Had our 1st mega trade. Or as far as Trevor Bauer is concerned, might be our first MAGA trade too. Take it easy, it’s a joke. An everyday occurrence and tempers flaring might be hard to distinguish for Trevor Bauer since he will now see red all the time. Interestingly, Bauer wasn’t throwing his last pitch for the Indians the other day, he was throwing his 1st pitch towards Cincy. The Indians should be embarrassed of themselves for selling off their big frontline pitcher as they hold their Wild Card chances in their hands. Notice I didn’t say the Indians should be red-faced. Hey, they’re the ones still with the name. Bauer has been down a tad this year compared to last. Not just obviously in ERA, but his Ks are down, walks are up, homers are way up, which won’t play well in Cincy, but I will say he was way over his head last year with a 2.21 ERA, so he’s likely still a 3.50-ish ERA pitcher with great Ks in Cincy and the NL. He should be able to chuck balls over Great American’s fence with greater ease too. So win-win. Going the other way and the rest of the news, well…Anyway, here’s what else I saw yesterday in fantasy baseball:
Jose Iglesias – 1-for-3, 2 runs and his 7th homer, and 2nd homer in as many games. Ya know what I’m in the mood for? Church’s Nashville Hot Schmotato!
Corey Dickerson – 3-for-4, 5 RBIs and his 3rd and 4th homer. Lucky that I’m standing, because if I would’ve found out someone only had four homers, I would’ve fell off my chair. Sure, he only has 126 ABs, but Yelich had 35 homers in his last 126 ABs, so GTFO.
Yasiel Puig – Traded to the Indians. Of course, his last game was a benches-clearing brawl. I like Puig, so don’t take this the wrong way, but dude gets ejected from every third game for a fight. After every home run, he’s ejected for a fight. No insurance carrier would insure him making it around the bases after a home run, which is why we need Home Run Trots for All. This is my comprehensive Home Run insurance–Sorry, where was I? Oh, yeah, Puig. You know what he is. He is sometimes a top 15 bat in all of baseball, and sometimes a bottom 15 bat, and never should the Twain tweet. Huh? He’s a top 40 outfielder, and Cleveland shouldn’t hurt that.
Franmil Reyes – Traded to the Indians. Cleveland got a $54 vending machine steak, and fantasy baseballers (<–my mom’s term!) got a huge boost if they own Reyes. He goes from Petco and being a 3rd to 4th outfielder to an everyday DH job. Sucks to be Jake Bauers, but it kinda sucked to be him already with how he was hitting. The Indians’ lineup suddenly looks decent, and, if they get Kluber and Salazar back, maybe trading Bauer wasn’t the worst move. I take it back, Indians! With the movement of Franmil (I just shuddered thinking about Franmil doing a movement), Wil Myers should see more at-bats, and I could see the flier on him.
Shane Bieber – 7 IP, 2 ER, 10 baserunners, 8 Ks, ERA at 3.40. At some point, you should see what his ERA is if you remove his five worst starts. Okay! Fine! I’ll do it for you! Geez. Bieber’s ERA without five starts and in 120 IP is 2.03. That’s in 16 starts. Zoinks!
Danny Salazar – Set to make season debut on Thursday. He’s had a 2.60 ERA in the minors rehab. So, he will either throw a 9 IP, 0 ER gem or a 1 1/3 IP, 6 ER disaster. I honestly don’t know if there’s any other possibility for him. How does that joke go again? Danny Salazar and Nick Pivetta walk into a bar…
Drew Smyly – 7 IP, 0 ER, 5 baserunners, 5 Ks, and has given up only one run in 13 IP with the Phils. Yesterday’s game came on the heels of, well, literally heels being thrown into a wheelbarrow as Jason Vargas cleaned out the clubhouse of reporters, who looked at him wrong, and he called it his Heel-barrow, so maybe that’s the heat Smyly needs to light a fire under his, uh, heels. (You wouldn’t thought using heel four times in one sentence would’ve won me something. Maybe a free remedial English Comp course.) Streamonator thinks Smyly’s next start is great, so I could see a start-by-start basis ownership.
Paul Goldschmidt – 2-for-4 and his 25th homer. Au Shizz!
Andrew Benintendi – 3-for-4, 3 RBIs and his 11th homer, hitting .285, and his 3rd homer in three games, and 4th homer since the break. Benintendi’s suddenly one of the hottest players in the game. I mean he’s no Le Terminator, as Travis d’Arnaud (2-for-4, 2 runs) hit his 13th homer in 173 ABs with the Rays. Magnifique!
Vladimir Guerrero Jr. – 2-for-5, 5 RBIs and his 11th homer. Before the podcast started yesterday, Ralph and I were talking about Vlad Jr. and I was saying how he could still have a huge August and September and look great going into next year. Of course, it wasn’t recorded, so you have to take my word for it and I could be *shifts eyes left to right* lying.
Byron Buxton – 1-for-3 and his 10th homer, hitting .260. For a while it seemed like Buxton could be nothing but amazing or awful, but now he’s been downright yawnstipating.
Matt Thaiss – 2-for-4, 3 RBIs and his 5th homer, and 5th homer in ten games, fourth homer in the last five games and Hot Thaiss! Dude, get in those.
Khris Davis – 3-for-4, and his 17th homer, and first home run in July. Finally! I thought for a second Khris Davis had morphed into Chris Davis. If Siri is reading this to you, that’s gonna be confusing. No idea if this means Davis is back, because this is only his 12th homer since April 2nd, so gotta show us a bit more.
Ramon Laureano – Hit the IL with a stress reaction of his shin, which caused me to have a stress reaction on my face. Why can’t I have wonderful? Don’t answer, just let me mope. So, Mark Canha will see an increase in playing time, and he is hitting .310 in July with five homers, so I can see Canha’ving some deeper league value.
Liam Hendriks – 1 1/3 IP, 1 ER, ERA at 1.70, and his 4th blown save, and has given up runs in three of his last four games. Nope, can’t have anything nice. Never, nope, ever. Ugh, I guess you have to now handcuff Hendriks with Blake Treinen, who won yesterday and has six straight scoreless outings.
Archie Bradley – 1 1/3 IP, 0 ER and the save. It’s not often I’m thrilled when a guy emerges with a closer job that I don’t own, but I am so happy to not have to own anymore Diamondbacks relievers. Goodbye, Holland; lates, Yoan; see ya around, Hirano!
Carson Kelly – 2-for-4 and his 14th homer, and 2nd homer in as many games. Danny Jansen who?! He’s the catcher on the Jays. It’s a figure of speech, Random Italicized Voice. People say ‘Danny Jansen who?’
Dinelson Lamet – 5 IP, 3 ER, ERA at 5.09. Time to wax on about how I don’t trust Dinelson at all.
Manny Machado – 2-for-5, 2 runs and his 26th homer, hitting .278. Macho, macho Machado!
Fernando Tatis Jr. – 1-for-5 and his 19th homer, hitting .329. FTJ! Fun the jewels fast! (Yes, my goal is to have an entire roundup of forced-on-you catchphrases.)
Tim Anderson – 0-for-3, 1 RBI as he was activated from the IL. Kevin from ESPN’s “Get Him In Your Lineup” Department said, “How about college is free if Bernie sinks one from half court?”
Noah Syndergaard – 7 1/3 IP, 0 ER, 6 baserunners, 11 Ks, ERA at 4.10. Noah’s Pre-game Brain, “Go out there and show them how bad you want off this team.” Noah’s Post-game Brain, “Did I just hear Mickey Callaway say if Noah’s pitching this well, we can make a run for the division?”
Jeff McNeil – 2-for-6, 2 RBIs and his 11th homer, hitting .336, as he hit the game-winner. Noah’s Post-Game Brain, “I blame McNeil if I’m trapped here.”
Michael Conforto – 3-for-5, 2 runs and his 21st homer, and 3rd homer in three games. Conforto should spike his hair, it’ll go better with his streaks.
Danny Santana – 1-for-5 and his 16th homer, 27th homer this week and holy crizzap Dannys Antana is the best player in the major leagues. Dubya tee eff.
Domingo Santana – 1-for-4, 2 runs and his 21st homer, hitting .272. Elias Sports Bureau said this is the first time two players homered in the same game, who drive Grey crazy when Razzball commenters abbreviate them as D. Santana.
Adam Duvall – 4-for-5, 3 runs and his 2nd and 3rd homer, and that’s in four games. Hot schmotato alert!
Chris Martin – Traded to the Braves, and I went to the Rangers’ depth charts and saw Jose Leclerc at the top for Martin’s replacement, but I’ve been hearing rumors that Leclerc might get traded himself, so I looked further down the chart until I was reading trademark information at the bottom of the page. I didn’t see another guy. Did I miss someone? The Rangers only have one arm in their bullpen, a guy who has a 4.50 ERA as a reliever? That seems like a weird choice. Then I came upon Brett Martin, a lefty, and his 4.74 ERA and I thought, maybe if the Rangers think they’re like Indiana Jones when he had to avoid booby traps, Martin might work. Ya know, Indy would remove one stone and quickly replace it with a sand bag to stop a trap door, so Rangers remove one Martin and quickly replace him with another Martin. Then I saw Jesse Chavez, and I thought, hopefully the Rangers just keep Leclerc, because that’s a mess. Then, in Atlanta, does Martin slide into Luke Jackson’s 9th business? That seems doubtful, but I’d hold Coldplay for now, in case the Braves like him better than Jackson, who did give up 3 ER in 1 IP last night. However, Chris Martin seems more Adult Contemporary than a Top 40 closer.