Bo Knows This, Bo Knows That, But Bo Goes Jack Twice ‘Cause Bo Can’t Nap

September 30, 2021 | Fantasy Baseball Daily Notes | 124 Comments

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Not to come out with a hot take 18 hours after everyone, but Gerrit Cole has to win that game (6 IP, 5 ER, ERA at 3.23). Has to shutout the Jays. Scherzer would’ve. DeGrom would’ve. Corbin Burnes would’ve. Yeah, I said Corbin Burnes! They would’ve shut down the Jays. I’m glad the Jays were not shut down, don’t get it twisted, as they say at anarchistic pretzel stands. I love me the Baby Jays. Wanna put food in their mouth and talk to their moms about how I used to watch their husbands play, and then become real chummy until I’m called Unkie Grey and am at their house for Thanksgiving! That’s how much I love the Jays, but if you’re Cole, you gotta win that. So, Bo Bichette (3-for-4) hit his 27th and 28th homer, as he led the Jays to victory as well as a lot of his fantasy teams. I don’t mean he plays fantasy, I mean the teams he was on won–Ya know what? You know what I mean! Bo Bichette is the epitome of everything you want in fantasy. He’s got 30-homer power, 30-steal speed, high contact, great lineup, plays every day and, if you say his name fast, it sounds like Boba Chette. For 2022 fantasy, there’s so much talent in the game, but I could see struggling with trying to squeeze Boba in the top five because he will not suck, no matter the straw size. Anyway, here’s what else I saw yesterday in fantasy baseball:

Please, blog, may I have some more?

Au Contreras Roansy Frère

September 29, 2021 | Fantasy Baseball Daily Notes | 127 Comments

by: Grey

Roansy makes me laughsy. He sounds like the curmudgeon 60 Minutes guy has risen in Latin America and his name is Andy Roansy. “Why do I keep getting mail?” Andy Roansy yells in Spanish then pushes mail off his desk. Señor Eduardo Bradley chuckles and outros the show. So, Roansy Contreras is being called up to start today vs. the Cubs. He made Itch’s top 100 fantasy baseball prospects. His numbers in Double and Triple-A this year: 2.64 ERA, 0.93 WHIP in 58.0 IP with 82 Ks. His stuff looks lightning-esque. Didn’t feel like embedding a video, so I just made a super whatever tweet, I’m such a basic b*tch:

Roansy Contreras shown here in spring training, getting call tomorrow pic.twitter.com/WaJ4wOQJK6

— Razzball (@Razzball) September 28, 2021

Prospect Itch said of Contreras, “Why is he being called up? Are the Pirates as stupid as you?” That’s him on text to me. Itch said previously, “RHP Roansy Contreras looking filthy in Pittsburgh. He topped out at 98.2 mph with just nine inches of drop on a four-seamer as he breezed through the ninth. He also threw a curveball with mucho inches of drop and an elite spin rate of 2924. Wonder if I could spin Grey’s head that much.” Not cool, man! I’d grab Contreras in any league where you’re desperate. He’ll only get one start, but so will everyone else. Anyway, here’s what else I saw yesterday in fantasy baseball:

Please, blog, may I have some more?

India Delivers A Bangalore & Steals A Hyderabag

September 28, 2021 | Fantasy Baseball Daily Notes | 91 Comments

by: Grey

You know the Na Na Hey Hey Kiss Him Goodbye song? Nananana Hey hey hey goodbye! You know it, right? Well, I sing the Na Na Hey Hey part in Indian restaurants when ordering naan. Am the only one? Really? Wow, that’s weird, because they love when I do it. You should too. But you do sing the Hey Hey goodbye part when on the toilet, right? Still only me? Hmm. Surprised to hear it. Or rather, surprised to not hear it. Not saying at home when no one can hear, I mean when in public restrooms. Only me? Wow, you guys are missing out. Yesterday, Jonathan India had the runs like a garlic naan and sent one na na hey hey goodbye. With his first career four-hit game, Jonathan India went 4-for-5, 4 runs, 2 RBIs and a slam (21) and legs (12). For 2022, India’s Sweets and Spices is on my short list of guys who I want to draft in all leagues. He has literally everything: power, great park, speed, low strikeouts, great walks and a lock on playing time. When I see him in 2022 fantasy baseball drafts, you can kiss him Mumbai! Anyway, here’s what else I saw yesterday in fantasy baseball:

Please, blog, may I have some more?

Sixteen Cardles

September 27, 2021 | Fantasy Baseball Daily Notes | 162 Comments

by: Grey

(The Cards win, the Cards win)¹ x 8 = 16. 16 is also the number of runs the Braves will score to eliminate the Cards in the playoffs. I kid. Kinda. No need to keep looking for Mr. Nootbaar. The Caards haas-beens haas been aamaazing, even Harrison Bader (1-for-4 and his 15th homer), perhaps the worst hitter in the major leagues. Haarsh? P to the erhaaps. But look at Harrison Bader’s Statcast. If you don’t at least let out a small chuckle, you’re not 100% what you’re looking at, which is fine. I will explain after the picture:

More like HAHArrison Bader. Woof, dog, take that screenshot to the kennel; it’s time to put her to sleep. His xBA is .229. His exit velocity is bottom twenty, when adding in more guys than even qualify. He has the hard hit percentages of guys who are crossed-eyed and should be out of the league. For 2022 fantasy, Harrison Bader is a decent real world player for defense, but he’s a very bad, er, hitter. Of course! Who cares for the final week? He has three games straight with a homer, and he’s one of the top schmotatoes in the game. Anyway, here’s what else I saw this weekend in fantasy baseball:

Please, blog, may I have some more?

Rodgers & Hampsonstein’s Buy! The Musical

September 24, 2021 | Fantasy Baseball Buy/Sell | 123 Comments

by: Grey

(NOTE: THIS POST WAS RELEASED EARLY THIS WEEK ON OUR PATREON. IT’S $10/MONTH OR $13/MONTH WITH AN EXTRA WEEKLY PODCAST.)

“Listen, I want you to go out there and treat each game like it might be your last,” Bud Black paused, as he addressed Garrett Hampson. Then, thoughtfully, he continued, “Because even if we don’t bring back Trevor Story for 2022, there’s a chance this offseason we sign the 33-year-old Elvis Andrus and I will play him over you.” Bud’s eye welled up, a slow tear trickled down as he continued, “I’d love nothing more than for us to sign Alcides Escobar too, and have a middle infield of two guys who are five years past their prime.” Bud wiped that tear, and finished, “That’s how I’d like to rebuild this team with C.J. Cron, Charlie Blackmon and two middle infielders who are awful, showing you, Ryan Vilade, Hilliard and Brendan Rodgers how to play.” Remembering one more thing, Bud added, “I wonder if we can lure Brian Dozier out of retirement. He’d look great playing in front of you.” So, until 2022, when Bud Black manages, literally, to bury Hampson again, he’s been playing and hitting. Clearly, the percentages for rostering are getting “Rodgered” in the whole keister since fantasy football started, because Hampson and Brendan Rodgers are supposedly rostered in less leagues than Alec Bohm and Keston Hiura. Speaking of Rockies’ middle infielders, all three (Story, Hampson and Rodgers) have been around equally valuable on our 30-day Player Rater. So, if Rodgers or Hampson are out there, they’re worth a grab, until Andrus, Alcides and Brian Dozier are brought in. Anyway, here’s some more players to Buy or Sell this week in fantasy baseball:

Please, blog, may I have some more?

The Whole League Is Getting Soto Bombed

September 24, 2021 | Fantasy Baseball Daily Notes | 84 Comments

by: Grey

Holding hands together with a Juan Soto plushie, tiptoeing around my office in a tutu. I LOVE JUAN SOTO SO MUCH! There, I said it.

Just love Juan Soto so much https://t.co/49eHreP0Q9

— Razzball (@Razzball) September 24, 2021

I cannot stop my pure heart from being driven in by Juan Soto when I’m waiting on base aka sitting on the toilet. It’s love! Damn you all for not understanding! So, Juan Soto is having a 2nd half that is insane, did you know this? I did. Hence, telling you. He’s now leading the major leagues in batting average, and OBP. For someone to swoop in and find my heart while not hitting a ton of homers? Well, Sexy Dr. Pepper’s doing it, but I wouldn’t advise anyone to try it. It’s not easy! Yesterday, Soto went 3-for-3, with his 28th and 29th homer, while hitting .325. Oh, bee tee dubs, .325 this year is like hitting .415. Sorry, Ted Williams, he’s passed you. ACKCHUALLY, he has 50 games where he’s reached base 4+ times before turning 23, and only one in history with more is Ted Williams at 54. He’s also got the most career games with 2+ HRs and a walk before turning 23. He’s 22 years old! And he has the 2nd most multiple homer games before turning 22, behind only Eddie Matthews. 2022 give me Juan Soto in the top five again, right? Yes, I love him! Anyway, here’s what else I saw yesterday in fantasy baseball:

Please, blog, may I have some more?

Ryan Puts Cubs In An 11K Headlock

September 23, 2021 | Fantasy Baseball Daily Notes | 101 Comments

by: Grey

Slowly, paper extrudes from a fax machine. A hand brings it to a face and we read, “Need Joe R…an down at the Pentagon. Damn, we need toner! Joe R…an? Who the hell is that?! Oh, I know…” A chair swivels around to the CIA Director, he screams, “Send Joe Ryan (5 IP, 2 ER, 4 baserunners, 11 Ks, ERA at 2.45) to the Pentagon! I can only assume they need a guy with a 10.2 K/9, 1.2 BB/9 — yowzas! — A 2.48 FIP, which is incredible. I can see why they want him. Sure, it’s only through 22 IP, but he had pinpoint command in the minors too — 1.6 BB/9 in Triple-A with the Rays before the trade to the Twins. Maybe he’s got the Rays’ secret sauce recipe for pitchers? Hey, Joe, you have the Rays’ secret sauce recipe for pitchers?” The CIA Director laughs before Joe can say anything, and continues, “Joe Ryan for 2022 fantasy, I expect you to have less ups and downs than most guys without a long track record. These command guys, I like a lot, me, uh, the CIA Director, and I don’t see the AL Central Intelligence Agency — that’s what it’s short for — getting much better, but I guess we don’t know yet. I mean, I know, because I’m the CIA Director and pulling strings like where free agents go is my job. Anyway, Joe Ryan get down to the Pentagon, they need you to figure out…” Reading the rest of the fax, “…how to launch a podcast!” And that’s how the CIA Director sent Joe Ryan to the Pentagon when the fax was asking for Joe Rogan. Anyway, here’s what else I saw yesterday in fantasy baseball:

Please, blog, may I have some more?

Machado Drops Bombs On The Field vs. Dugout

September 22, 2021 | Fantasy Baseball Daily Notes | 108 Comments

by: Grey

Not sure how many of you saw the other day, but Manny Machado and Fernando Tatis Jr. had it out in the dugout. Well, mostly Machado screaming at Tatis for him to be better. Tatis was arguing strike calls, and Machado was supposedly screaming at him to stop, otherwise Tatis might get booted from the game. Here’s a pic yesterday, after they supposedly made-up, but you don’t need a Rosetta Stone for Body Language to know this looks like a couple about to divvy up their belongings:

A true elder statesman Machado has become. He should run for “Parent” in the Parent-Teacher Association. Or “Teacher.” Whatever he wants to do, he can do now that he’s mastered “being a team player.” Machado, who has one of the worst home-to-first times, but not nearly a terrible 90-foot sprint speed. So what, you say. Well, that says to me, he can’t be bothered running to first, but when he wants to run hard, he has no problem doing it. Machado’s twelve steals tell me the same. He has the same home-to-first speed as Matt Carpenter, a guy who has only stolen 12 bags combined in the last four years. Yesterday, Manny Machado (3-for-5) led with his bat vs. mouth, homering twice (25, 26). For 2022, Machado seems capable of hitting 40 homers, .280 and stealing 15 bags or 15 homers, 3 steals and a .240 average while yelling at everyone to be better while he does worse. Anyway, here’s what else I saw yesterday in fantasy baseball:

Please, blog, may I have some more?

Chisholm Hits A HR For Each Of His Jazz Hands

September 21, 2021 | Fantasy Baseball Daily Notes | 109 Comments

by: Grey

In the late-90s, I worked as an au pair in The Bahamas, one of my favorite gigs post-college. I remember watching an eighteen-month-old Jasrado Prince Hermis Arrington Chisholm Jr. I would put on John Coltrane, on his baby finger, because I didn’t have a record player, and I would spin the record real fast so it made sound, and little Jasrado Prince Hermis Arrington would giggle. One time, while I was balancing the record on his finger, I went by the window to smoke a jay, closing the window so not to lose any of that puff. When I was finished, I returned to Baby Jasrado Prince Hermis Arrington’s finger again to spin the record, and, when I did, he was wearing dark sunglasses, and a beret and I said to his parents, “You should call him Monica Lewinsky,” and they nodded, saying, “They would take it under advisement.” Always felt like they were patronizing me. I wonder what they ended up nicknaming him–Wait a minute! Could that baby have been Jazz Chisholm Jr.? Nah, that would be way too coincidental. Yesterday, Jazz did exactly what makes him so special, going 2-for-4, 3 runs, 3 RBIs with a double slam (16. 17) and legs (22). Jazz is one of my most highly anticipated guys for 2022. His strikeouts (29%) are a little high, but an inflated BABIP (.330-ish) evens out his average at .250 and that feels like it will easily repeat or get better, and I’m counting on better. In 2022, he is a handful of guys who could go 25/25. And that’s a small handful. Like a baby hand that can play a Jazz record. Anyway, here’s what else I saw yesterday in fantasy baseball:

Please, blog, may I have some more?

Put On Your Ray-Baz Before Looking at Tampa’s Shaney New Toy

September 20, 2021 | Fantasy Baseball Daily Notes | 223 Comments

by: Grey

With austere white hair and a black turtleneck, Shane Baz Luhrmann, one of the Rays’ top pitching prospect, spoke in a deep German accent, “Now, it’s time on Sprockets when I’m called up to the dance,” and, with that, Shane Baz and a monkey danced around in the press conference to announce his promotion to the majors. The Rays decided to add some intrigue into the final two weeks of the season, calling up, Shane Baz who can touch 100 MPH. That’s miles per hour not the number of Moulin Rouges per hour you can watch when they’re on fast forward. That’s six. In Itch’s latest top 100 fantasy baseball prospects, he had Shane Baz coming in at 37th overall. As Prospector Geoff said a few years ago, “Baz is a fire-balling Texan with a varied stable of offerings. His fastball is a plus pitch featuring a velocity range between 91-98, with two plane movement. It’s a pitch he really has feel for, which is why the variance is so great with the pitch’s velocity. Baz’s pitchability and feel are truly impressive for a prep player. His ability to take something off, and reshape his pitches gives him two distinctive plus offerings in his high 80’s cutter and low-mid 80’s slider. He also features an average curveball, and a work in progress change that shows encouraging run. Baz’s talent is in good hands in the Pirates organization.” And I am laughing very loudly at that last part. Yes, the Pirates traded him to the Rays. Why? Because the Pirates know no (stutterer!) limits to their tanking. In all leagues, I’d grab Baz to try to catch lightning in a bottle. Anyway, here’s what else I saw this weekend in fantasy baseball:

Please, blog, may I have some more?

Can I Phone In A Buy Title For Siri?

September 17, 2021 | Fantasy Baseball Buy/Sell | 157 Comments

by: Grey

(NOTE: THIS POST WAS RELEASED EARLY THIS WEEK ON OUR PATREON. IT’S $10/MONTH OR $13/MONTH WITH AN EXTRA WEEKLY PODCAST.)

Accidentally claimed Jose Siri in one league by holding down my iPhone home button, but, as I always say, it’s better to be lucky than good. Which is why I never learned how to drive, I simply rub a rabbit’s foot and go vroom vroom. If you Anglo’d up Jose Siri into Joe Siri, it almost sounds like you’re saying a Yo Mama joke to Siri, and if you’re saying a Yo Mama joke to Siri, you got some free time on your hands, huh? Clear schedule, you got. Here’s what Prospect Itch said of Jose Siri recently, “Siri seems unlikely to hit any better (than Myles Straw), but he has elite athleticism and good bat speed. Sounds a little like Adolis Garcia and any number of other forgotten nowhere men to pop from the upper minors and into our fantasy hearts. I’ve always liked Siri, and hate Grey.” Geez, man, c’mon. In Triple-A, Jose Siri went 16/24/.318. Yeah, I was surprised at how good he was there too. “Siri, please call Triple-A and tell them I have a flat tire.” That’s me after someone steps on the back of my shoe. For now, Siri is a fill-in for injured Astros’ outfielders (mostly Brantley), but they’re headed to the playoffs, so they might rest their guys a lot, which means playing time for Siri. If you need a guy who can fill all five categories, you should press your iPhone home button too. Anyway, here’s some more players to Buy or Sell this week in fantasy baseball:

Please, blog, may I have some more?

JoMo Arigato

September 17, 2021 | Fantasy Baseball Daily Notes | 83 Comments

by: Grey

“Mr. Roboto,” is Rudy singing to his computer screen about his robots. I say, “Rudy, what is your favorite robot?” Rudy says, “Well, I have the Pigskinonator for fantasy football, the Streamonator for streaming pitchers, the Stocktononator for fantasy basketball and the Friendonator to find a replacement for you. I guess the Friendonator would have to be my favorite.” That’s pretty cool, Rudy, thanks. So, my favorite robot of his, since I don’t follow any of those other sports is, the Streamonator. Something about a sad, lonely robot sitting at a roadside diner unable to eat peach pie because it will rust itself. Its only solace is picking the best starters of the day over the din of Roy Orbison. Sad and metallic, “Pretty woman, working down the street.” Plus, the Streamonator had me loving Jordan Montgomery (5 2/3 IP, 1 ER, 7 baserunners, 12 Ks, ERA at 3.63) yesterday, and loves, loves, lurves his next one vs. the Rangers. Of course, I love Jordan outside of matchups — no JoMo! What’s odd (to me, at least); Jordan Montgomery’s peripherals — 9.3 K/9, 2.9 BB/9, 3.56 FIP, 1.25 WHIP — and his team should have everyone thinking of Jordan Montgomery for 2022 fantasy in a better light than he deserves, but I get the sense people think less of him. No idea why that is, maybe it’s his stuff — 92.5 MPH fastball, reliant on curve and change — maybe it’s something else. Perhaps Rudy has a robot to tell us why people think how they do, like a Brainonator. “Yes, but it doesn’t work on you.” That hurts, Rudy. Anyway, here’s what else I saw yesterday in fantasy baseball:

Please, blog, may I have some more?

Author: Grey

Read some of Grey's 5035 posts

Bo Knows This, Bo Knows That, But Bo Goes Jack Twice ‘Cause Bo Can’t Nap

Au Contreras Roansy Frère

India Delivers A Bangalore & Steals A Hyderabag

Sixteen Cardles

Rodgers & Hampsonstein’s Buy! The Musical

The Whole League Is Getting Soto Bombed

Ryan Puts Cubs In An 11K Headlock

Machado Drops Bombs On The Field vs. Dugout

Chisholm Hits A HR For Each Of His Jazz Hands

Put On Your Ray-Baz Before Looking at Tampa’s Shaney New Toy

Can I Phone In A Buy Title For Siri?

JoMo Arigato