¡Hola!  Me llamo es Gris. ¡Bienvenido! Hoy en el SuperMercado Barridos tenemos una venta especial. The Bumblebee Man runs through screaming, “¡ESPECIAL!” ¡Gracias, Señor Miel! Ahora, cuando digo ir, tienes que correr por el SuperMercado y encontrar un bateador que te pueda dar poder y velocidad. “¡ESPECIAL!” Okay, Señor Miel, eso es suficiente.  “¡ESPECIAL!” Rápidamente se está volviendo claro por qué te vas a extinguir. “¡ESPECIAL” ¡Hayzeus Cristo, callate la boca, tienes tiempo sexy con tu madre! So, Oscar Mercado has 8 homers, 20 steals and a .305 average in 59 games, which is, ya know, your standard top 10 outfielder pace of 22/54/.300. You didn’t know he played that many games?  Well, because he didn’t.  I was combining his Triple-A and major league numbers, but, with how the ball is jumping out of stadiums, I think that’s fair. Don’t agree?  Don’t care.  Mercado is ESPECIAL!  Anyway, here’s some more players to Buy or Sell this week in fantasy baseball:

BUY

Roberto Perez – When I’m telling you to buy Roberto Perez, we are officially through the looking glass, and, once we pass through the glass, we turn around and there’s a pressed ham up against the glass.

Jake Bauers – The clock is ticking on Jake Bauers.  He’s been dog-eared already as a 2020 sleeper.  Can he defeat the non-descript Eastern European terrorists who are trying to blowing up his fantasy value? Can he save his daughter? Will he get road rage because he didn’t have his morning coffee?  This is going to be the longest episode of 24 ever!

Ryan McMahon – It’s so Rockiesque to play Ryan McMahon at 2nd base with his defense the way it is.  He has the range of Tom Arnold conked out on goofballs.  However, he has been hitting.

Lourdes Gurriel Jr. – Continue to tell you to pick him up and no one will pick him up, so Lourdes of the underground will stay underground!  Boom chaka lacka there goes the chief rocka!

Luis Urias – Already gave you my Luis Urias fantasy.  It was written while checking out Djibouti, an East African strip club.

Scooter Gennett – Have we discussed how Scooter might’ve been Wally Pipp’d by Dietrich? Maybe he’ll be traded. I hear the Reds could use *checks notes* everything. I kid, they’re actually not that bad, though some of their trades are suspect. Can they trade Scooter for Matt Kemp?

Cavan Biggio – He’s hit for some power here and there, you know the deal.  On a related note, what the hell is a Cavan?  It sounds like a tapas restaurant.  “Would you like some of our sangria? It’s a Cavan favorite.” *Craig Biggio jots down Cavan on a napkin*  Craig looks up, “Maybe, if we have a daughter we can name her Sangria.”

Scott Kingery – Something I’ve been meaning to say that I’ve said numerous times before.  In the preseason, everyone’s like, “Yo, Grey, handsome as usual, did you see so-and-so is hitting leadoff? Could be huge.”  Then once the season starts, people ignore how important it is where a guy is batting. And that’s me paraphrasing you paraphrasing me! Kingery has been hitting third, that is huge.

Kevin Newman – Member when the Pirates gave minor league deals out to two guys who won a reality show in India just for publicity?  It’s true, not kidding.  So, with that in mind, it would not surprise me if the Pirates were hoping for publicity from Seinfeld fans by having Kevin Kramer and Kevin Newman.

Brendan Rodgers – Just went over my Brendan Rodgers fantasy.  It was written on the back of a can of soup.

Jorge Soler – Is owned in 33% of ESPN leagues.  Has 20 homers.  I will now cackle into a drive-thru car wash while riding a mop dressed to look like a horse.

Bryan Reynolds – You know what’s cool and kind of crazy?  “Skydiving from 35 feet up?”  No, but good guess.  “Wanting to become a straitjacket model?”  No, that’s just crazy.  “Putting shoes on a broom so you can put faint footprints on your ceiling to freak out your significant other?”  No, just let me finish.  It’s cool and crazy that the Pirates have been playing Reynolds and benching Polanco.

Ramon Laureano – April made him look like Nadir Bupkis, but ever since then he’s been a top 50 outfielder.  “So in a ten team league with five OFs, he’s ownable?”  Yes, you math genius.

Zac Gallen – Just gave you my Zac Gallen fantasy.  I wrote it while leading a funeral procession through a drive-thru.  I also gave you my Jordan Yamamoto fantasy, for completists out there.

Adbert Alzolay – Just went over Alzolay this morning.  I bet if you use your scrolly finger you can find it.  I have faith in you!

Zach Plesac – Like I’m sitting on my hands, I’m warming up to the Zach Plesac, but this a Streamonator call.  Like the call it makes to a radio station to request “anything sad.”

Michael Pineda – This also a Streamonator call.  “Maybe play some Peabo Bryson, then stay on the phone to chat?”

Hansel Robles – Has a near-9 K/9, a 1.02 WHIP and is the Angels closer.  I’d go out on a pretty sturdy limb and say he has been more valuable this year than that other Robles in Washington.

Taylor Rogers – Okay, you goofbutts, Taylor Rogers is the closer in Minnesota.  Ya know, the team with the best AL record, i.e., he will get saves.  I before E except in Teixiera, own him!

John Gant – His numbers (7-0, 3 saves, 1.58 ERA) bring up so many questions.  All of his stats read like a reason why you don’t draft middle relievers anywhere but the last rounds, why wins are stupid and how did Ron Gant have a super white kid?

Liam HendriksBlake Treinen looks like he’s headed for an Ineffective List stint or has misinterpreted what a Rolaids Relief Man Award means and is trying to give everyone indigestion.

SELL

Andrew Benintendi – Did I love Benintendi in the preseason?  Yes.  That’s almost as easy to answer as the Buzzfeed IQ test: 1. Who let the dogs out? A) Who B) Who C) Who D) All of the Above.  Unlike the most unanswerable question your significant other always asks you:  Honey, who’s that actor I like?  We’re in sad times times (stutterer!) three.  Benintendi’s numbers are so off that I’m worried about him officially, and wonder if he’s going to have a lost season.  Bear with me (or bare, if you’re a naturist):  His line drives are down; fly balls are up, but he doesn’t hit dongers he hits dinkers; his Ks have skyrocketed; his BABIP is up and he’s still barely hitting .265, and he doesn’t have blazing speed to make up for any of this.  The runs and RBIs in that lineup are nice, but if you can go to the Fantasy Baseball Trade Analyzer and find a decent trade for him, I would. I would not sell him to be a fly on the wall to hear a doctor ask someone with amnesia, “Have you ever had amnesia before?”

 
  1. William Hung says:
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    FIRST!!!

  2. William Hung says:
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    FIRST!!!

    • Grey

      Grey says:
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      and second apparently

    • William Hung says:
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      Damn not sure how that happened – anyway, it pains me to see Benitendi on here as a sell – hopefully this sell jinx works and he gets hot

      Coming out of my draft where I took Benitendi and Story with my first 2 picks, I was feeling amazing!

      • Grey

        Grey says:
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        I would’ve felt good about it too, tbh

        • William Hung says:
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          Not surprised by the Benitendi sell though, it makes sense since he’s been a big reason why my team has slumped over the past few weeks. Dahl was doing worse for a little while there, but now that he’s getting Rs and RBIs (though no HRs) and cutting his K-rate down a bunch, Benitendi has nowhere to hide

          • Grey

            Grey says:
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            His #s are not pretty

            • William Hung says:
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              You are preaching to the choir – i’ve noticed that k-rate spike for awhile and watching his ABs – just don’t know what’s going on. Someone else (I think maybe CoolWhip) mentioned that he is making hard contact but is getting unlucky a little bit so there was some optimism of a turnaround from that respect

              • Grey

                Grey says:
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                Something’s going on, and I do hope he comes out of it, but it doesn’t look great

              • Coolwhip

                Coolwhip says:
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                i think you are refering to what i said about dahl. from what i see on beni, he hardhit% is only 35% which is not very high and he’s swinging at more stuff out of the zone and missing more in the zone. it’s like his plate discipline has gone to poop and/or he’s not seeing pitches well.

                • William Hung says:
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                  ahhh i mixed the 2 up – so is there any optimism at all for Benintendi outside of his track record?

  3. Luke T says:
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    L Urias or Lourdess if you could only have one? Thank you for your time.

    • Grey

      Grey says:
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      Urias if bench bat that you can sit on

  4. herschel says:
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    @Grey: yes! been waiting for the benintendi sill since the bryant sell (who i traded for beintendi). hoping this pulls him out of his funk, but not counting on it…..

    • Grey

      Grey says:
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      Fingers crossed!

      • William Hung says:
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        I remember you had a comment about Benitendi, that we should wait till he starts to hit .400ish and go on a hot streak – it sounds like you are less convinced now that he’ll ever get hot

        • Grey

          Grey says:
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          Yup, officially concerned… Late in the year for his #s to look like they do

          • William Hung says:
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            Is he secretly dating a Kardashian? Those girls are kryptonite for athletes

            • Grey

              Grey says:
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              HA, he’s wrong shade of vanilla

  5. Dave D says:
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    I wish I wish I could trade you McMahon for a bucket of paint in our DC…

    • Grey

      Grey says:
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      I wish you could too!

      • Dave D says:
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        Speaking of closers, it’s a bit ironic that I drafted Allen and May/Parker for my closers in our DC, and I do have two closers, but they are Robles and Elias. I guess I sort of made up for my bad earlier picks with 40-something round value.

        • Grey

          Grey says:
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          SAGNOF, basically, but yeah closers are such a crapshoot

  6. Big Daddy Jeats says:
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    Sup Grey!

    Was encouraged to see SuperMercado as the lede. I picked him up on a shoudler shrug and didn’t know what to think but you’re right, with the way these new helium balls are working he has cool upside.

    I’m in 1st but could use an OF boost (waiting for Dozier and Gallo to come back) and have a plethora of SP that I could deal in a 1 for 1: Montas, Beuhler, Nola, Marquez, Ray, Stro, C. Smith, Jose Q.

    Should I target Kingery, Harper, Soto or Riley? I believe Soto picks his HR numbers up, and I think Kingery has potential for elite production ROS. Are you still a sell on Riley? Sorry for the long question. Thanks Grey!

    • Grey

      Grey says:
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      SuperMercado!

      Sell on Riley, but depends on price… I don’t mind Kingery since his price will be cheapest, Soto’s my fave from them

      • Big Daddy Jeats says:
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        Thanks Grey have a good weekend

        • Big Daddy Jeats says:
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          Ohp! actually sorry one more question – would you go marquez for kingery? Or is that the cutoff?

          • Grey

            Grey says:
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            Feels high, but I guess fair

        • Grey

          Grey says:
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          No problem

          • Big Daddy Jeats says:
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            MONTAS!!!