[brid autoplay=”true” video=”378040″ player=”10951″ title=”2019 Razzball Draft Kit Top 5 Busts”]
When I think about people saying they’re going to draft Matt Carpenter, I think of the old hypnotist’s trick. If you’re going to draft Matt Carpenter, I want you to do this: close your eyes and pretend to be shaking a salt shaker into your mouth. Now, incredibly, you will taste salt. There’s no easier schmohawk post for me than a guy who has a career year at 32 years of age or older. On the other hand, 31 years old? Give me some! (Kidding, please don’t ask why 31 is okay.) Does anyone drafting Carpenter expect to get the same again what he did last year? I can count the guys who peak in their thirties, who are not on ‘roids, on one hand and that’s a hand of a high school wood shop teacher. “Today, I’m going to show you how to make your mother a chair–Okay, don’t be alarmed, it only looks worse than it is. Place my thumb in your ice-cold Fanta, and call me a Lyft.” *blood from wound sprays teacher in his face* “Don’t give the substitute a hard time, I could be out for a few.” So, last year Matt Carpenter went 111/36/81/.257/4, which is so goofy you can put that stat line from Carpenter on LinkedIn and get hired to don a Goofy costume at Disney World, sight unseen. “Yo, moms, I just got hired by Disney.” “Bravo, Salvatore! I-a didn’t even know-a you applied.” “I didn’t, I just wrote down Matt Carpenter’s stat line on LinkedIn.” By the by, I wanna get a giant mastiff and name it, Salvatore Glands. Anyway, what can we expect from Matt Carpenter for 2019 fantasy baseball and what makes him overrated?
Please, blog, may I have some more?