Horton Hears A Callup

Yesterday, the Vatican elected a Pope from Chicago. Call him Da Pope. The first American Pope, and the first Pope to have opinions on whether or not Harold Baines is a Hall of Famer. What’s this I’m hearing–[finger to ear bud]–Jerry Reinsdorf is being excommunicated. Oh my. Cubs tried to lay claim to the new Pope–That’s right, the first Pope to hate the Cardinals!–but it turned out he’s a White Sox fan. This Pope knows true suffering. I wonder if the new Pope was a big A.J. Pierzynski guy. I’m sure he loves all Chicago sports, right? “I’m sorry, Scottie, the Pope is a very busy man,” the Pope’s assistant ushers away Pippen as he sees through a crack in the door and cigar smoke, it’s the Pope, Jordan, Barkley and Oakley playing poker. Damn, that’s cold. Okay, okay, we had our fun, now it’s time to get down to business, since the Pope might be reading.

Cubs are calling up Cade Horton

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— Razzball (@razzball.bsky.social) May 8, 2025 at 3:17 PM

That’s right, the Cubs made the smart move and called up Cade Horton. We love when teams make good moves. In the Itch’s last Prospect Stash List, he featured Horton, saying, “(Ben) Brown is still a two-pitch guy, Horton’s arsenal is deeper, and the team needs help in the bullpen. The writing is penciling itself onto the wall in Chicago. And I’d like to put Grey against a wall with a firing squad.” C’mon, man! Itch wrote that prior to Shota’s injury, so Brown and Horton can both stay in the rotation, for now. Two years ago, in 21 games across three levels this season, he pitched 88.1 innings and recorded 117 strikeouts with a 1.00 WHIP and a 2.65 ERA. Last year, he battled some injuries and had an off year, but that shouldn’t buff the shine out of his future. He’s a top pitching prospect, and is worth a flyer in all leagues. For what it’s Wuertz, I’d put him behind Bubba Chandler, if they were both up. Crap, I’m being summoned to the Vatican to get smited. Anyway, here’s what else I saw yesterday in fantasy baseball:

Derek Shelton – Was fired and the new Pirates’ manager will be Don Kelly. Congrats (word scramble brain taking over), LL Donkey!

Trevor Larnach – 1-for-4 and his 5th homer, hitting .224. The Larnach Monster won’t be in this afternoon’s buy column because I don’t think he’s been good at any point this season. Might be wrong, guess we’ll see!

Bailey Ober – 5 IP, 1 ER, 9 baserunners, 6 Ks, ERA at 3.50. Ober, Wacha, Lugo, S. Gray, who else? Just rock solid, safe starters every year who are always underrated. I love these guys. Give all of them to me.

Dean Kremer – 7 IP, 2 ER, 5 baserunners, 8 Ks, ERA at 5.24. Streamonator doesn’t like his next one, and neither do I. Samesies!

Casey Mize – 6 IP, 1 ER, 3 hits, zero walks, 8 Ks, ERA at 2.53. Sonavabench! This start helped his peripherals move in the right direction, but they’re still kinda meh: 7.4 K/9, 1.9 BB/9, velocity down a mile, 3.81 xFIP. His best season was a 150 1/3 IP of a 3.71 ERA, and this looks like a carbon copy of that season. It’s fine-ish, but I don’t see anything below the surface that is saying he will fend off the Regression Fairies.

Keider Montero – 8 IP, 1 ER, 8 baserunners, 2 Ks, ERA at 4.15. Suckies are so bad, they turned Keider Montero in Coors into a Cy candidate. He’s not even a Sigh candidate. He’s barely a shrug.

Trey Sweeney – 4-for-8, 4 runs, hitting .269, but hitting around .350 in the last 15 days. He will be in this afternoon’s Buy column. How’s that for enticing?

Colt Keith – 2-for-6, 2 RBIs and his 4th homer, hitting .215. Only 41 more homers for a cool, refreshing Colt 45.

Spencer Schwellenbach – 6 IP, 1 ER, 7 baserunners, 6 Ks, ERA at 3.61. “Schwell!” said like Sean Connery. He throws 99 paint and a 87 MPH splitter, that I think, if people watched him, they’d realize how good he is.

Raisel Iglesias – 1 IP, 2 ER, ERA at 5.40. And he was followed by Blewett (2 IP, 0 ER) who won it. Dubya tee eff. I’m sorry, false advertising!

Nick Lodolo – 6 IP, 2 ER, 5 hits, zero walks, 7 Ks, ERA at 3.23. He is on the cusp of being special. If he can unlock a skosh, just a itty bitty tiny weeny bit, he’s going to be incredible.

Rece Hinds – 2-for-3, 2 RBIs and his 1st homer. When you’re behind, who do you call? His brother Rece.

Ryan Pepiot – 6 IP, 1 ER, 4 baserunners, 3 Ks, ERA at 3.86. Even with this start, his underlying stats are yawnstipating at best, and concerning at worst. Well, concerning if you roster him.

Junior Caminero – 1-for-3, 2 RBIs and his 7th homer. Still very early so I’m not writing him off as “way more exciting in theory,” but so far he’s been exactly that.

Yandy Diaz – 1-for-5, 3 RBIs and his 6th homer, 2nd homer in three games. Yandy saw his pectorals and was like, “Hey, wait a minute! I have power!”

Bryson Stott – 2-for-4, 2 runs, 3 RBIs and 3rd homer, hitting .277. Moving Schwarber down the lineup hasn’t hurt Schwarbs and has been a lovely boon for Stott. A Stott boon, a Stoon.

Jesus Luzardo – 5 1/3 IP, 2 ER, 8 baserunners, 4 Ks, ERA at 2.11. He threw 105 pitches, which is fine, but when it’s only in 5 1/3 IP, can we have someone teach guys pitch economy? Econ 101, when you get to 101 pitches, be into the 7th.

Taylor Ward – 1-for-5, 2 RBIs and his 8th homer, and 2nd homer in three games. Last time he homered, I said to buy him. This time I’m asking, did you listen?

Jo Adell – 1-for-4 and his 4th homer, and 2nd homer in the last three games. He won’t be in this afternoon’s buy column, but he seems to be at least a lukewarm schmotato.

Jose Soriano – 5 IP, 3 ER, 12 baserunners, 6 Ks, ERA at 4.00. He’s the most 4 ERA, five innings, bleh start starter you can find. His name is basically Jose Bleh Soriano.

Chris Bassitt – 6 IP, 4 ER, 9 baserunners, 6 Ks, ERA at 3.35. Begone Regression Fairies! Go fart rainbows somewhere else.

Chad Green – 1 IP, 0 ER, ERA at 3.63, and his 1st save. Jeff Hoffman is likely just resting. So, Hoffman will come out the next time, give up three more earned and then there might be a change. There’s no change yet. They have to make up a fake injury for Hoffman still. Not sure if Green will be the closer replacement even if Hoffman is out. He could be. Could also be Yimi, or they just back to Hoffman repeatedly, if they can’t figure out a fake injury to make up.

Shohei Ohtani – 1-for-5 and his 11th homer, hitting .296. Ohtani’s supposedly meh start and “dealing with shoulder injury?” He’s one homer off the MLB lead.

Yoshinobu Yamamoto – 5 IP, 5 ER, ERA at 1.80. Guess he was due for a dud. Wish I would’ve accidentally benched him. But, okay, fine, you get one dud!

Ketel Marte – 1-for-3 and his 1st homer. Must be cool for Ketel thinking he homered on Opening Day. Don’t tell him the season started over a month ago. You’ll ruin it for him. He thinks the season just started.

Gabriel Moreno – 3-for-4, 4 RBIs and his 1st homer, hitting .253. Yo Gabby Gabby!

Brandon Pfaadt – 6 1/3 IP, 0 ER, 7 baserunners, 6 Ks, ERA at 3.28. Streamonator didn’t like this start; I didn’t like this start. Who knew that Pfaadt didn’t mind it.

Kevin Ginkel – 1 IP, 1 ER, ERA at 6.23, as he got his 1st save. Well, Shelby Miller should’ve been rested, so that’s a bad sign. It’s an even worse sign that MTV’s The Challenge Torey Luvollo really wants Ginkel to be the closer. I honestly don’t know why.

Kris Bubic – 7 IP, 0 ER, 7 baserunners, 7 Ks, ERA at 1.69. He’s another one! From the Ober blurb — Oblurber? — he’s another one of the underrated starters. Royals have a ton of these guys. I want to congratulate the Royals, if they were a fantasy team, they’d be doing very well.

Bobby Witt Jr. – 4-for-5, 2 runs, 2 RBIs, 2 steals (12, 13), hitting .325. With it being a lopsided game, Witt was replaced late by Cavan Biggio, and I like to imagine Bobby Witt Sr. sent Craig Biggio a text saying, “Hey, look, they gave your kid a chance to play the field.”

Yordan Alvarez – Astros manager Espada said that they hope Yordan is back in a “week or so.” Maybe he was saying a week, and was at a pasta bar ordering.

Jack Leiter – 5 1/3 IP, 4 ER, 7 baserunners (4 BBs), 3 Ks, ERA at 5.09. Too bad that blister didn’t last longer so he didn’t return. Curses, Blistex!

Brayan Bello – 4 2/3 IP, 0 ER, 4 hits, 5 BBs, 1 K, ERA at 2.01. Brutal line. No chance for win, only one K, just a bunch of bad WHIP. Not the most brutal line, that was Pressly earlier this week.

Rafael Devers – 2-for-3, 2 RBIs and a slam (6) and legs (1), hitting .255. Red Sox supposedly asked him to move to 1st base — to bring up Roman Anthony?! — and Devers refused, saying he was upset by the request. Baseball players, when asked to play baseball, get so mad. I applaud Rafael Devers. More players should be like, “Do what to win? That’s ridiculous, no thanks.”