Hey, look at this! I got two tickets for the Astros’ Broadway remake of Weekend at Bernie’s! How cool is this? You know I’ll be seated! Later, the lights dim and the curtains go up. On stage, there’s a home plate with an impatient ump and catcher. The ump yells, “This is going to be a pitch clock violation!” A voice comes from offstage, “Sorry, we’ll be right there.” Struggling towards home plate is Kyle Tucker and Chas McCormick as they slowly move Jose Abreu. Barely able to breathe let alone speak, Chas says, “Ready.” The pitch fires towards the plate — woosh! — the ump yells strike one, and a beat after that Kyle and Chas struggle to swing Abreu’s arms. So, Joey Loperfido was called up the other day as Abreu was sent down seemingly because Abreu’s Bernie is curtains. In Triple-A, Loperfido had 13 HRs, 5 SBs and hit .287, but with a 30.3% K%, so hopefully Joey is more Loperfido than Gallo. The speed likely isn’t going to translate much, maybe a handful of bags. You’re getting him for the big-time power. Think 30 homers in the five remaining months as a possible outcome. Also, possibly a .210 average. It can’t be worse than whatever was going on with Abreu, and Kyle Tucker is no Andrew McCarthy. Anyway, here’s some more players to Buy or Sell this week in fantasy baseball:
PSYCHE! This post was released on Wednesday for Patreon members. It will be released all year early for Patreons, so if people are getting a jump on you, it’s because they paid the $10. Anyway, the Fantasy Baseball Buy/Sell:
BUY
Connor Wong – Been a slow week for catchers who are rostered in less than 50% of leagues, so, like a trust fall with your gym teacher who later in life had to register when he moved, I had to fall back on Wong. He’s just been good for the entire season, not the last week.
Carlos Santana – Oye como yay!
Tyler Nevin – What’s up, Nevinheads! How’s everyone doing? We’ve been Nevinheads since way before it was cool! Like 11 days ago. When the only people who knew about Tyler Nevin were his family, and even some of them were like, “Cousin Tyler plays baseball? I didn’t know that. What team?” Us Nevinheads know he’s been crazy hot, according to the 7-day Player Rater and that will continue for at least another decade! Or maybe through the weekend.
Mark Canha – Did you know Canha is a foodie? True story, it’s all over his Insta. Well, when you go to Detroit and there’s nothing good to eat, you focus on hitting. Don’t boo me! How many times can you eat Detroit-style pizza? It’s pan pizza! I get it!
Nolan Schanuel – If you don’t like Schanuel, then I am o-Fendi! (It works better if it’s said aloud. Not that good though.)
Kyle Manzardo – I’m all for stashing him if you have room, but he looks like Ty France, who is already available in your league and you don’t want him.
Luis Rengifo – Ron Washington has a need…a need for speed! And he’s aggressive on the basepaths.
Tyler Black – Just gave you my Tyler Black fantasy. It was written while saying, “Oh, ok, nice.”
Willi Castro – Fun fact! “Say hello to my little friend, Willi Castro” was also how Fidel introduced himself when he entered a spa. By the way, Jose Abreu went to Houston and turned into one of those pre-embargo cars in Cuba.
Ceddanne Rafaela – Looks like he’s been very unlucky, and could be in for a major positive correction. Or at least worth rostering.
Tyler Freeman – What’s funny in a not-funny-at-all way, last week there were no corner infidels and this week there’s very few middles.
Blaze Alexander – With Corbin Carroll a part of the most nightmare blunt rotation, DBags have been occasionally hitting Blaze first. They like how many pitches he sees. It’s usually take two and pass.
Santiago Espinal – Everyone in Cincy is great except CES. Sigh.
Vaughn Grissom – Every time Grissom sees even an ounce of optimism in his playing time, I write up a full post on him. Seriously, I think I have more ledes written for Grissom than any other players who have seen roughly 200 ABs in the last two years. The last one –> Vaughn Grissom fantasy. It’s still more or less relevant.
Josh Rojas – Has been in the hot schmotato shadow of Wenceel, Benintendi, Rengifo and Santana. Mt. Schmotato gonna need a new carving if Rojas stays hot.
Andrew Benintendi – Please don’t make me say anything nice about him. Pick him up or don’t because he’s hot. I have my principles! Now, about Wenceel and Senzel, which sounds like a sad clown troupe of the 1930s.
Wenceel Perez – Allow me to simply present you frequent commenter, Pops about Mr. Wenceel:
Nick Senzel – Just gave you my Nick Senzel fantasy. It was written while dancing to Dua Lipa.
Jo Adell – He’s not even a post-post-post-post-post-post-post-post [counting in head] post-post-hype sleeper Jo Adell. He’s like barely a post-post-post-post-post-hype sleeper. Five posts vs. ten! Stop over-posting Adell and start overhyping him! Mentioned this on the podcast the other day, but Adell’s underlying numbers don’t appear entirely fluky. Maybe he’s more of a .250 hitter than .300+, but he was hyped for years because he does have power and speed. That shizz plays, as they say.
Jacob Young – He could steal 50-plus bags, and score 40 or fewer runs and less than 20 RBIs, but 50-plus bags, guys and five ladles!–sorry, I was in the homewares department.
Mike Tauchman – He’s got the Tauch! He’s got the power!
Andy Pages – Gave you an Andy Pages fantasy about two weeks ago now, so gonna start, uh, stop talking about him soon.
Pete Crow-Armstrong – Guess what, you Ding Dong Merchants! I gave you a Pete Crow-Armstrong fantasy too when he was called up.
Jordan Beck – Just gave you my Jordan Beck fantasy. It was written while bingeing Baby Reindeer, then taking a shower afterwards.
Lance Lynn – This is a Streamonator call, like the call it makes to the post office.
Jameson Taillon – This is also a Streamonator call. “If the mail carrier hears something ticking, that’s not a bomb. That’s a heart I ordered for my toaster.”
Danny Coulombe – Kimbrel is struggling with a sore back. He says it hurts when he does the McDonald’s arches before each pitch. What a Kroc! So, Coulombe got the save the other day, while Yennier Cano did his Yenniest vs. the heart of the Yanks’ order.
Hector Neris – He-Ner follows Ma-Le in the Cubs’ 9th. What happened with Ad-Al? I don’t know, he doesn’t track with this play on words or decent pitching.
Jason Adam – Ya know when Keyzer Söze whooshes into his hand and says, “They’re gone?” That’s the amorphous nature of the Rays’ closers.
Reed Garrett – Prolly should’ve mentioned Reed Garrett in previous Buy columns. He was a hot topic like that shirt with skulls you bought from Hot Topic. Reed’s gone from a journeyman minor leaguer to possible All-Star. I am not exaggerating, he started in 2014 in the Rangers system as a terrible starter, and now is a 31-year-old with some of the best pitches in baseball. A sweeper that be cleanin’ up and a split-finger that gives the finger to opposing hitters like only the best New Yorkers can.
SELL
Colton Cowser – It is with much consternation, distress and — c’mon, thesaurus, give me one more! — dismay that I must say Colton Cowser is playing a wee bit over his head. It’s an uneasiness, inside my bones! Alarming dread! I am, quiet pause, in my feelings. His stats look awful. Putrid! Okay, enough thesaurus! His strikeouts are out of control and his BABIP is goofy high. Cowser was a great pickup off waivers, an astute late-round pick, you big-assed-brained em-effer! But the run is going to end, and quickly. I wouldn’t trade Colton Cowser for a dirty radish (which I mean literally but that sounds like a euphemism), but I would look at our Fantasy Baseball Trade Analyzer and explore options.
