Andrew Benintendi has been…Actually, we should stop there and dissect those first four words. He is Andrew Benintendi, as far as I know. ‘Has been’ is interesting, but more of the hyphenated word ‘has-been,’ as in ‘once was’ as in, “I saw Tom Arnold at the Whole Foods near me, what a has-been.” Funny side note that is actually related, as most of you know, Rudy does the titles, I write the posts. So to get a title, I text him what I want the lede to be. Yesterday, I texted him, “Benintendi is a sh*tbird, but might be coming out of it with a homer, title ideas?” That really is it, isn’t it? What more is there to say? His strikeout rate is egregious (for him), up from 16% to 23.6%. His home run per fly ball would make Juan Pierre be like, “Nuh-uh, cuz, you don’t play with that turd.” On top of the vomitorium that is housing his stats, he’s hitting so many fly balls (46%) that are going nowhere (87.5 MPH average exit velocity). This is actually a recipe for disaster I just made-up: Benintendi has 17th most extreme launch angle and the 7th (!) worst HR/FB. In layman’s terms, he’s hitting everything up and nothing out. That’s awful. So, yesterday was a solid game (3-for-5 with his 8th homer, hitting .266), but I’d be careful thinking he has been good, without the hyphen. Anyway, here’s what else I saw yesterday in fantasy baseball:
Eduardo Rodriguez – 7 IP, 0 ER, 6 baserunners (4 BBs), 6 Ks, ERA at 4.10. Ed-Rod feels like the kind of guy who has a 2.50 ERA on your bench and a 6.75 ERA in your lineup. I don’t know if he does…Okay, actually, I do, because I broke into your house last night. Nice furnishings! He does have an under-2 ERA for the month of July, so he should just be in your lineup.
J.D. Martinez – 2-for-5, 4 RBIs and his 20th homer, hitting .287. Just Dong because the alternative is just don’t.
Jalen Beeks – 3 2/3 IP, 8 ER, ERA at 3.69. More like Jalen Reeks! High-five the crap out of my hand! No? Okay.
Shawn Kelley – Hit the IL with biceps tightness, and Rangers’ manager Steve Winwood said, “We have to roll with it, Dear Mr. Fantasy.” Cool, Steve. I grabbed Chris Martin, who has seen most save opportunities the last few months when Kelley wasn’t able to go, but this could be the chance for Jose Leclerc to get his job back.
Kyle Seager – 1-for-3, 2 runs and his 7th homer. Who has more homers: Corey or Kyle Seager? Okay, Corey, but he only has eight and has almost 100 more at-bats. The Seagers have as many homers as Rougned Odor, who hit his 15th homer last night.
Edwin Jackson – Signed a minor league deal with the Tigers. When Edwin Jackson retires, he’s going to have to sign one-day contracts with all 30 teams and all their minor league affiliates because it’ll be too hard to choose his favorite.
Ryan Zimmerman – Hit the IL with plantar fasciitis. I’m not going to B & M about how I could’ve drafted Matt Adams instead of Zimmerman in my deeper leagues for half the price and five bajillion times the value. B’d that, M’d there. I will say it’s bizarre how it seems like only corner men get plantar fasciitis. Real question: a lot of prostitutes get plantar fasciitis or nah?
Ryan Goins – 2-for-4 and his 2nd homer. Elias Sports Bureau said Goins has the must ready-made home run call last name since Luis Overthefenceio, but Overthefenceio only saw 54 career at-bats with the Seattle Pilots, and no home runs, which made very confusing play-by-play.
James McCann – 1-for-4 and his 12th homer, hitting .292. “Right here we have the crater formed from me dropping McCann for Danny Jansen.” That’s me giving a tour of my home office and all the holes in the wall.
Yoan Moncada – 2-for-4, 4 RBIs and his 18th homer. Yoan can homer and so can you! By the by, if you play fantasy football and want to get in a Best Ball league, we’re doing one with a bunch of ‘perts. You can play against Andy Behrens, Brad Evans, Scott Pianowski, and non-Yahoo guys (there’s about 120 ‘perts from other sites, CBS guys, Sirius XM guys, you name it). Follow the instructions here. To be the best, you have to beat the chest while beating the best.
Jorge Alfaro – 1-for-3 and his 11th homer, hitting .278. Eleven homers isn’t bad. Dot dot dot. If this were April 20th! Let’s go, Alfaro!
C.J. Cron – Hit the IL with thumb inflammation. Cron seems to have a low-grade case of Gamelitis. It’s a disease named after Mat Gamel, who would suddenly get hurt every time he received everyday playing time.
Mitch Garver – 3-for-4, 3 runs and his 18th and 19th homers. You want Mitch Garver or Gary Sanchez? Okay, answer again after I tell you Garver has a .304 average and Gary’s hitting .233. Same answer or different?
Jorge Polanco – 2-for-3, 2 runs and his 14th homer. Because Polanco was hitting .226 in July, I received my first “drop Polanco” question yesterday in three months, so we can all thank that person. Way to take one for the Razzteam!
Max Kepler – 1-for-3 and his 25th homer. I knew the Twins would hit a lot of homers against the Yankees, because, well, they hit a lot vs. everyone. They’re on pace for like 275 homers this year, but I had Marwin and Sano, which sounds like a detective show that investigates insurance claims, and they went 0-for-8.
DJ LeMahieu – 3-for-4, 2 RBIs and his 15th homer, hitting .338. I guess if he’s not going to cool off, the alternative of him being wildly overrated next year isn’t bad either.
Luke Voit – 1-for-4 and his 19th homer. The Reverse Jinx Sell rears its head! Wait a minute, it painted a nose on its butt! Oh, gross!
Ryan Borucki – 4 2/3 IP, 2 ER, ERA at 3.86, as he was activated from the IL. Borucki ducki mucki be fie-foe ducki…Borucki is barely a streamer in deep leagues, and the Streamonator hates his next start and I wouldn’t go near him.
Oscar Mercado – 2-for-4, 2 runs, 2 RBIs and his 8th homer, hitting .297. It’s not too early to talk about 2020, is it? Don’t answer, because I can’t hear you anyway. Mercado feels to me like a Laureano-type that is forgotten about next year, and I’m all about him.
Daniel Ponce De Leon – 3 IP, 1 ER, 7 baserunners (4 BBs), 3 Ks, ERA at 2.82. He was on my short list of guys I wanted to cover today with the lede, but this wasn’t even yawnstipating. Ponce De Leon was like your standard Florida Man who wrestles meth gators who pop out of his toilet while he’s auditioning for a music competition reality show, or something very Florida-like. Super pumped for PDL’s next start this week in my weekly leagues where I started him. Lowercase yay!
Paul Goldschmidt – 1-for-4, 4 RBIs and his 19th homer, hitting .248. Au Shizz!
Carlos Martinez – 1 IP, 1 ER, ERA at 3.86, and his 9th save. Who said about Hall of Famer Mariano Rivera that even a mediocre starter could be great reliever? His browbeating mother? That’s awful of her. Carlos Martinez is trying to prove Mama Rivera wrong, because he does not look cut out for the closer job.
Robel Garcia – 1-for-4 and his 4th homer in only his 13th game. He could end up hitting .220 when this doohickey is donehickey’d but he has big-time power.
Aledmys Diaz – 1-for-4, 2 runs, 3 RBIs and his 6th homer, hitting .284, as he was activated from the IL. With Tyler White being DFA’d — damn, between White, Peacock and DeJong, not the best year to draft based on Clue — Diaz went to third, Yuli (3-for-3, 3 RBIs and his 19th homer) to 1st and Bregman to short. Diaz is the most platoony guy there, but it shows you the lengths the Astros are going to not bring up Kyle Tucker. I could see owning Diaz, but you might have to platoon him.
Yordan Alvarez – 2-for-3, 2 runs, 2 RBIs and his 11th homer. As the ladies say, what a beautiful dong. Who’s dong? Yordan.
Gerrit Cole – 7 IP, 1 ER, 3 baserunners, 11 Ks, ERA at 3.03. This might sound goofy, but, after Scherzer, who’s the number two starter in the majors? Are you sure you want to say deGrom or Verlander and not Cole?
Homer Bailey – 2 IP, 9 ER, ERA at 5.42. Yes, but Billy Beane has a perfect record, except, ya know, with getting to World Serieses (Serii? Siri?).
Tyler Mahle – Hit the IL with a hammy strain. A T. Mahle shouldn’t even have ham. Carne asada strain? Sure!
Raisel Iglesias – 2/3 IP, 3 ER, ERA at 4.60, as he entered in what? The 7th? Jesus, Iglesias apologize to David Bell already so he stops making a martyr out of you! He’s crucifying your fantasy value. Honestly, I think it might be mutual, and Iglesias hates Bell right back. Forgive and forget! The Golden Rule! Do onto others as they’d SAGNOF onto you! I’d say grab Michael Lorenzen, but he’s also being used randomly in all innings. Jared Hughes got the save (1/3 IP, 0 ER, ERA at 2.93). I guess he could be the closer, but why on this earth that Al Gore is eating his way through didn’t he start the 9th?!
Eugenio Suarez – 2-for-5, 4 RBIs and his 25th and 26th homer, hitting .253. Hall of Famer, Eugenio Suarez! Well, Harold Baines made it so technically anyone is a Hall of Famer if they play long enough. Ryan Goins be goin’s in the Hall of Fame in 2078, if he gets 75,000 at-bats.
Tyler Saladino – 1-for-2, 4 RBIs and a slam (2) and legs (2), and his 2nd homer in as many games, so I guess hot schmotato, but Keston’s supposed to be playing 2nd, not Saladino. I could see Counsell saying something like, “We wanna play the hot hand and Saladino’s hot.” Then, in my dreams, Keston screams, “I was hitting .600 and you sent me down for Travis Shaw, you motherf**ker!”
Brandon Woodruff – Will miss up to six weeks with his oblique strain, and puts him in jeopardy with missing the rest of the year. Damn, dog, Brandon Woofruff.