Matt Harvey did a 180 on his 180. This weekend he announced that he’s not pitching past 180 innings. Come rain, come shine, come playoffs. Then, when met with a huge backlash, he reverted course to say he will not pitch past 180 innings in the regular season, so he can pitch in the playoffs. Somewhere, Nolan Ryan is cackling like a mad man (though, after he cackles, his arm falls off and he needs to Crazy Glue it back on). I don’t have anything personally against Harvey’s decision, but, to announce it yourself, it comes off like a selfish decision. PR 101, have the team announce it. And, don’t, whatever you do, have your agent announce anything, especially while Boras is wearing that horned costume with the pitchfork. Or maybe I just saw a picture doctored by a Mets fan. This is not at all surprising. He’s coming off of Tommy John surgery. He should be shut down at some point. Glad to hear he’s pitching in the playoffs, those innings won’t count towards his innings count for next year. Of course, I’m being sarcastic. None of this bodes well for how much I’ll like Harvey next year, since I prefer pitchers to get babied, but I guess this won’t be an issue if the Mets are bounced early in the playoffs. Let’s go Dodgers! Anyway, here’s what else I saw this weekend in fantasy baseball:
Steven Matz – 5 1/3 IP, 2 ER, 6 baserunners, 6 Ks but left yesterday’s game with a blister issue. Is it too late to trade for a starter? Yeah? Okay, how about if the Mets stretch out Clippard? No? How about they stretch out Colon on a rack like he’s taffy, cut him in half and turn him into two pitchers? Yeah? Excellent.
Wilmer Flores – 1-for-4, 2 RBIs and his 16th homer and his 2nd homer in the past two games. Mean’s while, Yoenis Cespedes (2-for-4, 2 runs) hit his 30th homer, and fourth homer in the past five games. Loving this back-and-forth, home run one-upmanship Yoenis and Flores are having. So far, Yoenis is saying, “Whatever you can do, I can yabba dabba doo better, Wilmer.”
Lucas Duda – Will rejoin the Mets on Monday after rehabbing in Binghamton, which was founded by dissenters from Googleville.
Giancarlo Stanton – May not return this season. He met with his doctors and they’re still planning out a course of action. Though, Giancarlo wonders why this one doctor needs to keep checking his hernia. Little does he know that doctor is me in disguise. Muahahahahaha. Fo’serious, I told you to sell him for fifty cents on the dollar when he was first injured. The Marlins would be morons to let him return, which is to say, he will return for about ten days, play a game or two here and there and then get shut down early.
Jose Fernandez – Speaking of the Marlins being stupid, Fernandez is set to return to the Marlins rotation between the 12th and 17th. Ex-Little League coach and Marlins current manager, Dan Jennings said, “If he’s on the bus, he can pitch. I don’t want any of my guys riding their bike to the stadium. Far too many dangerous roads to cross.”
Justin Bour – 1-for-1 and his 16th homer. This one came as a pinch-hitter, but he’s a hot schmotato and should be playing every day, i.e., the lineup card should never read that Bour’s out for the brothers who ain’t usually there.
Matt Moore – 4 2/3 IP, 2 ER in his return to the majors. You can protest to your leaguemates to have this start removed, saying,”But he was good in the minors in his last start.”
Asdrubal Cabrera – 3-for-4, 2 runs and a slam (11) and legs (6). He’s been on again, off again hot for the past two months, and more on than off. Did I just write a Katy Perry song?
Kevin Kiermaier – 1-for-4, 2 RBIs and his 8th homer, and third homer in the last week while hitting near-.325. Next year, who you drafting first: Kiermaier or Longoria?
Chris Archer – 6 1/3 IP, 4 ER, 9 baserunners, 5 Ks, ERA at 2.88 vs. Ivan Nova 6 IP, 3 ER, 7 baserunners, 3 Ks, ERA at 4.50. When I saw my novio, Archer, was going against Nova, I thought about how he was going to try to shoot the moon, which is term from the game Hearts, and the band Heart sang, “Barracuda,” which was used by Sarah Palin during the 2008 election when she was known as Saracuda and she sunk McCain just like Brian McCann (1-for-3, 3 RBIs and his 25th homer) sunk Archer. The irony!
Alex Rodriguez – 2-for-4 and his 28th homer, and his 2nd homer in the past three days. That gives him a career 28 home runs since he’s been clean.
Carlos Carrasco – Will return on Tuesday. Hopefully he looks better than Danny Salazar’s return (3 2/3 IP, 6 ER). Actually, I wouldn’t mind if he looks better than every pitcher who’s ever returned from any injury ever. No pressure!
Cody Anderson – 7 IP, 0 ER, 4 baserunners, 3 Ks, ERA at 3.72. He throws fast, but that velocitease is only taking me so far until I see his K/9 is 4 in 65 1/3 IP and I get cold feet. This blurb was brought to you by dress socks. Never get cold feet again. Hey, we’ll take sponsors wherever we can get ’em.
Justin Verlander – 7 IP, 3 ER, 9 baserunners, 4 Ks, ERA at 3.43. My turnaround on Verlander after not liking him for the past two years proves that Taylor Swift is wrong when she says Band-Aids don’t fix bullet holes and that we can’t solve bad blood. We can, TS.
Nori Aoki – May get shutdown due to post-concussion syndrome. The doctors are worried he might be saying he’s all right when he’s not, because every time they ask him to state his name he says Aoki.
Joe Panik – Expected back today. Just in time for the Giants to realize they need to start winning games. Nothing like Panik to get people moving.
Buster Posey – 2-for-4, 3 runs and his 17th homer. He hit this bomb off of Flande, i.e., he creamed that caramel.
Marlon Byrd – 4-for-5, 1 run, 1 RBI. Ah, Coors, you make everyone look like the good DiMaggio.
Nolan Arenado – 0-for-3. Homered in six straight games up until Saturday. Sad to see him stop homering, but glad to see my house stop spinning and land on top of Hanley’s legs.
Matt Garza – Brewers shut him down for the rest of the season. All other teams will mourn the loss.
Jay Bruce – 3-for-5, 3 RBIs and his 20th homer. Hehe. You’re very welcome for me saying he was droppable.
Brandon Phillips – 3-for-4, 2 runs, 2 RBIs and his 11th homer. Currently, on our Player Rater, Phillips is ranked 6th overall for 2nd basemen, which is to say it’s been an awful year for 2nd basemen (and shortstops are worse).
Marcus Stroman – Could return to the Blue Jays rotation next weekend. For those expecting Marcus to give you a black star line and Stroman your pain with his fingers, I’d try to keep expectations in Prague. Or somewhere in Czech. Would I own him? Aw, heck’s yeah. Would I expect more than 6 IP, 3 ER? Nope.
Jose Bautista – 2-for-3, 3 runs, 3 RBIs and his 33rd homer. I look forward to the round of the playoffs between the Blue Jays and Royals when games are routinely 12-10. Should get them ready for Kershaw and Greinke. No, it’s not quite as insightful as ESPN’s analcysts picking the playoff teams with about 25 games left.
Kevin Pillar – 1-for-3, 2 runs and a slam (10) and legs (18). Being a hitter in the Blue Jays lineup is like a bonus round for a video game when you just run around like mad, collecting coins. Get those counting stats, Mario!
Ben Revere – 3-for-5, 3 runs. He’s on top of the 1927 Blue Jays lineup. You want to own him.
Alex Wood – 7 IP, 0 ER, 7 baserunners (4 BBs), 4 Ks. Well, lookie-lookie! An impressive start from Wood (just don’t go looking at how many walks he threw vs. strikeouts). Wood gets an awful start next time out, according to the Stream-o-Nator, and I agree, I’d lose him in most mixed leagues.
Jedd Gyorko – 1-for-4 and his 13th homer. Do I dare add another post next year onto the post-post-post-post-post-hype sleeper, Gyorko?
Derek Holland – 8 IP, 1 ER, 5 baserunners, 5 Ks. I haven’t been a fan of Holland’s for a long time. Too many windmills, too much splitting the check, but, as I said the last few times Derek’s pitched, I’d own him in all leagues. Saturday’s brilliant start didn’t damper my enthusiasm. Unless I’m calling my undershorts “enthusiasm.”
Matt Shoemaker – Won’t pitch today due to a forearm strain. That’s what happens when you try to cram a fivearm into a forearm.
Hector Santiago – 6 IP, 0 ER, 7 baserunners (6 BBs), 3 Ks. That’s about as bad as a one-hit, six inning game can look, and about as good as a six walks in six innings start can go.
David Freese – 3-for-4, 2 runs, but left early because he’s either hurt or he was removed to avoid injury. Anyone want to take bets?
Gio Gonzalez – 6 IP, 0 ER, 6 baserunners, 10 Ks vs. Braves. I think “vs. Braves” says all you need to about starting Gio and feeling safe.
Joe Ross – 4 1/3 IP, 4 ER. I don’t like Fister at all — that’s what she said! — but even I would’ve switched Ross out of the rotation for Fister at this point.
Bryce Harper – 2-for-4 and his 34th homer, and his 3rd homer in as many games. Look at Harper making a run at the top spot in 2016 drafts. But, yeah, it ain’t happening. I go over my thoughts on the top ten in today’s podcast that’s coming later today. Harper’s in the discussion, but I don’t think he’s reached the promise land, which in his case is Utah.
Anthony Rendon – 1-for-4 and his 4th homer. Totally worth that fourth round pick. Thanks to the Fantasy Baseball Overlord working hand-in-hand with the Karma Gods!
Jayson Werth – 1-for-5, 3 RBIs and his 7th homer, hitting over .350 in the last week and has three homers in the past eight games. Oh, and Werth’s been awful all year, but still not as bad as Rendon.
Shelby Miller – 4 1/3 IP, 7 ER. The Regression Fairies laugh at the meme, ‘Of course Kim Davis has no gay friends, look at her hair,’ they know what culottes are and they will rip out your ratios’ heart and leave them beating on the side of the road.
Eduardo Escobar – 1-for-3, 2 RBIs and his 9th homer. Fo’serious, he’s had a home run, like, in every roundup for the past week. You people need to grab him already so one of you jinxes him and he stops homering.
Brian Dozier – 1-for-4 and his 27th homer. JB and I talk about Dozier on this afternoon’s podcast. Yes, we’re working on Labor Day. Wait, that seems right. Only A.J. Pollock would take off on Labor Day.
Aaron Hicks – 1-for-5 and his 9th homer. I already gave you a Aaron Hicks 2016 sleeper taste and there will be more to come this offseason. Prepare for the offseason of Twins. Lowercase yay!
Ervin Santana – 8 IP, 1 ER, 8 baserunners, 11 Ks vs. Lance McCullers 7 IP, 1 ER, 5 baserunners, 8 Ks. This matchup was billed as, “Sometimes you get Magic and rookie nookie, other times you get an STD.”
Dallas Keuchel – 8 IP, 3 ER, 7 baserunners, 12 Ks, ERA at 2.29 and his 17th win. Keuchel is a case example of a pitcher who beats you with great control. Control to hit corners so he strikes you out. Control to induce weak contact. Control to get a ton of ground balls. And like the biggest hit off of Control, he’s Nasty.
Jed Lowrie – 1-for-5, 4 RBIs and his 8th homer, and 2nd homer in as many games, and third homer this week and hitting over .500 in the last week. Holy schmotatoes, look at that bat, man!
Johnny Cueto – 3 IP, 5 ER, ERA at 4.86 on the Royals. Unloading Cueto is making the Reds look like geniuses right about now. Other than, ya know, being 31 games out of first.
Jarrod Dyson – 2-for-3, 2 RBIs and his 2nd homer. Without looking it up, who has more homers, Dyson or Omar Infante (0-for-2)? Keep in mind, Infante has about 250 extra at-bats. Dyson has twice as many.
Mike Moustakas – 1-for-4 and his 16th homer in his first game back in about a week. You can’t stop the Moistasskiss. You can only hope it eventually dries up.
Erik Johnson – 6 IP, 3 ER, 5 baserunners, 3 Ks. Solid enough start against a tough opponent (the Royals), but I wouldn’t even stream him unless he were going against the Twins and the Twins’ flight missed its connection and the Twins had to field a team they put together off of Craigslist.
Adam Eaton – 3-for-5, 3 runs and his 12th homer, and 2nd homer this weekend. Really no reason he shouldn’t be owned in every league, but, with that said (Grey’s changing course!), I’ve seen him on waivers in one of my leagues and I can’t figure out who to drop for him.
Kyle Schwarber – Due to his ribs, he’s likely out through the Cards series that ends on Wednesday. When asked if he’d be available before, Joe Maddon said, “I would say probably not, but I don’t know that. I’d have to guess.” Funny, McClendon never speaks unless he’s guessing.
Jake Arrieta – 8 IP, 0 ER, 4 baserunners, 7 Ks, ERA down to 2.03, notching his 18th win. If he can get to 20 wins, he’ll at least get Murray Chass’s Cy Young vote. Which is the only vote that matters since Chass knew Cy Young personally.
Kyle Hendricks – 5 IP, 1 ER, 5 baserunners, 4 Ks. I’m so surprised a Hendricks or a Hammel actually pitched well after being favored in a game, I’m going to ignore the fact he only threw 75 pitches.
Kris Bryant – 1-for-3, 2 runs and his 23rd homer. The Cubs won yesterday, so I guess it doesn’t matter, but batting third for the Cubs was Chris Coghlan (1-for-4, 1 run). Yeah, Joe Maddon’s a genius. Okie dokie.
Miguel Montero – 2-for-3, 4 RBIs and his 15th homer. How’d that not punting catcher thing work out for you?
Welington Castillo – 3-for-4, 2 RBIs. Forget where’s the boeuf, forget everything you know except one thing: Welington has 18 homers in only 283 ABs.
Hisashi Iwakuma – 6 1/3 IP, 1 ER, 6 baserunners, 3 Ks. Hisashi my dashi, slurp SLURP! Hisashi was only touched up by Billy Butler (2-for-4 and his 10th homer), which was depicted back in Hishashi’s home country with an anime dumpling drinking the broth he’s floating in.
Gerrit Cole – 7 IP, 0 ER, 5 baserunners, 7 Ks, ERA at 2.54. Huge game for Cole yesterday in St. Louis. I had Archer, who got hit, and– Oh, yeah, big game for Cole in regards to real baseball too. But, man, I really needed it.
Starling Marte – 2-for-5, 2 RBIs and his 16th homer. Please get hot, and thank you.
Jaime Garcia – 7 IP, 0 ER, 5 baserunners, 9 Ks. ERA is at 1.89 on the year. Furthermore (uh-oh, Grey’s got more!), I still have to tell people to pick up and start Garcia.
Randal Grichuk – Was activated from the DL. He can’t throw from the outfield, which will limit him to pinch-hitting. Weird, not throwing from the outfield never stopped Johnny Damon.
Odubel Herrera – 3-for-4, hitting near-.500 in the last week. Hot schmotato alert!
Wade Miley – 9 IP, 2 ER, 5 baserunners, 8 Ks, ERA at 4.43. The Stream-o-Nator liked this past start and doesn’t like his next one. Not to do everything a robot tells me but I agree. Now, if you’ll excuse me, I have to update my iCal so my computer can tell me what to do.
Eduardo Rodriguez – 7 IP, 1 ER, 9 baserunners, 7 Ks. This weekend it was the Red Sux pitching vs. the Phillies hitting. It’s the most movable object vs. the pitch of least resistance.
David Ortiz – 1-for-1, 3 RBIs and his 31st homer, but exited yesterday’s game with tightness in his calf. With the size of his gams, I’d card that calf, looks like a fully grown cow to me.
Hanley Ramirez – Hit the 15-day DL. He only sat in my active weekly lineup for two weeks saying he was coming back any day. Does he even have an injury? It says here that he has fatigue in his shoulder. Fatigue in his shoulder? Great, don’t pitch. This guy is such a baby he’d be the first celebrity on an episode of MTV Cribs that sleeps in an actual crib.
Dustin Pedroia – Could return on Tuesday. He’s looking forward to taking the spitting, scratching himself and other baseball activities he’s been doing in the past two weeks out onto the field.
Pablo Sandoval – Missed the entire weekend series with mid-back tightness. And that, boys and girls, was the only time tightness was ever used to describe a part of Sandoval’s body.
