Here’s some things we know about Hector Olivera.  A)  The Braves say he could arrive with the team on Tuesday.  B) The Braves are throwing him into the fire like they’re you at a backyard fire getting rid of all pictures of yourself from high school so no one can ever do a #tbt to you.  The Braves president of baseball operations said Olivera will do a few days in the Gulf Coast League, then start moving him through the system.  That’s fast, since he only has a week of Triple-A games under his belt.  C) There’s no C.  D) B was really long so there’s no D either.  E)  Olivera may not need much minor league time.  He’s not exactly a rookie, he’s 30 years old.  F) That’s a Latin 30; he may really be 44 years old.  G) Money.  H) oly smokes.  I) am Grey.  J) This preseason, I said this about Olivera, “After watching Olivera hit, he looks like Hanley Ramirez.  Out on a limb like the Tootsie Roll owl, Olivera could hit 12-15 homers, steal 6-9 bases and hit .275-ish.  There’s obviously a huge amount of risk, upside, downside and unknown here.  He reminds of another import from this offseason.  Call him The Cuban Kang.”  K) And that’s me quoting me!  L) MNOP Q) Would I own him?  R) you serious?  Of course.  S) CarGo. T)he time to grab him is now.  U) I’m talking to.  V) Great TV show!  W) Great movie!  X) Great black militant!  Y) Cause.  Z) Fin.  Anyway, here’s some more players to buy or sell this week in fantasy baseball:

BUY

Welington Castillo – Where’s the boeuf?!  On your team, hopefully.

Danny Valencia – He sounds like the real name of a porn actor.  “When I knew Pound Hass, he went by the name Danny Valencia.”  You could hear that, right?  Any the hoo!  Valencia has been a very hot schmotato.

Jesus Montero – I went to a guild screening of Straight Outta Compton last night, and it didn’t disappoint.  (Here’s Cube at the Q&A.  One good thing came out of that, an older woman asked if he regretted calling women “bitches and hoes” and Cube said, “I don’t defend punk ass busters, why do women defend bitches and hoes?”) The actor playing Easy should be doing guest spots on albums he was so Easy.  Cube’s son may as well be his younger identical twin, if that shizz was possible.  The movie itself?  It was much more macro than I expected.  Would you be surprised if there was a scene of Cube writing Friday since that happened like five years after Cube left NWA?  I was not expecting to be introduced to Snoop.  Or Pac.  I wanted a small, gritty movie about the formation of one of the greatest rap groups of all time and how they put out one of the best albums ever, and then bitterness and internal feuds ended it as quickly.  I wanted like ’87 to ’89.  I wanted micro.  Maybe that’s on me and my expectations.  It was still a solid B and played like a greatest hits mixtape from ’88 to ’95.  The movie also made me feel old.  What’s next?  A movie about boy bands of the 90’s?  I shouldn’t be old enough to be seeing an NWA movie.  Terrible Segue Alert!  Montero feels like he’s about as old as I felt watching an NWA movie, but he’s only 25, was once highly touted and looks like he’s finally figuring things out.

Asdrubal Cabrera – Now on two weeks in a row with me touting Asdrubal, and he’ll be hot for maybe another week and then we’ll never speak of him again until next year when he inexplicably gets hot for two random weeks.

Yangervis Solarte – This is a Hitter-Tron pick.  Like when the Hitter-Tron goes to a junkyard with a sifter of brandy and pays the junkyard man $50 and picks out the sexiest piece of metal it sees.

Stephen Piscotty – Has been hitting and it’s only a matter of time before the power and speed show up.  When?  Piscotty doesn’t know!

Jake Lamb – If you’re rotating through corner infidels like a nice hunk of shawarma, then Lamb’s a nice option.

Francisco Lindor – When he was called up, everyone had on their hypster glasses, reading their Dave Eggers book, speaking in hashtags and wanting to pick up Lindor, but now everyone seems to be suffering from hypegondria with how little he’s owned.  He’s been good, it’s okay to grab him.

David Peralta – I’m not even sure if Peralta’s been hot or if it’s just the one rotating Diamondbacks outfield slot that’s hot.  They need to put Sandoval in that slot just to confirm if it’s the outfield slot or the player.

Khris Davis – Because you can’t pick up Chris Davis.  Next best thing, and all.

Aaron Hicks – I just gave you my Aaron Hicks fantasy.  It was written while calling my dad, King Kunta, and him saying, “What?”

Jean Machi – The Red Sox named him the closer, then gave the first post-Koji save to Tazawa and Machi hasn’t really been good this year, but there ya go.

Tommy Kahnle – That death, dumb and blind Rockies manager made Tommy the Rockies closer, and he sure plays a mean pinball!

Bruce RondonTigers closer could be Alex Wilson, but if we’re just going on who sounds and throws more like a closer, I’d go Rondon.  I think this will likely be a closerousel shituation that does very few of you any good.  Look at me empathizing and shizz.  I may as well put on a dress!

Matt Cain – I went to the Stream-o-Nator and I grabbed a few picks for this weekend, and here’s what I came up with.  The preceding line sounds like the beginning of a 90’s rap song, right?  Then I walk between big bootied girls in spandex for the video.  Jake Peavy on Saturday looks decent, but streaming all old-as-fudge Giant starters isn’t that exciting.  I could also see Wei-Yin Chen and I’m already going with Rubby on Sunday due to a weekly league.  Please let it be a good Rubby and not an outside-the-jeans rubby.

SELL

Carlos Santana – So, we had some good times.  Like that one random game in July when it looked like Santana was Smooth and not a Black Tragic Woman.  As mentioned last week, trade deadlines have passed in many leagues, so now the Sells are really Drops, but a post called Buy/Drop sounds dopey.  At this point, I’d prefer Random Schmohawk Behind Door #2 than Santana.

Victor Martinez – He got a last-second reprieve last Friday from being in the Sell, due to a two-homer game on Thursday, but this week, we’re ripping that Band-Aid off like it’s a bacon-scented Band-Aid and we have a hot date with a vegan.

Cameron Maybin – Well, he did look good for a short spell, I-N J-U-N-E.

Jhonny Peralta – The problem with all of these Sells (Drops) is if they get hot, they could turn around quickly, and The Superfluous H gets as hot as anyone, so I could see holding him, but he’s hitting .211 with three homers since the All-Star break.

Starlin Castro – Yeah, he’s been barf siphoned through Bartolo Colon’s colon.

 
  1. tentyme says:
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    good afternoon grey !! I’m in a 12 team h2h al/nl weekly points league and would you drop holland for roberto osuna for ROS ? and one other question in our league a pitcher eligible at RP/SP is very valuable. Just about every one is rostered BUT Iglesias is available what do you think about him? it looks like the last month since he’s been put into a regular starting spot he has done pretty well. Would you roster him to use for 2 start weeks only in the RP role and drop either weaver, kholer, jungmann or rubby to do that ? thank you for the help.

    • Grey

      Grey says:
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      @tentyme: Afternoon! I’d want Osuna…I’d lose Koehler for him

  2. kj says:
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    ROS 10 team h2h points league:
    Grichuk or Piscotty?

    • Grey

      Grey says:
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      Grichuk

    • @kj: I would warn against expecting power from Piscotty. All Cardinals-affiliated writeups of him the past couple years have been about how he’s a line drive hitter. Great contact but not a lot of power. I love him for real life baseball, but just like him for fantasy. Double digit homers are pushing it for him, I’d bet. He’s more of a Matt Carpenter (before he started trying to hit more homers this season) type. But who the hell am I? (answer: I’m Hugman)

  3. TC says:
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    Rank ’em: Piscotty, Khris, Parra

    12-team categories h2h

    • Grey

      Grey says:
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      Davis

  4. MisterMister says:
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    “Hypegondria.” A worthy winner for your glossary request.

    • Grey

      Grey says:
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      Yeah, that was Rudy’s though

      • J-FOH says:
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        @Grey: when did we have a glossary term contest?

        • Grey

          Grey says:
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          It happened a few weeks ago for that one

          • J-FOH says:
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            @Grey: thats what i thought, I didnt want you thinking I wasnt reading

            • Grey

              Grey says:
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              Mm-hmm

              • J-FOH says:
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                @Grey: will there be a test?

                • Grey

                  Grey says:
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                  There’s always a test

  5. Great White North says:
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    I currently have Victor Martinez as a UTIL slot in an RCL and need to drop him for the seventh time. Replace with K. Davis or stream the spot?

    • Grey

      Grey says:
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      I’d try Davis, but likely just stream

  6. Bernie Brewer says:
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    No specific category or position needed – who would you rather have: Calhoun or Sano?

    Thanks, have a great weekend !

    • Grey

      Grey says:
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      Calhoun, you too!

  7. ashtray says:
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    So here it is then: drop Carlos Santana (my 4th round pick ) for Wellington Castillo?

    • Grey

      Grey says:
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      Go for it

      • ashtray says:
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        @Grey: Gross

  8. I be Teheran it Up! says:
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    Sup G money, funny ass shizz bro!…
    Polanco is available but I have a plethora of OFs. I have Melky, Betts, Rusney, Brantley, and Mr. Glass HanRam. I can even drop Vogt or Odor for Polanco. What say you?
    And great stuff as always

    • Grey

      Grey says:
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      Thanks! Drop Vogt

      • I be Teheran it Up! says:
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        @Grey: should mention I have 9 moves left in this one league for the ROS. I have Castillo at catcher, so do you think I’ll be good with him for the ROS?… and thanks G!

        • Grey

          Grey says:
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          I wouldn’t waste a move on this

  9. Great White North says:
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    Straight Outta Compton.

    I remember this album well in the last days of the class of ’88. One of my fellow lily white friends popped it in as we were cruising the burbs in our mullets.

    We listened to nothing else the summer before college, and I don’t think we knew why. It had absolutely nothing to do with our lives, hence the appeal. And it was incredible. I would be lying if I said I was a rap fan, but the politics of NWA and Public Enemy was and is solid if you ignore the misogyny.

    Plus, Fuck Tha Police. I heard a folk singer cover this song a few years ago. Not bad.

    Thanks for the movie review. The should have went micro instead of legacy scrubbing and building it sounds like.

    • Grey

      Grey says:
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      Yeah, just one man’s opinion, I’d say to check it out still… One of the best albums of all-time though…Cube’s a great writer and Dre’s a great producer and both entering their peak

      • Great White Noth says:
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        Ice Cube’s supporting role in Boyz is almost Oscar worthy. His Friday shit is about as entertaining and as Half Baked, and relies on flatulence for humor.

        • Grey

          Grey says:
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          I didn’t write this in the post, but I was really surprised by how funny Cube was in the Q&A…He’s just naturally a goof…I think it helped NWA too that their lyrics have a sense of humor

          • Sandlot Bully says:
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            @Grey: Movie was great! Took me back. Grey, I’m jealous I wasn’t at the Q&A.

            • Grey

              Grey says:
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              Next time you gotta ask Cougs!

  10. Chris says:
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    Hello grey,

    Thanks!
    Should I drop Lucroy for Castillo?

    Regards!

    • Grey

      Grey says:
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      Yup

  11. Bobby says:
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    In a standard mixed 12-team keeper Yahoo league. Currently in 4th place (9 points away from 1st). Here’s my roster:

    C – Grandal, Lucroy
    1B – Freeman (DL), Howard
    2B – Wong
    3B – Machado
    SS – Correa
    OF – Brantley, Marte, Heyward, Pederson, R. Castillo
    SP – Kluber, Cole, Keuchel, Odorrizi, Bauer
    RP – Papelbon, Gregerson, Ziegler, Osuna, Kahnle

    I need power (HR, RBI) and I’m willing to trade away Joc Pederson for it (I can only keep 5 guys next year and I don’t think he would make the cut, anyway). Please rank the following four players as to which you would trade for: Eric Hosmer, Nelson Cruz, Mark Teixeira, Jose Bautista

    • Grey

      Grey says:
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      Bautista, Cruz, Tex

  12. Cram It says:
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    Fun fact: Hector Olivera is not available in the yahoo database!

    • Grey

      Grey says:
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      Yeah, I think cause he signed after they released their game this year

      • ROTO OVERLORD says:
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        @Grey: LOL!

      • gobiggreen says:
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        @Grey: they’ve got to eventually put him on right? i mean….right? ha

        • Grey

          Grey says:
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          Ha, you’d hope

    • Montezuma's Revenge... right now says:
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      @Cram It: people been whining about that one (your like the 23rd comment to that effect) since april.

      • Montezuma's Revenge... right now says:
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        @Montezuma’s Revenge… right now: i’m agreeing with the whining, but there’s like at least 40 of Mike’s top 10 for 30 teams lists not in yahoo.

  13. Peter Nincompoop says:
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    I spent more time reading the Jesus Montero comment (cause of you’re movie review of SOC), then I did the opening, but I’ve been keeping an eye on Olivera for a while. In a 10-Team OBP league, I probably got a chance to cut bait with Santana, Lind or Khris Davis and pick up Olivera on Sunday. I’m going to be in the playoffs, so don’t have much room for error. Would you consider dropping either?

    Is Straight Outta Compton a “date night” movie (Mrs. Nincompoop would be game), or a round up the college friends, sneak in a 40oz of OE (or, Hurricane Ice if you’re riding dirty) and sit in the back row type of movie? Have a good afternoon!

    • Peter Nincompoop says:
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      @Peter Nincompoop: P.S. Why does auto correct always assume you’re using “you’re”. Not cool.

      • Grey

        Grey says:
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        Ha, I have so many problems with autocorrect, where to begin