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Trevor Story, 2018 Fantasy Baseball Sleeper

December 6, 2017 | Fantasy Baseball Sleepers | 63 Comments

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Didn’t think we’d be here a year ago.  Or near.  Dear, what an irrational fear.  Your grandmother is not going to get run over by a reindeer.  Greybot, malfunctioning, stuck in rhyme loop.  Must.  Find.  Way.  Out.  Talking.  Like.  William.  Shatner.  Does.  Not.  Help.  By the way, when William Shatner is asked his middle name, he should reply, “Period.”  Notice how there’s no sexual assault allegations regarding William Shatner?  That’s because there’s a pause every three seconds when you can run away.  Trevor Story went from a 1st round value in two-thirds of a season to a 2nd round draft pick to “Hmm, Zack Cozart is still on the board in the 12th round, and Trevor Story, but, damn, I don’t want Trevor Story do I?  I’d ask Grey, but he’s malfunctioning Greybot with a simplistic rhyme scheme like Pitbull.”  I resemble that remark!  Let’s go down memory lane for a second.  *opens mail*  I got a ticket because I didn’t have an E-Z Pass for Memory Lane?  Oh c’mon!  In 2016, Trevor Story hit 27 homers, stole 8 bags and hit .272.  In a full season last year, well, you didn’t want to own him.  I mean *shudders*  He ain’t got no alibi.  You feel me?  Okay, can you stop touching me, I’m a germaphobe.  So, what can we expect from Trevor Story for 2018 and what makes him a 2018 fantasy baseball sleeper?

Please, blog, may I have some more?
Grey

Tim Anderson, 2018 Fantasy Baseball Sleeper

December 4, 2017 | Fantasy Baseball Sleepers | 70 Comments

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Tim keeps on slippin’ slippin’ into the future.  And Tim Anderson keeps on bein’ bein’ a sleeper.  This is the pompatus of love.  Member The Pompatus of Love was a movie with Jon Cryer?  Now Jon Cryer is a host for a true crime podcast.  2017, you’re weird.  What does 2018 hold?  Well, you know how children of crazy parents are super normal to make up for their parents, and children of normal parents are super crazy in a vice versa sorta way?  My guess is 2018 will be completely normal.  A backlash against 2017.  This is how these things work.  Also, 2018 can’t get weirder, so there’s that.  I had a dream the other night, it was an erotic dream with Giancarlo, but he wasn’t MVP, so that’s how I knew it was a dream.  In this dream, I was a giant tongue.  Tim Anderson didn’t participate in my dream, but I can see a scenario where Anderson does enter my dreams in 2018.  Last year, he went 17/15/.257 in 587 ABs, i.e. a full season.  On its surface, this is solid, if unspectacular season.  Solid but unspectacular for a guy that will be barely drafted in 12 team mixed leagues, raises my antennas… Antennae?  Antennyay?  Anelevena?  Just making up words now?  So, what can we expect from Tim Anderson for 2018 fantasy baseball and what makes him a sleeper?

Please, blog, may I have some more?
Grey

Michael Taylor, 2018 Fantasy Baseball Sleeper

December 1, 2017 | Fantasy Baseball Sleepers | 57 Comments

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In nineteen-aught-eight, William Howard Taft defeated William Jennings Bryant for the presidency; the 4th Olympics took place in London under the glower of crooked teeth; Cy Young pitched his 2nd no-hitter with nary an undershirt; Henry Ford called a Jewish toddler a “baby of suspicious origin;” Orville Wright laid out his plans for flight which included “a crappy bag of peanuts to all passengers and getting hit in the head by elbows as other passengers walk down the aisle,” and Leon Trotsky ate a bean and cheese burrito, getting explosive, uncontrollable diarrhea which resulted in excessive swearing and fist clenching, hence the term “the trots.”  1908 was also famous as being the last year Michael Taylor wasn’t a fantasy baseball sleeper.  We’ve come a long way since then.  The remarkable thing about this bit of trivia is it would lead one to believe Michael Taylor was a sleeper as early as 1909, yet he’s still only 26 years old.  There’s something to be said for aging well, and being bad at math.  Yes, we’ve come to the end of our fantasy baseball rookie posts and we’re onto our fantasy baseball sleepers.  You’re very welcome.  So, what can we expect from Michael Taylor for 2018 fantasy baseball and what makes him a sleeper?

Please, blog, may I have some more?
Grey

Alex Verdugo, 2018 Fantasy Outlook

November 29, 2017 | Fantasy Baseball Rookies | 60 Comments

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This one feels a year away from fantasy production, but since the Dodgers promoted Alex Verdugo this past September, and let him get at-bats, I’m on a fence with hedges all around me.  Or maybe it’s a hedge maze like in The Shining.  Or the Shinning with Groundskeeper Willie.  Or maybe it’s a fence made of hedges.  Or a fence made of hedgehogs.  Ugh, I’m so indecisive I can’t even decide if I’m on a fence of hedges, a fence with hedges around me, a maze of hedges, or a fence of hedgehogs for Alex Verdugo.  Maybe a nap will help…*dozes off, wakes, sees a young Lea Thompson*  It’s 1955!?   Okay, let’s play out the Dodgers’ outfield.  Chris Taylor is in center, but can play the infield; Puig looks locked into right; there’s not enough screws loose in Home Depot for them to not play Cody Bellinger; Joc Pederson is still looming, but he’s starting to feel like a guy that might need a change of scenery or will be a platoon player and Kiké — not Gabe Kapler — can play outfield, but he’s a futility player.  Not a lot of wiggle room for Verdugo, and Los Angeles isn’t known for autumn, but that changing landscape leaves Alex Verdugo with a chance to play if Taylor plays infield.  So, what can we expect from Alex Verdugo for 2018 fantasy baseball?

Please, blog, may I have some more?
Grey

Lewis Brinson, 2018 Fantasy Outlook

November 27, 2017 | Fantasy Baseball Rookies | 48 Comments

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“This might sound hyperbolic, which isn’t the type of chamber Michael Jackson used to sleep in, but I think Lewis Brinson can be the Rookie of the Year in the NL next year if he gets the ABs.  He could vault himself into the conversation for top ten outfielders as soon as 2018 with the opportunity.  Only thing stopping him besides playing time is his plate discipline.  That concerns me.  He’s pretty swing happy.  Last year in 23 Triple-A games, he walked at a 2.2% clip and K’d at a 22.6% mark.”  And that’s me quoting me from my Lewis Brinson post from last year.  In only 47 ABs last year for the Brewers, Brinson struck out 31% of the time and hit .106.  Super small sample size — that’s what she said, and then I asked her if she meant it ironically.  It does show there’s still a problem here though.  Of course, there’s also still wonderful to be found in Brinson.  His Triple-A numbers last year were 13 HRs, 11 SBs, .331 in 299 ABs while only K’ing 18% of the time.  Right direction for the fire emoji, and away from the flame out, but he did have a .377 BABIP, which is likely a little high, even for someone with his speed.  So, what can we expect from Lewis Brinson for 2018 fantasy baseball?

Please, blog, may I have some more?
Grey

Tyler O’Neill, 2018 Fantasy Outlook

November 24, 2017 | Fantasy Baseball Rookies | 78 Comments

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I’m so effin’ stuffed from stuffing and turkey and turkey stuffing and–Why didn’t the Indians just pounce on the Pilgrims when they were in a food coma?  Any hoo!  Happy Thanksgiving, now let’s get down to bidness, as Hip Grey says.  In my Harrison Bader fantasy outlook post, I went over a lot of what I think of the Cards’ outfield.  Same pretty much holds true for Tyler O’Neill.  Find Bader’s name and replace with O’Neill.  And, I guess, replace Harrison with Tyler, otherwise you’re gonna be reading about Harrison O’Neill who does not exist.  If there’s a Harrison O’Neill reading this, sorry, you’re Bruce Willis in The Sixth Sense.  All I’ll say specifically about Tyler O’Neill regarding playing time is, if he’s the rookie outfielder call-up for the Cards, it likely hurts Bader and vice versa.  Okay, with that out of the way, Tyler O’Neill is a sexy ball of meat.  There’s a GIF below that I admired for about twenty-five minutes.  He looks a little like Jeff Bagwell, right?  He has much worse swing tendencies than Bagwell, but I’ll get to that in paragraph numero dos.  Right now, let’s admire that GIF.  Short, compact, monster power.  Makes me want to buy groceries from Tom Thumb.  Wait, what?  Well, I guess if subliminal advertising is gonna work on me from that clip, it’s not Cox.  By the way, Landrum backwards means nothing, so not sure what that outfield fence is getting at.

So, what can we expect from Tyler O’Neill for 2018 fantasy baseball?

Please, blog, may I have some more?
Grey

Jorge Alfaro, 2018 Fantasy Outlook

November 22, 2017 | Fantasy Baseball Rookies | 81 Comments

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This feels more like of a functional rookie post vs. a drool worthy one.  Which is odd, because I don’t know if Jorge Alfaro is a rookie.  I looked into it, and, from what I can tell, Alfaro still has his rookie eligibility.  But if he doesn’t, look at this as the first sleeper post that’s boring vs. the last rookie post that’s boring.  Man, I am selling the shizz out of this.  Any hoo!  Jorge Alfaro.  Confession Alert!  I ask Prospector Ralph for about ten names of rookies that will impact this year and then go off that list for these rookie posts.  I mean, who better to ask than the guy that knows more about prospects than anyone else?  Well, at least more about prospects than anyone I know, which, in my myopic world, is the same thing.  Any hoo, Part 2: Return To Hoosville, Ralph didn’t give me Jorge Alfaro as a name to cover.  I don’t think he likes him, y’all!  I can understand his trepidation.  Alfaro’s a catcher, that’s kinda boring.  For fantasy, however, a catcher that has an everyday job and won’t be drafted until late in redraft leagues has value, especially one with huge raw power.  So, what can we expect from Jorge Alfaro for 2018 fantasy baseball?

Please, blog, may I have some more?
Grey

Gleyber Torres, 2018 Fantasy Outlook

November 20, 2017 | Fantasy Baseball Rookies | 31 Comments

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I nearly didn’t write this post.  Wasn’t that I didn’t have love for Gleyber Torres.  Though, my love for Gleyber is admittedly less coalesced into an actual thing than you’re gonna find from just about any Yankees fan.  “Ya godda be fahkin jokin wit me right here, kid.  Gleyber Torres is gonna be the greatest of all-time, son.  All.  Time.  I wanna coalesce my fist into ya fahkin head with your sissy-boy words.  Why don’t ya use a word like fuhgeddaboudit?  Scared of being too real?  Before you answer, I need to go with my mom to have her mustache waxed.”  That’s your run-of-the-mill Yankees fan.  See, Gleyber is already being fitted for Monument Park in Yankee Stadium before he even plays a game.  By the way, fitting someone for Monument Park is like how Jabba the Hutt fit Han Solo for carbon.  Little known fact, Monument Park in Yankee Stadium is the only place in the MLB where players are immortalized by being buried there.  Kidding…or am I?!  You need to Google it to verify the answer, don’t lie.  Any hoo!  Brian Cashman said the other day Gleyber Torres would get every opportunity to win the 3rd base job in Spring Training.  Chase Headley said, “I have a love letter from a Padres fan named, Jay Wrong, that says I should be playing 162 games a year.  On the reg.”  So, what can we expect from Gleyber Torres for 2018 fantasy baseball?

Please, blog, may I have some more?
Grey

Harrison Bader, 2018 Fantasy Outlook

November 15, 2017 | Fantasy Baseball Rookies | 84 Comments

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In his brief cup of coffee last year, Harrison Bader hit three homers, stole two bases in only 85 ABs.  Mr. Prorater says, “He’s a 20 homer, 15 steal guy in a full season of at-bats.  Also, if I saved a dollar a day my whole life, I wouldn’t be in hock up to my eyeballs.  Prorating sucks!”  Damn, Mr. Prorater, so happy and sad — sappy?  Nah, prolly not.  A 20-homer, 15-steal guy is nothing like what he is though, right?  In Triple-A in 431 ABs, he hit 20 homers and stole 15 bags.  Okay, that’s spooky like your grandma’s linen closet.  “I don’t seem so dumb now, do I?  By the way, my mortgage is $3200 a month, so if you hang out for an hour, I’m gonna have to charge you $4.44, based on a 30-day month.”  Okay, Mr. Prorater is now getting annoying.  Prospector Ralph placed Harrison Bader 29th overall on his top 50 prospects for 2018 fantasy baseball.  There, he said, “More than likely Bader will surpass his rookie limits in the first half of next year.  My hope is the Cardinals do Bader a solid and trade him to a place he can start opening day.  Because, make no mistake, he is ready.  Bader’s fatal flaw is his lack of power vs. right-handers, which could see him on the weak side of the platoon early in his career.  Grey’s fatal flaw is his hairlip.”  Ouch!  Totally unnecessary.  So, what can we expect from Harrison Bader for 2018 fantasy baseball?

Please, blog, may I have some more?
Grey

Scott Kingery, 2018 Fantasy Outlook

November 13, 2017 | Fantasy Baseball Rookies | 111 Comments

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The Phils have Cesar Hernandez and Freddy Galvis, who was played for 162 games last year, something I still cannot get over.  Imagine a team playing Freddy Galvis 162 games.  I can’t and it happened!  Any hoo!  Both of these guys are arbitration eligible which could make them attractive in a trade to a smaller market team.  As if you can’t imagine Cesar Hernandez or Galvis playing for the A’s next year.  Plus, the Phils just hired “Hottie With His Shirt Off” Gabe Kapler.  The Jacked Jew!  By the way, if you would tell anyone who doesn’t know better that there’s a Jewish manager for the Phils named Gabe and he’s sexy AF, they’d tell you that you are absolutely bonkers.  There hasn’t been a handsome Gabe since the 1979 Battle of the Network Stars when Isaac from The Love Boat sprayed water in Gable Kaplan’s face.  Gabe Kapler is like the visual representation of a John Legend song.  Okay, enough homoerotic fantasy baseball.  Scott Kingery!  That’s who we’re for.  I mention Cesar Hernandez and Galvis because they could be standing in the way of Kingery’s playing time.  Kingery plays predominantly 2nd base, which means Cesar would have to move, but Hernandez could play short, which works if Galvis moves.  So, what can we expect from Scott Kingery for 2018 fantasy baseball?

Please, blog, may I have some more?
Grey

Willy Adames, 2018 Fantasy Outlook

November 10, 2017 | Fantasy Baseball Rookies | 112 Comments

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After 25 minutes of intense Google searching, I can tell you without a shadow of a doubt Willy Adames is not William Adama.  Though, 24 of those 25 minutes involved me removing a Firefox toolbar add-on that identified Cylons from humans.  Meanwhile, searching Willy Adames on Razzball, reveals a flurry of results that tells me he has fallen dramatically in Prospector Ralph’s eyes.  He was a top 25 prospect for 2017 fantasy baseball, where PR seemed to be self-soothing, saying things like, “Not the best start to his Triple-A career,” but “…lots of young players take a month to settle into a new level.”  Apparently, less players take two years to settle in, because PR dropped Willy Adames all the way to 57th overall on his top 100 prospects for 2018 fantasy baseball.   There, he seemed to still be excited about Adames, while couching his comments with much more room for disappointment, mentioning how others now think he’s overrated.  Underrated, overrated or simply rated that is the question, after “To be or not to be,” “How do I get my hand unstuck from a Pringles can?” and “Am I the only one that calls diarrhea, ‘The Squirt Locker?'”  Anyway, what can we expect from Willy Adames for 2018 fantasy baseball?

Please, blog, may I have some more?
Grey

Brent Honeywell, 2018 Fantasy Outlook

November 9, 2017 | Fantasy Baseball Rookies | 37 Comments

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Can’t stop, won’t stop, making these bad boys all about fantasy baseball rookie hitters, but every once in a while you need to remove the blinders and look at a pitcher.  This doesn’t mean get totally enamored by pitchers.  Like Teddy KGB would say in a terrible Russian accent, “Nyet, nyet, nyet!  You sons of beeeeech, you tricked me, nyet!”  We must focus on hitters, but sometimes a great pitcher comes along, and we have to take a peeksie-poo.  Brent Honeywell is one such pitcher.  Three quick GIFs, from me to you.

I have a big takeaway from these GIFs.  Honeywell looks pretty low energy like Jeb!  Whether it’s the fastball in the first two GIFs or the bye-bye junk in the third GIF.  You gotta feel bad for the hitter when he gets to the third drop-off-the-table-snap-don’t-need-no-police-just-stay-off-my-back-or-I-will-attack-with-an-offspeed-pitch-that-you-won’t-smack pitch.  That’s only two pitches of his possible six pitches.  The last one, which I can’t stop watching, is just unhittable.  Looks like a circle change to me, but he’s got so many pitches in his repertoire — change, curve, fastball, screwball, cutter, knuckle-curve — who knows what he’s throwing, the hitters definitely don’t.  So, what can we expect from Brent Honeywell for 2018 fantasy baseball?

Please, blog, may I have some more?
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