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Braves announced that Raisel Iglesias has a low-grade shoulder inflammation, and Orlando Arcia will fill-in. Wait, that’s wrong. That’s the next Braves news. This is the third time in Raisel’s career he’s missed time with shoulder issues, but it’s been about seven years since the last time. He won’t throw for a week, then will see where he’s at. To see where he’s at, put your hands together in prayer. Okay, that’s Iglesias, and here’s the steeple. Now, crack them slightly, and that’s the people picking up A.J. Minter. Now turn your hands inside out and that’s the people getting *ucked once again drafting a closer high. Where’s all my genius-brained people who told you to draft closers high? Are they now pretending like this is a fluke and not that closers are easily the most fickle position? It won’t show up in end-of-the-season rankings, but remember I told you not to draft Edwin Diaz and Raisel Iglesias in the first five rounds. That was other people, who will do the same thing again next year. And the year after. Don’t worry, some brain geniuses are still drafting a guy who had, like, 12.00 ERA last 2nd half. Josh Hader is great, don’t you know? Any hoo! The 2023 fantasy baseball rankings are up to date, and the top 500 for 2023 fantasy baseball was updated for Iglesias, Minter, and Joe Jimenez (and others I will get to in this post). My guess is they’re in that order to replace Iglesias. For how long? I haven’t the foggiest. I’d guess a month, but you shouldn’t have drafted Iglesias anyway. Here’s the Fantasy Baseball War Room too, and good luck in weekend drafts! I will be in Vegas for the Main Event. I will be fighting Donkey Teeth. I mean, drafting with him. Anyway, here’s what else I saw in spring training for 2023 fantasy baseball:
Psyche! Before we get to the roundup, the season’s first Buy/Sell is available on our Patreon, click that and sign up. It won’t be live on this site until next Friday. Anyway II, the roundup:
Vaughn Grissom – Optioned to Triple-A. Excuse me, I have some justice to dole.
Seriously, what in the living effin eff in the eff is this? Did the Braves really just pit Vaughn Grissom and Braden Shewmake against each other to choose Orlando Arcia? Did the Braves just play…Squid Game? Oh, and to add insult to injury, I chose Orlando Arcia in the free round of Tout Wars the other day, only to be told he was taken right before and I just didn’t hear it. No fair! If I don’t hear it, it doesn’t count! This is why I don’t pay attention! I need a whambulance so bad right now. So, I moved down Vaughn Grissom in my 2nd basemen rankings. Sadly, he’s now more of a flyer than a sleeper. Also, I contemplated adding Orlando Arcia for about 67 seconds, but there’s no way I could rank him in my top 500. He’s very not good. So, the 2nd base position lost Jorge Polanco, Vaughn Grissom and Jose Altuve in two days. *whispers loudly* 2nd base didn’t have three guys to lose.
Mike Soroka – Optioned to Triple-A. That was the assumption all along, and you can’t mess with assumptions. They’re the devil’s thoughts that come true.
James Outman – Made the Dodgers’ Opening Day roster. Nice, I will now call Outman, Pride Week. PW is actually the most interesting outfielder there not named Betts. That’s not to say Pride gets the everyday job, but he should. Unfortch, I think David Peralta and Trayce Thompson are in front of him.
Jason Heyward – Also, made the Dodgers. Sweet! Who is this youngster? Anyone have any juice to squeeze in the knowledge cantaloupe for me to grasp onto and honk? I need to know!
Daniel Hudson – Won’t be ready to start the year, due to his knee. This has been the news for a while, and was included in the rankings, but one thing I will say is I still kinda figure Hudson will lead the Dodgers in saves. Now it’s much riskier bet to make, but that’s who I believe they want as the closer.
Carson Kelly – Out with a fractured forearm. That means Gabriel Moreno replaces Carson Kelly and gets to be the main host on Total Request Live. Kelly was holding me back from being completely in on Moreno and now that he’s been eliminated until. Dot dot dot. 2024? I’ve moved Moreno up in my catchers rankings and he’s now very interesting.
Adam Wainwright – Will start the year on the IL with a groin strain. Honestly, I think this is our first Ineffective List trip. Wainwright has looked more cooked this spring than your grandmother’s pot roast. I wish Andre Pallante would be stretched out, but it looks like Jake Woodford is replacing Wainwright. He’s not fantasy relevant, unless you have a league where guys who are confused by your uncle get their stats, so you can get Woodruff’s stats with Woodford.
Alex Kirilloff – Will start the year on the IL. A whole offseason and still not ready and we’re supposed to be buying that he’ll return after a few weeks of the season and be fine? Is that what they’re selling? Feels similar to Jorge Polanco. I almost prefer the Jose Altuve route to injury. At least he was hurt and will miss a set number of games. When are Kirilloff and Polanco supposed to return healthy? Just randomly in April? This is not at all believable. Kirilloff was updated in the 1st basemen rankings. Polanco was updated in the 2nd basemen rankings, but I wasn’t drafting him anyway.
Zac Veen – Reassigned to the Rockies’ minor league camp. Smart, we need to see what Mostsuckass has to offer!
Ranger Suarez – Experienced more left forearm inflammation. But, here’s the kicker…*shows picture of Reggie Roby*…wait that’s not right. The kicker is he’s fine! No structural damage! It’s all good! Don’t you know? It’s just forearm inflammation every time he throws. He’s been updated in the top 100 starters and top 500.
Rhys Hoskins – Torn ACL and out for the season. Went down in a heap in a non-contact injury that looked eerily similar to Gavin Lux. Please, don’t let 2023 be the Year of The Non-Contact Injury. My stomach can only handle watching so many of those. It’s like they’re being tripped by a ghost. Let’s get back to “being ghosted” meaning a girl that is out of your league realizing she’s out of your league and stops returning your texts. Phils have a stacked roster but zippo replacement options. Too bad Luke Voit didn’t sign there. Maybe they can trade for him. Unless they really want to see Darick Hall get 500 at-bats. Speaking of which, I’ve added Hall into the top 500 and have removed Hoskins from there and the 1st basemen rankings. Singing through tears to Papa Roach’s Last Resort, “Cut my life for Rhys’s…”
Michael Lorenzen – Dealing with a minor groin strain. That’s sad, grown men should have major groins.
Michael Brantley – Will start the year on the IL. This isn’t my shocked face. I just had Botox. Jake Meyers is the fill-in for AL-Only leagues.
Jed Lowrie – Retired from baseball. When a legend retires, it’s always sad. Hope he goes into the Hall of Fame as a Met.
