Hit Me Baty One More Buy

I know, I know, we’ve all been burnt by Brett Baty. But BUY BUY BUY, because being burnt by Baty by-the-by has been the breath of every balding BFF-slash-best buddy, but by the by let bygones be bygones rather than wave, Baty bye gone, bye gone like he’s not the belle of the ball so ball-out or not, I’m beginning to bealize I’m baking up bords bust because bey bart bith a B. Brilliant! Buy! Buy! Buy! Brett Baty! B’s, baby, B’s! Don’t bee allergic. Greybot5000 shutting down, unplug, restart. So, my father-in-law had a license plate that read B8sim for beytsim. In Indiana, no one knew what the hell that meant. I’m not sure people in Cali or New York know. It’s “balls” in Yiddish. Balls as in courage, not balls as in where Cinderella lost her slipper. We need Brett Batysim to grow two large ones and keep hitting dingers. He’s on pace for around a 20/8/.240 season, and has been hot of late. Oh, and has 2nd base eligibility, so a 20/8 season is basically what you wish Albies did. Or I have the beytsim to suggest you pick Baty up after so many times of him failing us, but here I am baiting you with the Brett Batysim that he keeps knocking balls out of the yard. No, not those kind of balls this time. Anyway, here’s some more players to Buy or Sell this week in fantasy baseball:

PSYCHE! This post was released a week early for Patreon members. It will be released all year early for Patreons, so if people are getting a jump on you, it’s because they paid the $10. Anyway, the Fantasy Baseball Buy/Sell:

BUY

Adrian Del Castillo – I know he’s been hot, but I didn’t know what he had been doing, if being honest, so I went to look at his player page and had myself a nice cackle. Ad/DC is on a Highway to He’ll be replaced by Moreno soon, but he has been hot as hell.

Victor Caratini – Saw Victor Caratini hitting third for the Astros and I did a double take, then a triple take, then I refreshed the page to see if it changed. Nope! Caratini is now the AL-West-leading, Astros’ three hitter, which is batshizz crazy. I’m sorry, but Caratini couldn’t carry Ketel’s over-pour and the DBags are selling and the Astros are coasting to the playoffs. I know, different divisions, but baseball is so funny.

David Fry – It’s a bit of a weird time right now. Players just coming out of the break with hot bats look a lot like hot hitters in the 1st week of April with small sample sizes. Call him David Fryen Paris.

Francisco Alvarez – We will never speak again about the time I gave you four catchers in the Buy. Mum it up!

Miguel Vargas – He’s been hot (just as everyone in this post, mostly), so don’t take this the wrong way, but Vargas’s peripherals are hideously awful. He makes some of the worst contact you’re gonna find. He’s a 340-foot fly ball beast.

Otto Kemp – Grab Otto Kemp and Otto Lopez and rename your fantasy team Two Ottoes, One For Each Foot; Let’s Kick It! You’ll be the first person with a semicolon in your fantasy team name. With Bohm needing balm, Kemp’s getting playing time.

Angel Martinez – Some guys you open their player page and they’re much worse than you expect, while being hot, Angel Martinez is the opposite. Guess it depends on expectations, but his stats look solid, and I’m mentally jotting down his name for a possible 2026 sleeper.

Colson Montgomery – What’s his defense like? Not bad since when he makes a play he says, “How ya like me now?” Ya know, because that’s how Col-Mo D.

Joey Ortiz – On the podcast the other day, I saw Ortiz’s name and I pronounced his name in my head as Hoey. Why am I so incredibly dumb?

Matt Shaw – Fun fact! If you scream his name, it sounds like you’re doing karate.

John Rave – Just gave you my John Rave fantasy. It was written while finding out Dick Van Dyke was still alive.

Isaac Collins – Already gave you my Isaac Collins fantasy. It was written while realizing that everything the Brewers touch turns out great, even Andrew Vaughn.

Mike Tauchman – You got the Tauchman! You got the mid-power and some average, I guess.

Mickey Moniak – Mike Tauchman being under 50% rostered is understandable. He’s been hot, but I get it. That more people don’t roster Matt Shaw? Yeah, I can see it, he’s been a Struggle Bus for most of the season, though hot now. That only 22% of leagues roster Moniak is goofy. He’s been solid for the last six weeks, and has his home games in Coors.

Taylor Trammell – As I mentioned in the David Fry blurb (flurb?), small sample sizes are ruling this week’s Buy a little bit because of the break, so Taylor Trammell might be here because he had one solid game.

Jose Quintana – This is a Streamonator call, like the call it makes to the comic book store.

Brandon Young – This is also a Streamonator call. “Do you have any comics of just Rosey the Robot? I want to learn more about her. Like, is she married?”

Jose Ferrer – There’s a chance that if Finnegan is traded, as I anticipate, the Nats become an absolute mess for us. Not because they have no obvious replacement, they don’t but not because of that. I’m saying it because there’s a chance Luis Garcia takes over the closer job, and that means I’m gonna have people asking about Luis Garcia of the Nats and picking him up and I’m gonna be silently screaming in my head, “Do you mean Luis Garcia Jr. or Luis Garcia?!” On a related note, I’ve resisted putting together a FAQ page for comments because I prefer the free for all, but I’ve often thought about having a page for how to ask a comment with rule number one: How many teams. Rule number two: Put the entire name because there’s 17 different Luis Garcias. There’s no rule number three. Any hoo! Let’s hope Ferrer takes over if (when) Finnegan is traded.

Kirby Yates – This might be connected to the previous blurb because I wouldn’t be shocked to see the Dodgers trade for Finnegan. Whoever they trade for will likely get the closer job, but on the off chance they don’t trade for a closer, Yates or Alex Vesia seem best suited to replace Tanner Scott.

Seranthony Dominguez – Excuse me, multiple Oscar winner, Seranthony, and star of Meet Joe Black, an underrated classic. Not because it’s good, but because it’s so bad. Dominguez could get some saves with Bautista out, but tread lightly, because Seranthony is not great, like Meet Joe Black.

Tony Santillan – Pagan could get traded, so I wouldn’t be against stashing Santillan for a week. That goes for a bunch of guys: Phil Maton, Dennis Santana, Cade Smith, Garrett Whitlock, Griffin Jax, etc. Right now is a great time to stash a setup man as guys be-a-movin’.

SELL

Ryan McMahon – Traded to the Yankees. Yanks are so predictable. They love to bring in meh vets to play 3rd base to appease their fanbase more than they acquire guys that make sense, i.e., Gregory Soto to the Mets is a better move than McMahon to Yankees. Truly believe because Boone was a mediocre 3rd baseman, it makes him feel good. Any hoo! McMahon’s value remains close to unchanged, but the one park where he’d have the fewest homers if he called it home this year? You guessed it! Yankee Stadium. The lineup gets better, but in no way is this some kind of huge upgrade. In away games, he’ll be bad and the lineup won’t matter, just as it won’t matter who the Rockies get. Though, the Rockies have the chance to do the funniest thing and bring back LeMahieu to play 3rd.

Eugenio Suarez – Hear me out, I scream at the people throwing rotten tomatoes at my head. Maybe Eugenio can keep this up, and maybe he’s headed for a year with a ludicrous 27% HR/FB. That is absurd, though, don’t get it twisted as they tell the new guy at the breadstick factory who was hired away from the pretzel factory. Maybe Eugenio goes to a new team and excels. Though, he would not be the first guy to get traded at the deadline and get worse, and there’s a chance he’s traded to the Mariners, where his value will immediately plummet. Though, Part II: They Made Another One Of Thoughs, the M’s getting Naylor seems to indicate they’re out on Eugenio. So, maybe Eugenio goes to the Astros. There’s no way he can be bad there. Right, Christian Walker? [pokes Christian Walker with a stick, while he lies on the ground] …Right? This is not me saying Eugenio will absolutely be awful, after his trade, but there’s risk going forward for Eugenio and, yes, for a while he was underrated, but now he’s at his absolute peak of value. I wouldn’t trade Eugenio Suarez for a cameo on a kiss cam at a Coldplay concert, but I would go to the Fantasy Baseball Trade Analyzer and explore options.