I’m a bad person. I try to offset being bad by doing some good in the world. For instance, the other day, I stood outside an Arthur Murray Dance Studio with a sign that read, “Unitards are Uni-specials.” Was the good I did by speaking out against the very un-PC name unitards able to offset the joy I found in David Price having a sore elbow? Instead of a bastard was I a bas-special? I can’t say. Even worse to the karmic wallop I’ve potentially inflicted on my eternal soul, I was slightly upset Price hurt his elbow now rather then wait until the first week of the season after everyone drafted him. Yes, I told everyone in the top 20 starters to avoid him, but some just don’t listen. Did I know he would hurt himself? No, but did I know you would regret owning him? Like a nun’s DVD collection, I had no doubt. I haven’t moved him down yet in my rankings, but he’s off to see Dr. Freeze, so rather than moving Price down, shortly I’m going to just be removing him completely from the rankings. Anyway, here’s what else I saw in spring training for fantasy baseball:
Psyche! Before we get into the rest of the roundup (rundown?), just wanted to mention JB and I will be in Phoenix this weekend and would be down to meet up for a spring training game or drinks tonight or tomorrow night. Just comment on the post and I’ll let you know where we will be. My guess is we’ll be at a Brewers game. Anyway II, the roundup:
Hanley Ramirez – Dealing with a sore shoulder. Or as anyone that knows Hanley calls it, “He doesn’t care about playing until some time in May, so he’ll be fine.”
Josh Hamilton – Underwent surgery on torn cartilage in his left knee. He’s likely played his last game (of baseball, doctor hasn’t okayed him yet for Parcheesi), even though he’s owed $30 million this season. For that kind of money, the Rangers could’ve taken the team to see Hamilton.
Andrew Cashner – Shut down with a biceps injury. Rangers said it shouldn’t affect his availability for Opening Day, but he’ll be evaluated today by Dr. Keith Meister. The Doctor Meister! The Keith who brings the relief! Dr. Kool Keith and the Ultramagnetic Resonance Imaging!
Sam Dyson – Should be fine, but dealing with a sore wrist, and his participation in the WBC might be hist. I’m a poet and aware of it!
Johnny Cueto – Due in camp today after sorting out his ill father’s visa issues, allowing him to travel to the states. Cueto agreed to construct a Lego wall around his pops. We’re all safe!
David Wright – Will likely miss Opening Day after being diagnosed with a shoulder impingement. WebMD describes a shoulder impingement as being similar to when you’re behind a grandmother in a yield lane, but she thinks it’s a stop lane, then she falls asleep, and you get out of the car to tell her to move, then you see her and fall in love and get in the car with her and now no one is moving. In the top 20 3rd basemen, I’ve left Wright alone, but that’s because I only projected him for 267 ABs to begin with and Reyes will get the majority of the time at 3rd. Small aside, I haven’t heard a positive injury update for the Mets since 1986 when Strawberry was misdiagnosed with heavy dandruff in his nose.
Tim Tebow – Hit nine homers in, like, five at-bats the other day. I say the Mets let him play 3rd base and during Sunday games they tote a mini TV out there and let him broadcast professional bowling. This guy is a double threat!
Collin McHugh – Dealing with a dead arm. Him along with Abe Vigoda.
Josh Donaldson – On track to start the season after straining his calf. I haven’t touched my Donaldson projections or ranking in my top 10, but I don’t see myself drafting him unless he’s still around in the beginning of the 2nd round in the 13th-15th pick range.
Luke Weaver – Dealing with back spasms. Spazz is such an ugly word; let’s say his back is a total dweeb.
Joe Blanton – Signed a deal with the Nats for $4 million. It’s weird to think Blanton is a bargain at four million, but nice signing by the Nationals. Assuming he’s as good as the last two years and not as bad as the previous ten years.
Derek Norris – Could be released by the Nationals. This is terrific news for my NL-Only team. And by ‘terrific’ I mean the top catcher on waivers is Tomas Nido, who prior to yesterday you could’ve told me was a turquoise dealer in New Mexico and I would’ve believed you.
Albert Pujols – After having plantar fasciitis surgery in December, he’s close to making his Cactus League debut. Pujols and a cactus reminds me of this time I mistook a porcupine for a park bench. *shudders*
Anthony DeSclafani – Was scratched from his last start due to tenderness in his right elbow. They kept asking his elbow to show some mercy, then it gets tender and everyone gets upset. We can’t win, if we were DeSclafani’s elbows. Like a buzzing clock, this is alarming news, but I haven’t yet moved him in my top 60 starters, and he was cleared to resume throwing, so it’s still touch and go like your Uncle Donald.
Hyun-Jin Ryu – Dealing with adductor discomfort. Aren’t adductors what hold clams in their shell? *Googling adductor* Seems like adductor is in the groin and it is also the clam muscle. So, Ryu has a bearded clam strain.
