Some call them cookie dusters, others dirt squirrels, lip luggage, snot mops, and upper lipholstery. I believe our Boss/fearless leader/fantasy master lothario calls his “old bullet proof”, but I’m not sure. I’m of course talking about those lip rugs knows as mustaches. Our sport of baseball more so than any other contest of athletic prowess has embraced the flavor savor. Over the years there have been some top choice lip rugs in the American past time. So this week’s theme is Baseball Mustaches. Seriously narrowing hardball’s best mustaches down to just six was damn near impossible. I tried anyway and I’m sure all of you will call me thick as brick for not including the handlebars you’d most like to ride. But that’s why we have comments, so you can belittle and abuse me for my lapses in judgement, poorly formed opinions, and general lack of research when it comes to the pitchers being skipped two days after this article posts. I mean in some circles I am known as the Oracle and my propensity for knowing the future is rather well documented. Still I’m at least 37% human, so cut me some slack.  Week 12’s roster of two start pitchers is top heavy and flat bottomed, it’s like the Kate Upton of two start pitching weeks. You know because she’s big…..wait I’m not going to bother explaining this.

mustache ride

 

Rollie Fingers (Aces) – Say what you will but Rollie Fingers wins in all mustache battles even against Tom Selleck. This is the Michael Jordan of face furniture. Just classic! As for these handsome sons of guns you ain’t sitting any of them. You know it, I know it, everyone but that Amish meth dealer from Orange is the New Black knows it. But that’s only because it takes her awhile to get stuff.

Clayton Kershaw, (@CHC, @MIA); Zack Greinke, @CHC, @MIA); Johnny Cueto, (@PIT, @NYM); Madison Bumgarner, (vs. SD, vs. COL); David Price, (@CLE, vs. CWS); Felix Hernandez, (vs. KC, @LAA)

 

Wade Boggs (Must Starts) – I’m a Red Sox fan who was born in the early 80’s so Wade Boggs is like Ghandi, John Holmes, and Elvis rolled into one. Could you argue for Schmidt or Gossage or Mattingly? Sure, but it’s my post so I make the choices! Also none of them have the sort of beer drinking exploits that legends are made of.  Carlos Martinez over his last 7 starts has been simply fantastic. A 1.19/2.73/2.95 slash line paired with a nearly 10 K per, and a plus-60% GB%  has me rolling him out against anybody…. Is Michael Pineda an ace? His K/9 and BB/9 difference is 8.41, that’s screams ace to me. Need more proof? His FIP is 2.68 and his xFIP is 2.57, this all looks pretty ace like, no? He gets the Phillies and a trip to H-Town. I love the Phillies start for obvious reasons, but the Astros matchup can go either way. On the one hand they’re one of the best offenses vs RHP, but they also strikeout at a 25+% clip…. Damn Jordan Zimmermann has been awful his last 3 starts huh? Well okay he wasn’t terrible last start going (7IP, 3 ER, 8 k’s) but he wasn’t great either. He allowed two homers and his two starts before that weren’t so hot. Zimmermann is what he is, a pitcher with very good ratios and not enough K’s to get you excited. He pulls two great matchups in dates with Atlanta and Philly…. You know Jason Hammel’s numbers aren’t that far off from Pineda’s. He’s a plus 9 k/9 guy with a sub 2 Bb/9, that’s dirty you should want some of that. Hammel draws one really tough matchup against the Dodgers and a sneaky good matchup against the Cards. For some strange reason St. Louis can’t hit RHP lately. Can’t miss Fat Adams that much can they? This is peculiar because they are a lefty heavy lineup. This is my way of saying Hammel is a goer for that start…. Alex Wood is better than you think, go trade for him, and Julio Teheran while you’re at it. I have a feeling the Braves starters turn it around in the second half. Wood faces the Nationals and the Pirates, and I’d roll him out for both. The Nationals haven’t been great the last three weeks with Bryce Harper in the lineup, Wood might face them without him. I’m all over that. The Pittsburgh start is good as well, the Bucs tend to struggle against lefties…. Jesse Chavez seems to be available in a lot of leagues. Why? Guy is criminally underowned, everything about his numbers this season say 90%+ owed guy. He draws matchups with the Royals and Rangers, neither matchup is great but I’d start him for both.

Carlos Martinez, (@MIA, vs. CHC); Michael Pineda, (vs. PHI, @HOU); Jordan Zimmermann, (vs. ATL, @PHI); Jason Hammel, (vs. LAD, @STL); Alex Wood, (@WAS, @PIT); Jesse Chavez, (@TEX, vs. KC)

 

Goose Gossage (Why Can’t I Sit You) – I’m not saying Goose’s stache is bad. I’m just saying it might be the kind of nose neighbor that takes you out on a date, and then threatens to leave you deserted in the middle of nowhere if you decline his invite into the back of his Astrovan. That’s what these guys are, potentially unabashed predators to your ratios and fantasy well being. But they look so rugged and handsome, and who can refuse a steak dinner? Not I. Collin McHugh why can’t I sit you? You’re awful and you make my insides ache. Seriously I feel organs I’ve never felt before. (That’s what she said!) I’m not sure if he’s a buy low or a lost cause. His peripherals are meh and I don’t feel like he’s offering a ton in the strikeout department. I’m out this week, and if you own him in 12 team leagues or smaller you should be too…. Jeff Samardzija has been solid over his last few starts but still don’t trust him. The Twins start should be a go but I’d stay away from that Detroit start…. Mike Fiers!!!!!!!!!! How you frustrate me…. Drew Hutchison is the king of bad luck, he’s once again pitching better than his 5+ ERA. With a FIP of 4.03, xFIP of 3.83, and a really low LOB% of 66% it’s tough not to think better days are ahead. Problem is every time I start to believe in Hutch he burns me. I’d start him for both starts against the Rays and Rangers. Still each time I start him I get the feeling that there’s a 50% chance I’m going to wake up in a sleezy motel room outside Providence, RI with my wallet missing and scar where one of kidneys used to be. For those of you unfamiliar Rhode Island is the Tijuana of the northeast. Complete with donkey shows!

Jeff Samardzija, (@MIN, @DET); Collin McHugh, (@LAA, vs. NYY); Mike Fiers, (vs. NYM, vs. MIN); Drew Hutchison, (@TB, vs. TEX)

 

Mike Schmidt (Streamers!!!) – Mike was very close to being the figurehead of the top two tiers but mustache wax and the ability to will ones self invisible gave Fingers and Boggs the slight edge. So no reasoning behind this I just thought I owed Schmidt’s caterpillar the nod of respect that it’s due…. I listened to the Streamonator last week and snatched up a gem from Tommy Milone on Wednesday against the Cards. He’s coming off back to back good starts and faces the two worst lineups vs LHP according to wOBA and OPS. I’d definitely stream him for his starts this week…. I was on the fence with Jon Niese, in someways his he might be more of a good start bad start than a streamer. After all the Reds are a top 5 offense vs LHP. Thing is they aren’t a great road team and I could see Niese giving you a quality start in both of his turns. He’s a guy I would take a flier on in 14+ team leagues…. Jeff Locke is another lefty that faces the Reds at home. I have a little more faith in Niese than Locke vs the Natti 9, but I like the Pirates’ southpaw in his second stat vs the Braves. Just like his predecessor Locke is a solid streamer in 14+ team leagues…. This week I’m suggesting strictly left-handed streamers, as CC Sabathia rounds out this tier. I love his start vs Philly for obvious reasons, but I’m not scared of his date with Astros, even though I should be. The Astros are a feast of famine opponent in fantasy this year. Some games they go off for 8 runs and kill your ratios or they have an off night and strikeout 12 times. If you decided to sit C.C. for the Astros start I could dig it, as I said they can always go either way.

Tommy Milone, (vs.CWS, @MIL); Jon Niese, (@MIL, vs. CIN); Jeff Locke, (vs. CIN, vs. ATL); CC Sabathia, (vs. PHI, @HOU)

 

Sal Fasano (One Good/One Bad) – It had it’s good points and it’s bad points. There was the handlebarred genius, and the Yankees Muzzy jail. These starters have one good start to target and one bad start to avoid.

Hector Santiago, (vs. HOU, vs. SEA); Ubaldo Jimenez, (@BOS, vs. CLE); Chi Chi Gonzalez, (vs. OAK, @TOR); Chase Anderson, (@COL, @SD); Joe Kelly, (vs. BAL, @TB)

Alvaro Espinoza (Stay Away)This Mustache was awful just horrible….

Tsuyoshi Wada, (vs. LAD, @STL); Odrisamer Despaigne, (@SF, vs. ARI); Kyle Kendrick, (vs. ARI, @SF); Jose Urena, (vs. STL, vs. LAD); Kyle Ryan, (@CLE, vs CWS); John Danks, (@MIN, @DET); Matt Andriese, (vs. TOR, vs. BOS); Kevin Correia, (@NYY, vs. WAS); Joe Blanton, (@SEA, @OAK)

 

As always if any starters are added or dropped from Two-Start-dom we’ll discuss it in the comments….

 

 

 
  1. Surfer dude says:
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    hi, thoughts on Velasquez for ROS? thanks!

    • Ralph Lifshitz

      Ralph Lifshitz says:
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      @Surfer dude: I’d expect the same thing we saw in the minors. High K rate, high walk rate. His ERA will hover in the low 4’s. He’s certainly ownable in 12+ team leagues, but I wouldn’t expect stable ratio contributions.

  2. Bobbay says:
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    Hey man as always great write up!

    In a h2h league that has a weekly lock which one to add & start; Jesse Chavez or drew Hutchinson ? Based on rankings it looks like Chavez , how close is it? Or not close?

    • Ralph Lifshitz

      Ralph Lifshitz says:
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      @Bobbay: Vhavez and not close. Jesse is in the circle of trust. We hold hands and chant.

  3. Malicious Phenom says:
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    Trevor Bauer has 2 starts this week, they have pushed him back from Sunday to Monday..

    He is home against the Tigers and then in Camden yards v the O’s..

    Which tier would you put him in?

    • Ralph Lifshitz

      Ralph Lifshitz says:
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      @Malicious Phenom: He’s a I wish I could sit you. I love Bauer and own him all over but I don’t have a great deal of confidence going into either start.

  4. Tuck says:
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    I’ve got Zimmerman and Wood as my only two start pitchers for the week. They face each other at the beginning of the week. Should I still roll both out for their second start or just start one? If so, which one?

    Also are Bettis, Latos or Erasmo Ramirez droppable for Chavez?

    • Ralph Lifshitz

      Ralph Lifshitz says:
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      @Tuck: Yes roll them both.

      Drop all of those guys for Chavez. I’d go Bettis.

  5. Brian says:
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    Kluber for Correa/Eduardo Rodriguez too much of a sell low on Kluber?

    Current SS is Desmond. Rotation would be Cole-DeGrom-Gray-Jaime Garcia-Rodriguez (roto low innings cap)

    • Ralph Lifshitz

      Ralph Lifshitz says:
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      @Brian: It’s not a bad deal and an upgrade at SS

  6. Cue Ballz says:
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    Of course, just when I pick up Erasmo, he leaves with a groin strain after 3 innings.

    How the hell long is a groin strain injury and do you think he’ll lose his rotation spot now? Or stash him on DL?

    • Ralph Lifshitz

      Ralph Lifshitz says:
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      @Cue Ballz: Depends how bad it is sit for more info

  7. Hern says:
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    Drop Erasmo Ramirez and Chase Anderson for Buchholz and Ray?

    • Ralph Lifshitz

      Ralph Lifshitz says:
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      @Hern: Hmmm Erasmo for Buchholz is a no brainer, but I think I’d hold on Chase.

  8. Oranje says:
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    Just completed a trade in my contract/keeper league where I gave up Longoria ($27, 2 year contract) and Salazar ($17) along with 3 draft picks in the first 10 rounds and a future contract FOR Freeman ($17), Desmond ($18, 2 year contract) and Kluber ($14) plus a wild card–which in the league means I can keep any active roster player +$5 to his contract for next year. On simply the players alone….what are your thoughts about the deal?
    I expect Desmond to bounce back, maybe with more confidence than I have in Longoria, and while I know I gave up Salazar I got the reigning Cy Young in return. Thanks in advance…

    • Ralph Lifshitz

      Ralph Lifshitz says:
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      @Oranje: Like the fact that you got Kluber and when it comes down to it thats an upgrade from Salazar, you also got Freeman on a better contract than Longo. Gave up some picks and those can be valuable but it’s what you do with them that counts. You got the two best players who are both coming into their primes. You won the deal at this point.

  9. Chucky says:
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    Ross, Ray, Graveman or Delscafanni …..who’s my best bet to replace Ramirez?

    • Chucky says:
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      That’s Joe Ross btw.

      • Ralph Lifshitz

        Ralph Lifshitz says:
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        @Chucky: I’d go Ross

  10. Ante GALIC says:
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    Ralph!

    What’s up, doode? Great write-up/analysis. Not too many good options apart from the obvious for 2-starts this week so going with matchups and best 1-starts and hope the bats and BP can carry me.

    Question: Is there something physically wrong with Shields? Some guy dropped him in 1 of my shallow H2H mixed leagues. ‘Tis true that he hasn’t been stellar of late but can’t drop a strikeout artist who pitches in San Diago, right? Put in a waiver wire claim but am 9/10 on the list.

    Have a great continuation of your weekend and great week ahead, man!

    Cheers,
    Ante

    • Ralph Lifshitz

      Ralph Lifshitz says:
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      @Ante GALIC: I don’t think so. He’s pitching a little different than before bit the results haven’t been awful. The K’s have been great.

  11. Vaxxen says:
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    Rate RoS please.

    Kyle Hendricks, Tsuyoshi Wada, Trevor May.

    Thanks!

    • Ralph Lifshitz

      Ralph Lifshitz says:
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      @Vaxxen: Hendricks, May, Wada…

  12. Did I get this coming week right?

    Start:
    Jeff Locke
    Tommy Milone
    Drew Hutchison
    Carlos Carracci
    Brett Anderson
    Mike bolsinger
    Jon Lester

    Bench:
    Matt shoemaker
    Kendall graveman
    Chi chi Gonzalez
    Jesse Hahn
    Carlos rodon

    Also, are any of these guys worth dropping for wisler

    • Ralph Lifshitz

      Ralph Lifshitz says:
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      @Wolfie: I think you should swap Chi Chi and Bolsinger. Drop Shoemaker for Wisler

  13. The call me the wonderer says:
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    Mike Fiers what to do what to do? I’ve already counted on him way to much.

    I’ve got one starter slot up for grabs. I could go Fiers. Or I could go with Carrasco vs. Verlander. It’s only Carrasco’s 10th start this season against Detroit (only mildly exaggerating). Problem is I already have D.Salazar queued up to go against Price and he’s making his 9th start against Detroit this season (only mildly exaggerating again…thanks Tito ya putz).

    I’ve currently got Fiers in there. Am I nuts? Is Carrasco a smarter play? I could also bet the come that Erasmo will be having a more enjoyable groin area by Thursday and face the somewhat dormant Redsox bats in TB. What would you all do?

    • Ralph Lifshitz

      Ralph Lifshitz says:
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      @The call me the wonderer: I’d go Carassco, Fiers is literally a terrorist at this point. He’ll earn your trust and just bomb your ratios

  14. NBC says:
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    Would you do Fiers over Quintana vs Detroit? QS league…

    Thanks!

    • They call me the wonderer says:
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      @NBC: Apparently I would since I’m actually going for 2 starts with Fiers next week in a QS league.

      But I will add that Detroit has been so nasty to anyone I dare throw against them. So I would say to you in a quivering voice and without being able to look you squarely in the eye, “go with Fiers”.

      How’s that?

    • Ralph Lifshitz

      Ralph Lifshitz says:
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      @NBC: Go Quintana Fiers has been a mess lately

  15. Mordacious Levator says:
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    WAS was pretty good over PIT series at hitting. 2 of the 3 guys they destroyed each day were burnett/liriano too. somehow morton had been doing well previously too.

    • Ralph Lifshitz

      Ralph Lifshitz says:
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      @Mordacious Levator: Bad series for Pittsburgh. Washington had to wake up and bring it again

  16. Zack says:
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    How is Tim Linecum’s dirtstache not the worst?

    • Ralph Lifshitz

      Ralph Lifshitz says:
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      @Zack: I was sticking to retired players.

  17. DiRo says:
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    Would you sit either Arrieta at STL or Kluber at Bal for the two start from Fiers?

    • Ralph Lifshitz

      Ralph Lifshitz says:
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      @DiRo: Not in a million years

      • DiRo says:
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        @Ralph Lifshitz: ha, I figured since Fiers is a hard pitcher to trust. Just had to ask

  18. ASH says:
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    I have two questions:

    I have three relievers in one league. Melancon, Perkins, Betances. I also have Quintana. Should I drop him for either Erasmo or CJ WIlson? CJ is scheduled for a two start (Tues. vs McHugh; Sun. vs King Felix).

    Should I drop Gio Gonzalez in another for Syndergaard, Hahn, Alredo Simon or Santiago? Or drop Erasmo instead?

    My leagues penalize for losses and has QS.

    • Ralph Lifshitz

      Ralph Lifshitz says:
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      @ASH: I would hold on Quintana he’s bettwr by both of those guys.

      I’d dump Erasmo for Thor

  19. Bryan Shisler says:
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    ESPN says J Zimmerman only has 1 start this week, you show 2. Who’s right?

    • Ralph Lifshitz

      Ralph Lifshitz says:
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      @Bryan Shisler: I am he starts today and Sunday

      • ASH says:
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        @Ralph Lifshitz:

        Looks like Strasburg started today. So do you think he makes a start on Sunday or do you think Tanner Roark starts to give SS extra rest?

Comments are closed.