It’s not that I didn’t like Hunter Greene (8 2/3 IP, 0 ER, 5 baserunners, 7 Ks, ERA at 1.31) in the preseason. I liked him too much. Okay, that’s a lie. It wasn’t too much, but it was, “I like him with reservations.” Not as in, “I like him and want to take him to a restaurant, then dine and dash if he’s not paying,” reservations. I liked him a lot, but I worried a lot about his shoulder injury in August of last year. He said it was, “Just a little arm fatigue,” but didn’t pronounce fatigue as fay-tee-gay, and anything to do with the arm worries me, especially when a guy throws 117 MPH. So, I was out. This is not the same as me being out on Corbin Burnes because I thought his peripherals looked atrocious. The recent history of pitchers who throw fast is scary, but Hunter Greene can be special, and last night he was. Can he continue to be special while chucking the ball that hard? Time will tell, but the last few years say not to bet on it. Anyway, here’s what else I saw yesterday in fantasy baseball:
Tony Santillan – 1/3 IP, 0 ER, ERA at 0.00 and his 1st save. Oh, no, it’s not Emilio Pagan’s job anymore. Spoiler Alert! It’s not Santillan’s either. It will be Alexis Diaz.
Casey Mize – 6 IP, 1 ER, 7 baserunners, 6 Ks, ERA at 0.77. He told the Yankees they’s swinging torpeos, because they ate the D!
Andy Ibanez – 1-for-3, 3 RBIs and his 1st homer. Fun fact! Ibanez is how you say you have to go to the bathroom in Spanish.
Carlos Rodon – 6 IP, 4 ER, 6 baserunners, 8 Ks, ERA at 4.67. Could’ve been worse, Rodon could’ve been against a good team and gave up more runs.
Victor Robles – Hit the IL with a shoulder dislocation. Nothing Waze can help with? Mariners called up Dominic Canzone. He ain’t Dominic Canhit, ya following the breadcrumbs?
Ryan Bliss – 1-for-2, 2 RBIs and his 1st homer. What is this Bliss you speak of, I don’t understand such concepts. With Robles out, Dylan Moore (1-for-2, 2 runs, 2nd steal) stands to gain ABs, and that will likely mean more Bliss, too. Ah, what a lovely idea.
Spencer Arrighetti – Hit the IL with a broken right thumb playing catch. That’s what he gets for not “having a catch.” Sunday supper of Arrighetti and meatballs postponed until further notice.
Hayden Wesneski – 7 IP, 2 ER, 3 hits, zero walks, 5 Ks, ERA at 3.75. As mentioned last time he started, I tried to add Wesneski in every league, and was only stopped in one where Jeff Zimmerman from FanGraphs paid more in FAAB. Don’t know about long-term here, but he was a great two-start starter this week, if nothing else.
Jose Altuve – 1-for-3, 2 runs and his 3rd homer. Shame to see the Astros’ dynasty collapse. Kidding! It’s awesome!
MacKenzie Gore – 6 IP, 2 ER, 6 baserunners, 7 Ks, ERA at 2.65. Who’s scared of the big, bad Dodgers? Okay, I am, but I still started MacKenzie, and avoided the horror Gore.
James Wood – 1-for-3, 2 RBIs and a slam (2) and legs (2). About to pen some erotic fanfiction to Wood that’s gonna write itself.
Shohei Ohtani – 3-for-4, 2 RBIs and his 4th homer. Ended up a double short of the cycle. Kinda surprised he didn’t accomplish the cycle because he seemingly can do anything he wants. Does he want to homer? No problem. Does he want to have the cutest dog in the world? Done deal. Does he want to hypnotize his translator into going to prison for lying about wire transferring $20 millies to cover bets? Well, who’s to say?
Dustin May – 6 IP, 1 ER, 6 baserunners, 1 K, ERA at 0.82. He didn’t look great, but I’m not really a fan of gingers. I kid! I love my redheaded soul-stealers. May didn’t look great as far as pitching went. He doesn’t look nearly like a 0.82 ERA guy, that’s for sure, but I doubt anyone thinks he is. I am truly scared to say this, because now I’m gonna get comments like, “Hey, man, very handsome face, nice cheekbones, should I drop Dustin May for Patrick Corbin?”
Quinn Priester – Acquired by the Brewers for cash. I’d skip the cash and ask for a carton of eggs and resell them. But I’m a money manager! [intern whispers] Turns out I am not a money manager. Kinda surprised the Red Sox gave away Priester. Did The Boston Globe’s Spotlight team uncover something? Hmm. He’s still young, and scouts loved him, but his results have been mixed at best: 9.8 K/9, 2.4 BB/9 in minors last year and a 4.38 ERA. Brewers could crack Priester’s code, or Dan Brown. Imagine he’ll see some innings for Brewers’ depleted staff. Just NL-Only for now.
Tyler Soderstrom – 2-for-3, and his 5th and 6th homer. Soderstrom’s got the bings and SacTown’s got the bongs. Together, it’s Big Bong Heaven.
Luis Severino – 7 IP, 5 ER, 8 hits, zero walks, 3 Ks, ERA at 4.74. Don’t start guys in Bing Bong Heaven until we know what’s going on there. We need studies!
Michael King – 5 2/3 IP, 3 ER, 10 baserunners, 2 Ks, ERA at 4.05. You’d think King would get some love in Sacramento. At least a free ticket to a 3-point contest.
Fernando Tatis Jr. – 2-for-4 and his 2nd homer. Fun the Jewels! Fun the Jewels! Fun the Jewels fast!
Jake Cronenworth – 1-for-3, 2 RBIs and his 2nd homer. For what it’s Cronenworth, he was hitting cleanup.
Richard Fitts – 6 IP, 3 ER, 10 baserunners, 4 Ks, ERA at 4.50. Didja you know in Muslim countries it’s illegal to say Dick Fitts with a question mark?
Connor Wong – Fractured his pinky finger and will hit the IL. Is it me or do bones be fracturin’? Feels like bones be fracturin’ a lot more than uze. Stay safe out there and drink some milk. So, Carlos Narvaez will take over for Wong, and I’d be looking elsewhere, if I could.
Jose Berrios – 7 IP, 1 ER, 7 baserunners, 2 Ks, ERA at 4.58. If I get out alive from a two-start week of Berrios in Fenway and Camden, it’ll mean the Fantasy Baseball Overlord loves me.
Michael Lorenzen – 6 IP, 1 ER, 5 hits, zero walks, 3 Ks, ERA at 3.18. Streamonator liked Lorenzen for a two-start week, but I went with another guy. Hopefully it doesn’t burn me. I’m not going to say the other guy’s name because that will jinx him. I’ll only say he’s currently suing Justin Baldoni.
Kyle Isbel – 3-for-4, 2 RBIs and his 1st homer. Ooh, I almost put in a bid for him in the RazzSlam FAAB. By the by (segues don’t get better), RazzSlam FAAB bids are due today at, I believe, 8 PM. I’m sure Truss will remind again later today. If you don’t put in any bids, you will barred from playing. (No, you won’t, but I like to act like a big meanie.)
Ryan O’Hearn – 2-for-4, and his 1st homer. I saw the O’s scored in the 1st inning and I was like, “Gunnar gonna Gunnar!!!” Alas. It was not Triple G’s.
Zach Eflin – 6 IP, 1 ER, 4 hits, zero walks, 1 K, ERA at 3.00. You’re gee-dee Eflin right with one K? Well, things could be worse, like:
Zac Gallen – 4 2/3 IP, 5 ER, ERA at 5.28. Yesterday’s start was Zac Eflin right, and Zac effin’ wrong. So, how long until we hear Gallen has elbow inflammation? Before or after his next start? He’s clearly broken, why make us suffer?
Justin Steele – 7 IP, 0 ER, 5 baserunners, 8 Ks, ERA at 4.76. Are you kidding me? He had two random mediocre starts already! He’s not on anyone’s team anymore! Hey, runner-up to the Cy Young, go drop turds on someone else’s team!
Tsung-Che Cheng – Called up by the Pirates. He’s the Pirates’ 17th best prospect. I didn’t just say that as a joke. That’s what I’m reading. Who’s their 16th prospect? Um, another guy I haven’t heard of, I imagine. Cheng has speed, and hit .225 last year in the minors, so. Dot dot dot. Yeah.
Carmen Mlodzinski – 5 IP, 1 ER, 7 baserunners, 6 Ks, ERA at 5.19. [curtsies] Mlod. Streamonator hates him, but it’s a Parliamentarian.
Joey Bart – 2-for-4, 2 runs, 2 RBIs and his 1st homer. Elias Sports Bureau said, “Joey Bart is the worst three-hole hitter in history. Like oh my God.”
Matthew Liberatore – 6 1/3 IP, 5 ER, ERA at 5.84. Going to Pittsburgh feels like an easy matchup, but [sees the top of the order is Ke’Bryan, Knee McClutchin, Bartman] oh, yeah, it is easy. Sucks to suck.
Ivan Herrera – Hit the IL with a bone bruise on his knee, and will miss at least four weeks. Who’s filling in? Think we’re all on the same Pages. Roped you into reading a pun! Sucker! Yesterday, Yohel Pozo (1-for-4) caught and hit his 1st homer. What a Pozo! You walked into another pun! C’mon, mon, that’s the oldest trick in the book.
Masyn Winn – 1-for-4 and his 1st homer. “Hey, do you recycle bodies into fertilizer, I have this one in my MI slot–Hold on! He moved! Masyn Winn is alive!”
Kodai Senga – 5 IP, 0 ER, 5 hits, 2 BBs, 4 Ks, ERA at 1.80. Wonder if he found his personal catcher with Senger. It’s like he’s throwing to himself if he had a Jersey accent.
Sandy Alcantara – Hit the paternity list. Boy or girl, he has to name the baby, Sandy Jr.
