Joey Gallo tested positive, negative, positive, negative, positive, negative, positive, positive, negative, negative for Covid and is asymptomatic. The good news is the Rangers, fans and fantasy baseballers have been contact tracing Gallo for years. You, “This makes no sense, Statcast shows Gallo’s avoided contact for his entire career.” Snort, snort, wheeze! “Geez, Gallo can’t avoid contact when it’s most important.” Wheeze and repeat! Get this pretty fun testing story: Gallo tested positive for Covid on 6/29, then negative on 6/30, then positive again on 7/2, then negative on 7/7, so he seems to be fine, but who knows. Like the guy in The Royal Rumble who hides in the corner for most of the match, the smartest team will just hole themselves up in a hotel somewhere, until every other team loses all their players, then emerge World Series champs. On the reals, Gallo seems to be okay now, and why it’s so iffy on moving guys down in redraft 2020 rankings right now based on a positive test. Don’t think anyone knows how long someone tests positive or negative or positive or–Well, you get it. Anyway, here’s what else I saw for fantasy baseball:

Nick Markakis – Opted out for the season. It stinks (player name) isn’t playing. Insert empathy. Put in some understanding why they’re not playing. Try to casually move into what this means for fantasy. Am I doing this right? So, I removed Sparkakis, obviously, from my rankings, but, honestly, I’m pretty torn on moving Austin Riley, Adam Duvall or anyone for that matter up in my rankings. As soon as you start moving up guys, they or others will be knocked out for the year. In a vacuum, this does help Austin Riley, Adam Duvall and Ender Inciarte. Braves still have Acuña and OZUNA locked into spots, though. There’s also Cristian Pache, but, well, who knows, I guess.

Luis Urias – Tested positive for Covid, but is asymptomatic. My younger self would be impressed at how fast I can type ‘asymptomatic’ or ‘quarantine’ without looking at my keyboard.

Mitch Garver – Expects to start 40-45 games, maybe even 50. *itch please, I’m getting sprung for a catcher.

Jesus Luzardo – Tested positive for Covid, and says he’s ready to go once he gets two negative tests. Hopefully, he gets two negative tests that aren’t surrounding one positive test like Joey Gallo.

Eduardo Rodriguez – Tested positive for Covid, and is symptomatic. Welp, here’s where you just sorta have to trust the news you’re hearing, when they say Ed-Rod is already feeling better. It might be that I already have Ed-Rod on a few teams, and I’m all about lying to myself, but I haven’t moved Ed-Rod in my rankings. I wouldn’t draft him again, though. My tryhard self-lying can only take me so far.

Billy Hamilton – Hasn’t reported yet to camp and Gabe Kapler said he can’t say anything else about it, then showed his abs. In suntan lotion, he spelled out, “Covid.”

Junior Guerra – Tested positive for Covid, along with Silvino Bracho. Reminds me of The Sopranos when Silvino went to war with Junior.

Kole Calhoun – Tested positive for Covid, but is asymptomatic. More like Kole-vid, amiright? No, I’m prolly not right.

Seth Beer – Tested positive for Covid. Beer should stay away from any open bars.

Brandon Morrow – Released by the Cubs. To quote Henry Wadsworth Longfellow, “To Morrow, I say goodbye.”

Hernan Perez – Speaking of utility men, Hernan was added to the Cubs’ player pool. There was some confusion when he first heard the news, thinking it was an accusation. “Hernan P. in the pool.” “Not me, homey!” “What?”

Keone Kela – Hasn’t yet taken field during summer camp. I like how each bit of fantasy news is loaded with suspicion and mystery. No one knows anything and this is going great! I’d already be stashing Kyle Crick, just in case.

Mitch Haniger – Has yet to resume baseball activities. Find someone who loves you like Mitch Haniger loves to “not yet resume baseball activities.”

Clint Frazier – Dealing with a foot issue. Frazier said, “Try to walk a Niles in my shoes.” Wait, that’s the wrong Frazier.

DJ LeMahieu – Hit the IL with Covid, but is asymptomatic and might be able to return before the season starts. This year fantasy baseball will be about finding warm bodies, but not too warm to register above 99 on a thermometer.

Ryan O’Hearn – Tested positive, and is asymptomatic. By September, I’m just gonna be writing a player’s name with a plus or negative sign.

Brad Keller – Tested positive for Covid, and is symptomatic. Watched Contagion the other day, and it wasn’t realistic because at no point did Matt Damon ever discuss his fantasy baseball team.

Delino DeShields – Has already tested negative for Covid. Went from positive with symptoms to negative in about a week. That’s encouraging for everyone. Unless you’re old and in bad shape. Please stay retired, Bartolo.

Tyler MahleReds say Mahle is a piggyback option. Well, with Trevor Bauer trying to throw 200 IP in 10 starts, it’s only understandable some Reds will be shortchanged. Mahle could pitch three to four innings every fifth day with Wade Miley. Unable to go five innings each, Miley/Mahle might say, “Don’t push me, because I’m close to the edge.”

Jonathan Villar – Says he’s prepared to play multiple positions. I said this on the podcast the other day about Miguel Andujar playing outfield, but I wouldn’t be surprised if we see a lot of players at not-their-usual position. All teams are gonna be in disarray. Gonna be a lot of quotes like, “It wasn’t that weird to catch. I used to in Little League.”

Ryan Mountcastle – Added to the 60-man roster. Props to whomever twisted the O’s front office arm. Now twist harder so Mountcastle is on the actual team that will be playing in Baltimore, then throw in a noogie so he’s a starter.

Jorge Mateo – Tested positive for Covid. Two weeks ago, “Why is Billy Beane trading away Jorge Mateo for nothing.” Two weeks later: Wey Bey GIF realizing how crazy smart Billy Beane is.

Jose Castillo – Diagnosed with a lat strain and is out six weeks, which is essentially the whole season. That is so wild.

Daniel Norris – Tested positive for Covid, but that was two weeks ago and now he has dem juicy antibodies and can you believe you’re reading about antibodies on Razzball and it’s not referring to Pablo Sandoval having an anti-body?

Carlos Martinez – Might be used as a closer. Or maybe Ryan Helsley will be the closer. What an absolute closerfudge all bullpens are gonna be this year. To give you an idea, usually top teams get about four to six saves a week, and would be near-40 saves in eight weeks. This year? I’d bet to get in the top three for saves of your 12-team leagues, you’ll only need about 20 saves. As for C-Mart, I still don’t think he’s going to be the closer. Helsley is more likely, but not long-term. Whatever long-term means in eight weeks. It’s a mess, y’all.

Julio Teheran – Presumably tested positive, since he’s on the IL with no injury designation. Same goes for fellow Angels Luis Rengifo, Dillion Peters, Jose Suarez and Clarence. Okay, I snuck that last angel in.

Andrew Heaney – Maddon named Heaney Re-Opening Day starter, then placed him inside a bubble that says, “Don’t open until Re-Opening Day.”

Hector Neris – Already ready to return to camp. This was why I didn’t dock stats or playing time from guys who tested positive and are asymptomatic. Of course, it’s an inexact science (due to humans, not science), but I’m slightly less concerned about those who are asymptomatic. Then there’s a guy like Scott Kingery who was symptomatic, but back in early June, and is close returning.

Aaron Nola – Apparently, he doesn’t have Covid, because he reported to camp on Monday. Maybe someone heard Covid cases were up in NOLA and were confused.