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SAGNOF: Sherriff Don’t Like It

August 5, 2021 | Closers | 4 Comments

by: Roto-Wan

Not much has changed since we last talked. Only A THIRD OF THE BULLPENS have been drastically altered. The Brain Freeze is Slurpee Big Gulp level this week. At least the dust is starting to settle from the flurricane of activity. Exercise some caution on those new openings. Often the less expensive, less glitzy alternative has the same odds to net some saves.

Please, blog, may I have some more?

Ortega Shells Nats With Three Tacos

August 2, 2021 | Fantasy Baseball Daily Notes | 331 Comments

by: Grey

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I’m still spent from Friday’s trade deadline. It. Dot dot dot. Was. Dot dot dot. Awesome. MLB should have a trade deadline every month. Like musical chairs with walk-up music. “Okay, we have 450 chairs, and when Whomp There It Is stops, you have to be in a chair, ready?” Whomp, and the music stops and everyone sits down, except Trevor Story, who simply just walks off into the sunset. In the distance, we hear Trevor Story cursing out the Rockies. Bud Black smiles, “He loves this organization so much,” Bud calling off, “You’re our forever Rockie!” So, the Cubs sent everyone away, except Rafael Ortega. Smart move or the Ricketts getting lucky while being cheap SOBs? Like a teamster, I’m gonna lean on the latter. Coincidence that Ricketts sounds like a disease you get from a lack of nutrition or no? Any hoo! Rafael Ortega (4-for-4, 5 RBIs) hit three ding-dongs (4, 5, 6), after homering on Saturday. Ortega is 30 years old and has bounced around the minors since 2008, while stealing nearly 40 bags some years, so he has speed too. I’m inclined to say unlikely to continue, but grab while hot. Anyway, here’s what else I saw this weekend in fantasy baseball:

Please, blog, may I have some more?

Luis Navidad Prospecto Patino y Felicidad

August 5, 2020 | Fantasy Baseball Daily Notes | 295 Comments

by: Grey

For as batshizz crazy 2020 is, I will say that it is exciting. Maybe exciting isn’t the right word. Maybe batshizz crazy is the right thing to say, and leave it at that. Every day we have another rookie callup and I’m here for it, even if it might lead to roofies and waking up to wonder why a member of al Qaeda is making a lampshade out of your back skin. “Que quiero mi torso…lampshade?” Al Qaeda, “We don’t speak Spanish.” So, yesterday the Padres called up Luis Patino. My mom is always telling people about her kitchen cabinets’ faux patina, so this must be good. Check it out: Here he is in Prospect Itch’s top 25 prospects for 2020 fantasy baseball. Also, Prospect Hobbs wrote about 1200 words in his Luis Patino fantasy. I’m jazzed like hands and psyched like a shrink! Here’s a small snippet from PH’s post, “Even with just two refined pitches (and another two in the making), Patino has completely baffled right-handed hitters, as they produced a meager .163/.259/.220 slash against him in 2019. Clearly, Patino could step into a big league bullpen tomorrow and be elite. Like, ya know, the opposite of whatever Grey is.” Oh, man, cmon! So, is this the end of Joey Lucchesi of the Doing Crimes To Your Fantasy Team Crime Family? Not sure, but even if Patino is a long man in the bullpen, he’s worth a flyer in leagues 12-team mixed and deeper, depending on needs. Anyway, here’s what else I saw yesterday in fantasy baseball:

Please, blog, may I have some more?

2016 Team Previews: Detroit Tigers

March 8, 2016 | Fantasy Baseball Team Previews | 3 Comments

by: M@

Welcome to the 2016 Razzball Team Previews! You’ll find everything you need to know about each team to get yourself ready for the upcoming fantasy baseball season. And I mean everything, folks. We’ve got line-ups, charts, Slurpees, lube, a guide for beginner electricians, and even a cactus! Well, that’s a lie. That’s what Jay had last year sitting in front of him. This year? Um…a little less lube? Take that as you will. But hey, we’ve got teams to preview and questions to ask, so let’s hop to it. We a very special guest for this post… Rob Rogacki, to provide his take on what the team has in store this season. Now enough rambling, let’s see what 2016 holds for the Detroit Tigers!

Please, blog, may I have some more?

Tigers Must Be Toast Because They Got Slathered In Samardzija In

September 22, 2015 | Fantasy Baseball Daily Notes | 265 Comments

by: Grey

“All year. All. Year. I’ve been starting Jeff Samardzija in one 15 team league. It’s an NFBC league so I couldn’t drop him (there’s no waivers). It’s not a great league to bench starters. I had options like Colby Lewis and Adam Warren. Not great options. But, finally, yesterday, I decided enough was enough. If I was going to lose, at least I would lose with Samardzija out of my lineup. So, Samardnuts goes out and throws a one-hitter (9 IP, o ER, 1 Hit, Zero Walks, 6 Ks).” That was how I concluded the story to the doctor when I first ended up in the mental asylum. Samardzija is actually easier to type while wearing a straitjacket. Coincidence? Immediately following the story, I cackled myself to sleep in a puddle of my own bodily fluids. I’m not even sure what fluid it was. I’m guessing urine, but you got me on specifics. As we know, earlier this year Oxford Dictionary replaced &@*^&*@%! that connotes a curse word with Samardzija, and I can think of nothing more fitting than screaming SAMARDZIJA! Anyway, here’s what else I saw yesterday in fantasy baseball:

Please, blog, may I have some more?

Two Start Pitchers, Week 14: Ghosts of Independence Days Past

July 4, 2015 | Two Start Fantasy Starters | 39 Comments

by: Geoff

It’s the 4th of July everybody and life is good. You’re probably spending your day with loved ones grilling, drinking, swimming, and reminding yourself why you hate your cousin Gary. Pretentious prick! Do I really care that you do Andrew W.K’s taxes? Do we always have to listen to “Let’s Get The Party Started” at every July 4th pool party? Oh BTW your wife Cheri propositions me every time we’re alone. What can I say she wants the Lifshitz naknik. Enough about me I mean you, yes you. This in no way bears any resemblance to my life. I don’t even have a cousin Gary! In fact if you’re here reading this then you probably have no friends or family and more than likely own cats or have dead bodies in your basement. It’s cool I’m not going to say anything. So I know the question on everyone’s mind “Ralph you’re rambling what’s the theme this week?” Well it’s the 4th of July. So that’s my theme, 4th of July’s of Lifshitz past. So each tier will include an offbeat story about my Independence Day misadventures. No these misadventures will not feature Will Smith, Bill Pullman, or aliens. Or will they? Week 14 Two Start Pitchers are upon us….

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Two Start Pitchers, Week 12: Who Wants a Mustache Ride?

June 20, 2015 | Two Start Fantasy Starters | 48 Comments

by: Geoff

Some call them cookie dusters, others dirt squirrels, lip luggage, snot mops, and upper lipholstery. I believe our Boss/fearless leader/fantasy master lothario calls his “old bullet proof”, but I’m not sure. I’m of course talking about those lip rugs knows as mustaches. Our sport of baseball more so than any other contest of athletic prowess has embraced the flavor savor. Over the years there have been some top choice lip rugs in the American past time. So this week’s theme is Baseball Mustaches. Seriously narrowing hardball’s best mustaches down to just six was damn near impossible. I tried anyway and I’m sure all of you will call me thick as brick for not including the handlebars you’d most like to ride. But that’s why we have comments, so you can belittle and abuse me for my lapses in judgement, poorly formed opinions, and general lack of research when it comes to the pitchers being skipped two days after this article posts. I mean in some circles I am known as the Oracle and my propensity for knowing the future is rather well documented. Still I’m at least 37% human, so cut me some slack. Week 12’s roster of two start pitchers is top heavy and flat bottomed, it’s like the Kate Upton of two start pitching weeks. You know because she’s big…..wait I’m not going to bother explaining this.

Please, blog, may I have some more?