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Author: Grey

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NL-Only, 12 Team CBS League (Or How Deep Does A League Need To Be To Draft David Ross)

February 26, 2015 | Our Leagues | 243 Comments

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This draft was by Yours Trudy. Never understood that, Yours Trudy. Who is this Trudy that everyone is talking about? No, no, I’m not changing the subject before even embarking on the subject simply because I’m not happy with my team. How dare you j’accuse Yours Trudy of that! So, yesterday, on the Not-the-Ides of February, Grey Albright, the Fantasy Master Lothario (don’t abbreviate it!) took part in a 12-team NL-Only draft that was commissioned by Scott White of CBS Fantasy. You know, CBS, they brought you such head-scratchers as Viva Laughlin and Travis d’Arnaud as a top 60 overall pick. In fact, I razzed one of the CBS ‘perts about his d’Arnaud love in the beginning of the draft, then the room nominated d’Arnaud and the CBS ‘pert didn’t draft him. I think I might’ve shamed too hard. *shrugs* C’est la. This league is deep so hold onto ye old hat. (If you want a shallower league, play against me and 1,000 of your closest buddies in the Razzball Commenter Leagues.) Anyway, here’s my 12-team NL-Only team and some thoughts:

Please, blog, may I have some more?
Grey

Matt Holliday, 2015 Fantasy Schmohawk

February 25, 2015 | Fantasy Baseball Overrated | 303 Comments

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Players are going to play, play, play, play, play, play. The haters are going to hate, hate, hate, hate, hate, hate. And Grey’s going to hate Matt Holliday. Shake it off! I’ve been waiting for years to write this post. Just biding my time, rubbing my fingers together like an animated villain. If you look at me real fast, twirling my mustache, plotting Holliday’s schmohawk post, you might see the human incarnate of Snidely Whiplash. Each year, I’d look at Holliday and see a guy that consistently put up fantasy stats with dashing good looks. A regular Dudley Do-Right. They even both wear red and ride a horse. Holliday’s horse is, of course, his chauffeur, Carlos Lee. Dudley Do-Right is a Canadian Mountie, and Holliday is from Oklahoma, which is a known hatchery for Mounties. Regularly, you hear about Oklahomans being kidnapped into the Mountie army. Like how the North Koreans kidnap the Japanese. (I saw a documentary on this.) The similarities are endless! But, now, Holliday, you’re 35 years old, you can’t move as fast, and you’re mine! Also, out of 35 ‘perts polled (say that fast 117 times!), I had Holliday ranked lower than everyone, so obviously I needed to write this post. It was my duty! (Hehe, I said duty.) So, what makes Matt Holliday overrated for 2015 fantasy baseball?

Please, blog, may I have some more?
Grey

Head-To-Head Fantasy Baseball Draft Strategy, Seriously, Not Clickbait

February 24, 2015 | Fantasy Baseball Draft Strategy | 271 Comments

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Potatoes to chips, I’m gonna keep this Head-to-Head fantasy baseball draft strategy so succinct that it could be written on the back of a CVS receipt and still have room for a grocery list for a family of five. Assuming the family of five has shopped in the previous two months. If said family was in Breckenridge for a skication, and are just getting home before Rascal, Tommy and Clarafeen have to go back to school, then their shopping list might be too long to fit. Now if they’re just getting back from Breckenridge and are bringing food with them in coolers that they accumulated over the skication, then there might still be enough room. More or less contingent on accumulated food and their level of hunger. Fangraphs has a formula to figure this out. It converts a CSV table into a CVS receipt. Quite revolutionary. Head-to-Head, or H2H, doesn’t change a lot to our 2015 fantasy baseball rankings. There are 300 billion suns in the Milky Way galaxy. There are 100s of billions of galaxies in the universe. There are at least 256,000 planets exactly like Earth. Yet, there’s only one Mike Trout. (Though Trike Mout on Planet Spoonerism is pretty good too. Not a first rounder though.) H2H doesn’t change that. The strategy for playing in the middle of the season in H2H leagues changes. You aren’t hoping Billy Butler hits 20 homers by October, but whether or not he’ll hit a homer on Sunday or if you should sit him to try and win steals. It’s all about the matchups, y’all! So you want to build a team that can match up well with any other team. (FYI, I’ve gone over this stuff before, but some of you might need a pine tree refresher hung from your rear view.) Anyway, here’s my head-to-head draft strategy:

Please, blog, may I have some more?
Grey

Adam Wainwright, 2015 Fantasy Schmohawk

February 23, 2015 | Fantasy Baseball Overrated | 329 Comments

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Here’s one of the oddest schmohawks I’ve ever seen. If you ask everyone who carries a fantasy baseball ‘pert laminated diploma from the Fantasy Baseball College of Charleston in their fanny pack, they will tell you Adam Wainwright is angling for a disappointment this year. I’ve seen it written more times than I count. Of course, I can only count to seven, but, as Fonzie’s horse says, naaaaaaaay, my brain is still baffled by this peculiarity that I am witnessing. This peculiarity that just makes no sense. This peculiarity that is as hard to look at as an un-Photoshopped Beyonce. Along with these DANGER AHEAD articles on Wainwright, he’s also being ranked high. As the Spanish would say, question mark, what, question mark. Come here, sit on my lap and ask, “Why, Unkie Grey, does everyone warn against Wainwright then rank him high anyway?” Figuratively! Get off my lap! My best guess why we’re in some kind of Twilight Zone episode where Wainwright has become Wainwrong yet is still being ranked high while Burgess Meredith tries to locate another pair of eyeglasses is because everyone knows Wainwright. That’s right, he’s being ranked high because everyone knows him. It’s why Verlander was still ranked high last year. If you have three million people at your site that know Wainwright, is it easier to explain to three million people why Wainwright is headed for a bad year or is it easier to just rank him high and move on? Yes, I’m saying ESPN, Yahoo, CBS and Fox (does Fox have fantasy?) are just taking the easy way out and saying Wainwright will be good even though they know he won’t. Does that surprise you? If it does, I suggest you don’t open the gag can of peanuts in Spencer’s Gifts. You’ll really have a heart attack then. So, what makes Adam Wainwright overrated for 2015 fantasy baseball?

Please, blog, may I have some more?
Grey

2015 Fantasy Baseball War Room — Our Free Draft Tool

February 20, 2015 | 2015 Fantasy Baseball Draft | 435 Comments

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Hehe, I said tool. Our Fantasy Baseball War Room is one part draft tool, one part fantasy team evaluator, one part fantasy junkie’s s’s and g’s tool, one part holy, two parts smokes, three parts… How many parts is that so far? Cause it’s only really seven parts total. I think there’s one part kill-your-day-with-this-war-room-thing-a-maboob in there too. I don’t know, guys and four girls, I think it’s pretty cool and I only get excited about things once every three full moons or once every time I see the t-shirt with three moons and a wolf. For reals, it might be the best thing since sliced bread. Now sliced bread that is toasted and buttered is another story entirely. This shizz is so insane, I just had an aneurysm. Are you happy now?!

Please, blog, may I have some more?
Grey

2015 Yahoo’s Fantasy Baseball Ranklings

February 19, 2015 | 2015 Fantasy Baseball Draft | 419 Comments

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In past years, I’ve said the following analogy. There’s years of looking up to your father, whether you agree all the time or not. Then, one day, he takes a poop on your couch. You take him to the hospital; he’s in need of some sort of psychology examination. If the tests come back conclusive that he pooped the couch simply out of laziness, then that’s ESPN. If tests come back that he’s gone crazy, then that’s Yahoo. That’s inaccurate this year. It still holds true for ESPN, but Yahoo seems like it’s taking steps to correct past mistakes. They’ve lost The Noise from the composite rankings, and he’s always said baseball wasn’t his thing. (What is his thing…well…) Funston, Behrens, Del Don and Pianowski do a conscientious job with their rankings. No, I don’t agree with all of them, I’ll get to that. But they do take the time to actually rank, which I’m 99.9% sure can’t be said of ESPN. Yahoo could easily phone-in their rankings like ESPN, but they don’t. That is, indeed, a point for them. Yahoo still seems to be in love the stolen base and guys that can be labeled as ‘hot, unproven bats.’ They don’t rank nearly deep enough and they have some of the funkiest position eligibility decisions, but these all seem to be coming from places of conscious decisions and not, “Tristan, could you rank for everyone today? I just saw Stephen A. Smith in the elevator and he asked me to Au Bon Pain for lunch. Thanks.” That’s a voicemail message that Cockcroft gets every day. Anyway, here’s where my 2015 fantasy baseball rankings differ from the 2015 Yahoo fantasy baseball rankings:

Please, blog, may I have some more?
Grey

Freddie Freeman, 2015 Fantasy Schmohawk

February 18, 2015 | Fantasy Baseball Overrated | 277 Comments

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Some guys are obvious they’re going to be overrated, other guys don’t reveal themselves until I start seeing where others are ranking them. Freddie Freeman fell into the latter category. I wasn’t expecting to see people rank him that much higher than I had him. I mean, I knew people love to love players that are good in real life. It’s the Poseyitis Syndrome again. The general population knows Freeman is a good real baseball player, so if some ‘perts rank him too low or say anything negative on him, then people get upset. As a general rule of thumb, people don’t want to upset other people. I grew up Jersey, so if you’re not upsetting someone else, you’re doing something wrong. You need thick skin to get by. Preferably thick, bronzed skin. When I saw some people ranking Freeman in the top 20 overall and even in the top 15 in some instances, my toes began to tingle and I knew there might be something schmohawky here. Of course, I hadn’t moved off the couch in three months, so I might’ve just lost circulation to my lower extremities. “Get off the couch, Fantasy Master Lothario!” That’s me yelling at myself. So, what makes Freddie Freeman overrated for 2015 fantasy baseball?

Please, blog, may I have some more?
Grey

Fantasy Master Lothario’s Strategic Method of Domination Henceforth

February 17, 2015 | Fantasy Baseball Draft Strategy | 290 Comments

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Or as I like to call it FML SMDH. That’s so pithy it should be a widely used internet acronym. Since Al Gore invented the internet as a means of discovering far-off acronyms, Al would love FML SMDH, if he wasn’t too busy ridding CVSs everywhere of aerosol cans. “Ma’am, our planet is under attack, I need your can of Aqua Net.” That’s Al at a CVS near you. So, in the past, I’ve given you snake draft fantasy baseball strategy posts under the acronym of PEDS, but I just found out that acronym was co-opted by some unseemly business. That you let me carry on for 7 years calling it PEDS, I’m not sure I can ever forgive you. *less than a second later* Okay, I accept your apology. Fantasy baseball strategies are as old as the earth, if the earth were ten or so years old. There’s a LIMA Plan (Low Investment Mound Aces) by Ron Shandler. There was a ZIMA Plan by Matthew Berry; it involved a lot of stumbling around, groping and the hiccups. There’s been a Punt One Category draft strategy. There’s been a Punt Two Categories draft strategy, which was conceived by a leaguemate of Punt One Category who just couldn’t stand being upstaged, and there’s the Forget When Your Draft Is So Your Team Is Autodrafted strategy. I love when my leaguemates use that one. Then there’s my fantasy baseball snake draft strategy, Fantasy Master Lothario’s Strategic Method of Domination Henceforth or FML SMDH. (You might even want to use this strategy for our Razzball leagues. Join now. Thank you.)

FML SMDH has five basic steps. If you follow these steps, you will place near the top in all of your leagues. No plan is foolproof because, unfortunately, they still have to play the games, but FML SMDH puts you in the best position possible to win coming out of your draft. Actually, this plan is foolproof and you should ignore the previous sentence that said no plan is foolproof. No sentence is foolproof, that’s more accurate. Okay, onto the steps:

Please, blog, may I have some more?
Grey

Hey, 2015 ESPN Fantasy Baseball Rankings, Imma Let You Finish But…

February 16, 2015 | 2015 Fantasy Baseball Draft | 335 Comments

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Watch out, because I’m about to eviscerate someone, which Google tells me means to disembowel and I consider softening eviscerate, but decide to stick with it. That’s how mad I am! I’m ready to disembowel after deliberations! Hey, ESPN, you best get your colostomy bag ready cause you’re gonna need it. (By the by, I Googled colostomy bags for the holidays, and I couldn’t find any. I may just invent some and go on Shark Tank and wow Robert Herjavec with my pitch. “Wait, there’s more! A Passover colostomy bag because we know it doesn’t stay unleavened forever.” Don’t steal my invention ideas.) Today, I take a knife and seppuku (I’m running out of thesaurus entries for disemboweling) ESPN’s 2015 fantasy baseball rankings. To the tune of Jackin’ For Beats by Ice Cube. Commence knife to belly:

Please, blog, may I have some more?
Grey

Best Fantasy Baseball Team for 2015

February 13, 2015 | 2015 Fantasy Baseball Draft | 370 Comments

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So the title is a bit of a superlative. What was I gonna say, “The Mostly Kinda Good Fantasy Baseball Team?” You’ll get over your scoffing, I have faith in you. This is the best 2015 fantasy baseball team that I can put together when drafting from my top 100 for 2015 fantasy baseball and top 400 for 2015 fantasy baseball. Honestly, I could draft another 25 teams from those lists, and they’d all be different, but equally terrific… Well, one of the twenty-five would only be almost terrific, but it would be really hard to tell which one that is. If I took Adam Jones in the 1st round, everything after would change. If I took Anthony Rendon in the 1st round, everything after would change. For this exercise, I’m taking Mike Trout first, because, well, I have him first overall. Until pick 100, I’m taking one guy somewhere in every fifteen picks. It would be nice if I was in a league where someone drafted F-Her and Kershaw in the first round and I was able to take Anthony Rizzo in the 2nd round (which is likely), but since Trout and him are in my first 10 picks, according to the rules I’ve set up for myself, I can’t take them both. Then, as we all know, once you get into the 100’s, there’s wide gaps between ADP and where players are actually taken. People tend to look at team need over value. So for this exercise, once I get to pick #101, I’m going to pick two players every twenty picks. Finally, because there is so much latitude in the last 200, I gave myself free reign to fill up my team. Throughout the draft, I also gave myself the ability to reach to a lower draft pick, but not reach forward. Or reach around, if you’re feeling frisky. It should still be my ideal team… Or not. Let’s see, shall we? Bee tee dubya, this team is 5×5, one catcher, 5 OFs, MI, CI, 1 UT, 9 P, 3 bench, just like the Razzball Commenter Leagues (Go sign up or start a league). Anyway, here’s the best 2015 fantasy baseball team:

Please, blog, may I have some more?
Grey

2015 Fantasy Baseball Draft Prep, Pairings

February 12, 2015 | 2015 Fantasy Baseball Draft | 380 Comments

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Here’s a post that’s gonna make you wanna slap ya mama and tell her Don Magic Juan sends his best. The other day I told you how to draft your pitchers for 2015 fantasy baseball. I laid it out to you nice and simple (if you have a degree in “What The Hell Is Grey Talking About?” Not a PhD, mind you. Just a BS.) Today, we forget all that jabberwocky on the who-ha and get down to business old school-style (which means if you don’t comprehend, I will hit you over the head with a baseball bat signed by Joe Clark.) What I’m hoping to lay out to you is who do you draft 2nd if you’ve drafted so and so first. I think it might be helpful to go through pairings for your 5 outfielders, all your middle and corner infielders too. I’m not sure I’ll have the time or patience to do them though. We’ll see! Or not. Your choice. (Actually, my choice.) For easy reference, the royal we will be using the top 10 for 2015 fantasy baseball and the top 20 for 2015 fantasy baseball and the beginning of the top 100 for 2015 fantasy baseball. I’m going to assume you’re in a 12 team, 5×5, MI, CI, 5 OF, 1 Utility, 1 Catcher league, similar to our Razzball Commenter Leagues. (Go join one now. Or join two. Or three.) Anyway, here’s some pairings for the first two rounds of 2015 fantasy baseball drafts:

Please, blog, may I have some more?
Grey

2015 Razzball Commenter Leagues

February 11, 2015 | 2015 Fantasy Baseball Draft, Our Leagues | 419 Comments

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You know what would be really cool? If you could join a fantasy baseball league that was against, like, 1000 other fantasy baseball teams. But not a 1000-person league, where people are trying to figure out who the back-up third baseman is on the Single-A Astros affiliate, the Corpus Christi Amscrayers. No, this is a 12-person league designed so you compete against eleven other people in your league, then 90 other leagues of twelve. That would be cool. Oh, wait, we’ve done that. It’s called the Razzball Commenter Leagues, and they’re back, and you don’t even have to be a commenter to join it! For a limited time only, get your loved one a fantasy baseball league! That’s right, your hearts go pitter-patter or you’re dead on the inside (my condolences). Since back in June when you abandoned your fantasy baseball team because it was totally sucking and you returned to your cubbyhole of leftover Chinese food and Teddy Grahams, you’ve longed for this day. As Bob Marley sang, this is your redemption song, mon. Or womon, for our four girl readers. It’s time again to join some fantasy baseball leagues. Before you close all of your extraneous porn windows and rush to sign up, let’s explain how these fantasy baseball leagues are going to work. We’re going to have a bunch of leagues and crown a winner from each, then we’re going to crown ONE winner from all of the winners. We will be crowning the winner by taking each team’s points and multiplying it against a ‘league competitiveness factor.’ If you want to see how it worked last year, go here. So we’re going to fill up as many fantasy leagues as we can for the next seven weeks. Each fantasy baseball league will be a mixed league, 12 team, snake draft, roto, 5×5, 5 OFs, one Middle Infielder, one Corner Infielder, one Utility, 9 pitchers, 20 game eligibility, 180 Games Started max, 1000 IP minimum. Like last year, we will again be going with TWO DL SLOTS. The only things you need to change from the default settings is the 180 Games Started and the TWO DL SLOTS. Please be vigilant about having the exact same league rules and setup as everyone else. The lineup is also known as: C/1B/2B/SS/3B/CI/MI/5 OF/UTIL/9 P/3 BENCH/2 DL with 180 Games Started and 1000 IP minimum. The fantasy leagues will be played in ESPN and they will be free to join.

We’re going to start with twenty-five leagues of 12 and see how we do from there. To join a league… Sorry, again for the people in the back of the room:

Please, blog, may I have some more?
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