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As always, probable pitchers are subject to change.  For a look at all fantasy baseball streamers, click that link.

Everyone got all excited last Wednesday because Bartolo Colon hit a double in a game that he also won. Obviously, this was worthy of some attention given the fact that Colon is 41, bears a close resemblance to “Big P*ssy” Bonpensiero, and the fact that he twirled eight innings of one-run ball en route to the victory in St. Louis, which is not an easy place to pitch. Lost in all of that was the fact that Terry Collins took Colon out heading into the 9th at only 86 pitches. Unless Colon asked to come out because his mummy arm was falling off, I just don’t get it. It’s another one of those robot moves that make baseball managers so infuriating. Oh, it’s the 9th inning and we have a lead of three runs or less, time to bring in the closer. Nevermind that we don’t really have a closer, and that the closer of the night is Jenrry Mejia, whose birth certificate was typed up by someone who liked to eat peanut butter at their desk. Nevermind that the backup plan for that is a guy (Dana Eveland) who has a different hat on in his fantasy baseball profile photo. Well, Mejia almost blew it, which would have not only cost the 700-year-old Colon a well-deserved victory but would have also pissed off fantasy managers everywhere, including right here. Except for a few turdlet pies, Colon has been surprisingly sturdy in 2014. Maybe it’s not so surprising given his strong performance in the telling strikeout per walk category, where he’s at 5.3, good for sixth right behind Stephen Strasburg. It would have looked really silly, but I almost put Bartolo in the first tier, with starts in his cavernous home against Oakland and continues in Pittsburgh, where teams just don’t score a lot for some reason. He’s only 36 percent owned in Yahoo, 37 percent owned in ESPN. He’s definitely worth a spin while he’s going good, especially at Citi Field.

Here’s some more two-start pitchers for the week:

Must Start

Clayton Kershaw (@KC, STL), Felix Hernandez (BOS, CLE), Chris Sale (@BAL, @TOR)

Maybe you’ve heard of the No-Hitter Hangover. A pitcher deals a no-no, does a spot on “The Tonight Show” and goes on a four-day bender with three hookers, a clown and Bronson Pinchot. Too many distractions, and the result is a stinker, or lesser game, in their next start. The numbers back it up too – in 2012, Fangraphs looked at 22 pitchers and found that 17 of them had higher ERAs in their first post-gem start than their season average. Sure, that could happen to Clayton Kershaw as easily as it did to, say, Carlos Zambrano after his 2008 no-hitter in which he gave up 8 ER in less than 2 IP, but are you even thinking about sitting him this week or ever? Didn’t think so.

First Tier

Zack Greinke (@KC, STL), Andrew Cashner (@SF, ARI), Gio Gonzalez (@MIL, @CHC), C.J. Wilson (MIN, @KC), Mark Buehrle (NYY, CWS), Jeff Samardzija (CIN, WAS), John Lackey (@SEA, @NYY), Alfredo Simon (@CHC, @SF), Alex Cobb (PIT, @BAL)

C.J. Wilson gets Minnesota at home, where he’s 5-1 with a 2.45 ERA and a 1.01 WHIP, and the Royals in KC, where they’re kind of not so great offensively. Also, John Lackey is only 77 percent owned in Yahoo. Just thought I’d throw that out there.

Second Tier

Wei-Yin Chen (CWS, TB), Yovani Gallardo (WAS, COL), Tim Hudson (SD, CIN), Bartolo Colon (OAK, @PIT), Scott Feldman (ATL, DET), Matt Garza (WAS, COL), Lance Lynn (@COL, @LAD), Drew Smyly (@TEX, @HOU), Chris Archer (PIT, @BAL), Homer Bailey (@CHC, @SF), Andrew Heaney (@PHI, OAK), Jeff Locke (@TB, NYM),  Chase Whitley (@TOR, BOS), Nathan Eovaldi (@PHI, OAK), Matt Cain (SD, CIN)

Lynn and Smyly have both been pitching well, but both draw one killer assignment (Lynn’s Rockies adventure, Smyly’s trip to Arlington) and one non-killer start, with Smyly clearly getting the better of the two in Houston. If you’re in a weekly league don’t start these guys. Also, I really do appreciate the Padres making things easy on us fantasy baseball managers. We don’t even have to check to see if a game is in Petco or on the road, because San Diego can’t hit no matter where they play.

Third Tier

Drew Hutchison (NYY, CWS), Jose Quintana (@BAL, @TOR), Jeremy Guthrie (LAD, LAA), Kyle Gibson (@LAA, @TEX), Justin Masterson (@ARI, @SEA), David Buchanan (MIA, ATL), Roberto Hernandez (MIA, ATL), Shelby Miller (@COL, @LAD), Aaron Harang (@HOU, @PHI), Jhoulys Chacin (STL, @MIL), Edinson Volquez (@TB, NYM)

Minnesota pitcher Kyle Gibson is no bastard of young, and if not for the matchups and his status as a Twin I’d consider rolling him out there.

Don’t Start

Jorge De La Rosa (STL, @MIL), Colby Lewis (DET, MIN)

What do you think about what happened to Colby Lewis? Who’s Colby Lewis? Lewis Texas Ranger. His season is falling out of a window. That’s one way to say it. Another way is, he wears a hat that is ten sizes too small for his dome. Another way is, his dome is too big for his hat. And even another way is, his dome is too big and his hat is too small, and opponents are hitting .336 against him and he has zero quality starts on the year, and that’s why he’s throwing his season out of the window to the tune of a 5.97 ERA and a 1.86 WHIP and never should start for any team, real or fake. Is that a fact? No it’s not, it’s just what I heard. Who told you this? They. They talk a lot, don’t they? They certainly do.

  1. peep says:
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    And where would you rank Stroman, my son?

    • Pete Nice

      Pete Nice says:
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      @peep: yea missed him. bottom of second tier.

  2. Bob says:
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    Hey pete, last I checked i saw Jordan Zimmerman as two starts for week 13 but now I don’t even see the nationals on the schedule for Sunday the 29th? I’m hoping he just has one start- I’m facing an owner who has kershaw (2 start), darvish (1), Zimmerman (1 or 2?) then his RP are starters ; Alfredo Simon (2) & Whitley (2 start)

    I on the other hand will have lackey (2 start), tanaka (1 start), cashner (2 start), keuchel at RP (1 start), and smyly (2 start)

    • Pete Nice

      Pete Nice says:
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      @Bob: you’re looking good

  3. Daddy Gray says:
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    There’s a chance my baby boy gets a second start next weekend @MIA. (First is @NYM.) Would that make him a must-start? Or a first-tierer? What do you think are the odds they skip Mills with a 5-game week?

    • Pete Nice

      Pete Nice says:
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      @Daddy Gray: I’d must start him if he gets 2

  4. Andrew says:
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    how would you rank Eovaldi, Masterson, Heaney, and Arrieta ROS. Not really in need of the Ks, so mainly ratios and wins.

    • Pete Nice

      Pete Nice says:
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      @Andrew: arrietta, eov, Heaney, masterbaterson

  5. Shaggy says:
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    Um…two starts from CJ Wilson would be nice, but I’m pretty sure the 25th is a Monday.

    • Shaggy says:
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      @Shaggy: Yeah, meant the 30th. Ok, I can see where you might get mixed up on dates.

      • Pete Nice

        Pete Nice says:
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        @Shaggy: I have Wilson going Tuesday and Sunday of next week.

  6. Mike says:
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    Please rank Hosmer,Laroche,morse ROS
    Thx!

    • Pete Nice

      Pete Nice says:
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      @Mike: laroche morse hosmer

  7. Milarky says:
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    I need to pick 3 from the following one-starters: Fister (@CHC), Kluber (@ARI), Anibal Sanchez (@TEX), Minor (@HOU), Odorizzi (@BAL). Normally I’d leave Odorizzi off, but he has been pretty awesome lately (today especially).

    • Pete Nice

      Pete Nice says:
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      @Milarky: I hear you but @BAL ain’t vs HOU. I’d go Fister, Kluber, Minor personally

  8. malamoney

    malamoney says:
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    Not a two-starter, but what do you know about Jesse Hahn?

    • Steve Stevenson says:
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      @malamoney: She was in one of the Playboys my dad kept stashed in the closet when I was a kid.

      • malamoney

        malamoney says:
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        @Steve Stevenson: that chick is old and used to be a regular guest on the Howard Stern Show. Wrong person dude!

    • Pete Nice

      Pete Nice says:
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      @malamoney: He’s like the pitching version of Roy Hobbs. Not much out there. He’s tall, and after coming back from his elbow problems his fastball was rated best in the Rays’ system in 2012. I picked him up the other day in a league that’s not that deep. also, check out his profile pic here. yipes!!
      http://www.rotoworld.com/player/mlb/7659/jesse-hahn

  9. DiRo says:
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    I am hurting at pitching, Verlander and Bailey have killed me this year, plus I got Masterson and in a 5×5 stats league I can never trust him enough to start him. Would you drop Masterson for Danny Duffy?

    • DiRo says:
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      @DiRo: Or my other options are Drew Smyly and Clay Buccholz

    • Pete Nice

      Pete Nice says:
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      @DiRo: I like Smyly a lot when he has a good matchup, and I’m holding him in one league until he barfs again. I’d rather stream Duffy than kick the tires on Clay.

    • Pete Nice

      Pete Nice says:
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      @DiRo: I like Smyly a lot when he has a good matchup, and I’m holding him in one league until he barfs again. I’d rather stream Duffy than kick the tires on Clay.

  10. Brian Roberts says:
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    I’m looking good next week, with Kershaw, Cobb, Cashner, Heaney, Stroman, and Gibson. Problem is, I can only start 5, unless I bench Uehara and play Stroman in my RP slot. Is that a good move? Oh – it’s a points league, QS’ s & W’s are split, so a good QS will get points.
    Is Gibson really the odd man out? He’s been so good lately (which means he’s due for a clunker, I guess)

    • Pete Nice

      Pete Nice says:
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      @Brian Roberts: na, I was baking in the sun at an amusement park when I made the comment on Stroman. He’ll rebound but keep Gibson and Uehara in there

  11. lookatmenow says:
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    hope homer starts to lock it up. he’s slowly gotten better, but still getting hit hard IMO.

    question. what side of cj wilson/alex gordon/choo or scherzer/rios are you on?
    thanks

    • Pete Nice

      Pete Nice says:
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      @lookatmenow: Scherzer side

  12. Matt R says:
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    In need of some future pitching help but somehow sitting in 2nd in my league. I’m looking to stash away a pitching prospect, many ppl in my league do this. Already taken is Heaney, Nelson, Walker, Gausman. Who would you recommend stashing now?

  13. Keith Allums says:
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    Is Cole returning going to push Locke back? He’s scheduled for Tues/Sun right now.

  14. Guided voices says:
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    Hey Pete….

    10tm h2h keeper league(obp and k/9),we keep 10 and I’m pretty much ready for a fire sale.

    I need OF help and I was just offered Heaney and Cargo for Felix.what do y’think.

    • Guided voices says:
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      @Guided voices: btw,another great post.

      ….I own”Sal” in all of my leagues,including a pts league which scores very generously for CGs.

      In general,I just hate closers.i hate the way most mgrs use their closers.i hate having to use draft picks on closers,and I hate the fact that every single time one loses their job,I get beat to the waiver wire.

      • Pete Nice

        Pete Nice says:
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        @Guided voices: the only problem with CarGO is he’s constantly getting hurt. I’d almost rather have CarGOM who runs into walls and is back a week later. Throw in another decent bat and I guess I’d do that deal in a fire sale. But just know Cargo could very likely get a hangnail sometime next year.

      • Pete Nice

        Pete Nice says:
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        @Guided voices: also, thanks. and i hear you on the closers – that’s why I punt in almost every league

  15. Matt says:
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    Have a chance of dealing my $13 Teixeira to a rebuilding team in my keeper league for a $23 Chris Davis, should I pull the trigger?

    • Pete Nice

      Pete Nice says:
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      @Matt: I would

  16. Justin B says:
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    Was able to add Melancon as a 4th closer – I can only start 3. Have Kimbrel, D-Rob, Reed, and Melancon.

    1. Do you think Melancon closes the ROS?
    2. Was thinking about dangling Kimbrel out there – Kimbrel for Adam Jones? for Justin Upton? for Yoenis Cespedes? (league uses OBP which hurts Jones who will swing at literally ANYTHING) – a guy in my league has all three in the OF and is desperate for a closer.

    Thanks

    • Pete Nice

      Pete Nice says:
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      @Justin B: 1. nothing is guaranteed on closers. I hate to have no answer but it’s true. 2. I’d do Jones or maybe Cespedes

  17. JoeyBats says:
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    Mind fixing your stream-o-nator? It only shows pitchers who started yesterday.

    • Pete Nice

      Pete Nice says:
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      @JoeyBats: Ask Rudy about the Stream-o-nator

  18. No Subluxations says:
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    I could use a better save guy and I’m thinking of waiving either eovaldi Duffy Nelson or belisario for a high Faab bid on melancon who I expect to close ROY.
    1- should I do it considering saves are tight and I’m in first?
    2- who should i send packing ..the rest of my staff is rosenthal Rodney tanaka bumgardnr wacha Zimmerman lohse.
    3-ESPN 5×5 12 team

  19. Nightpandas says:
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    Hey Pete, looking to trade a bench bat for pitching in my 15 team keep 11 roto

    A Gordon for CJ Wilson fair?

    QS K/9 league

    • Pete Nice

      Pete Nice says:
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      @Nightpandas: I’d do that deal

  20. Sean says:
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    I was offered this trade in a 12 team yahoo head 2 head league. Encarnacion for Rizzo, Cespedes, and Khris Davis. Is that fair? He would also accept Rizzo, Alex Gordon, and Khris Davis. Not sure if I’d be better off holding Cespedes or Gordon. The rest of my outfield is Jones, Bruce, Harper, Jennings.

    • Pete Nice

      Pete Nice says:
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      @Sean: I’d want edwin

  21. Peter Nincompoop says:
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    Helpful column and another good read. CL Smooth should have a weekly “Seven Gameapalooza” highlighting hitters who get a full tilt of games the upcoming week. I’m in a 10-Team H2H Keeper league and punted saves about three weeks into the season (still have Betances). Here’s how I rank my current staff:

    1. Chris Sale
    2. Michael Wacha
    3. Garrett Richards
    4. Justin Verlander (just acquired on Thursday for Trevor Bauer:)
    5A. Nathan Eovaldi
    5B. Tyson Ross
    5C. Kevin Gausman
    5D. Alex Wood
    5E. Marcus Stroman

    Another owner cut Buehrle this past Thursday and he clears waivers tonight and joins Garza, Peralta, Duffy and Nelson as potential arms I’m looking to add. I do have an open bench slot and was curious how’d you rank the aforementioned for the rest of the season. In addition, outside of the one add, is there another who should replace a current starter off my staff?

    Looking forward to the hoops podcast with JB and Slim. Draft is this THURSDAY! Thanks again.

    • Pete Nice

      Pete Nice says:
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      @Peter Nincompoop: you have them ranked about right other than I might put wood up right under or over eov. I’d dump Stroman for Buehrle

  22. Elwood Blues says:
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    How do you feel about Gio this week? and rest of year, whip and era are the only things in my 4×4 league keeping me down, 2nd in wins. What kind of pitcher could I trade him for in NL Only, or should Ijust hold onto him??

    • Pete Nice

      Pete Nice says:
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      @Elwood Blues: I’d be cautious with him this week. you also shouldn’t deal him now because his because his value is low

  23. nick the dick says:
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    Melancon or allen?

  24. nick the dick says:
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    Or do you think i should have both and stop holding taijuan if my staff in a 10 team h2h is
    Scherzer/lester/wacha/teheran/ryu/yordano/a. wood/archer/arrieta/walker
    Uehara/cishek/allen

    • Pete Nice

      Pete Nice says:
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      @nick the dick: let’s see what walker’s got first. I don’t know about you but I’ve been waiting for him all year in one league. I gotta wait til he gets to the bigs.

  25. Nightpandas says:
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    Hey Pete, 12 moves left, 4 pts out of first:

    1. Would you grab Hahn, Duffy or Lincecum

    2. Trade R Martin and 2 third round picks for M Montero, Buerle, a 7th and 8th round pick (draft starts after 11 keepers). Offered by the guy who has packed it in.

    • Pete Nice

      Pete Nice says:
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      @Nightpandas: I like the trade but not sure if the pitchers in No. 1 are worth it. save the move there

  26. Joe says:
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    Pete aré sure about Gio González start against milwuakee? His is been terrible

  27. HudsonRiver says:
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    Do you like Roarke or Alex Woods 6 Categories (QS) rest of the season?

  28. shawn says:
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    what was that about not starting Lance Lynn?

    • Pete Nice

      Pete Nice says:
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      @shawn: Lynn was second tier not no-start

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