DraftKings – Houston We Have a Problem, Kluber to the Rescue

May 24, 2014 | DraftKings | 6 Comments

I had it all setup, I was going to come on here and advocate you buying my favorite breakout player of 2014, Dallas Keuchel. I compared him to my favorite 90s wrestler Diamond Dallas Page. I even nicknamed Keuchel’s slider the diamondcutter after Page’s famous finishing move. There were fireworks, boobs, and jokes about the Mariners inability to hit lefties. I even fit in a jab at Teen Mom turned Pornstar Farrah Abraham’s lack of understanding of Memorial Day. Well I guess I still got that! Then Bo Porter decided sometime between my bedtime and wakeup that he was going to push back my Southpaw Sweetheart. Well that’s fine Bo Porter, I already thought you were a dink. In fact if I ever see you in person, I’m going to walk by you, wait until you are a safe distance away, and then say terrible things and run.

I all seriousness I can’t blame you for this move Keuchel did throw 128 pitches on Monday. So it makes sense. Well anyway I’ll just move on to another one of my favorite Aces in the making in Corey Kluber. His Manager is Terry Francona and he and I have an understanding because we both resemble personified turtles. He’d never do this to me!

Starting Kluber today will take some balls. He’s going against the Orioles who have been scoring runs in bunches the last week or so. Maybe we’ll get lucky and Chris Davis won’t play to be with his wife, who’s scheduled to give birth tomorrow. Even if Davis is in the lineup fear not; Corey K’s is getting to the point of being matchup proof. With a K rate of 10.13 and a walk rate of 2.06 on the season he’s pitching like an ace. He get’s strikeouts in bunches and in his last 4 starts his k/9 is 12.4, that’s a number that’s tough to ignore. With a price of $10,300 he’s not cheap but well worth the coin.

Before we proceed any further with this madness, let me get in a quick shameless plug. Did you start the season with a roster than included Prince Fielder? Jose Fernandez? Did you not listen to Grey and drafted Matt Moore? Have you been in a coma and completely forgot to change your roster and Mike Moustakas is your 3rd baseman? Well, get on over to Draftkings, sign up, and let good old Doctor Lifshitz be your guide. Bonus! I don’t charge for prostate exams.

Please, blog, may I have some more?

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OPS Leagues: Having A Higher Slugging Than Stanton

May 24, 2014 | OPS Leagues | 47 Comments

by: Tom Jacks

If anything, highlighting Giancarlo Stanton after doing just that a couple weeks ago means that David Ortiz finally has a worthy challenger to the OPS league crown. Regardless, I’m not changing my picture (at least not yet). Anyway, since I recently discussed how Stanton is arguably #1 in OPS leagues, I was curious to see who has a higher slugging than Giancarlo and take a closer look at those players. On a semi-related note, I’m going to do another OBP roundup next week and will include as many of the players suggested in this week’s comments (first come, first served? typed? discussed?) because I decided on that as I was typing this sentence and now seems like a good place to end it. So here are the guys who have had a higher slugging than Mr. Stanton in 2014:

Please, blog, may I have some more?

Carribuyin’ This Pirate Before He Walks The Polanco

May 23, 2014 | Fantasy Baseball Buy/Sell | 785 Comments

by: Grey

It’s about that time, prematurely balding men and four girl readers. Gregory Polanco is nearing his call-up date. He is basically a young version of Starling Marte. As of this writing, he’s 22 years old. I’m hoping he’s still 22 years old when I’m done writing this post otherwise I spent way too much time on it. He can be a superstar, which has me excited. He won’t be a superstar this year, which takes the wind out of my sails for redraft leagues. Usually when I’m talking about wind in my sails, I’m wearing only my boxers and just ate a can of beans, so maybe it’s best if we ignore how much wind is in my sails. Polanco can hit 12 homers and steal 40 bags without killing you in average. Yes, I know, you love him too now. It’s okay, just because your father never loved you doesn’t mean you can’t love another man. In Single-A, Polanco had 16 homers and 40 steals. In Single-A, Marte had 3 homers and 24 steals. Granted, Polanco had 200 extra at-bats in his Single-A year. Granted, Part II: Granted Lives; Polanco was two years younger in his Single-A year. Marte doesn’t have anywhere near the plate discipline of Polanco, so, if anything, Marte will become a poor man’s Polanco. Polanco has the kind of pedigree right now that could mean he’s a top three rounder and one day supplanting The Dread Pirate as the best outfielder in Pittsburgh. I.e., The Sexy Dish That Ate Pittsburgh. Yes, I’m really excited for him. This past year between the two levels, he hit 12 homers and 37 steals while hitting .286. Christian Yelich went from Double-A to the majors and hit fine. Lots of players do. The Pirates weren’t that aggressive. If they were, then Polanco would’ve shot up my preseason rankings and I would’ve told everyone to draft him in every single league. Instead, Polanco went to Triple-A and continued to bash like your 12-year-old self idealizing Jose Canseco. As with rookies, you need to keep expectations in check. To misquote the immortal words of John Popper, “Nobody should think or expect too much while everyone is calling for the movie rights. Singing, ‘Hey, babe, let’s keep in touch. Hey, baby, let’s keep in touch.” He will be up in early June and now is the time to stash him. For 2014, I’ll give him the line of 32/8/36/.250/15 in 300 ABs. Anyway, here’s some more players to Buy or Sell this week in fantasy baseball:

Please, blog, may I have some more?

Razzball Radio Round-Up, Week 8

May 23, 2014 | All Podcasts | 16 Comments

by: Nick The Podcast Host

Razzball nation, it is your duty, nay, your solemn meaning in life to worship at the alter of the mustache. It’s the one thing we have to look forward in this life that is filled with joy, comfort, and probably a lot of hair spray. You know, for volume. As I always say, if you’ve got thickness, your half-way there. Or is that what she said? UUUHHHHthank you. Anyhow, if there was one more thing, other than mustache worship, in this life, that second thing would undoubtedly be listening and watching Razzball Radio. Err, Video. Podcast? I just don’t know anymore… so let’s just go with all of them.

Here’s your weekly Razzball Radio round-up for Week 8… (Podcasts can be listened to and download over there, and don’t forget to check out the Daily Hotsheet for all the day’s Fantasy Baseball news, all in just under four minutes!)

Please, blog, may I have some more?

Points Leagues: Freebie Threebies

May 23, 2014 | Points Leagues | 21 Comments

by: Schlurricane

You may not be able to snag these 3B off the waiver wire in all of our points leagues, but I imagine that there have been a few leagues already where the following 3B have been given up on. This is the time of season where you get to take advantage of people overreacting. Act now!!! Ok, wait until I tell you who to pick up and then do exactly as I say–DO IT NOW!!!! You must obey the Schwarzenegger. Some of these guys are going to be owned and it’s your duty to snipe them in a trade. Those who aren’t must be added immediately.

I am not saying these are guys to pay a high price for. Do not overpay for em. In fact, don’t even pay fair market value unless you’re more convinced than I am on em. The goal here is to buy low from owners who have become disenchanted. Or better yet, they dropped the guy.

Remember that points leagues tend to value gap power, plate discipline and overall lineup strength for hitters. We’re focusing on hitters today, solely. Next week, we’ll return the favor with hurlers.

Please, blog, may I have some more?

DraftKings – I Wanna See Your Peacock

May 23, 2014 | DraftKings | 72 Comments

by: Sky

There’s something about Katy Perry that just works for me. I’ve tried talking to my wife about it. ‘Do you like her voice?’, she asks. No, I’ve heard dying wild turkeys that sound better. ‘Maybe its her lyrics’, she suggests. No, I’m not a 13 year old girl so that doesn’t do anything for me. There’s just something about her, I don’t know what it is. It’s at this point I realize both of my hands around chest high, undulating and spread open like I was holding two honeydew melons. It’s also at this point that my wife let’s me know where I can sleep for the night. Don’t feel bad for me, though. The couch is pretty comfortable AND I can watch those Perry videos on mute to enjoy the bounty she has to offer. Yeah, yeah, I know you didn’t come here to see if Katy should be rostered over at DraftKings. And by ‘Rostered’ I mean…well nevermind what I mean, let’s talk Brad Peacock, m’kay? As I talked with Nick about on the Razzball Podcast on Tuesday, Peacock looked amazing at times and then seemed to fall apart out of nowhere. All this to say, my call is very to the nth degree cubed multiplied by pi risky. I’m definitely not suggesting this for 50/50 and cash games. But for a GPP go? Well, at home, the Mariners carry the second worst team wOBA in the league at .279, barely beating out the Mets for last place with their robust .275. It’s contrarian, it’s dangerous and it all comes with a cheap price tag of $6,500. Does the DFSBot like my call? Not one bit. But do I? Well…let’s just move on and see what other picks I have for you for DraftKings contests for 2014 Fantasy Baseball…

Please, blog, may I have some more?

This Is What It Sounds Like When Drafters Cry

May 23, 2014 | Fantasy Baseball Daily Notes | 505 Comments

by: Grey

King Salomon Brothers, the overseer of the Iron Bank, was mortgaging castles that he shouldn’t have been and fighting to get repaid, so he decided to sell his crown that was bespeckled in quinoa and Boca Burgers. The crown itself was worth more than all castles together. The world could be saved of economic ruin if the crown could get safely to the world’s largest pawn broker, Wei-Yin Chains. Unable to leave the kingdom himself, King Salomon Brothers gave Prince Fielder the crown, entrusting it to his overweight son, knowing if there was one person not interested in the healthy adornments on the crown it would be he. Unfortunately, heavy is the neck that wears Prince’s crown, and he gobbled up the crown like he gobbled up all the fantasy trust I put in him when I drafted this man the size of four horses. Goddammit! Dubya tee eff, doode! You can’t put on a neck brace and get up to bat? Shoot some cortisone is your cellulite! DAH!!! The only positive in this travesty that has befallen the fattest POS in the seven kingdoms? You’ll get to drop him! Fielder exclamation mark, exclamation mark, exclamation mark, I hate you. Sincerely, Your Drafter. Anyway, here’s what else I saw yesterday in fantasy baseball:

Please, blog, may I have some more?

Beddict’s Fall From Mount Kilimanjaro and Middlebrooks’s Never-Ending Disgracefulness

May 22, 2014 | Fantasy Baseball Buy/Sell | 59 Comments

by: LT Murray IV

Guess who’s bizack? The boy T.B. Mizack, a.k.a. Mr. snatch-a-trick! Greetings and salutations, ya’ll! I can’t begin to imagine the devastation you felt not having a post from yours truly last week. I envision you feeling so powerless, so weak. Were you forced to scroll through sports websites, that, for some God’s forsaken reason, still use mother effing slide shows? That’s all inconsequential now, for I, Tehol Beddict, am back.

Now, you all may also be wondering about my absence on Razzball Radio this week, and for that, my excuse is anything but true. If you’ve been reading my posts for the past year or so, you know about my vast amount of various charities. Two weeks ago, I led an expedition to the peak of Mount Kilimanjaro, bringing along all the children of a nearby orphanage I fund. Soon after we heroically reached the mountaintop, I decided there was no better time for a photo opp, to bring some much needed notoriety to the needs of the children of Tanzania, and possibly re-establish my floundering modeling career. What a grave error in judgement this turned out to be, as I took one faulty step, tripped on a rock, and tumbled 400 yards down the mountain side. If not for a local Tanzanian explorer deterring my continued slide, I would not be typing this to you now, nor typing to you ever again for that matter, for I’d be deader than Neve Cambell’s career. I owe my new friend, Ambakisye, a great deal of gratitude, for he saved my life, keeping hope alive, that one day I will be a world famous writer.

My nose was badly broken, so I’ve been popping enough OXY and Valium to incapacitate a horse, and one would clearly understand why I could’t be seen on television like this. Next week is a possibility, but only the Elder Gods truly know my fate. Again, noting the fact that I’m highly medicated and literally nodding off while I type this, we’re going to have to keep it short and sweet this week on Disgrace/Delight. (Jay(Wrong) gets down on his knees and thanks the Gods. Now he has time to watch The Fountain for 223rd time). [Ed. Note — This is true. Except it was Big Trouble in Little China…] With no episode of Game of Thrones being shown this next Sunday, I feel like next week is the perfect time to dive balls deep back into my GOT Disgrace/Delight epic posts you have all grown to know and love. Ok, before I pass out, let’s get on with this. Take Heed!

Please, blog, may I have some more?

Lineup Maximizer: Go Jonny Go-mes

May 22, 2014 | Fantasy Baseball Buy/Sell | 19 Comments

by: paul

Over the off-season Rudy laid out his argument for why it’s important to maximize at-bats in fantasy leagues with daily moves (like the RCL ones). Even if the mathematical proof don’t resonate with you, there’s no denying the good vibes generated from streaming a hitter for a night and getting even just a 1-for-4 line with a run. Don’t know that feeling? Seriously, loosen up man. Do something crazy. Get black AND pinto beans on your next Chipotle burrito. Pay extra for guac. Add Mike Carp for a night. Just one.

The only downside to this strategy is time. The time it takes to sort through the options and decide who to add and who to drop. Razzball offers tools like Hitter-Tron and Stream-o-Nator to help speed up the process, but even then you have to scroll through its table to find who is available, make sure he will actually play, the game won’t be rained out, etc. For those of you with a wife, two kids, and a job, I get it. It’s tough being a loving father and winning fantasy manager.

I have no wife and zero kids so what I’m offering is to add meaning to my life and do some of that work for you. What I’ll do is scroll through Hitter-Tron, find the best players that are mostly unowned and likely to start, and present them here in an easily digestible format. My plan is to do this every Sunday and Wednesday so you can fill out your lineup on Mondays and Thursdays (the days when teams have off days and you’ll need to stream guys). Sound good? You’re not sure? Whatever, I’m not you trying to convince your girlfriend to try anal. It won’t hurt to do it once.

Please, blog, may I have some more?

Bullpen Report: Week 8

May 22, 2014 | Closers, Middle Relievers | 73 Comments

by: Smokey

Lots of haps going on in the end-game of fake baseball this week. Matt Lindstrom fell down and sprained his crown. Surgery has already happened, so if you’re stuck in traffic, or your league has weekly adds instead of daily, Ronald Belisario looks like the dude. In case your looking for alterior adds, Daniel Webb looks like he will get some looks, as Belisario isn’t a spring chicken, nor proven commodity. So add willingly if space allows. Also in Oakland, where nothing ever survives, or lives there permanently, according to Jay(Wrong) [Ed. Note– I was wrong. Bail Bondsman flourish there…], they finally got smart, used their shoe phone, and called in the option that may have been the right choice all along. Sean Doolittle is the shiny new toy, until the new shiny toy comes around or he breaks. I love me some Doolittle. If there was a wagon that hosted bands on it, I would be a groupie I guess. He has the K rate, the arsenal, but gets the whole “he is a lefty” shenanigans. So look past his Loogyness and just dig on the beard and 12-plus K rate, or if that doesn’t do it for ya, the 30/1 K/BB ratio. Or if that doesn’t get ya… well, err… that was my last detail, sorry. Enjoy the tidbits of straight sizzurp laced knowledge that Stephen Hawking would even Ctl+Alt+Esc.

Please, blog, may I have some more?

DraftKings – No More Yankie My Greinke. The Dodgers Need…

May 22, 2014 | DraftKings | 36 Comments

by: J-FOH

Can I be more obvious by using the most expensive pitcher in my title? Two words: Adam Wainright! There isn’t an emoticon out there that can express how his owners felt this past Tuesday. I sadly was not one of them. I went the budget pitching route and spent more on bats and was fortunate enough to squeak out some wins. The pain of missing out on Waino’s one hit no walks CG shutout will haunt me for at least a week. Today we have a similar situation with Zach Greinke. My favorite dark horse Cy Young candidate last year and still one this year gets the free swinging Mets at the infamously named Metco. Do we add “co” to all overly large places that hurt the product? Please post your own uses for the addition of “co” below and enlighten me. On the year Greinke has 7 wins, a 2.03 ERA, 1.13 WHIP, 10.29 K/9, and a 2.03 BB/9. That’s ridiculous. I don’t care if he costs $12,100 today. I’m buying and looking for some sleeper hitters. The Mets have the 5th worst team K-rate and I wouldn’t be shocked to see 7 innings and 10 K’s vs. the Mets. And, yes I made a Sixteen Candles reference in my title…you got a problem with that?

You guys need to get over to DraftKings and jump on board the daily train. Let me be a salesman for a minute. Are your teams going through slumps? Are you dealing with an over abundance of injuries? Does hearing the words Tommy John make you want to puke? Well then a daily fantasy win might be just what you need! You get a fresh canvas every day to paint a fantasy mosaic of your best sure things and value plays on a daily basis. You can play for money or you can play for free. You can play H2H with me or against 5,000 others. Here is the link for our latest promo with the guys over at DraftKings. Don’t forget you can use the Stream-o-Nator, Hitter-Tron, and the DFSBot to check your work.

Please, blog, may I have some more?

Reds Return Bruce But Joey’s Quad, “Oosh”

May 22, 2014 | Fantasy Baseball Daily Notes | 781 Comments

by: Grey

If any good can come from Joey Votto going to the DL with a strained quad, at least he didn’t try to play this weekend and have a set back. Well, there’s other good that can come of it. We can be thankful for our own health. Actually, that’s BS, I’d give my quad to have a healthy Votto. I don’t need my quad to type up my fantasy baseball ‘pertness. I got acumen for days! You know what a smart Indian chef uses? Acumen. Take it, Highlights magazine, it’s yours! Fortch, Votto sounds like he should be back in the minimum fifteen days. Here’s hoping, I got hard-hit singles I need hit! In tangentially related news, Reds manager, Bryan Price, said Jay Bruce would return “very, very soon,” then he was activated from the DL. I’d go as far as saying that was very, very, very soon. Bryan Price added “Very, very soon,” I will buy a thesaurus. That’s a very, very good idea! Anyway, here’s what else I saw yesterday in fantasy baseball:

Please, blog, may I have some more?