Buy This Classic Austrian Delight: Zac Veenerschnitzel

Saw an open house on RedFin recently of the Rockies’ front office. You enter from the parking lot into the lobby, which was built to resemble a giant ear canal. Then you travel into the main workspace, where the office and personnel is supposed to be and it was designed to appear to be a giant brain, only it was completely empty and there was a man inside with a paper bag over his head with no eye or mouth holes, but you could hear him saying, “We’re hauntsed,” and I said, “It’s not ‘hauntsed.’ You mean haunted.” And he said, “I don’t know, I am the Rockies’ assistant GM. Would you like a Girl Scout Cookie?” And he reached his hand out with what appeared to be a turd in the shape of a Samoa. I’ve been scared of this for weeks now and have trouble sleeping. So, Zac Veen could be great, but that’s what he’s going to have to get past. That developmental frontal lobe, front office and playing time. In Triple-A, he went 24/18/.327 with a 20.4 K%, and I can’t for the life of me figure out why he was even in the minors. They needed to see Jordan Beck’s at-bats? Veen was a bit overshadowed by Joshua Baez last week, so I wanted to give him some shine here. In a small sample of (the remaining season), Veen could absolutely outperform Baez. I know, blasphemy! So, if he’s out there, Veen’s worth grabbing. Just need to try to forget that, when the Rockies’ assistant GM lifted the paper bag, he revealed that instead of a head he had a hallowed-out coconut. I’m hauntsed. Anyway, here’s some more players to Buy or Sell this week in fantasy baseball:

PSYCHE! This post was released a week early for Patreon members. It will be released all year early for Patreons, so if people are getting a jump on you, it’s because they paid the $10. Anyway, the Fantasy Baseball Buy/Sell:

BUY

Brett Sullivan – Big week for the Rockies’ bats. Veen & Sullivan with their smash hit, I Am the Very Model of a Modern Major League Hitter.

Luis Campusano – He’s actually a decent hitter. Oh, not great for fantasy, but a 4020-type. There’s some value to that as a catcher (two-catcher leagues).

Rafael Flores Jr. – I didn’t know much about RFJ. I heard he can’t stand a Zac Veen spoonerism, but otherwise he was a mystery. He went 22/6/.280 last year in the minors, and is hitting for power so far this year after his call-up. Maybe he hits .220, but he does have 25+ homer power, and catcher eligibility.

Luis Torrens – Yes, there was four catchers to pick up this week, let’s not talk about that. Or how there could’ve been five with Mickey Gasper.

Abimelec Ortiz – Every time I hear Abimelec, I can’t help think of Rami Malek, so I googled him, and I saw he has an identical twin. Is that the best or worst deal ever? Go around and pretend to be your brother or go around and try to be your own person but everyone says to you, “Bro, you look so much like…” Only two options, right? Any hoo! Abimelec seems to be a 25/0/.220 hitter who is currently hot. “That was once me.” That’s Esmerlyn Valdez.

Jeff McNeil – Mets are their usual messy selves, or messiest elves, if you’re reading fast, but I was thinking on Jared Young and how there has to be no more clearcut sign that the Mets’ season went wrong that he’s headed for 300 plate appearances. He’s been fine-ish, but that couldn’t have been in the cards at all. Then I thought, actually, the worst thing you can say for the Mets is they’d be helped if Jeff McNeil stayed there.

Andres Chaparro – Fun fact! The name Andres Chaparro is French for Andy Capp.

Christian Encarnacion-Strand – Speaking of giving someone 300 plate appearances, my kingdom of Gregg Jefferies rookie cards that a team give CES 300 PAs.

Tim Tawa – Gave you my Tim Tawa fantasy last week, and he’s on week two of hitting well. Tawa’s told to you by moi’s.

Tommy White – [you seeing I’m about to tout another A’s player] “Oh, Grey’s back on his bullcrap.” Yeah, I am back on my bullcrap, okay? Get used to it! I love the A’s hitters, and you should too. Bing Bong now, and I hate to tell you, it’s not going to get any better when they move to Vegas. I am a lifer on the A’s now. Didn’t foresee it, but if my love for the A’s is just below the surface, then I’m for skinning it! [intern whispers in ear] No, it doesn’t mean that. It means to remove a layer of epidermis. No, not like that! Anyway, Tommy White is currently playing for Kurtz and has a great hit tool. Sorry, A’s are developing good hitters and are in a great park.

Ty France – Ya know what’s incredibly impressive? Managing to be seemingly hot every week, making it into countless Buy columns, and still not being good overall. That’s some Josh Bell shizz! ACKSUALLY, Grey’s got more! As of the writing of this (might not be true anymore, but won’t be far off), France was the top guy on the 30-day Player Rater who was rostered in under 100%. (Bell was top 20.)

Michael Massey – It’s not the most exciting line one’s ever seen, but Massey is on pace for 15/4/.270, and, sorry, I lost my train of thought thinking about how yawnstipating that line is. Well, he’s been hot!

Gleyber Torres – Some weeks there’s not a lot of guys to grab, other weeks it feel like there’s a ton. This is a latter week. From the hot bats, I left off Richie Palacios, Javier Sanoja, Adael Amador and Ryan Vilade because of extreme platoons, and that’s just guys with 2B eligibility, like Gleyber.

Matt McLain – BDon’s in Australia this week and next, but it’s nice to know he’s smiling at least when there. Put another McLain on the barbie, amiright?

Luis Rengifo – [sculpting a mashed potato statue of Luis Rengifo, getting hungry, eating his knee, realizing what I’ve done to my masterpiece, sobbing] But Knee-gifo is delicious!

Chase Meidroth – Because I was there for France (I sound like Charles de Gaulle), Meidroth was the third highest guy on the 30-Day Player Rater for under 100% rostered. (Rengifo was #2. Again, this might not be the case still, I looked around Wednesday for the Patreon people.)

Taylor Walls – Not entirely related (but who cares about Walls other than to say he’s a hot schmotato), Chandler Simpson is not eligible for this post because he’s rostered everywhere, but he’s having a great 2nd half. Watch him sneak in front of Yordan for batting average and cost him the Triple Crown.

Brady House – FYI, this is the Brady House who’s been hot and plays 3rd for the Nats, not the place where Alice was hiding Sam’s meat.

Joey Ortiz – Lots of quizzical faces when I wear my “Don’t be a JO and pick up JO” shirt, but it’s true.

Lawrence Butler – Nearly made him the lede buy this week. A’s go home next week, and Butler’s 2nd half has been decent. I couldn’t quite get to “excellent” but “decent” is better than he’s been in some time.

Drew Gilbert – First, we get a Little House on the Prairie remake and now a new Gilbert. That’s what they should’ve named him, New Gilbert. On a related note, Giants have some of the most yawnstipating prospects. Hey, Giants, you don’t have to develop anymore fourth outfielders. We got our fill! (Though, technically, the Mets developed Gilbert, which makes a lot of sense too. What also makes a lot of sense is that the Astros drafted Gilbert, realized they had nothing and suckered the Mets into taking him for Justin Verlander, who I didn’t even remember being a Mets player. Only three years ago and completely scrubbed from my memory.)

Spencer Jones – This might be the most stacked Buy column we’ve had in some time. There is a huge amount of guys who are hot and available. Emphasis on ‘huge’ when discussing Jones.

Cody Bradford – This is a Streamonator call, like the call it makes to Ticketmaster.

Patrick Sandoval – This is also a Streamonator call. “Sorry, I’m not looking to buy tickets. I just wanted to chat with the automated customer service.”

Mason Montgomery – Pirates refused to give Luke Weaver a vote confidence as their closer and subtly nodded towards Mason Montgomery. The subtle nod of SAGNOF, a gentlemen’s agreement to give saves to the reliever who I want getting them.

Jordan Romano – Oh, he sucks, don’t get me wrong, but it is impressive how Romano can have as many saves as he has in like two weeks of closing, and Dylan Smith can be ostensibly the Giants’ closer and get so few. Just the randomness of saves.

Tanner Scott – So, Edwin Diaz sucks, and who knows how long that takes to correct itself. Word is his release point is off. So, fix that and he’s good. That could take months or days. Grab Scott for now.

Ben Joyce – You wanna know how crackers the Angels organization is? Of course you do! Okay, breathe in this stupidity: Joyce is their closer of the future. They’ve done everything to develop him as such, and they have the opportunity to let him close games and they still go to other guys. Hopefully now that Samy Natera Jr. is injured, they’ll finaly exclusively go to Joyce. No one else should see a single opportunity if you’re trying to develop someone into a closer. It is brain-numbingly dumb. It’s brain dumbingly! It’s drain bumbingly!

Kodai Senga – I’m trying something different this week. I’m just giving you the guys getting saves and saving the “this guy really sucks.” Well, except for Romano and I guess Senga.

SELL

Cal Raleigh – I found this guy to drop in an incredibly scientific way. No, I did not hold a picture of his ass up to the sun to see if I could look directly at the sun without it blinding me. I mean, I have done that, but that isn’t how I came upon this Giant Ass (not complementary). I went to the 30-day Player Rater, and sorted by worst guys who were rostered in 100% of leagues. There’s some real gems there! Yainer Diaz? Woof! Way to make Cal look good! Corey Seager? Will he even be drafted inside the top 200 next year? (Should not.) Vlad Jr.? Told you to drop him last week. Which brings us to the dark side of the moon, Cal Raleigh. This is the worst season following a top three year ever, and Aaron Judge hasn’t exactly lit the world on fire! Remember, this is me saying you can drop Raleigh, but, if this were a keeper, I might not trade Cal Raleigh for a ride in the Mad Hatter’s Tea Cups right after someone puked, but I would go to the Fantasy Baseball Trade Analyzer and explore options.