As many of you know, I’m in the NL-Only Tout Wars league, so every year I take part in an industry NL-Only league with the CBS peeps to try to find my footing before I go off to New York to take on the heavyweights, and Andy Behrens, who appears to have a healthy BMI. Some might mock, some might mock draft, but this is my draft prep, and am happy to take part in this league. Until about 25 minutes into the draft, and players go for way too much, and I start getting hungry and I just want the whole thing to be over and ermahgerd! But, for those first twenty-five minutes of the five-hour draft, I’m laser focused. For this league, I once again use Rudy’s NL-Only rankings, and his War Room (it’s free with a subscription). I won’t try to get you to buy it anymore. You can lead a horse to water, but you can’t make the horse put a cape down so I can walk over the water without getting wet. (If you want a shallower league, play against me and hundreds others for prizes –> Razzball Commenter Leagues.) Anyway, here’s my 12-team NL-Only team and some thoughts:
C: Jorge Alfaro $9
C: Brian McCann $4
1B: Jose Martinez $10
2B: Joe Panik $1
3B: Mike Moustakas $22
SS: Trevor Story $35
MI: Keston Hiura $1
CI: Eduardo Escobar $11
OF: David Dahl $24
OF: David Peralta $20
OF: Marcell Ozuna $26
OF: Victor Robles $22
OF: Harrison Bader $12
U: Peter O’Brien $1
Bench: Roman Quinn, Phillip Ervin, Pat Valaika, David Bote
P: Josh Hader $12
P: Raisel Iglesias $15
P: Jose Quintana $10
P: Jose Urena $4
P: Brandon Woodruff $4
P: Ross Stripling $8
P: Joey Lucchesi $7
P: Dan Straily $1
P: Derek Holland $1
Bench: Max Fried, Wei-Yin Chen, Andrew Suarez
I WISH I WEREN’T ALREADY BOLDED AND CAPPED BECAUSE I’D LIKE TO EMPHASIS SOMETHING.
You can try underlining.
FAIR ENOUGH. YOUR PITCHING SUCKS, YO! DID YOU POOP YOUR PANTS MID-DRAFT, RUN TO THE BOUDOIR TO CHANGE SAID PANTS AND MISS THE PART WHERE PEOPLE DRAFTED PITCHING?
I did not.
SINCE I KNOW IT’S COMING — THAT’S WHAT SHE SAID — JUST TELL ME WHAT YOUR TOTALS WERE SO WE CAN GET THE BIG-PICTURE RATIONALIZATIONS OUT OF THE WAY.
Fine:
Before basking in the glory that is my offense, we will take a small detour through Shizzville, population: my pitching staff. Not a whole lot of 20 game winners on this staff, unless Dan Straily tattoos “20 game winner” on his penis. “Yo, Joey Lucchesi of the Tomato Pie Crime Family, you gonna break eight wins on the Padres?” “Dahhhhhh, bagadonuts.” “Thanks for your reply, Joey!” How about all of the 200-strikeout pitchers on the team raise your hand? Don’t see any hands? You’re not alone! Unless the Crime Boss can throw 190 IP. Unlikely with a front-end splash of nope. To get micro on the macro, I don’t even want to own Jose Quintana, and, well, what do you know. Poppa Greystein is rocking Quintana. It’s what happens when you get stuck price enforcing. Rudy’s rankings have him down for $13, and, tee bee aitch, that does seem reasonable, so I went to $10. Unfortunately (or maybe fortunately if he pitches decently), no one in this league saves any money for players after the first 50 are off the board, which brings me to…
WHY DON’T YOU HAVE A MIDDLE INFIELDER? KESTON’S GOT ABOUT AS MUCH CHANCE PLAYING IN THE MAJORS THIS YEAR AS I DO, AND I’M A RANDOM VOICE IN YOUR HEAD.
Okay, maybe, maybe not. For $1, it’s not bad, but it was not my ideal scenario to have no middle infielder, no 2B and no utility guy. It’s not how I roll in Only leagues. I like to aim for a bunch of five-dollar players at the back-end of my drafts. So, what happened? Let’s lay it out for you nice and simple like a Jeff Dunham show. Eduardo Escobar was $17 on my sheet, and he was dawdling around $9, so I bumped the bid to $11, figuring someone else would bid more, and the clock went tick-tick-ticking away and I got stuck with Escobar. So, now I have five players needed and $1 max bid on each. Not a great place, but, as previously mentioned, a lot of people in this auction had only max one-dollar bids. So, I figure I’ll throw out a few that I know will go for more than $1 to thin the money, because at least half the league could bid $2. First player I throw up (literally), Peter O’Brien, and, apparently, no one else wanted him for $2, so I own the world’s oldest player yet to complete a full season in the majors. So, now I need an MI and 2B. I want Jef McNeil and Kolten Wong, but I’m not sure they’ll go for only a dollar, so I bide my time, waiting for more people to spend their money. I toss out Trevor Williams, because I figure someone will spend more money on him, and they do. Then someone tosses out Touki Tousaint and he goes for a $1, and now I’m flummoxed! I could’ve bid a $1 on Touki and owned him?! I sigh. It’s too late to worry about that. McNeil and Wong are still possibilities. Then, someone tosses out McNeil and gets him for a $1! I could’ve had him for a $1! At this point, I throw my computer out the window. After retrieving my computer, I decide now is the time to nominate Kolten Wong for a $1. If no one bid up McNeil to $2, no one is bidding on Wong. Guess what, guys and five girl readers? Our very own Donkey Teeth bids Wong up to $2! The rest of the draft is a blur from that point. I was even on autodraft at one point in the free rounds. In related news, Donkey Teeth is no longer writing for us. I keed. Kinda.
SO, THAT WAS A LONG, SHAGGY DOG STORY. PERHAPS I SHOULD KEEP MY QUESTIONS MORE CLOSE-ENDED. DID YOU INTEND TO GET A BETTER OUTFIELD IN AN NL-ONLY LEAGUE THAN YOU NEED IN A 12-TEAM MIXED LEAGUE? PLEASE: STICK TO YES OR NO ANSWERS.
Well, Peralta is another player I didn’t target, but his dollar value is $23 and I went to $20–
YES OR NO. PLEASE.
I like the team.
IF I’M GONNA BE HONEST, I KINDA LIKE THAT TREVOR STORY BUY.
You don’t even know, Mr. Bolden Al Capps! Top players did not go for cheap. Shoot (not you, Dick Cheney), Nolan Arenado went for $49! Paul Goldschmidt went for $41! Freddie Freeman went for $40! Rizzo went for $35! You’re telling me Rizzo is a better player than Eduardo Escobar by $24? You can’t tell me that, because you have sworn an oath of honesty. Freeman is a better player than Story by $5? If you wanna say yes, you’re wrong. My only major regret is my purchase of Jose Urena. Not because I don’t like him for that price, but I think it might upset Acuña. I miss you, baby boy!
