Welcome back for another star-studded event!  Assuming you hack into your favorite online dictionary and replace the definition of ‘star’ with “guy who lives in his mom’s basement and screams when someone finishes his Doritos,” and next to the definition of ‘stud’ you put a picture of yourself.  The Razzballies are the only award show where it’s totally fine to show up in sweatpants, and for your fingers to be orange from Cheetos.  We don’t judge.  We will occasionally mock.  Mock-judge, tomato-tomahto.  Get over it!  But don’t mock Judge, that’s not all right.  I hope you enjoyed the clip show where I inserted myself into various baseball clips from this year.  How about the clip where I was Kris Bryant learning about launch angles from David Eckstein?  Hee-lar-e-us!  So, before I’m talking to no one but a room full of seat-fillers, here’s the year-end awards for the best and worst of fantasy baseball:

Fantasy AL Most Valuable Player – Before we announce our first winner, I just want to introduce the accountants from Lobstein, Kipnis and Zimmerman. Without them, I’d be counting the votes all on my own and I have a hard enough time counting to eleven without dropping trou.  Your AL MVP, and a guy I like to personally thank for helping my opponent’s offense in a few leagues, the one, the only…Sorry, having a hard time opening this envelope….Mookie Betts.  Just Dong would you like to say a few words to teammate Mookie?  “Just, uh, dong.”  Inspirational like a cat poster!  The AL MVP was tight until the last week with Betts, Martinez and Jose Ramirez all within a hair of each other.  Thankfully, that hair isn’t ingrown, right, Jose Abreu?

Fantasy NL Most Valuable Player – The NL Fantasy MVP, like the AL one, doesn’t take into account team wins and “intangibles.”  Nope, here at Razzball HQ, we look at tangibles!  And those aren’t fungible!  This is commonsensible.  Uh-oh, I’m stick in an ‘ible loop, what can I do?  Listen to the Bible on Audible?  What’s this in my pocket?  A rookie card of Oddibe McDowell?  Okay, I’m done.  There’s only one man that can help, he goes by the name of Christian Yelich.  This was another close fight, but not nearly as close as AL.  Maybe if we’re lucky Yelich will celebrate by denying a video that surfaces with him and Baker Mayfield partaking in a Devil’s Triangle.

Fantasy AL Cy Young – This winner is shocking to me, but it won’t be to Kate Upton.  It’s her brother during Flowers in the Attic cosplay…Justin Verlander!  When I go over all the position recaps, I’ll get more into this, but Verlander isn’t just the best AL SP on the Player Rater, for fantasy — and I emphasis this — he’s been more valuable than Jacob deGrom.  Shows you the amount of luck that’s involved in getting fantasy value from pitchers.  Hitters have some luck, but pitchers have an entire category that they play very little hand in.  That’s also what they say to Jose Altuve at the poker table, ‘he’s in with his very little hand.’

Fantasy NL Cy Young – Max Scherzer has almost five more fantasy dollars worth of, uh, worth than Jacob deGrom.  Too bad the Tigers didn’t hold onto Scherzer and Verlander.  They might not have had a 4.50+ team ERA.

Fantasy AL Least Valuable Player – So many great contenders for this award.  Gary Sanchez did his owners dirty, and not a good Dirty Sanchez, but a bad one.  Robinson Cano played dirty and produced the fantasy value of Jesse Lames Winker.  Miguel Sano let pitchers eat him up, which is surprising since, when he showed up at camp, it looks like it would be the other way around.  But our number one schmohawk in the AL is your friend, not mine — Josh Donaldson.  Donaldson wasn’t here to accept the award because there was two steps up into the auditorium and his knees couldn’t handle them.

Fantasy NL Least Valuable Player – We have co-winners for the NL Least Valuable award, Corey Seager and Wil Myers.  Guess you can say Myers won the popular vote and Seager the Electoral College.  One caused consternation (no idea what that means) through an injury, and one generally missed bliss from sucking.   May they both take a long walk off a short cliff.

Fantasy POS – Because Least Valuable Player doesn’t do one man justice.  One man who ruined us due to an illegal use of trust.  A guy who is still swinging at a curve ball in the dirt four months after it was thrown.  The one and only (thankfully)…Byron Buxton!   We will be shipping an x-ray of Pablo Sandoval’s stomach to Buxton, because a few years back Sandoval ate this award.

Fantasy Hitter You Most Likely Dropped and Picked Up A Dozen Times – “I’m over Stephen Piscotty, due to his previous year on the Cards….Hmm, he seems to be hitting, maybe I should grab him…I’m grabbing Stephen Piscotty!  Wow, this guy is amazing!…Hmm, he seems to have cooled off, goodbye, Stephen Piscotty…Hello, Piscotty!…Goodbye, Piscotty!…I’m eating biscotti!…Now, I’m eating the computer screen where it says Piscotty!…Piscotty doesn’t know!…I don’t know!…He knows!…I know!…I’m in a waiver wire time loop!…Someone help me!”

Player You Had Forever and Most Likely Should’ve Dropped – Ryan Braun.  You’re thinking to yourself there had to be worst hitters than Braun.  There were, a bunch, but for guys owned in 90% of leagues for the majority of the year, he finished around 250 on the Player Rater.  We’ve FedEx’d his award to him, hope it gets there.

Player On The Top Of Your Waivers That You Just Couldn’t Bring Yourself to Pick Up – Mike Minor.  He was around a top 40 starter this year and was owned in 25% of leagues as late as September, and he had a sub-3 ERA in the 2nd half.  Shame on us, though mostly shame on you.  Honorable mention to Anibal Sanchez.  This award was a toss up, and it’s also a fake award, so, ya know, whatevs.

Pitcher You Streamed So Much You Ended Up Owning Him – “Okay, I’m going to give a Whirlybird Streamer Streamstein to Kyle Freeland, but if he’s bad, I’m losing him so fast it’s gonna hurt him.”  And that’s the story of how you ended owning Kyle Freeland for three months.

Player You Were Waiting for the Other Shoe to Drop From, But Thankfully It Never Did – “I’m fine, fine, fine, fine — FINE! — with Blake Snell not quite throwing as good in the 1st half.  I know not to expect it.”  Then in the 2nd half he had a 1.17 ERA.

Player You Were Waiting for the Other Shoe to Drop From and It Ended Up Kicking You in the Groin – A.J. Pollock.  In May, “He has 9 homers in April and next year I’m moving to Poland, starting a fantasy league and just going to say ‘A.J.’ and they’ll know exactly who I mean!”  In September, “He hit the same number of homers in the entire 2nd half that he hit in April and only 4 steals.  Ugh, now I need to find someone to AirBnB my Warshaw apartment.”  Runner-up: Didi Gregorius

Player You Were Waiting for the Other Shoe to Drop From and When It Did You Were Okay With It – Mitch Haniger.  He started off the year with nine homers in April and appeared ready to take his place in the top ten outfielders, but that dream faded like a drunk middle-aged man karaokeing Crowded House’s Don’t Dream It’s Over.  In the end, Haniger had a solid August and September, and a better year than expected year, just not otherworldly.

Player You Traded Away That You Most Regretted – Ronald Acuña Jr.  “Meh, he’s hurt and I could use a closer.  What’s the best Acuña can do in the 2nd half?  Five homers and a few steals.  Plus, I’m scared of worms and that thing on top of his N makes me frightened.”

Player You Traded For That You Most Regretted – Gary Sanchez.  “I know you say never trade for a catcher, but I can get Gary Sanchez for Zack Wheeler and David Peralta.  I have to do this, right?”

Top SAGNOF – Blake Treinen/Mallex Smith.  Remember, the essence of SAGNOF is cheap saves and steals.  No one came close to Treinen for cheap saves and Mallex wasn’t even owned in April, so if you grabbed a May Mallex you stole SAGNOF down by the seashore.

Remember That Feeling You Had When You Walked In On Your Parents Having Sex, This Pitcher Gave You That Feeling Every Fifth Day – Jon Gray.  May he accidentally have a tub of mayonnaise dropped on him, then get caught in an elevator with Willians Astudillo.

93 Comments
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Cohen
Cohen
3 years ago

Grey, who do u like tonight? Yanks or As

Harley Earl
Harley Earl
Reply to  Grey
3 years ago

@Grey:

I have Severino on a keeper team, and I’m keeping him because I trust the young man!!! Believe in the ‘Rino!!!

Turd Fergusons
Turd Fergusons
3 years ago

A day late, but thanks for all the hard work Grey. I think I speak for many dudes, and 4 dudettes, when I say that I truly love this site over any other fantasy baseball site and it is not close.

I will attempt an end of season gift in the form of a potential glossary term idea that might already be a thing: I call it the SABOTAGE DROP – dropping a somewhat coveted player that you realize might end up hurting the team that picks him up. See: 2018 Ian Happ and Arrieta. Would you rather trade them? Sure, but often trading just doesn’t work out.

Turd Fergusons
Turd Fergusons
Reply to  Grey
3 years ago

Ah yeah it is. And now I’m remembering Aaron Harang thanks to the glossary entry. Oh man… he actually came 4th in CY Young voting one year with a 3.73 ERA! Times have changed…

Harley Earl
Harley Earl
3 years ago

Hey Grey,

Did you notice our boy Story snag that line drive last night against the Cubs? Landed on his elbow. Went 3/6 and scored the game’s winning run. That UCL looks healthy to me!

Harley Earl
Harley Earl
Reply to  Grey
3 years ago

@Grey:

I’m definitely encouraged. I still worry though! I agree with you, hope they lose now and he can just rest it.

Yeah, Dahl went 0/6. That’s not encouraging!

Llango
Llango
3 years ago

Grey,

Keeper league deal. we keep 10 players in H2H League.
I trade away Cruz, Upton, and Corbin. In return i get Scooter, Paxton, Carpenter.
Thoguhts?
Maybe i can get Suarez, Paxton, Carp or Scooter, Carassco, Carp.

I would also have to give next years my 1st pick (11th Round), 2 (12th Round) and 3rd pick (13th round).

I get his 4,5,6 pick.

Llango
Llango
Reply to  Grey
3 years ago

@Grey:

I was countered with Suarez, Paxton, Carpenter (5 and 6 picks)
for
Upton, Corbin, Cruz (1 and 4 picks)

Syllogism
Syllogism
3 years ago

Hey Grey –

Greyt stuff. :P

Players I most regret having traded in my dynasty, deceiving myself into believing I had a chance if I chased. Late year idiocy …. Stripling (lost rotation spot), Muncy (getting reduced ABs), Lance “WTF” Lynn, Matt 2nd-Half-Dive Kemp … for … For-Goodness-Sythe, Jon “NOT RELATED” Gray, Dane Dunning, Ryan No-Brawn, JD “Buried” Davis.

Really thought Gray – had straightened hisself out. Made the trade to get him in a 2-start last-week. OMG he sucked from the moment the transaction went through. I will miss muncy and stripling.

In my redraft … I’M … A … WEENER! “I’d like to thank Gray, Ralphy-boy, my mom and dad, and the gods of streaming.” I picked for the playoff run … Aldaberto “Don’t Call Me Joey .. um … Raul” Mondesi, Luke “Best Performance” Voit, Ty White, Joey “Call me Joey” Wendle.

And … wait for it … picked up Dahl on the eve of the final week. Voit, Mondesi, Dahl plus My Merrifield and Brantley practically won the hitting side by themselves. Dahl. Insane.

By the way … great advice in picking up Lucchesi and Alcantara to close things out.

thanks for another great year, amigo. Sigh … fantasy baseball done for another year. Well – at least the mundane-baseball playoffs still hold at SOME allure. Enjoy. :)

mg

William Hung
William Hung
Reply to  Grey
3 years ago

@Grey: He was good for like those 3-4 starts right after he came back up… then he had those weird back-to-back 1 K games while limiting the runs… then the whole wagon came apart

Coors Canaveral
Coors Canaveral
3 years ago

The end of season bitching from the bottom-feeders has begun.

They want to cap transactions. I did my usual 800+

Thoughts? Please say it’s nonsense.

Syllogism
Syllogism
Reply to  Coors Canaveral
3 years ago

@Coors Canaveral: We did transaction limits in my redraft for the first time this year. Max of 10 per week. I’m a pretty active waiver-wire player, but I’ll say it was pretty exciting. Managing strategically how many trans you have left vs your hth opponent lent a new dimension – particularly in the playoffs.

To each his own though.

Benny
Benny
Reply to  Coors Canaveral
3 years ago

@Coors Canaveral: After 15 years of being in our league, this year we finally voted to put a max cap on transaction at 14 per week. People wanted to limit streaming. I thought “Then why not just do a max IP cap instead.” But I lost that fight.

I was against the transaction cap at first but after this season I like it because it shows who has the best roster as opposed to who can pick up a billion schmos and win only counting stats.

NYC
NYC
Reply to  Coors Canaveral
3 years ago

@Coors Canaveral: 800! I was at just over 500 and thought that was an incredible amount. Leaguemates now want a cap as well after my victory, though I’ll say it wasn’t built on only counting stats. 2nd in SLG, 3rd in OBP, 4th in ERA, and middling in WHIP though.

Thank you to Grey, Rudy, and gang at Razzball for all the help.

Peacecoast
Peacecoast
3 years ago

Obligatory premature keeper questions begin!!1!1

12 team mixed keeper by round. Choose top 5:

MIkolas 24, ERod 27, Taillon 13, Mallex 20, DPeralta 20, Carpenter 8, KDavis 4, Gleyber 19, Voit 20

Damn that is a lot: I am thinking Gleyber, Mikolas, Mallex for sure. I like Taillon but in 13 dunno. I also like Erod in 27 but you don’t I think.

Peacecoast
Peacecoast
Reply to  Grey
3 years ago

@Grey: you complete me

Harley Earl
Harley Earl
3 years ago

Why you hatin’ on my boy Wil Myers all the time, Grey? When healthy he’s a top 40 talent. Prolem is, he’s rarely healthy. :o\

You really think Myers has peaked and will spiral into the abyss now?

Harley Earl
Harley Earl
Reply to  Grey
3 years ago

@Grey: Yeah, he’s kind of like Wacha. Can’t trust him. Too much baggage.

Schmohawks Bob
Schmohawks Bob
3 years ago

I would sub out JD and sub in Mike Trout who gives five categories, which JD does not. I have two leagues I won by 17 plus points and coincidentally Mike Trout was on both of them.

Fungazi 2.0
Fungazi 2.0
3 years ago

If Andrew Benintendi was on a worse team, his name would be Jose Peraza. Enjoy the off-season Grey

papasmurf
papasmurf
3 years ago

Ah, the Razzballies, the event of which even a smurf will dress up for. Oh what’s that, I am just wearing blue spray-on paint? It’s hard to afford a tux at a smurf’s measly salary ya know. And they don’t exactly come in extra extra extra extra extra extra extra small.

Why, Mookie and Yelich were both on the first place team’s roster. He set a record for highest score ever in my keeper league. Meanwhile LVP Myers was on my roster. Also had Lamb. Ouch.

Uh oh, the paint is dripping off. Guess I shouldn’t have bought it at a 99c store. Good thing I am blue so you can’t tell anyway.

Until next year Marster Gray.

—-

Side note, I vote for a least valuable pitcher award, I call it the Anthony Young Award. I realize he’s passed away, but so has Cy.

Malicious Phenoms
Malicious Phenoms
Reply to  papasmurf
3 years ago

@papasmurf

GOOD stuff Papa!! LOL

Hawk
Hawk
3 years ago

Christian Yelich 2018 = Jose Altuve 2017

Very good players who have great years and are overdrafted the following year because of it.

FrankGrimes
FrankGrimes
3 years ago

Honorable mention : Javy Baez and Mondesi

Tom
Tom
3 years ago

Thanks to Mr. Chacin and the extra game, put me over the top to win an NFBC DC league!

Art Vandelay
Art Vandelay
3 years ago

Hey Grey,

Won my RCL and my head-to-head categories leagues this year, no thanks to you! (I kid, I kid) But seriously, I’ve been reading the site for, what, 10 years now maybe? This is the first time I’ve ever won two leagues in a year, so it feels good. Thanks for all you do.

Quick Q: my RCL was a cash league, so what’s the deal with payouts? Should I be on the lookout for an e-mail from Fantrax? Wire transfer from the Ukraine? Or am I just getting an ostrich jacket in lieu of cash?

Cram It
Cram It
3 years ago

NFBC and Fantrax…when do we get paid??? $$$$$$

I still can’t believe that NFBC finish yesterday. I checked the standings like 5 times last night and a few more this morning just to make sure.

Rudy Gamble
Reply to  Cram It
3 years ago

that NFBC one was pretty gutting. would’ve been worse if it was 1st/2nd. good season!

Cram It
Cram It
Reply to  Rudy Gamble
3 years ago

@Rudy Gamble: Same to you! I don’t know if I’ll ever experience that again. I feel bad, because the 163 is just wrong. But I hear, I wouldn’t be jumping off a bridge if I finished third. 1st to 2nd though…

Rudy Gamble
Reply to  Cram It
3 years ago

i can’t complain as I won 2 or 3 years ago in the last game of the season. hadn’t been in 1st before that. it was a Corey Dickerson HR on the last day of the season. wasn’t game 163 but was such a heartbreaking way to lose that, having won that way, anything short of that is tolerable. reality is that our teams were virtually even. i’m more annoyed that i had such bad ERA luck and the Osuna/Strickland nonsense cost me some easy save points.

Cram It
Cram It
Reply to  Rudy Gamble
3 years ago

@Rudy Gamble: Ha. So you have experienced a comparable craziness before.

Yeah the wonky ERA thing is a d*ck. Bud Norris not imploding towards the end of the year and losing the closer gig, literally one more SB and 2 more K’s and I’d be in first.

Cram It
Cram It
Reply to  Grey
3 years ago

@Grey: $20 RCL’s bruh. I took one down. You don’t need to answer the payout info. Just patting myself on the back for one of my more lucrative years.

Thank you. Two 2nd place finishes in a row. I want that $1000!

That’s awesome man. Congrats! Yeah, like I said, it’s only a few hundo…definitely doesn’t feel compensatory enough.

Cram It
Cram It
Reply to  Grey
3 years ago

@Grey: Yeah, if first is 30k, 2nd should be at the very least 10k.

Cram It
Cram It
Reply to  Grey
3 years ago

@Grey: Ha. I’d rather not!

I was looking at the 30k winner’s draft. I don’t get it. His pitching was diesel…drafted Sale, Cole and 2 closers in the first 6 picks. But his offense has to be middle of the pack at best and he had no depth. There were like 3 guys after the 30th pick that saw any useable playing time. I don’t know. Maybe his pitching just dominated THAT much.

Cram It
Cram It
Reply to  Grey
3 years ago

@Grey: Our offenses were somehow very comparable even though when I put them side by side, mine seems to look a lot better. But his pitching was over 3000 points better. Haha. His Realmuto put up a better statistical season than my 2 catchers combined. Freaking Alfaro.

Cram It
Cram It
Reply to  Grey
3 years ago

@Grey: 71. I never got higher than the 50’s.

LennyDykstraIsJustMisunderstood
LennyDykstraIsJustMisunderstood
3 years ago

The biggest razz of the year for me was the handling Scott Kingery…….kept him up in the bigs with a fat contract before he did anything over time. then played him in every position but his natural position and wonder why he did not live up to his potential.

Listening to WIP morning show (it kills more brain cells that binge drinking) ……the same guys that were banging the drum to keep kingery up and now bashing the phils for doing it.

Ah yeah sports talk radio………….

Gator
Gator
3 years ago

For 2019 only – need hitting. Would you trade Syndergaard for Soto or Severino for Bellinger?

Random Collmenter
Random Collmenter
3 years ago

Thanks for another great season, Dr. Albright, Esq.!

StewZilla
StewZilla
3 years ago

While I wouldn’t say you went fishing for the negatives on Pollock, perhaps you could have reeled it in a little while casting aspersions. I took the bait regarding his second half decline, but you lured me in without mention of his avulsion fracture, which I have an aversion to. It’s a version of an avulsion aversion. I’m not sure Pollock ever recovered after he hooked his thumb into the turf, and ignoring the injury is just chumming the water for bottom feeders.

Malicious Phenoms
Malicious Phenoms
3 years ago

Not seeing the clip show on my computer.

Is it cause Ireland is to far from from LA?

Gigorilla
Gigorilla
3 years ago

Grey — congrats on your NFBC title. It was competitive to the end. Nice picks of Segura, Peraza, Mikolas, and of course Yelich.

I just had too many injuries and closer trades to stay in the 100’s the last month. Looking forward to next year.

GO BREWERS.

Dave D
Dave D
Reply to  Grey
3 years ago

@Grey:

Well, Grey, as your unsolicited career consultant I would suggest you channel that frustration into signing up for one of the high stakes leagues. The Platinum is 15k entry but pays 120k to winner, 60k to second. 4th even gets 10k. If I had your skills I might give it a try. But, hell, if I can get 3rd in a Super league, you surely can get 1st or 2nd in a Platinum, Diamond or Ultimate….

Dave D
Dave D
Reply to  Grey
3 years ago

@Grey:

I get it. But what if you won???!!!

I didn’t tell my wife about the Super league until I placed. Hehehe. Maybe I could talk to Cougs for you and persuade her that it would be a good career move: “Imagine your husband winning 120k playing a fantasy baseball league”…

Dave D
Dave D
Reply to  Grey
3 years ago

@Grey:

Well, maybe start with 2.5k or 5k from this years winnings, keep for next years entry fees, and build up each year from there. After a few years you’ll have a $100k plus dynasty

Clyde Prompto
Clyde Prompto
3 years ago

Thanks for another season of Razztastic content. It’s tough to quibble with any of the Razzballie winners, but I’d like to award a Clyde’s Choice Award for Biggest Disappointment to Joey Votto. It pains me to do so, because Votto’s wrasslin’ heel persona delights me to no end, but his #192 finish on the Player Rater was a killer for NL-Only leagues.

galica
galica
3 years ago

Grey!!!

Nice razzballies award show.

a. Totally agree with you on all your picks. Hope I can avoid going to the death squad! J/k, this is not a totalitarian site, right?

b. Sorry, but I’m prolly suffering from middle-aged memory loss=MAML. When you asked yesterday ‘How many more do you have?’ you were actually asking me to hang out for a while. Or maybe I got that wrong too!! So….only one way to find out (until the playoffs are over).

c. Mark Twain quote of the day for October 2

“It is likely that if more time had been taken, in the first place, the world would have been made right, and this ceaseless improving and repairing would not be necessary now. But if you hurry a world or a house, you are nearly sure to find out by and by, that you have left out a towhead, or a broom-closet, or some other little convenience, here and there, which has got to be supplied, no matter how much expense or vexation it may cost.”

Cheers,
Ante

galica
galica
Reply to  Grey
3 years ago

@Grey: Grey!

Way more quotes than days of the baseball season!!

The more I think about it, the more that practically complete novels are the source of his quotes. I’ll post the books that form the top 5 sources of these quotes before the end of the playoffs so people know which 5 books to take with them on that island paradise.

Cheers,
Ante

galica
galica
Reply to  Grey
3 years ago

@Grey: Grey!!

Very much so. Like you, way ahead of his time.

Cheers,
Ante

Packers
Packers
3 years ago

Fun read Grey.

1. Most of what you said is true from my end.
2. Tigers had Porcello and Annibel too. JDM would be nice as well.
3. Won my biggest money league with a BA of .2693.. to opponents .2693.. so whatever that 5th digit out was, was (stutterer) enough. Won by a half point. 12 team roto. Stories HR put me over the top.
4. Thanks to you and Rudy for all you do for us razzballers.
5. Gotta ask a question. In a keep all dynasty, generally speaking do you make trades now or sit back and wait to see what happens in the off season and adjust your roster towards spring? I normally stay active but have made mistakes like trading away Bueler, LAD.

Santa Clause
Santa Clause
3 years ago

Ho Ho Ho great piece Grey.

I can’t believe I am keeping Yelich next year. We are all going to regret this.

Merry Christmas!