“I should have four remotes.” That’s Mark Whiten as he clicks on his TV remote, and breaks it because of his strength. He was going to check out, Alex Dickerson (5-for-6, 5 runs, 6 RBIs and his 5th, 6th and 7th homer, hitting .261) to make sure Dickerson didn’t hit four ding-dongs in one game like Hard Hittin’ Mark Whiten. For some reason, I’m hearing Lil Wayne sing, “She Alex Dickerson,” and it’s making me horny as my daydreams dance to Alex Dickerson actually on any of my fantasy teams. Take a lap around your desk on your office rolly chair if you were one of the 1.9% who owned Dickerson last night. You’re living right. If you’re a time traveler who came back to a pandemic just to roster Alex Dickerson for one game, then you are an absolute nutbag, but props. Also, in this game, everyone had bazinga glory, except Jon Gray (2 2/3 IP, 7 ER, ERA at 6.69). Between him and Sonny Gray, I might take my cue, and not go outside the rest of the week. Brandon Crawford went 3-for-6, 3 runs, 6 RBIs with a slam (4) and legs (1), hitting .280. “I’m drunk, man.” “Yeah, you’re on a Bra-Craw.” Also, Donovan Solano went 4-for-6, 2 runs, 6 RBIs, as he hits .345. Donovan then sang, “It’s the Season of the Pitch, but not for you Rockies.” Yes, there were three guys in the Giants’ lineup with 6 RBIs. Wait…666…And you can’t spell San Francisco Giants without Satan. AHHH!!! Anyway, here’s what else I saw yesterday in fantasy baseball:

Please, blog, may I have some more?

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See all of today’s starting lineups

# MLB Starting Lineups For Sat 8/2
ARI | ATH | ATL | BAL | BOS | CHC | CHW | CIN | CLE | COL | DET | HOU | KC | LAA | LAD | MIA | MIL | MIN | NYM | NYY | PHI | PIT | SD | SEA | SF | STL | TB | TEX | TOR | WSH | OAK

I bought a 30-gallon fish tank a few years ago and began my aquarium hobby journey. I enjoyed watching the fish fly around in the rectangle abyss, adorned with plants and driftwood, but when I learned about fully aquatic crabs, it was on. I’ve bought a few and have never been disappointed. Upon arrival, they are around an inch big, but they eventually get to around five inches or so. They grow by molting, which is the shedding of their old shell to make room for a new, bigger one. I knew about this process but wasn’t prepared for the actual thing. On the floor of the aquarium, I saw a crab, but it didn’t move. For days. I was a little heart broken, as I thought one of my crabs was dead, but then I poked it and saw that it was just an empty shell. A few days later, I saw the new, bigger crab emerge. I mention this story because it was the first thing I thought of when digging into Frankie Montas. He’s been left for dead after three horrendous starts, but is he really? Let’s dig in.

Please, blog, may I have some more?

Yes, we are back for another week. Yes, we have a Grey Albright “True Hollywood Story”. BUT… You’re going to have to make it to the end to hear it. We did not spend the pod this week discussing the disgraced and disgusting former Porn Actor. No, instead we talked about baseball. Boring? Perhaps, but far more family friendly. Grey and yours truly take a look at all the players swapping teams during yesterday’s deadline and the days leading up to it. We talk Mike Clevinger, Starling Marte, Jonathan Villar, and all the other big names moving zips over the last week. It’s a quick and dirty run down before Grey launches into the quickest and dirtiest story in the history of this podcast. That includes asking Jose Canseco if “Madonna wanted his sperm.” Tune in from end to end to fully appreciate the randomness of this historical event.

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Pitching, like everything else this year, has been a literal S-Show. My TGFBI team got quickly dismantled thanks to David Price, Justin Verlander, Corey Kluber, and Joe Musgrove. That dismantlement forced me to turn to streaming early on. Now that we’re a full five weeks into the season, it’s clear what teams to pick on and what teams to avoid for streaming. For example, Indians versus righties avoid (.364 wOBA over the last 14 days), but those same bats against a lefty have posted a .272 wOBA on the year. Justin Dunn (7.5% ESPN, 10% CBS) has learned well that the Rangers are an awesome team to stream against. He’s faced the Rangers twice already this year going 6 IP in each start and allowing just 2 earned runs. He didn’t do anything exceedingly special. Dunn struck out 8 batters over those two starts, but just let the Rangers do what they do best – suck. As of this writing, Dunn gets a third lucky matchup with the Rangers on September 7th. A little bit of a look-ahead for us, but a great spot for us to attack if you’re looking to improve your ratios or grab a streaming “W”. Let’s take a look at five more streamers this week to get you ahead of your competition.

Please, blog, may I have some more?

There you have it, we’ve passed the halfway point of our Razzball Commenter League season.  The next milestone is the trading deadline, which takes place this coming Sunday night at midnight EST.  The MLB trade deadline has been pretty awesome so far with major names all going to the Padres.  Between that and teams changing closers like underwear, there should be plenty to get you in the trading mood for the RCLs.  Normally, this is the time of season where you can understand some overpaying for players, but with the shortened season and so much still up in the air, I’m not sure things will be quite as crazy as previous seasons.  Still, take a look at the overall standings in your league and see where teams are bunched together.  If there’s an opportunity to leap over multiple teams by taking a category by storm, make your move now.  If you’re in second place right now, make that move for first, play to win, go out and make it happen.  Release your inner AJ Preller!  We managed seven trades this past week, which we’ll break down below, let’s see if we can top that this week.

Please, blog, may I have some more?

Welcome to the final month of this most unusual season. As we look at this first slate of September, it is clear Framber Valdez ($9,900) should be the ownership favorite on tonight’s FanDuel Main Slate. We want to be overweight on Valdez even with that knowledge. The Rangers have a respectable, middle-of-the-pack offense, but against left handed pitching they have the sixth highest strikeout rate and eighth worst wOBA in the majors. If he can maintain the exceptionally improved control we’ve seen thus far, Valdez should have no problem facing this lineup, and has the potential to post a monster line. If he loses some of the control he’s shown, however, the Rangers have the ability to cause problems on the basepaths. Even against lefties the Rangers have had success stealing bases, and the Valdez-Maldonado battery has looked vulnerable. That said, it’s a rock solid matchup, and we want to take full advantage.

New to FanDuel? Scared of feeling like a small fish in a big pond? Well, be sure to read our content and subscribe to the DFSBot for your daily baseball plays. Just remember to sign up through us before jumping into the fray. It’s how we know you care!

Please, blog, may I have some more?

Mike Clevinger and Greg Allen were traded to the Padres for Gabe Arias, Cal Quantrill, Joey Cantillo, Owen Miller, Austin Hedges, and Josh Naylor. Cleveland will be melting together Quantrill, Arias, Cantillo, Hedges, Naylor and Miller to form one super player, Johnny Q. Baseball who can catch, pitch middle relief and hit .215. Cleveland Indians’ GM said, “I have one rule, that’s Rule 5.” Before Clevinger can leave town, Zach Plesac will be planning a blow out going away party that no one is to know about. It will be at Carlos N’ Suzie’s, a downtown Cleveland favorite known for tequila and heating up Totino’s pizza rolls. Can’t wait for the postseason redemption story of Mike Clevinger ginned up by Fox where he does no actual apologizing for anything, but pitches well for six innings and gets some flashy graphics and wild hyperbole. So, Clevinger going to the Padres is obviously a huge boon for his value if boon means what I think it means. Let’s assume it does or at least makes sense within context clues. Everyone the Indians got? Useless for this year, but I’m sure Prospect Itch or Hobbs will go over the prospects at some point. Only downside I can see for this trade is it might actually be lowering Chris Paddack’s value, because now the Sheriff will have to spend all waking hours policing to make sure Clevinger doesn’t do anything stupid. Anyway, here’s what else I saw yesterday in fantasy baseball:

Please, blog, may I have some more?

All right, we almost made it a week without a Covid positive test in MLB, but Sunday morning, the Oakland Athletics announced that a member of their crew tested positive for coronavirus and their play has been postponed. News will be developing more, but as of the time of writing (Sunday morning), you’ll probably want to pay attention to your Oakland starters (i.e. Jesus Luzardo, Frankie Montas, Chris Bassitt) in weekly lineup leagues. For DFS and daily lineups, you can follow the news and do what you have to do.

Again, we’re nearing the 60% mark of the season for most teams in MLB, and the same goes for most of your fantasy baseball teams. If you’re going to make a move — whether the waiver wire or a trade — it’s time to do it now. Don’t believe me? Let’s take a look at the Rest-of-Season-o-Nator-o-Tron. That Sixto Sanchez guy that everybody’s talking about? Hit Control-F and search his projections for the rest of the season. Come on, do it! Oh fine, I’ll just tell you. It’s 23IP, 1W, and a probably too-conservative 17K. What about Gerrit Cole? 36IP, 3W, and 49K. OK math majors, let’s get to work! If you’re trailing in pitching stats in your fantasy league, what’s the likelihood that Sixto Sanchez helps you catch up to the team that’s starting Gerrit Cole every 5 days? Not all that great, right? The Marlins have a lot of catch-up to do, and Sixto Sanchez can’t throw those extra games, and no manager is going to risk The Sanchize by throwing him overtime in a year when 50% of the teams make the playoffs. For actual baseball, this is amazing, because the Marlins seem on track to make the playoffs and you’re going to see The Sanchize playing in the wildest shootout of baseball playoffs ever seen in human history. But for fantasy baseball, you’re getting, at most, maybe 2W and — if you’re lucky — 30Ks from Sixto over the next few weeks.

So, how do you overcome the teams that are starting the entirely-possible rotation of Shane Bieber, Lance Lynn, Mike Minor, and Andrew Heaney (all of whom are in the top 25)?

Please, blog, may I have some more?

The MLB trade deadline is today. So far the fireworks haven’t been overly bullpen related. We’ll see if that holds true as many teams fashion themselves plucky upstarts in the mix for expanded playoff spots. As far as rumormongers go, Jeff Passan is really the only name I put any stock in at this point. Evening-bird and Yo-dude are banned from my twitter feed.

Please, blog, may I have some more?

Happy almost September!  Most MLB teams are past the halfway point of this insane little 60 game season, but if your leagues are anything like mine, there’s still all kinds of standings volatility happening.  A couple of bad starts can be devastating, while one day of big offensive production can help by leaps and bounds.  I’m not sure how many of my leagues will go down to the wire, but I’m trying to grab every extra counting stat when I can, while I can.  And speaking of trying to improve one’s team, time for our weekly look at some names that may be of interest to those of us in AL-only, NL-only, and other deep leagues, keeping our list to players who are around 20% owned or less in CBS leagues.

Please, blog, may I have some more?

Grey has begun releasing his weekly buy/sell articles one day early to all of our valued Patreon members so you can get that extra leg up on your competition!

If you didn’t sign up in time for last week’s exclusive Patreon Podcast where we joke about the weirdest news stories from around the world, don’t worry, all previous podcasts are available on demand over on the Razzball Patreon feed. Here’s a teaser from last week’s show where a wild boar stole a naked German man’s laptop (all true stories):

Please, blog, may I have some more?

Good Afternoon DFSers and welcome to today’s edition of Toilet Talk with Jared!

Today’s going to be an interesting day for baseball.  It’s TRADE DEADLINE DAY!  Make sure you are paying close attention to lineups.  While you may see some get scratched late, this also leads us to some possible value plays where we normally wouldn’t see them.  My favorite pitcher tonight is Tyler Glasnow ($9,500) vs. the Yankees.  This isn’t the same feared lineup without Stanton, Judge, Torres, and now Hicks.  I expect Glasnow to take us to the profit land tonight.

New to FanDuel? Scared of feeling like a small fish in a big pond? Well, be sure to read our content and subscribe to the DFSBot for your daily baseball plays. Just remember to sign up through us before jumping into the fray. It’s how we know you care!

Please, blog, may I have some more?