Coors days are funny days. Note I didn’t say ‘fun’, I said ‘funny’. I find them downright exasperating simply because you feel compelled to have a Colorado stack out there, even if and when it’s not really the best situation. Look, I’m not gonna sit here – and yes I am sitting – and tell you that Coors is an outright fade today but I will tell you the arms going in that one ain’t slouches. Yes, we know that any arm that lands in the Rockies can get touched up. It’s, like, science and stuff. Overall, though, I am here to tell you quite simply: there are a lot of good plays for bats out there tonight and I, for one, won’t be forcing a Rocky mountain high into my life. In fact, I’d rather just tell you about the glory that is stacking against Sean O’Sullivan. There are some big time prices on bats today across the board, but somehow DK missed that Sean has some straight scary career numbers. Over 318.2 IP, Big Sean has a 4.35 K/9, a 3.22 BB/9 and a 5.22 xFIP while his career HR/9 sits at 1.64. A journeyman in every sense of the word, look to the Rays bats to come alive tonight and you don’t have to pay top dollar to push this stack in. Their most expensive bat is Brad Miller at $4,500 and you don’t need to go that route. For me, gimme some Evan Longoria, Logan Forsythe, Oswaldo Arcia, and other bits and parts that I can find that are in that starting lineup and let it ride, using the savings to pay up for pitching on the night. Rays the roof fellas. But enough about that, let’s move on to this. Here’s my Coors swerve taeks for this Friday DK slate…

New to DraftKings? Scared of feeling like a small fish in a big pond? Well reserve your spot in the 25 Team Razzball Exclusive League set to run Monday July 11th to wet your DK whistle. Just remember to sign up through us before you do. Wanna know what the best part is about signing up with us? The free subscription for the rest of the season to our DFSBot, that’s what! For details on the how to, please visit our Razzball Subscriptions page.

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See all of today’s starting lineups

# MLB Starting Lineups For Mon 8/4
ARI | ATL | BAL | BOS | CHC | CIN | CLE | COL | DET | HOU | KC | LAA | LAD | MIA | MIL | MIN | NYM | NYY | PHI | PIT | SD | SF | STL | TB | TEX | TOR | ATH | CHW | OAK | SEA | WSH

Yesterday, Matt Harvey met with the Mets’ front office and told them, “You ruined my shoulder!  I was the Dark Knight!  Now I’m 1960s Batman in hard-to-watch Technicolor unable to move my arms to do the Batusi!”  Matt Harvey asked Bartolo if this ever happened to him and he said, “Nah, I am 90% jelly and custard.  My nerves are coated in more sugar than a churro.”  Harvey needs shoulder surgery due to thoracic outlet syndrome.  Sandy Alderson said it’s inevitable.  Pitchers who have had this surgery take at least a year to recover and sometimes never regain past form.  It could not only be a season killer, it could be the end of Harvey as we know him.  He could opt to rehab his shoulder without surgery, but rehabbing it won’t magically make his pitching better than he’s been all year, which is atrocious.  If you don’t have DL room, I could see dropping him.  Fun fact!  You know who suffered from thoracic outlet syndrome?  The Lispasaurus.  Tiny arms, big body.  Other dinosaurs pickin’ on ’em because of their lisp — why’d every dinosaur have to have an S sound in its name?!  Total recipe for messed-up shoulders.  “I hate Thoracic Park!”  Spielberg can make a Thoracic Park movie where an injured pitcher tries to repair his relationship with his pre-teen son while genetically-modified dinosaurs chase after them.  “I know I wasn’t there for you when you were growing up or for your keeper league team in 2014 or for that velociraptor attack 15 minutes ago, but I’m here for you now.”  The boy looks up, “How did that velociraptor throw a Warthen slider?”  The father responds, “He’s learning!”  Seth Smith is working on the script.  Anyway, here’s what else I saw yesterday in fantasy baseball:

Please, blog, may I have some more?

With just over half of the MLB season in the rear view mirror, you should have a pretty good idea of where your fantasy team stands at the moment. The seasonal sample size is sufficient to properly evaluate the majority of the everyday players, and now is a good time to try to swing a deal to strengthen any weaknesses and make a push for the league title. The players on the extreme ends of the talent/production spectrum are fairly easy to identify. Who doesn’t want Mike Trout or Clayton Kershaw on their fake teams? At the same time, it might be better to leave a lineup slot empty than to use either Alexei Ramirez or Yonder Alonso at any given time. Those are the easy decisions. The tough ones involve the players who are hovering somewhere in the middle, teetering on the edge of breakout or bust. Philadelphia Phillies 23-year-old third baseman Maikel Franco is such a player. After leading the Grapefruit League in homers and RBIs this spring, Franco looked as appetizing to fantasy players as an authentic Philly cheesesteak wiz wit. The first couple of months of the regular season weren’t all fresh Amoroso rolls and grilled onions for the second year player though. Through June 19th (263 plate appearances), Franco was sporting a .236/.281/.409 triple slash line with 19 runs, 11 homers, 33 RBIs, and zero steals. Not exactly the type of production that his owners had in mind. However, in his last 15 games and 66 PAs since then, Franco has slashed .375/.470/.786 with 14 runs, 6 homers, and 16 RBIs. So who is the real Franco? The mediocre three category liability that opened the season or the Miguel Cabrera clone of the last few weeks?

Let’s take a look at Franco’s profile to determine what can be expected from him over the remainder of the 2016 season. Here are a few observations:

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REL baseball logo newNearing the break! Unlike the lunacy of MLB front offices, teams in the REL have been buying and selling in rebuilds and postseason aspirations since the first few weeks. I still don’t understand why rebuild teams in real life don’t start trading guys right away! I’m mostly mad the Brewers didn’t sell Chris Carter when I did in the REL… Why I should be their GM! Not some nerd who played Rotisserie baseball at Harvard

Nothing too huge in the standings, with the Nats still steamrolling the NL, but at least my Brewers gave em a 0-1 loss when I saw them play on July 4th! The AL is much more interesting, with the Blue Jays perched atop the standings. The Orange Birds and The Tribe both are within striking distance, while co-commish Slim has pushed the Astros into contention. With all their younguns, this should be quite the race! Here’s how week 14 went down in the 2016 REL League:

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Lately, thanks to my home league dynasty team, I’ve noticed the production of a catcher that still too few people have noticed. His name: Cameron Rupp. This guy is your stereotypical catcher; he’s a bulky guy, sweet beard, and oh yeah, lately he’s been raking. He takes a trip to the thin air of Denver today, and will be the catcher you need to have in your lineup. There is no doubt in my mind he will have no problem hitting a couple Rupp jobs off of Chad Bettis.

New to DraftKings? Scared of feeling like a small fish in a big pond? Well reserve your spot in the 25 Team Razzball Exclusive League set to run Monday July 11th to wet your DK whistle. Just remember to sign up through us before you do. Wanna know what the best part is about signing up with us? The free subscription for the rest of the season to ourDFSBot, that’s what! For details on the how to, please visit our Razzball Subscriptions page.

Please, blog, may I have some more?

With Tyler Glasnow being called up, let’s go over what we know so far about him.  1) In Triple-A, he had 113 Ks in only 96 IP.  2) He had a 1.78 ERA.  3) There’s no C, since we’re not even lettering these facts.  D) And now we are lettering them, great!  E) Glasnow enters to bagpipes and wears a kilt on the mound.  F) This.  I didn’t get him in one single league!  G) Money.  H) His command in Triple-A was wonky as all get-out — 4.9 BB/9. I) could see some major blowups if he loses command of the strike zone.  J) abba the Hut failed with the Cookie Diet.  K) Glasnow likely won’t pitch an entire season.  L) M, N, O P Q) How many innings? Arrgh) Likely close to 50 IP S)o that’s still into September.  T) for two!  U) The letter U looks like Jon Niese looking down.  V) What a great show!  Remake it, again!  W) Should officially change its name to Dubya. X) Marks that one spot where the two lines intersect or the entire area of the X?  Y) Cause.  Z) Yes, I’d grab Glasnow in all leagues.  Prospector Ralph even ranked Glasnow number two for all the 2nd half fantasy baseball prospects, so you know shizz is real.  AA) My name is Grey Albright– Oh, we’re done with the lettering.  Anyway, here’s what else I saw yesterday in fantasy baseball:

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Sometimes you ask and you shall receive and in that vein, I begin this month’s Razznasty update. Now I know the two questions you’re asking, what did you ask for and receive? And which vein? First, it’s the main vein, you know the one in the middle…. Secondly, I asked our very own Hippo in the bush Matt Truss to make a push in the standings over the course of June so I could name the next update “Can’t Truss It”. Done and done. I told Mr. Truss-ah Truss that I’d dress as Flavor Flav from this video while I wrote it. Truss, that I held up my end of the bargain, picture me decked out in white tuxedo with top hat and Batman glasses. Unfortunately I can’t share with all of you due to a shortage on the correct cartridges for my vintage Polaroid Sun 600. Sorry boys, and whatever number of girls are reading this year. I believe we were up to five, but we might have lost a few after the Jose Canseco interview. There’s nothing that upsets the ladies more than invasive question about Madonna’s early 90’s sperm brokering. Enough of the bollocks, onto the Razznasty update for June. Dynasty League Baseball at it’s finest.

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A dollar doesn’t buy you much anymore in this world. It’s disappointing how much the value of the dollar has diminished over the last many years. I gave a bank teller a George Washington and he handed me back 90 cents. Who am I to argue with a teller. I gave a homeless woman a dollar the other day and she called me a pathetic cheapskate. Did she really have to use the word “pathetic”? Even the Wu Tang Clan is looking to replace the words dollar bill from C.R.E.A.M. Is the dollar on life support? I just don’t know. But I’ll tell you one thing a dollar can buy you… fantasy baseball players that will make you the owner of a first place team.

Rostering only players that cost $1, including players that were not drafted at all, I could easily assemble a first place team. I’m including players that were not drafted because they could have been for a dollar. I realize that hindsight is 20/20, but let me show you what $10 could have gotten you in your 2016 fantasy baseball auction draft…

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Hope you all had a Happy Fourth of July holiday. USA! USA! USA! There are two sides to every coin, though. Imagine how England has felt for the past 240 years? It’s gotta be ten times worse than how I feel due to the Dodgers trading Pedro Martinez for Delino DeShields back in 1993. If you still can’t feel the pain, then imagine Draymond Green kicking you in the nuts. These vomit-inducing scenarios are what it feels like when contestants landed on a whammy in the gameshow Press Your Luck. What I try to do in this weekly column is highlight some of the lower-owned players, that performed well over the past week, and steer you clear of those whammies. Without further ado…

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Have you ever had one of those pineapple upside down cakes? Those things are weird, I can’t get over the fact that it looks like the cake is staring at me. It’s like some sort of creature from the deep I wouldn’t want to bump into while out for a snorkel (Snorkeling? Snork?). Weird is also a great way to describe Michael Pineda’s season thus far. April and May saw him post around a 7 ERA while June has provided a 2.75 ERA. What will July bring? Well, the K rate has increased from 10 to 12 and the walk rate has dipped slightly from 2.5 to 2. Both are good signs. The best sign of all though is the number of hits he’s allowed. April/May’s hit rate was over 12 per 9 IP. June’s hit rate is about half that, at 6.75 H/9. So what happened here? Well, even though it FEELS like Pineda’s been around forever, he’s only 27 and maybe he just hit a rough spell. The metrics weren’t really that out of whack and we could have is a classic case of a guy getting unlucky, pressing, having some control issues and things snowball before something clicks. I’m guilty of hitting the panic button, perhaps a bit too early, in my season long leagues. In the daily game, it’s time to hop back on board thanks to the strikeout upside Pineda can provide. With any luck, the masses will still be scared off by the ugly overall numbers. Ugly like a pineapple upside down cake. Here’s some more picks for the night’s DraftKings slate:

New to DraftKings? Scared of feeling like a small fish in a big pond? Well reserve your spot in the 25 Team Razzball Exclusive League set to run Monday July 11th to wet your DK whistle. Just remember to sign up through us before you do. Wanna know what the best part is about signing up with us? The free subscription for the rest of the season to our DFSBot, that’s what! For details on the how to, please visit our Razzball Subscriptions page.

Please, blog, may I have some more?

Wade Davis hit the DL with a forearm strain.  Brooks Pounders was called up in a corresponding move.  Brooks Pounders is also my favorite AVN starlet.  This sounds ominous for Davis, a forearm strain is not good for pitchers.  A precursor for Tommy John surgery, they say.  They also chew Copenhagen and call everyone kid.  The one bright spot in this dark, gloomy sky is the backdating of the DL stint.  Maybe, just maybe, Davis will return right after the All-Star break, when he’s eligible.  Yes, he could only miss seven games from now.  That skywriter is trailing smoke behind him, writing, “Hope Davis.”  But maybe he ran out of fuel and was gonna write, “Hope Davis Will You Marry Me?”  In Davis’s place, Joakim Soria or Kelvin Herrera will replace him.  Kelvin is much better, so why ‘You must be Joakim’ at all?  That hard-to-quantify, harder even to justify outside of your own front office, closer experience.  Anyway, here’s what else I saw yesterday in fantasy baseball:

Please, blog, may I have some more?

Howdy Razzballero! I hope you all had a great Independence Day, and I’m not referring to the movie sequel that was released about a decade and a half too late. Doesn’t Hollywood have any original ideas anymore? Why are there so many mediocre sequels and remakes/reboots in the theaters at any given time? I briefly considered making a rare trip to the movies during the holiday weekend, but since the thought of dropping $20 a person on tickets, popcorn, and drinks while settling for the new Tarzan flick or another crappy sequel (Independence Day, The Purge) didn’t seem all that appealing to me, the decision was made to stay home and watch the old Dolph Lundgren flick I Come in Peace (also listed as Dark Angel in some places) instead. It’s a cheesy late 80s/early 90s sci-fi/action movie about an alien drug dealer who induces heroin overdoses in humans and then harvests their endorphins. And it features Ivan Drago kicking ass. Yes, it’s as awesome as it sounds. Kind of like a cooler version of Independence Day. So I guess the moral of the story is to save your money and watch old Lundgren movies. But I digress. What were we talking about? Oh yeah, fantasy baseball! That brings us to this week’s most added player in ESPN leagues, Washington Nationals pitching prospect Lucas Giolito (54.5% owned; +46% over the past week). Giolito has long been a coveted commodity in fantasy circles due to his mid-high 90s fastball and 80 grade hammer curveball. His buzz died down a bit following mediocre results in his first eight Double-A starts this season (18% K%, 13% BB%, 4.08 FIP, 3.82 ERA), but that was mostly due to early season mechanical adjustments that were made to his delivery. Over his last six Double-A starts, Giolito was much more effective (28% K%, 8% BB%, 2.39 FIP, 2.52 ERA). His control has been iffy at times, but he clearly has swing and miss stuff and the natural sinking action on his fastball tends to keep the ball in the park (13 HR allowed since his professional debut in 2012). A couple of popular current comps for Giolito are Noah Syndergaard and Stephen Strasburg, but he also reminds me of a couple of big righties with the hard fastball/hammer curve combo from their early Marlins days (Josh Beckett and A.J. Burnett). Strasburg’s DL stint prompted his call up, and Joe Ross’ current one has allowed him to extend his stay in the majors. The upside here is obvious. If he’s still somehow available in your league, Giolito is a must add.

Here are a couple of other interesting adds/drops in fantasy baseball over the past week:

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