So, Rudy and I took part in Yahoo’s Friends & Family league hosted by Brandon Funston. I believe Rudy and I are on the Friends side of equation, but some of the things I find on Ancestor.com could shock you. I’m only like 12 cousins removed from my wife. I’m so well-adjusted that doesn’t even make me shudder anymore! Could Brandon Funston be my uncle? Unkie Funston? That would be cool. I would be like, “Unkie Funston, can I have your old baseball card collection?” And he’d be like, “Sure, if you trade me Starlin Castro.” In this league is a few Rotoworld guys, a few Rotowire guys, a few Yahoo guys, a Wall Street Journal guy, a boneheaded Razzball guy and our very own, Rudy Gamble. Quite the array of talent. It’s like a Dave Navarro supergroup and I’m Sammy Hagar. “Have you tried my tequila? It’ll make you slap your momma and call her daddy.” That’s me as Sammy Hagar. This league is a standard Yahoo league with a 1400 max IP for pitchers. Anyway, here’s my Yahoo 12-team, mixed league draft recap:
C: Nick Hundley (24)
1B: Anthony Rizzo (1)
2B: Jose Altuve (2)
3B: Todd Frazier (3)
SS: Corey Seager (6)
CI: Albert Pujols (9)
MI: Starlin Castro (17)
OF: Jason Heyward (5)
OF: Gregory Polanco (7)
OF: Delino DeShields (13)
OF: Khris Davis (15)
UTIL: Brett Lawrie (20)
UTIL: Domingo Santana (21)
SP: Jacob deGrom (4)
RP: Francisco Rodriguez (10)
P: Tyson Ross (8)
P: Carlos Rodon (11)
P: Jake McGee (12)
P: Taijuan Walker (14)
P: Patrick Corbin (16)
P: Arodys Vizcaino (18)
P: Luis Severino (19)
Bench:
Danny Farquhar (22)
Vince Velasquez (23)
Kevin Siegrist (25)
Kevin Jepsen (26)
I CAN’T REMEMBER SEEING SUCH A SEXY TEAM BEFORE. MAYBE ONCE IN THIS WEIRD DAYDREAM I HAD WHERE R. KELLY WAS URINATING ON MY COMPUTER.
Yeah, this team is straight butter with the ER. It was basically the first draft where I was like, “I’m just going to take all of the guys that I really love no matter what round it is.” And somehow I got deGrom too! Honestly, seriously, awkward sentence intro-ly, I don’t even know how I got some of these guys. DeShizznit in the 13th? That’s ridonkeydonk. “Hey, old timey cowboy, get off that ridonkeydonk, it’s my turn to ride!” Altuve in the 2nd? Geez, how do I refuse that? Polanco in the 7th? I want-I want. Pujols in the 9th? Sure, that makes sense. Dot dot dot. In an 8 team league! I’m not even kidding when I say I have serious bedroom eyes for this team.
COULD YOU EXPLAIN HOW YOU DRAFTED DEGROM, BECAUSE MY HEART’S ALL PITTER-PATTER, BUT I THOUGHT HE WAS BEING DRAFTED TOO HIGH FOR YOU?
I was at pick 39 and I saw deGrom, Lorenzo Cain, Adam Jones, CarGo I and II, Miguel Sano and Bogaerts as the next guys on the list. Didn’t really want any of them, which is something I’ve found in a few drafts now. I don’t love the outfielders in the 3rd to 4th round. I like Cain…Sugar!, but not in the 30s overall. I don’t like the CarGoes. I don’t like Schwarber, Cano, Matt Carpenter, Tulo or Puig. Just a few of the names that were drafted in the 3rd and 4th round. I like deGrom, Jo-Fer, Syndergaard and Heyward. Heyward has been hanging around longer in drafts, so deGrom, Jo-Fer, Kluber and Carrasco have become even more enticing for me. Not something I expected, but Donald Trump could be our next president, so let’s throw all expectations out the window.
AS MUCH AS I ENJOY YOUR MUSTACHE AND YOUR TEAM, YOUR RELIEVERS ARE A LITTLE JANKY, AND THAT’S NOT MY PET NAME FOR TRAVIS JANKOWSKI.
Agreed, I went full SAGNOF. K-Rod seems to never get any love, but I’m fine with him. Jake McGee could easily be a top closer. Starters in Coors are bad; closers are fine. As long as those closers aren’t LaTroy Hawkins, of course. Then I just took a shizzton of flyers for saves late. Since this is an IP cap league, I likely won’t hold a lot of these MRs, but waivers are filled with guys, so I’ll be moving guys on and off the team. Do I wish I had, say, Hector Rondon? Yeah, sure, but he went in the 9th round when I got Pujols. 85/27/95/.255/3 or the Cubs closer who you know Joe Maddon will jerk around all year? That was an easy call for me.
WE HAVEN’T EVEN MENTIONED COREY SEAGER, DELINO DESHIZZNIT, TAIJUAN WALKER, CARLOS RODON, DOMINGO SANTANA AND LUIS SEVERINO. THIS IS LIKE ONE OF THOSE TEAMS ‘PERTS DRAFT JUST SO THEIR READERS CAN BE LIKE, ‘DAMN, THAT’S SEXY,’ RIGHT? I MEAN IT DOESN’T REALLY HAVE ANY CHANCE OF WINNING.
I think it can win, but I’ll admit to going really heavy on upside. At one point, I was like, “Whoa, maybe I should draft Patrick Corbin just to add some normalcy into this strip club-sexy team.” According to Rudy’s values, he says I check in around third overall in projected standings, which, of course, means nothing, but it is reassuring that I didn’t just draft humphumprawr and ignore actual stats. I do think I’m a little low on power and high on speed. That’s aside from the Adderall I just snorted. The pitching and hitting should be competitive, until half my team gets injured and I’m trying to trade Nick Hundley to Pianowski for Eric Hosmer.
