Baseball, like a flower, blooms in the spring. They also share equally effusive PR people. Just the other day I read about how a petunia’s branches gained 15 pounds and was in the best shape of its life. Sure, it’s always good to look at spring training numbers to give you an idea what you can expect from guys during the season — can I draft Curtis Mead again?! Dude is mashing like the ball’s a potato! Players in spring training are facing the top pitchers who are all displaying their best stuff. No one needs time to get warmed up. No one’s trying new pitches or getting a feel for the ball. They are at the height of their game in March. Our former commissioner, Bud, once doffed his toupee and tried to have the World Series played in March. That’s the true pioneer of a sped-up game. Forget the pitch clock, just play the World Series in Spring Training. Since these spring training numbers mean so much, I decided to look at some Spring Training Stats Leaders:
PSYCHE! This Friday’s Buy/Sell was released a week early for Patreon members. It will be released all year early for Patreons, so if people are getting a jump on you, it’s because they paid the $10. Anyway, the Spring Training Stats Leaders:
Kyle Stowers – Up to 7 HRs and I think he might be Mickey Mantle incarnate. Let me try something: Waft the smell of whiskey towards him so I can see how he reacts.
Wyatt Langford – Hitting .365, led Spring Training in hits, and just hit his sixth homer and he’s the greatest player who’s ever laced up baseball cleats. In fact, I believe he might be the greatest person to ever wear shoes. Remember, Jesus Sanchez wears sandals.
Orlando Arcia – 5 HRs in only 44 ABs. Thinking I take Judge in the 1st and Arcia in the 2nd and then ask if I can stop there. I don’t need anyone else.
Christian Encarnacion-Strand – Hit .333 with five homers in 16 games, and I wonder if the Reds DFA Jeimer or Lux or Steer or all three. CES most play!
Bo Bichette – I know, I know, I know! We’ve been burnt before but he’s hitting .345 with 20 hits, which is 5th in spring for hits and he has three steals. Could he run more? Yes and I need Mo Bichette!
Blaze Alexander – Just behind Langford for league lead in hits with 22, and is hitting .400, as he only has 55 ABs. I know the DBags just gave Perdomo a long-term deal, but I wanna smoke that Blaze pack!
Jordan Hicks – 2nd most strikeouts in the spring. Ya know he’s added a pitch right? What pitch? I don’t know, but I’m sure someone’s talking about it!
Ryne Nelson – Right behind Strider is Hicks and behind Hicks is Nelson with 26 Ks in only 20 1/3 IP. Guys and five girl readers, I think we might have the breakout here. Wait, Reid Detmers is right behind Nelson with 24 Ks. Holy crap, it’s the post-post-post-post-post-post-[five minutes later]-post-hype sleeper!
STOP THIS! STOP SAYING THIS!
I’m sorry to yell, but you all need to stop. This is awful process. It’s nonsense. Now we get to grade everyone’s reading comprehension because these are LAST YEAR’S spring training stats. If someone can read everything but capped words, I apologize in advance if you draft Blaze Alexander. (ACTUALLY, I DON’T APOLOGIZE.) I like to do this post every year because every year I get the same comments about how well a player is doing in the spring and asking if I’m going to change my fantasy baseball rankings because of it. Spring training stats are a joke. They mean nothing. Let me say it again for emphasis, spring stats mean nothing.
Please, you need to stop.
I get it, you’re excited there’s actual baseball happening, but here’s the thing: It’s not actual baseball. It’s Spring Training. Today begins: REAL BASEBALL! (Sorry again if your caps-blind.)
The only takeaway from Spring Training stats: Did those stats help a guy win an everyday job? And sometimes even that doesn’t mean anything [cough] Curtis Mead [cough]. Two years ago, Jose Miranda had one of the best springs and still doesn’t have a guaranteed starting job.
My latest favorite thing about Spring Training madness was the people touting a pitchers’ velocity being up or down after, like, ten pitches.
Seriously, you should only be looking at who’s healthy, who won position battles and rotation spots. The rest is meaningless. With that said, things I saw in Spring Training that have affected my thinking in the last few weeks:
Cam Smith – For about three weeks, I contacted everyone I knew to try to get a grasp on whether he was actually going to break camp with the Astros. Frank Voila! He did! He could be the Jackson Merrill of 2025, as in, when Spring Training started, there was no chance he would break camp, then he did and he’s incredibly valuable.
Dustin May – Dodgers have 15 starters and also, kinda, none, but May won the rotation job and I am more interested now than I was three months ago. With Ohtani seemingly slow-walked to the mound, May, uh, may get more IP than anyone thinks.
Spencer Strider – I have insane FOMO with Strider. This was the one year when we could’ve actually drafted him at a reasonable price. Well, until about a week ago.
Sandy Alcantara – Concerned that I might’ve been out on a guy, who we could’ve drafted as a number four, and will be an ace. Everything looks perfectly perfect for him.
Connor Norby – Out for at least a month with an oblique. Marlins will be turning to Graham Pauley at 3rd base and I saw he had a 46.9% strikeout rate last year and I did a literal spit take and now Pauley owes me a new computer.
Gavin Williams – “Chasing velocity, velocity, velo–Crap, was that my elbow?” That’s every pitcher, and Ryan Weathers was the latest, but Williams has been bowing gas in the spring and Gavin me heart palpitations if I don’t roster him in any leagues.
Kristian Campbell – Won the 2nd base job, and won my heart. Now I’m heartless. Fantastic work! Good job to everyone involved! Jerks!
Landen Roupp – Won the Giants’ 5th starter job. Rouppdog! “Wait, what’s Rouppdog?” Nothing, but Landen, baby!
Cristopher Sanchez – Him and Gavin Williams and Jackson Jobe have me intrigued out of my mind. I am Clockwork Orange’ing my eyes when they first pitch. Also: Will Warren, Richard Fitts, AJ Smith-Shawver, Casey Mize, Kris Bubic and Logan Henderson. What’s they cooking and can I taste?
Tony Santillan – Alexis Diaz was IL’d and Terry Francona said Santillan is so good he wants him for the 9th, and the 8th, and maybe the 7th and, maybe the 1st and maybe…Well, he said a lot of innings, but Santillan might have the lead for the closer handcuff in Cincy, or he might not.
Jason Foley – Sent down to start the year. From closer spec to [putting on specs to see what the hell is going on with the Tigers’ pen], and I don’t know, I put Tyler Holton in the lead in my top 500 right before locking my rankings down.
Jack Leiter – Looks like he might’ve unlocked something, but he needs to control his pitches. The last-round flyer is less bizzonkers than it was a month ago, i.e., I’m leaning heavier on Leiter, and might even start him tomorrow (pray for me).
Kumar Rocker – Also made the Rangers’ rotation, and I don’t think he can hit the broad-side of the barn still.
Evan Carter – Didn’t make the team, and I’m officially declaring back issues the worst issues anyone’s ever issued. Removed Carter from my rankings, and I wouldn’t expect anything.
Luke Jackson – Rangers have zero closers. Chris Martin is supposedly in the lead, but he’s almost 39 years old and it was all yellow. Church is averaging 99 MPH in the spring, but, when it comes to closing games, I’m not sure saving souls matters. Luke Jackson is the latest name that’s bouncing around Bochy’s big ol’ globe. He was added to top 500 and they are locked. Streamonator is up and running, let’s win some leagues!
