Mariners Call 545-JROD

Julio Rodriguez is effervescent. Julio Rodriguez is a can of seltzer that is baseball-flavored. Like Home Depot, he’s got electric tools. Figured go with the dad metaphor vs. like a raver with a glow stick down their pants, he’s got electric tools. It stinks he’s behind the West Coast PST iron curtain. Everyone sees the East Coast games, and West Coast games are only usually seen by the West Coast, as most are asleep on the East Coast. Don’t even get me started with the PST bias. “Hey, are you around at 9 AM for a call?” “Sure.” Then invariably you get woken at 6 AM. “Oh, I figured you knew it was EST.” EST was a cult showcased in The Americans, and is a cult for everyone who thinks there’s only one time zone. Screw your time zones! Wow, that went far afield of Julio Rodriguez. Okay, bringing it back: He went 5-for-5 with 5 RBIs and his 20th homer. He’s hitting .269, and he was a triple short of the cycle. Speaking of short, it was a short schedule yesterday: Julio Rodriguez for 2024 fantasy? Where does he go? He won’t go as high again as this year, and that will make him a steal wherever it is. Speaking of steals, he was caught for the ninth time yesterday and picked off. Usually I ignore that, but I wonder if the Mariners might curb his enthusiasm. Either way, he’s pretttttttay, pretttttttay good. Anyway, here’s what else I saw yesterday in fantasy baseball:

Please, blog, may I have some more?

Some Fans Feel They Got An A Trade, Some Feel B Trade

July 30, 2021 | Fantasy Baseball Daily Notes | 234 Comments

by: Grey

Dodgers, Yankees and Padres should just divvy up the entire league and paper, rock, scissors the World Series.

“Paper beats rock.”
“Damn…Oh, man, did you have to bat flip your hand to rub it in? Don’t you know the unwritten rules of paper, rock, scissors?”

No matter how good the Yankees and Padres are, the Dodgers are Standard Oil. So, the full package for Max Scherzer and Trea Turner is: Keibert Ruiz, RHPs Josiah Gray, Gerardo Carrillo; a bagel Larry King once took a bite of and put aside; fan meet ‘n greet with Rob Lowe, Hollywood Walk of Fame star of Mr. Ed; a good parking spot at Trader Joe’s, which seems impossible but whatever; a call from Tom Arnold about this “thing” and someone to intercept the call and jot down notes, and OF Donovan Casey. Let’s look at the Dodgers’ lineup once everyone is healthy:

Betts RF
T Turner 2B
Muncy 1B
J Turner 3B
Seager SS
Smith C
Bellinger CF
Pollock LF
Bench Barnes C, Pujols 1B, Taylor INF/OF, McKinstry INF/OF, McKinney OF/1B
Staff: Scherzer, Buehler, Kershaw, Urias, Price and Danny Duffy. Oh, eff off.

There’s a lot here, so let’s get on the other side of the anyway to break it down. Anyway, here’s what else I saw yesterday in fantasy baseball:

Please, blog, may I have some more?

I Want To Buy Bobby So Bradley

June 25, 2021 | Fantasy Baseball Buy/Sell | 394 Comments

by: Grey

[brid autoplay=”true” video=”811239″ player=”10951″ title=”RZBL%202021%20WAIVER%20WIRE%20WEEK%2013″ duration=”151″ description=”undefined” uploaddate=”2021-06-25″ thumbnailurl=”//cdn.brid.tv/live/partners/9233/thumb/811239_t_1624599385.png” contentUrl=”//cdn.brid.tv/live/partners/9233/sd/811239.mp4″]

(NOTE: THIS POST WAS RELEASED EARLY THIS WEEK ON OUR PATREON. IT’S $10/MONTH OR $13/MONTH WITH AN EXTRA WEEKLY PODCAST.)

I got a love jones for Bobby Bradley. Crush is solidifying. He has a swag about him. A swing that makes my heart pitter and/or patter for this batter. A swag/swing — a Swang. A home run every 9.3 at-bats in Triple-A, and then a home run every 9.0 at-bats in the majors will do that. Deserves to play every day. Hopefully, when Franmil returns, Bradley doesn’t take the lineup squeeze L. Fun fact! After Bobby Brady lost a pie-eating contest, his father Mike told him to take the L like a man and disowned him, so he briefly went by Bobby Bradley. Lots of people forget this. Speaking of Franmil, Bobby Bradley reminds me of that $54 Vending Machine Steak. Think many people don’t watch Cleveland, but if you have, and have seen Bradley, you’re already sold on his power. He has light-tower power, I’ll devour, I’m gonna tie you up and make you understand, Bobby Bradley is not an average man. HUUH! Bobby will knock you out! HUUH! Mama said knock you out! Seriously, I watched him hit a home run the opposite way the other day, and I was instantly sold. Bradley doesn’t strikeout a ton either. At least not so far in the majors. If you need power, I’d grab Bradley in any league. Anyway, here’s some more players to Buy or Sell this week in fantasy baseball:

Please, blog, may I have some more?

Getting Ahead in Head to Head, Week 11: The Count of Almonte Cristo

June 17, 2021 | Fantasy Baseball Head-to-Head Leagues | 2 Comments

by: NateMarcum

I once dated a girl named Claire Voyance in grade school. It was going decently well for a while until she started to tell me how our future together was going to unfold. It was a little hurtful to hear her tell me about the long nights writing about fake baseball and how the kids of Vlad Guerrero, Dante Bichette and Al Leiter would be names to pay attention to in the 21st century. It was at this point that I should have started to listen to her a little more carefully, and I sure wish I was with her now (Sorry Kerry, as if she is reading this). Claire, on the other hand, knew that I was going to be 125 words in and remind me that clairvoyance isn’t an actual thing. With that knowledge, I have to just look at the collection of games, starters, matchups and trends to bring you Week 11.

Please, blog, may I have some more?

Rolling In The Deep: Is The Sand(oval) Always This Hot?

June 15, 2021 | Rolling In The Deep | 11 Comments

by: Laura Holt

As usual, this weekend in fantasy baseball brought a lot of ups, a lot of downs, and a little of everything in between. Overall, though, it definitively proved one thing: that Hector Neris and Rafael Montero have teamed up in an attempt to slowly but surely destroy my soul. Sometimes this hobby of ours makes me want to run screaming for the hills – or at least unplug, abandon my teams, and enjoy this summer in my city in a way I haven’t been able to do in over a year. Since I made a commitment to not only myself but the rare yet valuable Razzball reader who finds himself, as I do, trying to stay afloat in an ultra deep league or two, I decided to compromise. I spent the day sitting on the beach in Santa Monica yesterday (where I came up with this super witty lede), will be hitting Little Tokyo for some udon later, but in between, I’m putting my nose to the grindstone to try to find us someone out there that may be able to help our NL-only, AL-only, and other deep league teams. (Spoiler alert: the pickings, as they were last week, are a bit slim… here’s to hoping you aren’t spending as much of your time desperately chasing saves, speed, innings, or power in your deep leagues as I am).

Please, blog, may I have some more?

Rolling In The Deep, Week 19: Viewing The Waiver Wire In Blech And White

August 9, 2017 | 2023 Fantasy Baseball | 9 Comments

by: Laura Holt

Not gonna lie: the pickings are slim at this time of year. After a couple of weeks where it seemed like there were actually a few almost-interesting names on the wire in NL and AL-only leagues, the pool is pretty dried up. When I looked up “blech” on dictionary.com just out of curiosity to see whether or not it was considered an actual word, I was amused to see the sample sentence for its entry: “Blech, I feel like vomiting.” I suspect that is how many of us feel each time we peruse the waiver wire looking for help in an NL or AL-only league. In deep leagues, it can get incredibly frustrating reading recommendations about how it might be a good time to grab Reynaldo Lopez or Rhys Hoskins, when those guys have been owned in your league since April (if not before). But every once in a while, an under-the-radar minor leaguer, post-hype prospect, or washed-up pitcher who has a surprisingly good run of starts slips through at this time of year, so it’s still worth paying attention to who’s getting added and dropped.

Fantasy Football RCLs are here! Join one today to take on your favorite writers and other readers of Razzball for a chance at prizes!

Please, blog, may I have some more?

Really Thucks Noah Has A Thor Arm

April 28, 2017 | Fantasy Baseball Daily Notes | 327 Comments

by: Geoff

As the old expression goes, you can count on three things in life, death, taxes, and Mets pitchers ruining your week/month/season with an injury of some sort. This is a slight update on the late 80’s iteration of this expression, death, taxes, and Mets pitchers at a snowstorm. If you’re a Noah Syndergaard owner you might want to hit up Doc’s medicine man, because the mighty righty was skipped in the rotation due to a sore bicep. Apparently curls are for the girls, and the DL too. Seriously how does Bartolo stay healthy eating like Kristie Alley on a bender, while Thor spends his free time living like Schwarzenegger in the beginning of Twins? Nothing makes sense, I’m writing the Notes! Riddle me this, Does that mean Colon was birthed from his poop? Or is it the other way around. Yes, I was an odd child. As for Thor, and his right arm, he’s headed for an MRI today. After first experiencing pain between bullpen sessions, and playing catch. He said he “felt great” playing catch, two things, “who doesn’t feel great playing catch?” and as far as I know “felt great” doesn’t mean I couldn’t lift my arm above my shoulder. But Syndergaard is from Texas and a Viking, so he may speak a different language. Oh, yeah, that’s not a joke. He actually said I “felt great playing catch”, but his bicep “stiffens up when it gets cold”. Funny, mine does the opposite when it gets cold. The worst part is that gem of a comment was followed with “I couldn’t really lift my arm above my shoulder at that point”. However, the Mets and Terry Collins assure us that Thor isn’t hurt. In fact, he showed up to the park ready to pitch! But old cautious Terry pulled the plug, because as he so eloquently put it, “when you are talking about anything that runs into the shoulder to where he changes his delivery and other things happen.” Damn, the man has the vocabulary of Sling Blade! Not going to lie, I’m intrigued about these “other things” happening in Syndergaard’s bicep. Anyway, here’s what else I saw yesterday in fantasy baseball:

Please, blog, may I have some more?

Sale Gives Jays The Filene’s Basement Treatment

April 21, 2017 | Fantasy Baseball Daily Notes | 425 Comments

by: Grey

Yesterday (but really every time he pitches), Chris Sale went 8 IP, 0 ER, 5 baserunners, 13 Ks, ERA down to 0.91, and yet another no decision. Elias Sports Bureau said, “Chris Sale had his 4th start in last five seasons on Thursday with 8 IP, 10+ Ks, 0 ER without getting win; no one else has more than one. Also, there’s 16 different vending machines in our company to choose from, but only one has M&M’s and Drake’s Apple Fruit Pie for 50 Cent that elicits Snickers with the wrappers.” God, what a bunch of nerds! Not like us fantasy baseball cool kids! I wanna tent the Elias Sports Bureau office, fart in there and leave. Seriously, that’s what I want. I need a wish genie, up in here! Up in here! So, Chris Sale is flippin’ awesome once again, and nothing can stop him except a rock vs. his scissors. Anyway, here’s what else I saw yesterday in fantasy baseball:

Please, blog, may I have some more?

SAGNOF Report: Stealing For The Future

September 19, 2016 | Steals | 6 Comments

by: Smokey

It’s never too late to start talking about next year, is it? Well, that is the direction I am heading. I don’t know if anyone has noticed, but second base, and for that matter middle infield, is going to be an interesting position come draft time or even for some keepers. This is the first time in a few years that there will be a dearth of players with a value at the position, so I am personally sorta excited, about as excited as getting a onion ring in my french fry order. The middle rounds for these second base eligible guys is going to be an interesting pecking order of who covets who more, and what we have seen this year steers them. Now, this is a steals post and most of the guys I am talking about are going to have value there and in some ancillary stat contributions, I am not talking about the over-drafting of Brian Dozier, and to some extent, Robbie Cano. Steals only guys, they in this case, have faces until at least your draft or keepers are pot committed. So this week, I am looking at some second sackers that will shine for you next year based on the second half stats. For giggles afterwards, since the season isn’t over, some two-week guys that will help you down the stretch and of course some save stealers…

Please, blog, may I have some more?

You Betts Believe It

August 27, 2016 | Uncategorized | 28 Comments

by: Dan Pants

Mookie Betts was 5-for-5 and drove in two runs Friday night. It was the first five-hit game of his career and the number of pets in New England being named Mookie is climbing quicker than his batting average. Let me gush about Betts for a minute, even though it might be tough because I know Xander is reading. (Do not worry, you are still my number 1, Awesome-X.) Mookie is slashing .320/.360/.557 with 28 homers, 93 RBI, 21 steals, and 99 runs scored. He is the only reason I am winning anything fantasy baseball this year and he is an early favorite for AL MVP. I tell all my real life friends, who are definitely all real life humans and not people I just made up for the purposes of the post, that Mookie Betts is my spirit animal. However, I was recently told I can’t say this because I’m not Native American and if you ain’t Native you can’t have spirit animals. That’s their thing. Quit trying to take their thing. Well, I just did San Pedro cactus and tripped out in the desert last weekend, does that mean I’m a real native now or nah? At the very least I’d hold it makes me much more spiritual. In the past two weeks, Betts is hitting .387 with 12 runs scored, 5 homers, 18 RBI and 3 steals. If those numbers don’t bring you existential enlightenment, I’m not sure a psychedelic cactus or a sweat lodge will either. He’s hitting close to .400 in August as he attempts to carry the Sawx to the promised land aka the postseason. In addition, since moving from lead off to clean up over the past week and a half he’s only gotten better, slashing .400/.455/.550 with two jacks and 8 RBI. I love Mookie Betts more than I could ever love a human baby. I think I am feeling more spiritual already.

Here’s what else happened in fantasy baseball Friday night:

Want to take on Razzball writers and contributors in the great game of Fantasy Football? For Prizes? OH MY GOD YES. Where do you sign up? Great question! (Even though you didn’t technically ask. I mean, you might have, but I couldn’t hear you…) You can join here!

Please, blog, may I have some more?

2016 Team Previews: Cleveland Indians

February 13, 2016 | Fantasy Baseball Team Previews | 22 Comments

by: M@

tuxes

Welcome to the 2016 Razzball Team Previews! You’ll find everything you need to know about each team to get yourself ready for the upcoming fantasy baseball season. And I mean everything, folks. We’ve got line-ups, charts, Slurpees, lube, a guide for beginner electricians, and even a cactus! Well, that’s a lie. That’s what Jay had last year sitting in front of him. This year? Um…a little less lube? Take that as you will. But hey, we’ve got teams to preview and questions to ask, so let’s hop to it. We a very special guest for this post…Matt Lyons, to provide his take on what the team has in store this season. Now enough rambling, let’s see what 2016 holds for the Cleveland Indians!

Please, blog, may I have some more?

Top 100 Outfielders for 2016 Fantasy Baseball

February 2, 2016 | Fantasy Baseball Rankings | 178 Comments

by: Grey

We are so close to the top 20 starters you can almost taste it, and it tastes like limoncello. I wonder why that is. From the top 20 outfielders through to this top 100 outfielders for 2016 fantasy baseball has been like the greatest mini-series ever. Sorta like what I hope the O.J. Simpson show is. By the way, don’t Google O.J. Simpson, major spoilers! In most fantasy leagues, you won’t need to draft guys from this top 100 outfielders, and they’ll be waiver wire pickups. A few of these guys will be drafted by people saying things like, “I’m really loving (fill-in name from this post) as a late sleeper,” then those same people will get to the middle of April and be saying things like, “I can drop (fill-in player’s name), right?” As with other rankings posts, I go over where tiers start and stop and my projections. Anyway, here’s the top 100 outfielders for 2016 fantasy baseball:

Please, blog, may I have some more?