may no longer be a starter. Sure, he has trouble staying healthy, but I bet if he had neutral luck last year and a 3.95 ERA, he wouldn’t be in danger of losing his rotation spot. Well, he is now facing that, and, if he’s not good in the spring, I could see him opening the season as a long reliever, and staying there, and this is the longest sentence in the history of sentences; God bless Siri, if you’re having her read this aloud. Even if Wacha gets the rotation role, between him, Luke Weaver, Reyes and Lynn, they may all share three rotation spots. Likely will be a very fluid situation like the reason you own rubber bedsheets. 2017 Projections: 8-8/3.79/1.18/129 in 155 IP
79. Adam Conley – I felt Conley and Tom Koehler were forever linked like hot dogs and mustard, Bangles and walking Egyptians, and Gavin Floyd and John Danks, but Conley’s pulled slightly away. Conley took a step forward last year, upping his K/9 to 8.4. Of course, his walk rate was a mess, but he did have a 2.8 BB/9 the previous year, so if he can somehow put his 2016 K-rate with his 2015 walk rate, there could be a breakout here. It’s not going to be quite that easy, since he made slight adjustments to his windup last year, which helped his Ks and hurt his command. Still, one year more with this tweaked windup and he could break out. Definitely worth a flyer. 2017 Projections: 9-10/3.74/1.35/154 in 165 IP
80. Tyler Skaggs – This year people will be drafting Zack Wheeler as he returns from Tommy John surgery, and I might myself, but watch Wheeler be a mess still, while a guy like Skaggs, who is two years removed from TJ, is much further along and becomes the example we use for where Wheeler will be next year. It’s time he rocked with people yelling, ‘You’re such a boss, Skaggs!’ 2017 Projections: 9-11/3.81/1.36/141 in 138 IP
