Max Fried Made The Dodger Hitters Say “Durr”

Max Fried went into the House That Sandy Koufax Built, during Passover, and hid the Afikoman from the Dodgers for 7 innings. For you gentiles who don’t know what an Afikoman is, imagine I was accidentally misspelling the rapper Afroman’s name and you were playing hide and seek with him. That’s an Afikoman. *stares at the ceiling* Damn, I thought balloons would fall if I made the first mention ever of a Afikoman on a fantasy sports site. No luck there, I guess the Hebrews didn’t pay for the balloons! Rarely do I make two straight ledes from the same series. From Freeman to Fried, man. From a guy who looks like he has teeth made of wax to Max. From a guy who abandoned his Atlanta roots to a guy who hears often, “Why don’t you call more?” Max Fried went 7 IP, 0 ER, 2 hits, zero walks, 8 Ks, ERA down to 3.50. I suppose it’s harder to hit an unleavened ball. Nice to see Fried bounce back from his last two meh outings, but this is why I keep telling you to be patient. We really have no idea about anyone yet. Even Max Fried was able to go from meh to mensch. Anyway, here’s what else I saw yesterday in fantasy baseball:

Please, blog, may I have some more?

Land of The Freeman The Homer Off The Braves

by: Grey

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Freddie Freeman (1-for-3, 2 runs and 1st homer) wasted no time making the Braves regret the way they treated him this offseason. First at-bat, Freddie Freeman stepped towards the box, but first he asked to see the mic the umps use to announce the bad calls they make to the crowds. Freeman leaned into the mic and said, “Tell Acuña it’s mutual, I don’t like him either,” then took the 2nd pitch of the at-bat to deep left, the oppo taco as they call it in Mexico, and his first home run of the year was tagged. As he sashayed across the plate, he snapped and said, “Braves ain’t gettin’ none of this.” Snap! Speaking of which, what do you call every image of Freddie Freeman? Tooth pics. Take it, Highlights! It’s yours! Freeman sure has some teeth, right? The molar the merrier with that guy. Stop stop, he’s got fillings too! Okay, I will stop reading bad joke posters at a kiddie dentist now. So many games were postponed, but some still to go over, tooth be told. Anyway, here’s what else I saw yesterday in fantasy baseball:

Please, blog, may I have some more?

Hope You Didn’t Passover The Nestor Bunny

April 18, 2022 | Fantasy Baseball Daily Notes, Featured | 446 Comments

by: Grey

What transpired this preseason: Coolwhip reached out to me to see if I was going to write a Nestor Cortes sleeper, because he liked him and wanted to write one. I said, “Nah, I don’t think I’m going to write one, but I like him too!” What Coolwhip didn’t know, what no one could’ve known, I hadn’t looked at Nestor Cortes at all. I said I liked him because Coolwhip said he liked him. Then I waited for Coolwhip to give us his Nestor Cortes sleeper, and, after he did, I said, “Yeah, exactly, that’s what I would’ve wrote too!” Stats and image provided by Coolwhip:

“(M)ain thing to note is in 2021 Nestor started 14 games. Before that, he had only started a grand total of… (carry the 1… multiply by square root…) 2 games. 2 games, that’s it. So this was a bit of a new foray for him. It’s not often that you go from the pen to starting and your numbers improve drastically. Not just a little mind you; but by every conceivable measure, he got better. His K-rate went up, BB-rate went down, and he cut home runs in half while suppressing hard contact and limiting runners.”

Nestor did this by scrapping the sinker and curve, and replacing them with a cutter. Also, he varies his release point a lot, like nearly every pitch. I half expect him to throw right-handed occasionally. Yesterday, Nestor Cortes (5 IP, 0 ER, 4 baserunners, 12 Ks, ERA at 0.00) threw an immaculate 4th inning, and changed his release on nearly every pitch. This is magic:

Nestor Cortes. Immaculate Inning. ? pic.twitter.com/WTJLVwOXv5

— Rob Friedman (@PitchingNinja) April 17, 2022

In 9 1/3 IP this year, Nestor Cortes has 17 Ks. That’s in two starts, or one Nolan Ryan start. Pardon me while I put my eyes back in my head. Nestor Cortes’s 16.4 K/9, 0.96 BB/9 and -0.26 FIP is pretty good, if you’re lacking for adjectives. You really have to be impressed with Nestor so far this year, he’s looking as brilliant as me blindly agreeing with Coolwhip. Anyway, here’s what else I saw yesterday in fantasy baseball:

Please, blog, may I have some more?

Sprinkling Some Old Buy On My Baltimore Crab Cake With Mateo

April 15, 2022 | Fantasy Baseball Buy/Sell, Featured | 411 Comments

by: Grey

(NOTE: THIS POST WAS RELEASED EARLY THIS WEEK ON OUR PATREON. IT’S $10/MONTH.)

You ever call up the Utz Potato Chip corporate office and ask to speak with that “cute chick on the bags?” You ever poke your right eye out and tell your friends to call you Natty Boh? You ever walk around a deserted park with a group of tourists showing them where Adnan Syed allegedly buried Hae Lee? You ever sell crack in Hamsterdam? No? What kind of Marylandian are you? Do you even have charm to fill a city, bro? You never ate a sandwich cookie and called it a Baltim-oreo? Never?! Dude, I don’t even know you. No wonder why you don’t already have Jorge Mateo on your team! So, somehow in last week’s Buy, when I was telling you about a ton of shortstops to look for on your waivers, I forgot our old stand-buy, Jorge Mateo. Apologies, but now’s when we make it right. Mateo had a year in the minors when he went 7/49. Sure it was ancient years ago, and he’s been in the minors for over a decade, but he’s still only 27 years old, and he still has just about the fastest sprint speed in the majors. He can steal 40+ bags this year. Will he get on base enough for that? P to the erhaps, but he also has 10+ homer power. He’s basically Myles Straw, but with middle infield eligibility. I’d suck that old Buy up for a dollar (and dribble it back out on some lovely crab cakes)! Anyway, here’s some more players to Buy or Sell this week in fantasy baseball:

Please, blog, may I have some more?

Padres’ Home Opener Electricity Provided By Man-Power

April 15, 2022 | Fantasy Baseball Daily Notes, Featured | 258 Comments

by: Grey

Motivational speaker, Manny Machado, entered the Padres’ clubhouse before yesterday’s contest and asked new head coach, Bob Melvin, if he could speak. His teammates’ rapt attention centered on Manny, and he spoke, “I won’t always run hard to first, 2nd, third or home. I will usually ask for a golf cart to take me out to 3rd base between innings. When it’s my time in the on-deck circle, I will ask the umps if I can put on water wings and slap around in a kiddie pool. When that clock strikes April 19th, I will check out until sometime in July. But I am telling you right now, you have every piece of me from this moment here, until roughly ten o’clock on April 18th, then again sometime in July. And I will take you where you need to go, so hop on!” And with that Wil Myers stood and began to clap at first. Then he elbowed Eric Hosmer (4-for-5, 1 run, 2 RBIs), who was dreaming of grounding out to 2nd base, and he stood and clapped too. And, before anyone knew it, the entire clubhouse was in a rousing ovation for their leader, Manny Machado — the best clubhouse guy a team could hope for. Then, as the ovation began to dissipate, Machado asked Luke Voit if he could drive the golf cart that would take him out to the field. So, yesterday, Manny Machado (5-for-6, 4 runs, 2 RBIs) hit his 1st homer, a 111 MPH shot into left field, and two steals for the magnificent slam and double legs. This was Machado’s 2nd career five-hit night. Five hits, 4 runs, 2 SBs with a homer in a game had only been done three times since 1987 — Andrew McCutchen, Carl Crawford and Tony Gwynn. Machado gets a bad rap; he does usually put up top 25 overall type numbers, as long as Voit continues to gas up the golf cart. Anyway, here’s what else I saw yesterday in fantasy baseball:

Please, blog, may I have some more?

CK0

April 14, 2022 | Fantasy Baseball Daily Notes, Featured | 430 Comments

by: Grey

[brid autoplay=”true” video=”988453″ player=”13959″ title=”BSH%20Week2″ duration=”163″ description=”undefined” uploaddate=”2022-04-07″ thumbnailurl=”https://cdn.brid.tv/live/partners/9233/snapshot/988453_th_1649400735.jpg” contentUrl=”//cdn.brid.tv/live/partners/9233/sd/988453.mp4″]

The left side of the mouth:

“Due to a pitch count of 80, Clayton Kershaw would not get a perfect game, but he would become the perfect symbol of his generation. Babied to the point where pitchers can no longer throw, they ‘pitch’ — whatever that means! When did we, as a society, get to the point where a pitcher can’t throw the ball? A participation perfect game, that’s what Clayton Kershaw got yesterday.”

The right side of the mouth:

“Clayton Kershaw has been battling injuries for years. His last year was cut short, due to injuries. He couldn’t pitch much in the preseason, because of the lockout and this was his first start of the year. Who cares about a perfect game? This is about keeping Clayton Kershaw healthy for as many innings as possible.”

The left side of the mouth:

“You’re a sissy.”

The right side of the mouth:

“What are you talking about? We’re just different sides of the same mouth!”

So, Clayton Kershaw (7 IP, 0 ER, 0 baserunners, 13 Ks) threw seven perfect innings, and nothing about him has changed since my preseason thoughts on him. He could be fantastic, but not even for a 9-inning game, let alone a full season. Anyway, here’s what else I saw yesterday in fantasy baseball:

Please, blog, may I have some more?

Brash Monkeys Those Funky Pale Hose

April 13, 2022 | Fantasy Baseball Daily Notes, Featured | 415 Comments

by: Grey

Dropping 98 MPH 4-seamers, maxing out at 99 MPH, with a bye-bye 82-87 MPH knuckle curve with a 3100 spin rate that has 48-inches of break, followed by “Oh, okay, that was a change, okay, I see what you did there” as the batter swings and misses. Is the answer to, “Are we sure Matt Brash is real?” Oh, he looked very real. Really real. My favorite sequence was right after giving up his first run, he got Tim Anderson on five pitches and only had to throw one fastball, which was taken for a ball. His final line was 5 1/3 IP, 2 ER, 5 baserunners (1 walk), 6 Ks, and, as good as that looks, he looked better. Not convinced there won’t be some roofies here and there. I could see him going against a club with a better feel for his pitches, and just laying off, because there were a few times when I was like, “Has he thrown a strike at all this at-bat?” After seeing him, I can also answer the question, “Would I pick him up?” With a strong affirmative, i.e., the mustache must Brash. Anyway, here’s what else I saw yesterday in fantasy baseball:

Please, blog, may I have some more?

Celebrate A Festival Of Lights-Out With Manoah

April 12, 2022 | Fantasy Baseball Daily Notes, Featured | 407 Comments

by: Grey

Hey, Timmy, thanks for coming to see me in this old age home. Did you bring me the stewed carrots I asked for? Oh, great. What a pal. Let me take my teeth out so I can slurp on the soft carrots. I can’t believe how old I feel now. What’s that? Speak up! How old am I?! Same age I was five days ago, but it’s not how old I am. It’s how old I feel. Oh, yeah, I was spry duck just last week, but the first week of April’s starting pitching has aged me forty years in five days. I started the week remembering to go pee-pee and poo-poo in the toilet, and now I’m wearing diapers! Stupid starting pitching! Welp, we have one good starter this year, his name is Alek Manoah (6 IP, 0 ER, 1 hit, 4 walks, 7 Ks). Was watching Manoah last night and to say he looked good is somehow an understatement and an overstatement. He was unhittable, while also being nowhere near the plate for huge chunks of the game. It was not the best I had seen him — that was when he was interviewed with his mother and I was able to block him out of the shot with my hand. But for one magical night in April, we actually got a decent pitching line, so, ya know what? Alek Manoah looked as awesome as his mom, Aleka Momoah! Anyway, here’s what else I saw yesterday in fantasy baseball:

Please, blog, may I have some more?

Heliot Studwagon

April 11, 2022 | Fantasy Baseball Daily Notes, Featured | 498 Comments

by: Grey

Five ladies and gentlemen, it’s…HELIO STUDWAGON!

And I can’t fight this rookie nookie anymore,
I’ve forgotten what I started fighting for (which stinks because we’re roughly 72 hours into the season),
It’s time to bring this shizz into the shore and onto my team,
And throw away the either/or’s forever.

Baby, I can’t hold Steven Matz anymore, but how about this Heliot Ramos fella!
He looks great, or as they say in San Fran “hella,”
I need him on my team, er,
His projections are insane from Steamer!

So, Heliot Ramos (2-for-3, 1 RBI) was called up. Prospect Itch said, “Ramos didn’t graduate AA so much as he aged into AAA, where he was still 5.7 years younger than the average player. Across the full season (116 games), he slashed .254/.323/.416 with 14 HR and 15 SB. Not bad. Not ideal. The hope is that he settles in at AAA and soaks up some coaching, applies that across his opportunities and takes the slow road to becoming a fantasy factor. I doubt the club will rush him to the majors in any needs-based scenario. This is good news for Ramos and us, as it gives the 6’1” 188 lb, 2017 first-rounder time to grow into his skillset, and I’d like to hit Grey with a skillet.” Not cool. So, the Giants seemed to disagree with how much time Ramos needed in the minors. His projections at the Prospectonator are fire under a helium balloon. Some of the best projections I’ve seen for a rookie. Oh, just your mundane, ho-hum 20+ HRs and 10 steals. Will the Giants still start guys like Steven Duggar over him? Oh, absolutely. Have you not been paying attention to the Giants for the last year-plus? Still, I’d grab Heliot Ramos in all leagues where I need an injection of sexy. Anyway, here’s what else I saw this weekend in fantasy baseball:

Please, blog, may I have some more?

Buy A Ticket To Cruise On The SS Rookie Nookie

April 8, 2022 | Fantasy Baseball Buy/Sell, Featured | 303 Comments

by: Grey

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(NOTE: THIS POST WAS RELEASED EARLY THIS WEEK ON OUR PATREON. IT’S $10/MONTH.)

Today, I’m gonna be Mr. Monopoly! I don a top hat and tuxedo. Rolls giant foam dice, and…four! Sweet! Then I move along my office carpeting that is a giant Monopoly board. Ooh, pick a Chance card! Excellent! I put in my monocle so I can read, and the Chance card says, “Pick up a middle infield prospect.” Fun! I could grab Diego Castillo, Jeremy Pena, Bryson Stott, CJ Abrams, or Geraldo Perdomo. No problem for me deciding that! Who says variety is debilitating? *studies the stats for each player, a bead of sweat forms on my forehead, slowly that bead of sweat builds into a giant bucket of water and it crashes down on my face, waterboarding me* Help! Make it stop! I can’t decide who I want! So, let’s make like a gravedigger, and dig in.

Please, blog, may I have some more?

Open Up The Season & Let The Love Shine In

April 8, 2022 | Fantasy Baseball Daily Notes, Featured | 244 Comments

by: Grey

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*digs nose into an open field of grass, lifts head, eyes filled with tears* This smells of my youth!

Passerby, “My dog just peed there, so probably because you used to wet yourself.”

Baseball is back.

“Hello, Genie, I have three wishes for this baseball season. My first wish: No one I roster get hurt. My 2nd wish: Everyone I roster do well. I drafted Bobby Witt Jr., Julio Rodriguez, and Seiya Suzuki, so, really, I’m doing much of the heavy lifting for this wish. My 3rd and final wish: All 3rd base coaches send runners home by doing the Moonwalk. Thanking you in advance, Genie. Wait a second, you’re not a genie, you’re Bartolo Colon in Blue Man Group paint. Damn you!”

Glad I didn’t waste a wish on losing a closer during some janky Chris Paddack trade, because that didn’t need a wish. Chris Paddack and Emilio Pagan were moved to the Twins for Taylor Rogers, Brent Rooker and cash. This trade was done as it snowed all across the baseball community. *intern whispers in ear* It wasn’t snow? It was dandruff from all the head scratching? Oh, I see. This feels like a deal we hear about in five years when the authorities figure out the Twins were secretly working with the Padres. Incredibly, the Padres tried to give Paddack away to everyone, then the Twins paid full price. Like, what even? For a month, every team was supposedly trying to acquire Paddack, when, in reality, it was just the Padres trying to give Paddack away for anything. Chris Paddack was so highly sought after that the Padres pretended to trade him to every team. Statcast sliders aren’t good and neither is Chris Paddack. I suppose if he can fix his fastball, but, allow this small cackle of truth, why didn’t he fix his fastball while in San Diego? Didn’t feel like it? Um, okay. So, I wouldn’t suddenly be interested in Paddack, outside of AL-Only leagues. I’ll go over the Padres and Twins’ pens on the other side of the anyway. Anyway, here’s what else I saw yesterday in fantasy baseball:

Please, blog, may I have some more?

Happy Real Baseball For Our Fantasy Teams Day

April 7, 2022 | Fantasy Baseball Daily Notes, Featured | 314 Comments

by: Grey

*screaming at the top of my lungs* BASEBALL IS BACK!!! Shouldn’t it be “at the top of my voice box?” At Razzball, we make you think. Not too hard so your eyes go crossed, because that would not be very nice. See, we’re nice too. Baseball is back and, brucely, I couldn’t be (water) any happier. The top 500 and my 2022 fantasy baseball rankings are locked. Well, until my top 100 for the 2nd half that will look nothing like the current 100. Also, I won’t have time before the season to go over my Yahoo Friends & Family team, competing against Dalton Del Don, Pianowski, etc., but here’s the team, if you’re my-team-curious — it’s 15 team, mixed, 5×5:

Anyway, here’s what else I saw in Spring Training for 2022 fantasy baseball:

Please, blog, may I have some more?

Author: Grey

Read some of Grey's 4996 posts

Max Fried Made The Dodger Hitters Say “Durr”

Land of The Freeman The Homer Off The Braves

Hope You Didn’t Passover The Nestor Bunny

Sprinkling Some Old Buy On My Baltimore Crab Cake With Mateo

Padres’ Home Opener Electricity Provided By Man-Power

CK0

Brash Monkeys Those Funky Pale Hose

Celebrate A Festival Of Lights-Out With Manoah

Heliot Studwagon

Buy A Ticket To Cruise On The SS Rookie Nookie

Open Up The Season & Let The Love Shine In

Happy Real Baseball For Our Fantasy Teams Day