(NOTE: THIS POST WAS RELEASED EARLY THIS WEEK ON OUR PATREON. IT’S $10/MONTH OR $13/MONTH WITH AN EXTRA WEEKLY PODCAST.)
Yabba Dabba Baddoo! Big Bad Baddoo Daddy! He’s a Baddoo Baddoo man! Who? Akil Baddoo, that’s who who. Whatchu gonna doo doo when Akil Baddoo comes for you you? You you have no answer because Baddoo makes the rooroo-ules. Don’t you you see see I’m Greybot3000 and and I am am malfunctioning…please oil my joints. Steam pours out of Greybot’s ears, slowly he falls over and puns mutter out onto the floor. Yikes, I might need a mechanic. So, Tigers have Grossman, the two outcome player leading off, then it just gets progressively worse until the 9th place hitter and Andre 3000’s ex namleganger, Baddoo. If I’m the Tigers, I’m staying the hell away from Joe Exotic, and I am not leaving Baddoo in the nine hole. Let my man sink or swim, and move him up to the three hole. He might be a hot schmotato, but he had a year at the tender age of 19 in Class A, where he hit 11 homers, and stole 24 bags. He’s never struggled with strikeouts, and actually could have a .360-ish OBP. With a 55-grade power tool and 60-grade speed, you might just sneak into a 25/20/.260 guy. Whatever the case, I grabbed him everywhere. Now let’s put on our pinstripe suit, patented leather shoes, and watch Big Bad Baddoo Daddy swing with their hit song, You & Me & Baddoo Makes 3. Anyway, here’s some more players to Buy or Sell this week in fantasy baseball:
Omar Narvaez – Was a bit surprised at how low he was going in drafts, and wish I had drafted him more, but that time is gone now. He’s still not rostered in nearly enough leagues, and it’s not often you can change something in this life, but you can change whether or not Omar Narvaez is on your team. True, profound change.
Max Stassi – I know what you’re likely thinking, isn’t Max Stassi the German pop group that dressed like the police and sang that song, “Move Your Bonn Bonn,” about the relocating of dissenters. Nein, men and five fraus, Stassi is a cheap power source for fantasy.
Nate Lowe – Technically, Sweet N. Lowe is rostered in more than 50% of ESPN leagues which excludes him from this post, but I make the rules, and I break them. What are you going to do, send the Max Stassi after me? No, you move your Bonn Bonn! Damn, that Max Stassi is catchy.
Colin Moran – Ya know what I figured out the other day? You think you’re starting a cult, but you’re really starting a documentary. But, related to fantasy, I also realized that we’re finding out if 2020’s stats were small samples or the start of something. Moran hit 10 HRs last year, and has come out of the gate hot. He might be a 25+ homer guy now, that everyone took for a 12-homer guy who got lucky last year.
Donovan Solano – Fun fact! Donovan Solano was born at a rave while a DJ mixed Here Comes the Sun with Season of the Witch. For deep leagues, Solano is a guy that will be more valuable than you think. For shallow leagues, you’re gonna struggle to hold him.
Jazz Chisholm – Worried that by the time May rolls around he’s going to be hitting .185 and people are gonna be like, “This is worst than Ken Burns’s 12-hour history of every Satchmo in history.”
Luis Arraez – All he does is hit for average, an exact opposite of Jazz. Call him Luis Hard Rock. Just not the one that is opened by Bruce Willis on a harmonica.
Zach McKinstry – McKinstry sounds like a late-90s NYC nightclub. “Do they play Luis Hard Rock there?” That’s someone asking about Zach McKinstry’s DJ. Any hoo! McKinstry is filling in for a few banged-up Dodgers. Speaking of which, Trevor Bauer’s agent has banged-up a few Dodgers, huh? Okay, okay, OKAY! As I was saying, McKinstry is playing, but isn’t much more than a warm body in deeper leagues, but he could hit for solid contact.
Isiah Kiner-Falefa – By the by, I put this column in order by position eligibility, but if you’re in a Yahoo league, and the Israel Diner-Falafel has catcher eligibility and isn’t rostered, your league isn’t paying attention. Change your bedsheets, ladies, and pack up that chickpea; it’s time to hit up the Diner-Falafel.
Ha-Seong Kim – I’ll be honest, have no idea what to make of this guy. I’m starting to think my Gladwell Blink reaction to him that I shouldn’t get excited because the KBO is about as good as Double-A — *cough* Dan Straily is Randy Johnson in the KBO *cough* — but Kim will see playing time now that Tatis is sidelined, so maybe give him a whirl.
Geraldo Perdomo – Here’s what I said the other day, “Called up by the Dbags and here’s what Prospect Itch had to say about the Italian coastal city Perdomo, ‘(He) got a lot of well-deserved love for being among the youngest players to hold his own in 2019’s Arizona Fall League. He reminds of a young Robinson Cano for the way he stands right on the top of the plate and uses that angle to his advantage, working deep counts and walking as much or more than he strikes out. It’s a little unfathomable that as a 19-year-old in High A, he walked 12.3 percent of the time while striking out in just 9.6 percent of his 114 plate appearances. This came after he split Ks and BBs right down the middle in A ball at 14.5 percent. He might have to get a little more aggressive in his approach as he gets attacked in the zone at the higher levels, but if ain’t broke . . . .Speaking of which, I’d like to break Grey.’ What the eff, my dude? So, would the Diamondbacks call up one of their top prospects for only a week or two, or are they just not telling us Nick WebMD is going to be out for much longer? I’m not sure, but I put in waiver claims on Perdomo in NL-Only leagues, and am monocle’ing in mixed leagues.” And that’s me quoting me quoting Itch!
David Dahl – The other day someone said, and apologies forgetting who, that Dahl might stay healthy because he was out of Colorado; there is some science that says it’s harder to stay healthy at that attitude. Maybe there’s something to it. Don’t know, and barely, just barely, care.
Kyle Isbel – Wouldn’t mind if he fought a little harder for my affection. So far definitely hasn’t been Kyle Isbellicose.
Manuel Margot – With Kevin Kiermaier out — damn, someone check on Rudy — Margot should see everyday playing time, and get steals, which might even be selling him short. Did someone say selling shorts? STONKS! Hey, anyone know where I can get my Gamestop store? I think I bought one.
Tyler Naquin – Please, call him Tyler Aristides Naquino.
Julian Merryweather – This guy is at 49.7% owned, and prolly will be over 50% by the time this posts, but I couldn’t leave him off. He could be a top five closer this year. If nothing else, he has the most badass name. It’s almost like when a baby is born you decide whether they’re gonna be a closer by what you name them. Julian Merryweather? Closer. Ryan Borucki? Not a closer. Josh Hader? Closer. Grey Albright? Not a closer.
Kevin Ginkel – Another guy who could be the closer for a number of teams, and one of those being the Diamondbacks. Wouldn’t shock me at all if Joakim Soria returns for the 8th inning and Ginkel (or Stefan Crichton) get the 9th. Also, wouldn’t surprise me if Soria takes the 9th back. As the guy says who can’t follow a Jell-o recipe, it’s fluid.
Daniel Hudson – Do we have an ETA on Hand? *slowly pulls hand out of pocket* Wow, that was fast!
Cesar Valdez – “Damn, he took Josh Hader in the 4th? I don’t want to miss out on the closer run, so I’m gonna take Cesar Valdez in the 5th.” That’s you in next year’s drafts. I kid. But Valdez should be grabbed.
Ian Kennedy – It appears that Kennedy is following Bush, so nothing’s changed.
Daniel Bard – The Leaping Lanny Poffo of MLB closers. Please, Bard, read us a poem. *clears throat*
There once was a man from Nantucket.
He had so many closers, he told his opponents, “Suck it!”
He said, with a grin, as he wiped off his chin,
If my ear hears a team’s in the 9th inning hunt,
I grabbed a guy off waivers and say, “F*ck it.”
Fernando Tatis Jr. – *fighting tears* This…is not easy. This is…*dramatically puts handkerchief to forehead*…sadness. Why? Why? Why? Why? Is someone going to answer or am I just going to keep repeating myself? Welp, I never thought I’d be here in the 2nd Buy/Sell of the year, telling you to sell Tatis. What if, dare I say, by the end of the year, 2020 looks good compared to 2021? The hell we wrought! And by “we” I’m basically meaning you. You brought this on us. You can go to our Fantasy Baseball Trade Analyzer and see about ‘fair’ trades, but I bet you’re gonna have to sell low, which sucks, but I’d guess Tatis’s year looks like this: Returns for a few weeks, hits a home run or two, then re-injures himself and is out for the season. I wouldn’t trade Tatis for college scholarship help from Felicity Huffman but I would explore options.