Yesterday, Pablo Sandoval hit two homers, and his third in two days to bring his season total to 11. ¬†The other day when Alberto Callaspo hit his 10th homer, I went into our Fantasy Baseball Player Rater to see who had been more valuable this year, Alberto Callaspo or Pablo Sandoval. ¬†First rule of Fantasy Baseball Player Rater Checking, if you’re looking to see how a player compares to Alberto Callaspo, there’s a problem with said player. ¬†There’s no second rule. ¬†That’s the only rule you need. ¬†Eric Hosmer or Alberto Callaspo? ¬†Oh, man, Hosmer you done messed up. ¬†Alberto Callaspo or Michael Young? ¬†Damn, Michael Young, you smell like a public restroom. ¬†Apples or Alberto Callaspo? ¬†Your apples are rotten. ¬†That’s it. ¬†Sure, Sandoval had a tough go of it earlier in the year with injuries when he mistook his hamate for a ham ‘n cheese. ¬†Still, Sandoval’s numbers are way down– Did someone just say Sandoval and weight down? ¬†No, Random Italicized Voice. ¬†Oh-kay. ¬†Sandoval is looking like a candidate for a bounce back in 2013, and, if that happens, then we might have to put him on the list with Prince Fielder for guys who make those who follow¬†saberhagenmetrics¬†look smart. ¬†Anyway, here’s what else I saw yesterday in fantasy baseball:
Ernesto Frieri – 1 IP, 2 ER and the loss. ¬†Ernesto walks into his new room and turns on the light, “Hey, what’s with all of these Mike Napoli posters?” ¬†Mike used to live there; it’s Scioscia’s dog house.
Zack Greinke – 8 IP, 1 ER, 5 baserunners, 8 Ks vs. Yu Darvish with his 8 IP, 1 ER, 5 baserunners, 9 Ks. ¬† Shoot, this was an old school duel. ¬†I mean duel-duel. ¬†I mean, like a white glove slapping, Aaron Burr on the top of a mountain saying he invented the ten dollar bill and Alexander Hamilton saying it was him-type duel.
Casey Kotchman – 3-for-5, 1 run and 2 RBIs. ¬†Whew, just under the wire I got in my yearly roundup mention of Kotchman. ¬†See ya next year, Casey!
Andy Dirks – 2-for-3 with his 7th homer, after going 3-for-4 on Tuesday. ¬†Who has two thumbs, owns Dirks, has a thick mustache, a pimp limp, a purple velvet hat and a leopard skin Speedo? ¬†This guy!
Carlos Gonzalez – Got in yesterday’s game for one at-bat, then had to leave with moans over his hammy.
Wilin Rosario – 3-for-4, 1 run and his 4th steal. ¬†This world is Wilin’s Easter egg, yeah, prepare to dye! ¬†Or maybe it’s die. ¬†I don’t know, but that song is stuck in my head and I love Wilin. ¬†Can I draft him right now for next year? ¬†I need me some!
Jeremy Hefner – 0 IP, 7 ER. ¬†It’s like Hefner managed to jam all three episodes of NBC’s The Playboy Club’s terribleness into one outing.
Juan Pierre – 5-for-6, 2 runs, 1 RBI. ¬†Oh mee gee, this would’ve been the best batty call ever. ¬†I wouldn’t have even woke up feeling all regretful, vowing to never drink again.
Chase Utley – 4-for-5, 1 run, 4 RBIs and raised his average to .266. ¬†In one game, he made his abbreviated season look decent. ¬†Is it sad or predictable or sad and predictable that I’m willing to draft Utley again next year?
Ryan Howard – 2-for-6, 2 runs, 5 RBIs and a 9th inning Grand Slam that shouldn’t have been allowed because it came in a 12-1 game. ¬†Comatose Phillies Fan, “Hey, I’ve been out since March, but it’s nice to see the team hitting on all cylinders right before the playoffs. ¬†Right? ¬†Right? ¬†Guys?”
Tyler Cloyd – 8 IP, 1 ER, 5 baserunners, 6 Ks. ¬†After being staked to something like a 10 run lead, it would’ve been nearly impossible for Cloyd to lose this game, and he didn’t do the impossible.
Ichiro Suzuki – 2-for-4, 2 runs, 3 RBIs and his 8th homer. ¬†This comes after his huge previous day during the doubleheader. ¬†Hey, it must be 2004 all over again. ¬†No, Yankee Stadium, that does not mean you should play¬†Los Lonely Boys.
Ross Detwiler – 6 IP, 1 ER, 4 baserunners, 5 Ks. ¬†I saw on Twitter how people were talking about Mark Ellis breaking up Detwiler’s perfect game. ¬†Ellis hit a homer in the 4th inning. ¬†Seriously. ¬†So, if perfect games start in the 1st inning of games, Rickey Henderson broke up quite a few in his day. ¬†A 4th inning perfect game? ¬†Really? ¬†Sometimes I hate the world.
Drew Storen – Got the save yesterday because Clippard pitched both sides of Wednesday’s doubleheader. ¬†Not because Clippard pitched poorly on one side of the doubleheader. ¬†I could see Clippard muffing a few critical save chances in the playoffs and just that quickly Storen is the closer again going into next year. ¬†We’ll see. ¬†Or not. ¬†Your choice. ¬†BTW, I just referred to the Nats being in the playoffs and you didn’t even bat an eye.
Brett Anderson – Will miss the rest of the regular season after falling off the mound on Tuesday. ¬†MLB is looking into whether the groundskeeper who was in charge of the mound was playing in a H2H league against a team starting Brett Anderson.
Seth Smith – 3-for-4, 3 runs, 4 RBIs and his 14th homer. ¬†You know how certain cities adopt a player and make a whole cheering section for him? ¬†Like the Wolf Pack and Padilla’s Flotilla. ¬†The A’s should have a section of the stands where everyone is dressed in suits with purple bow ties and they call themselves, The Wailin’ Smith’ers.
Josh Donaldson – 3-for-5, 2 runs, 2 RBIs and his 4th steal. ¬†He had an early season audition that went about as swimmingly as a Ryan Lochte interview, but since he’s been back he’s been full-on JEAH!
Clay Buchholz – 7 IP, 0 ER, 6 baserunners, 4 Ks to lower his ERA to 4.16. ¬†For the first time in the history of my mustache, I may own Buchholz next year.
Andrew Bailey – 1/3 IP, 5 ER with the epic blown save. ¬†After the game, he said, “Everyone has to do their part to take the heat off our offense.”
Adam Eaton – 1-for-5 with his first major league homer. ¬†Not a whole lot for this year unless you need some steals, but I’m telling you now that a guy who had 7 homers and 38 steals in Triple-A is gonna get a lot of unprotected Grey love next preseason.
Johnny Cueto – 6 IP, 0 ER, 9 baserunners, 2 Ks, and pulled from his start after 92 pitches. ¬†In related news, Dusty was away from the club.
Welington Castillo – 2-for-3 with his 5th homer in 138 ABs. ¬†Will be interesting to see if he gets the everyday job out of Spring Training next year or if it’ll be a time share with¬†Clevenger. ¬†I like Castillo a bit more, but both guys have their flaws and neither will probably be drafted outside of NL-Only or two-catcher leagues.
Yonder Alonso – 2-for-4, now hitting over .450 in the last week and he will be in this afternoon’s Buy/Sell. ¬†It’s coming, Yonder.
Anthony Bass – Got the one out save yesterday. ¬†It doesn’t matter, because Huston Street is due back today. ¬†I’d go ahead and lose Gregerson, Layne, Thatcher, Bass, Moe, Larry, Keenan, Marlon, Damon or whoever you owned for Padres saves. ¬†If you want one guy, that would be Huston Street.
Starling Marte – 2-for-4, 1 run, 1 RBI and 2 steals. ¬†If I were him, I’d run like crazy over the last ten days so I could show my value to my team. ¬†If I were you, I’d own him for that reason. ¬†And if I were him, I’d have gold cufflinks that read, “S. Marte,” so people would say I looked smart.
Michael Fiers – 3 IP, 3 ER. ¬†I think Fiers is finally outta of gas and went ‘poof.’
Matt Dominguez – 3-for-5. ¬†He was hitting in the three hole yesterday and this Astros third baseman is really starting to hit the ball— ¬†*snooze* ¬†“Grey, this is Craig Biggio. ¬†Hey, man, sorry to come to you in your dreams, some people get freaked out about that, but the Astros shouldn’t put you to sleep. ¬†They’re playing with a lot of heart right– *snooze*” ¬†Whoa, I just had the weirdest dream. ¬†I dreamt that Craig Biggio came to me and was trying to talk up the Astros, but then he fell asleep too. ¬†Damn, meta dreams.
Allen Craig – 2-for-4, 3 RBIs and his 22nd homer, while batting .307 over 108 games. ¬†Definitely put together a nice season, but I’m not totally in love with him like some people. ¬†He feels to me a bit like Andre Ethier. ¬†Slightly more speed and average for Craig, and slightly more power for Ethier. ¬†If Craig is drafted next year like a third outfielder or a corner man, I could see drafting him, but if he goes as a 2nd outfielder or a 1st baseman, I’m probably not going to own him.
Trevor Plouffe¬†– 2-for-4 with his 23rd homer. ¬†Plouffe goes the dynamite! ¬†On a related note, his initials are TP. ¬†Appropriately, since he could clean up the mess on my fantasy teams with his 3 homers in the last week. ¬†On a¬†semi-related note, you know how some put the toilet paper hanging over and some hang it under? ¬†My friend has a theory that guys do it the right way (hanging over) and females do it the wrong way hanging under. ¬†He claims that men “get it” that it needs to hang so you can see the end to rip it. ¬†This same friend also claims that all the best songs on an album are tracks five and six, and now that I type this up, I realize how bonkers this friend might be. ¬†But I Googled to see if anyone else thinks this about the toilet paper, and APPARENTLY there’s an¬†entire Wikipedia page¬†dedicated to this that is almost as long as World War II’s wiki page. ¬†“So, Jim, what did you do today?” ¬†“A bit of this, a bit of that…Oh, and I edited the toilet paper orientation wiki page.”