Liked Jake Odorizzi (5 IP, 0 ER, zero hits, 1 walk, 9 Ks, ERA at 4.75) going into this year, but lost enthusiasm for him. Of course, I totally saw this game coming:
Just reminding people of how accurate my takes are pic.twitter.com/7UTy5OmB2f
— Razzball (@Razzball) June 22, 2021
The accuracy of my big-ass brain astounds even me. Yo, is anyone sure I’m not a time traveler? Are you? I’m going to go to the past right now and have sex with your mom nine months before you’re born. That’s right, I’m your daddy! Take out the trash, by the way. Right now, boy! I don’t care if garbage day isn’t until Thursday and you’re 52 years old, which is much, much, much older than me! I am your daddy! Okay, so I didn’t foresee Odorizzi’s start yesterday. Didn’t think he could go more than 3-4 innings, because the way the Astros have been using him. For now, I’d use the Streamonator on Odorizzi, and be careful, because of how wonky his usage has been. This is coming from prior experience, which is very extensive due to time travel. Anyway, here’s what else I saw yesterday in fantasy baseball:
Yordan Alvarez – 1-for-3, 3 RBIs and his 10th homer, hitting .308. Feels like we’re almost two months overdue for an insanely hot streak from Yordan, right? Felt that way to me, but looking at the Player Rater, and Yordan’s been valuable this year. Captain Woo Cubano’s streak was always there, and not just a red rubber band in his beard.
Maikel Franco – 1-for-3, 2 RBIs and his 9th homer, hitting .212. Donkey Teeth’s preseason AL MVP choice just keeps producing! If you want see more of Donkey Teeth’s incredible foresight and maybe foreskin, he started his 2021 fantasy football rankings. Wonder if he thinks Maikel Franco will be a two-sport star.
Bobby Bradley – 1-for-3, 2 runs and his 5th homer, hitting .283. Deserves to play every day. Kinda curious what the Indians do once Franmil returns later this week. One constant that remains across any team, except the Rockies, if you hit, you stay in the lineup.
Aaron Civale – 4 2/3 IP, 0 ER, ERA at 3.32, but removed from the game with the lead, as he gave the middle finger as his reason for the exit and to his owners. He’s going to see a hand specialist now. Hopefully, not a prudish one when he walks in flipping off everyone.
Josh Naylor – 2-for-4, 2 RBIs and his 6th homer. Hitting .300 in the last week and…Ugh, I was trying to fake enthusiasm for Naylor. Forget it.
Adbert Alzolay – 4 2/3 IP, 3 ER, 4 baserunners, 5 Ks, ERA at 4.19. Never got a chance to mention this when updating Adbert — !&*#T*&!*!& — but guys returning from blisters sometimes think they’re recovered way before they actually are, or at least I’ve had that burned into my brain by Rich Hill.
Javier Baez – 0-for-2, and was pulled from the game by David Ross after a base running blunder where he forgot the outs. But I thought it was Savvy Baez, no? He reinvented base running with Will Craig, right? Maybe he should’ve stopped tinkering.
Adalberto Mondesi – Hit the IL with a strained left oblique, after returning last week from his strained right oblique. The good news is there’s only two sides to his body. Though, if there’s a back or front oblique, Mondesi will find it. Mondesi is the Magellan of obliques.
Jesus Luzardo – Optioned to Triple-A Las Vegas. Perfect place for him, surrounded by video game slots. Nothing could go wrong.
Sean Murphy – 1-for-3 and his 9th homer. He won’t get many hits but homers. It’s Murphy Law. Established originally by Dwayne Murphy. (No relation.)
Andy Ibanez – 1-for-4, 3 RBIs and his 1st homer. Dating back to 2017, every mention of Andy Ibanez on Razzball was like, “Utility guy who should be traded for a middle reliever, because the Rangers have Odor.” Only guy who should be buried behind Odor is Pigpen. Ibanez was hitting a bit in the minors this year, but he’s old (28), so either Quad-A at this point, or, and this is just as likely with the Rangers, they didn’t know what they had like Adolis with no clue how to develop, and he’s got good pop for a 2nd baseman. Tune in next time for The Rangers Screw Up Prospects.
Kyle Gibson – 5 1/3 IP, 2 ER, 8 baserunners, 3 Ks, ERA at 2.17. With each decent start on the Rangers, the worse it’s going to be when he’s traded at the deadline. It’s the Suddenly Useless Pitchers Post-August and Negotiated-trades, otherwise known as The Suppan. Don’t ask why the key word ‘trade’ isn’t a part of the acronym.
Alex Dickerson – Him and Darin “Who Let The Dogs Out” Ruf both returned from the IL, sending LaMonte Wade Jr. and Jason Vosler to the minors. This has been an update from me, guy who has a bunch of NL-Only teams.
Aristides Aquino – 1-for-3 and his 4th homer. Props out to frequent commenter scoboticus who mentioned in yesterday’s comments the Reds were facing a lefty, and Aquino would be starting, and likely homering. Yes, I had a batty call with scoboticus!
Eugenio Suarez – 2-for-4, 3 RBIs and his 15th homer. He’s still hitting around .175. It’s gonna be July. He was a leadoff hitter! That will continue to amuse me.
Mitch Garver – Doctors took the cast off his ding-dong and Garver’s been cleared to ramp up baseball activities. The first order of business, scratching his junk.
Byron Buxton – Left yesterday’s game after being hit on the hand. Well, there goes my idea that him and Mondesi shared a body.
Miguel Sano – 2-for-2, 2 RBIs and his 14th homer, hitting .187. Yeah, and you don’t stop. Sano was only in the game after Buxton’s run-in with the Law of Physics, which say it’s physically impossible for him to stay on the field. This Miguel Sano jump-start another Sano hot streak, though.
Cody Bellinger – Will be activated from the IL on Wednesday, which puts him on pace for his next IL stint on Monday, right after lineups lock for next week.
Julio Urias – 4 IP, 6 ER, ERA at 3.99. It was a bad day to quit sniffing glue.
Mookie Betts – 1-for-4 and his 9th homer. Mookie Best!
Jake Cronenworth – 2-for-4, 2 runs, 3 RBIs and his 9th homer, hitting .281, and his 2nd homer in three games, and third homer in six games. He’s also batting third for the Padres, between FTJ and Machado, so, yeah, I goofed up dropping him in April.
Manny Machado – 3-for-4, 3 RBIs and a slam(11) and legs (8). Macho, Macho Manny Machado! Saw his eight steals in the box score, and that shocked me. A 30/20 season is well within reach for Machado. *slowly turns to mirror* And you drafted Cody Bellinger, you giant idiot.
Yu Darvish – 6 IP, 1 ER, 3 baserunners, 11 Ks, ERA at 2.50. The day the umps check pitchers for the wacky tacky, and this is the longest start by a starter in eight games. Hmm, that seems significant.
Merrill Kelly – 7 IP, 1 ER, 6 baserunners, 5 Ks, ERA at 5.06. Actually streamed Kelly yesterday, because I figured if the Diamondbacks can beat anyone, it’s the Brewers. Streamonator hates Kelly’s next start, so wheeeee because I started him in a weekly league. Have no choice now!
Ronald Acuna Jr. – 2-for-7, and his 20th homer. Tildaddy says the turkey is carved!
Joey Lucchesi – Significant tear of his UCL. Joey Lucchesi of the Cannoli Crime Family fought back the Rigatonis of North Bergen, the Burratas of Passaic and the Biscottis of the South Shore on Long Island, but in the end, his downfall was joining the Mets.
Jerad Eickhoff – 4 IP, 0 ER, as he was called up. Goodbye de Blasio, there’s a new Jer-khoff in New York!
Jeff McNeil – 1-for-4, 1 run as he was activated from the IL. Nice, he only missed six weeks with a hamstring strain that the Mets thought was a day-to-day issue caused by dehydration. Speaking of which, whatever happened to J.D. Davis?
Jacob deGrom – 5 IP, 0 ER, 3 baserunners, 6 Ks, ERA at 0.50. Thus began the new era in baseball with the umps checking all pitchers entering the game; leaving the field; by the urinal and under their who’s-he-whatsies. Very thorough inspections that looked like hour ten of a nine-hour shift at the airport and TSA was checking their watch. Ya know, if the umps checking pitchers goes well, I could see Rob Manfred getting rid of the games and just keeping the umps patting down players. At one point, the umps patted down Kyle Muller but first asked, “Are you ticklish?” So, in deGrom’s last five starts, he has 27 IP, 0 ER, 7 hits, 3 BBs, 43 Ks; four ‘Please don’t let him be hurt’s; three ‘I get it, he can hit, but why bother’s; two Staten Island babies named after him, and one stank look from Mr. Met when Mrs. Met named deGrom as her freebie. Instead of checking deGrom for the wacky tacky, check to see if his arm is robotic.