Wanna know how dedicated I am to you?  I have your name tattooed on my tramp stamp area.  Yeah, your name.  Wanna know how else I’m dedicated to you?  I flipped guys in and out of this post, moved a few to the top 80 outfielders for 2015 fantasy baseball, moved some more to the top 60 outfielders for 2015 fantasy baseball, didn’t move any into the top 40 outfielders for 2015 fantasy baseball, but considered it and made sure everyone was ranked to the best of my ability in this post.  You’re thinking, “I’d hope you’re making sure your rankings in this post are correct, these are you rankings after all.”  True, You.  But, honestly, most of the guys in the second half of this post are irrelevant outside of deeper leagues.  It’s simple math.  If you’re in a 12-team league with five outfielders, 60 outfielders are drafted, then twenty more guys are drafted that have multi-position eligibility, another ten for utility slots or for some schmohawks that draft a bench outfielder and, add up all of that, and it equals Frank Ocean.  Okay, the math is off there.  It should’ve equaled, “About 90 outfielders drafted.”  And everyone knows the fifth outfielder drafted doesn’t last long on your team.  Sure, maybe Josh Hamilton bounces back (doubtful), or maybe Carl Crawford becomes the latest Zombino (more doubtful), but in most mixed leagues these guys aren’t even being drafted.  In one mock draft I did for a magazine (they still make these?  Where do you buy them?), Josh Reddick wasn’t even drafted and he’s ranked higher than all the guys here.  Never the hoo!  All the 2015 fantasy baseball rankings are under that linkie-ma-whosie.  Anyway, here’s the top 100 outfielders for 2015 fantasy baseball:

81. Dalton Pompey –  This tier started in the top 80 outfielders for 2015 fantasy baseball.  This tier goes from here until Taylor.  I called this tier, “I’m grabbing onto these guys like I’m a video vixen and they’re a sports car.”  I already went over my Dalton Pompey fantasy.  I wrote it while explaining to a soprano why it’s all about that bass.  In that post, I say that I’m only going to give him 350 ABs, but would bump him up if he gets a starting job, and now it looks like he will have that starting job.  He is the kind of player that could have a starting job on April 1st and then get platooned by April 15th, so I’d be careful about expecting too many ABs.  I’m only going to bump up his ABs a tad in the projections, but there’s a lot more upside here (and downside); that’s why I didn’t put him in the “SAGNOF, snitches!” tier.  Pompey is only 22 years old and has stolen 38 bases in a minor league season to go with six homers.  2015 Projections:  54/5/51/.247/31

82. Michael Taylor – He will be one of the most added players in the first weeks after fantasy drafts, reaching 41% owned, then get dropped en masse once Werth returns and this chamomile-lemonberry is really tasty– Shoot, I just drank the tea before I could finish reading the leafs.  Taylor had 22 HRs and 34 steals last year in Double-A and is filling in for Werth until he returns from shoulder surgery.  Just grab Taylor in every league and worry about who your fifth outfielder will be when Werth returns.  (Yes, I know that Werth says he can return for the start of the season, and George Michael used to sing “I Want Your Sex” to female models.)  2015 Projections:  48/12/46/.217/14

83. Angel Pagan – This is a new tier.  This tier goes from here until Swisher.  I call this tier, “Solid draft picks if you’re drafting then hopping in a DeLorean.”  This tier is one decent bounce back season away from bumping up to Marlon Byrd’s tier in the top 60 outfielders for 2015 fantasy baseball, and they’re all one more lousy season away from being being co-featured with Lenny Dykstra at an autograph show in Parsippany, New Jersey.  As for Pagan, the proverbial Angel on my shoulder says, “He can get 100 runs, 7 HRs, 25 SBs and a .280 average.”  The Pagan on my shoulder says, “Here’s a corrosive chemical.  Please splash it on your other shoulder.”  2015 Projections:  67/5/37/.272/20

84. Austin Jackson – He looks like he should be stealing upwards to 45 bases, but he has seasons of only 12 steals under his belt.  Austin:  Keeping It Weird!  Jackson prolly just needs some devil’s dandruff from Ron LeFlore and that would get him stealing some bases (and constantly rubbing his nose).  Jackson is not as old and broken down as other guys in this tier, but he sure feels like it if you own him.  2015 Projections:  79/6/39/.250/18

85. Shane Victorino – This offseason Victorino named himself the starting right fielder, saying, “Obviously health will dictate that. But if I’m healthy if there’s a better outfielder in right field then show me and go out there and do it. I’m not saying that in a cocky or arrogant way. It’s just how confident I am to know I should be the starting right fielder.” Then John Farrell named Betts the leadoff man.  Then Victorino named an old white dude who would start Victorino as the new manager.  My projections are likely way off for Victorino since I have no idea of his playing time, but we’re so late in the outfielders that he’s not being drafted in most leagues anyway.  2015 Projections:  61/7/31/.262/17

86. Michael Bourn – Member when Bourn was a 60-steal guy?  Yeah, was before he forgot his identity.  2015 Projections:  72/2/34/.249/17

87. Nick Swisher – Right now, he has a starting job, but the emphasis is on “right now.”  Assuming his sideburns don’t make a pilgrimage to the Smithsonian to confer with Luke Perry’s glass-enclosed sideburns to find some hidden strength, Swisher looks like a bench player.  2015 Projections:  52/15/54/.212

88. Dustin Ackley – This is a new tier.  This tier goes from here until Rasmus.  I call this tier, “Well, we are late, who did you expect to find here?  Ken Griffey Junior Jr., the Third?”  This tier is above the next tier (obviously, dur), but I could see flipping the two tiers in daily, shallow leagues where platoon outfielders are more valuable.  If you’re in a deeper weekly league, guys with an everyday job are more valuable.  In deep weekly leagues, you want every counting stat you can get and can’t afford to have a guy that sits vs. lefties.  As for Ackley, he’s like a poor man’s Kole Calhoun.  Call him, Wind Energy Calhoun.  Ackley gives the impression that he would be a steals first guy, but he’s more of a power-first guy.  Though the power isn’t amazing.  Well, nothing about him is amazing.  Four ladies and gentlemen, The Non-Amazing Ackley!  2015 Projections:  61/12/63/.250/7

89. Travis Snider – He wasn’t originally ranked when this post came out, but then he was traded to the Orioles and visions of Nelson Cruz signing on with the O’s in 2014 came to mind, then coming to mind was Snider’s once-touted prospect status, then a beef stew my grandmother used to make, then I thought about caterpillars.  There’s a chance here for some power, but not a whole lot more.  But, this late, you don’t need a whole lot more.  2015 Projections:  56/17/64/.248/1

90. Ryan Rua – The AL West is stacked with some banging corner outfielders, huh?  Rhetorical!  Here’s a non-rhetorical question for those that want to play along:  doesn’t Jake Smolinski sound like a power hitter?  Like a Jack Cust-type?  Yeah, that’s an illusion.  Smolinski has a high of ten homers in pro ball and that was in Double-A.  Jake Schmohawkski?  P to the erhaps.  Another name for this tier could’ve been, “Supposedly these guys have everyday jobs, but I wouldn’t bet on it.”  That tier name is almost as pithy as the actual tier name.  By the by, if Billy Beane GM’d the Rangers, they’d have three non-platoon hitters (Andrus, Beltre, Fielder).  Right now, they have one — Moreland.  Quite the depth, RangersUPDATE:  Smolinski lost the job to Rua.  Crazy after I had such high hopes for Smolinski.   Sideways emoticon that is screaming, “I don’t want any f**king Merlot!”  Also here’s Sky’s Ryan Rua sleeper post.  2015 Projections:  54/15/61/.249/6

91. Colby Rasmus –  He signed with the Astros this offseason as he chases Brett Wallace for the record for the biggest disappointment from a once-highly sought-after prospect that now appears in their player page picture like they need a helmet when they use a pencil.    2015 Projections:  58/22/62/.231/3

92. Carl Crawford – This is a new tier.  This tier goes from here until Presley.  I call this tier, “Being in a platoon is a full time job.”  Product placement alert!  As mentioned above, this tier could be more valuable than the previous tier depending on your league depth.  If you’re in a daily league that has decent guys on waivers, platoon outfielders become more valuable.  As for Crawford, he actually wasn’t that bad last year:  8 HRs, 23 SBs, .300.  Only thing stopping him from being more valuable was his runs and RBIs since he didn’t play every day.  He really didn’t have a problem with the limited amount of lefties he saw:  .321, 2 homers in 56 ABs, but even with Kemp headed to San Diego, Crawford doesn’t look like a guy that will see more than 400 ABs.  2015 Projections: 52/6/30/.288/20

93. Drew Stubbs – Last year, Stubbs had a dream platoon season — 15 HRs, 20 SBs, .289.  Used to perfection like a shot of Worcestershire in a Bloody Mary.  You shouldn’t taste it, but it adds much needed umami.  Hey, Drew Stubbs, say hello to your umami for me!  And, if you tell people Stubbs was as valuable as a shot of Worcestershire, they look at you like you’re crazy because you pronounce it Woh-stir-ter-er.  Only thing Stubbs needs to repeat last season is a two hundred pound pigeon crapping on his shoulder for a shizzton of good luck.  Last year, he had a .404 BABIP and a 17.2% HR/FB.  Both numbers that he won’t repeat, but he could be worth a flyer in daily leagues if you can move him in and out for his trips to Coors.  2015 Projections:  47/12/45/.249/15

94. Jake Marisnick – Unlike some of the other names in this tier, Marisnick is supposedly a full-time outfielder.  Besides, Marisnick’s odd family vacations where they follow the McGwirenicks everywhere, should anyone care?  Well, Steamer gives Marisnick 12 homers and 19 steals in a full season.  That would have him ranked about thirty spots higher and should preclude him from the part-time outfielder tier.  But, and this is a Gabourey Sidibe-sized but, I don’t think Marisnick has a full-time job all year.  Singleton could push Gattis to the outfield, Presley could get worked in, Carter’s fielding could push Dominguez to 1st and Gattis to the outfield, etc. etc. etc.  I like Marisnick, but I think he’s a platoon outfielder masquerading as a full-time one, which is a terrible costume that needs to explained to everyone at the party.  2015 Projections:  42/7/41/.231/16

95. Alejandro De Aza – Will share time with Delmon Young, which is a shame because A) De Aza could be valuable as an everyday starter. B) If Young played every day, he’d have more of a chance of defaming the Jews or clubbing an umpire.  C) There’s no C.  2015 Projections:  52/7/27/.262/19

96. Arismendy Alcantara – Went over him in the top 20 2nd basemen for 2015 fantasy baseball.  (Note: His projections and rankings changed since I first went over the 2nd basemen due to the trade of Fowler.  *wink, wink, nudge, nudge, kazoo*  Not a good change.)

97. David Peralta – He hit .197 vs. lefties last year.  Things got so bad that one night in August he woke in the middle of the night in a sweat when he accidentally left on Fox News and they started talking about lefties.  Platooning with him will be Ender Inciarte.  Well, that’s what we’re told to call him, but I think the CIA is in the middle of naming Inciarte.  2015 Projections:  46/11/39/.281/7

98. Jordan Schafer – Steals, steals and, um, yeah, that’s it.  2015 Projections:  48/2/42/.221/28

99. Seth Smith – The Lisper’s Nightmare always theems to get 50-ith runth, 50-ith RBIth and ten homerth.  Do what you want with that info.  Just don’t read that info out loud or you will spit on the person sitting in front of you.  2015 Projections:  57/12/46/.258/1

100. Justin Ruggiano – There could be a sub-tier within all of these outfielders called, “The Mariners outfield is a mess.”  Guess that would make the Mariners outfield, subterranean.  This offseason I said about Ruggiano, “Traded to the Mariners.  Ruggiano is currently slotted into the everyday lineup, but I’m guessing the Mariners got him so he could ‘accidentally’ collide with Logan Morrison.  “Should I hashtag before or after my witty retort–Oh, crap!” *crash*”  And that’s me quoting me!  Since then, the Mariners went out and a platoon-mate in the aforementioned lisper, so I’m adjusting Ruggiano’s projections since you last saw them.  2015 Projections:  48/9/39/.258/4

101. Chris Coghlan – Coghlan’s Law:  Bury platoon outfielders that don’t have huge upside.  They stink up the joint.  2015 Projections:  56/7/38/.261/10

102. Dayan Viciedo – On June 9th of this year, he will hit a home run and I will tell you to watch for a hot schmotato.  On June 10th, your girlfriend will dump you for getting more excited that I was right about Dayan than you are about dinner with her friends.  Sorry, don’t shoot the messenger.  2015 Projections:  51/18/54/.259

104. Emilio Bonifacio – Went over him in the top 20 2nd basemen for 2015 fantasy baseball.

105. Alexi Amarista – Went over him in the top 20 2nd basemen for 2015 fantasy baseball.

106. Melvin Upton – I have distant memories of premarital B.J.’s and I could’ve sworn they were good.  The player and the act.  2015 Projections:  38/9/42/.222/19

107. Eric Young – Should fill in for Melvin (changing your name from B.J. to Melvin is like changing your name from Paul to Hitler) while he’s injured and could see platoon work thereafter.  2015 Projections:  46/2/19/.245/27

108. Junior Lake – I’ll give you a bit of a DVD commentary on these end blurbs.  As with most of the rankings, I write down everyone that has a starting job, then some guys that are in a platoon, then a few extraneous guys that could matter.  I then rank them, then I write brief notes, then I return and expand on my brief notes.  My original notes for Lake were, “Rank Junior Lake or Allen Craig FIND ANYONE MORE INTERESTING THAN CRAIG.”  Apparently, my notes come in caps, too.  The Cubs outfield and infield is going to be a constant source of elation and aggravation all year.  There’s just too much upside for one team.  Lake could be a starting outfielder on another team.  I’m farting in your general direction, Mariners.  Between Soler, Coghlan, Denorfia, Sweeney, Arismendy and Baez, someone is going to fail.  With that failure, will likely come a chance for Lake.  2015 Projections:  45/12/42/.263/9

109. Alex Presley – Hey, last one to get ranked needs to shut the lights.  *lights switch off*  “Presley has left the building.”  2015 Projections:  42/12/39/.271/8

110. Josh Hamilton –  This is a new tier.  This tier starts and ends here.  I call this tier, “Dope.”  Look at Brett Butler.  She’s 56 years old.  She looks like she’s 97 years old.  Hamilton was once an addict and now he’s 33 years old, yet he swings like he’s 49 years old.  Moral of the story?  Don’t do drugs, or do so many that you die in your twenties.  2015 Projections:  31/8/36/.242/1

225 Comments
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The Theory
The Theory
7 years ago

What I’ve learned after reading all of the position player rankings: Hitting sucks in 2015.

Might be time to start a pitching-only league, because to hell with sticks.

Sky
Sky
7 years ago

Now I have to revamp my Deep League Thoughts post on Travis Snider with his move to Baltimore. But I ain’t mad!

J-FOH
J-FOH
Reply to  Sky
7 years ago

@Sky: this should be good for Polanco, but the Harrison factor still looms.

Sky
Sky
Reply to  J-FOH
7 years ago

Pedro is terrible at 3B. I think Harrison has a job there unless injuries force him to go back to his Zobrist ways.

J-FOH
J-FOH
Reply to  Sky
7 years ago

@Sky: Im more referring to the Kang/Mercer/Walker/Harrison potential log jam. If Polanco struggles does Harrison move to outfield?

Sky
Sky
Reply to  J-FOH
7 years ago

I honestly doubt that’s an issue. Polanco could struggle but I don’t think it’s fixed with those parts.

Big Magoo
Reply to  Sky
7 years ago

@Sky: Up next – Deep, Deep, Deeeeeppp League Thoughts featuring Jose Tabata

Wake Up
Reply to  Big Magoo
7 years ago

@Big Magoo: Thanks…you just ruined my WAG post that I have in the works…

Big Magoo
Reply to  Wake Up
7 years ago

@Wake Up: Avisail is still available…

Wake Up
Reply to  Big Magoo
7 years ago

@Big Magoo: hahaha…

Big Magoo
Reply to  Wake Up
7 years ago

@Wake Up: Haha Dix!

Sky
Sky
Reply to  Big Magoo
7 years ago

The depth there is uncannily similar to how long it takes to get to the bottom of a fifth of tequila.

Wake Up
Reply to  Sky
7 years ago

@Sky: I don’t know if you’re talking to me and the last thing I want to hear is another hail Mary…

Big Magoo
Reply to  Sky
7 years ago

@Sky: Are you referring to Tabata’s worm? Sounds more like Wake’s post…

Wake Up
7 years ago

To me that’s akin to saying I wouldn’t draft so and so because he is a dick irl. Draft him. Take the stats.
I don’t care if he’s real life crazy. Good performance is a good performance.
My 3 would be:
Moonstruck
Leaving Las Vegas
Matchstickmen
That being said, I don’t care for MM…cuz he’s kinda a rl douche…

Wake Up
Reply to  Grey
7 years ago

@Grey: Yeah, I hear that about the movie. I meant specifically him in it.
*throws soapbox in the bonfire, pours a sip of brandy out for the NE blizzpocalpse*

J-FOH
J-FOH
Reply to  Grey
7 years ago

@Grey: Its worth watching, there are a lot of great performances all the way around. To to bottom everyone did their role very well.

J-FOH
J-FOH
Reply to  Wake Up
7 years ago

@Wake Up: dammit, I always forget Moonstruck, but again, we have great performances surrounding Cage, Cher was great and Danny Aiello was great and so was Olympia. The grandpa was the best

Wake Up
Reply to  J-FOH
7 years ago

@J-FOH: Yeah, he was great.

J-FOH
J-FOH
Reply to  Wake Up
7 years ago

@Wake Up: he was good, great is a stretch

Sherwood Hayes
Sherwood Hayes
7 years ago

Grey what 3 of the follow would you give up for Sale, or would you hold .
Stroman,G.Richards, Paxton J.Urias and this years 1st overall pick so perhaps Moncada/Rusney or Tomas

J-FOH
J-FOH
7 years ago

With all the talk yesterday of Nick Cage, also in Sky’s post, and marky mark I wanted to share my story of how Nick Cage saved my life. And no this isn’t how i gave up drinking after Leaving Las Vegas, which actually got me to drink more just like Pulp Fiction got me to smoke more. No, this has to do with the movie the Rock (I Like Sean Connery) So here it goes. One night I was at my buddy’s pad, our local party spot that was within walking distance of our regular watering hole. As we chilled doing a little pre-party before going off to the bar for the night, the Rock came on TV and I started watching it while he got ready. A couple of bowls later and i was locked in, stuck in the film like a baby in the mud. About 15 minutes in my buddy announced he was ready to go and we should leave, but not I. I was glued to my seat via a massive dose of herbs….medicinal magic. After another 10 minutes he gets on my case and I told him I’ll buy him a beer if he chills for a few. This went on till I owed him three beers and I got to watch an hour of the flick while continuing down the herbal road. Finally I get up and we go to the bar and as we walk up there are flashing lights everywhere. We walk in and hear the story. My friend who I will call Julio and who I always hung out with and were quite good friends, had got shot at out back in the alley behind the bar. I guess some guys came in and picked a fight with him, that was a set up, and when they went outside to handle it 2 guys shot at him and lit up the back of the building and all the cars out back. Thankfully they missed him and my other friends who were with him. Had I been there, I would of been right there with him and could of been shot. Its funny to think that a Nick cage movie prevented me from getting shot at. Being a big target I can only wonder if they would of missed. This all stemmed from him hooking up with this trigger happy gangstas sister and then dogging her off afterwards. I guess I owe a thanks to the movie the Rock.

Cram It
Cram It
Reply to  J-FOH
7 years ago

@J-FOH: I said The Rock was my favorite Nic Cage movie. It should be yours too. Nic Cage saves lives! And not just in the movies.

J-FOH
J-FOH
Reply to  Cram It
7 years ago

@Cram It: top three would be

1) Valley Girl
2) Raising Arizona
3) The Rock

Cram It
Cram It
Reply to  J-FOH
7 years ago

@J-FOH:
1. The Rock
2. 8MM
3. Matchstick Men

Sky
Sky
Reply to  Cram It
7 years ago

#3…thank you, Cram

J-FOH
J-FOH
Reply to  Cram It
7 years ago

@Cram It: I always forget about matchstick men, but again, another great co-star. It still wouldn’t make my top three, maybe 5. How could you pick 8mm over raising Arizona?

Cram It
Cram It
Reply to  J-FOH
7 years ago

@J-FOH: I’m a sucker for revenge/avenge movies. It’s dark as fuck (can I say fuck?) and Cage is just bad ass. It fills all my entertainment holes. I mean needs! No wait. Ah fuck it.

Sky
Sky
Reply to  J-FOH
7 years ago

Matchstick Men was a good one. BTW, Sam Rockwell is the boss. He never seems to get his due.

J-FOH
J-FOH
Reply to  Sky
7 years ago

@Sky: I love Sam Rockwell, very rarely disappoints me. He was hilarious in gentlemen broncos. I loved him in choke and the way way back

Sky
Sky
Reply to  J-FOH
7 years ago

Catch him in ‘Better Living Through Chemistry’ yet? Another great performance.

J-FOH
J-FOH
Reply to  Sky
7 years ago

@Sky: yes I have and agreed, another great performance. Did you see choke? I have moon on DVD, bought it for a dollar, but havent watched it yet. I loved him in confessions of a dangerous mind and for a cameo, as the bell hop in Made

Sky
Sky
Reply to  J-FOH
7 years ago

I haven’t watch Moon yet; I think/hope it’s still on Netflix and I think I saw part of Choke because it came on at some random house before we went out. I still need to watch it all the way through but because of the author, I was already interested.

Cram It
Cram It
Reply to  Sky
7 years ago

@Sky: Yes he is. He’s the ultimate sidekick, for whatever reason, doesn’t get lead roles.

Sky
Sky
Reply to  Cram It
7 years ago

Confessions of A Dangerous Mind was where I got on my Rockwell kick. He was the lead there, it worked great.

Cram It
Cram It
Reply to  Sky
7 years ago

@Sky: Haven’t seen that. When are SP’s getting here? Tomorrow? When’s tomorrow??

Sky
Sky
Reply to  Cram It
7 years ago

It’s the Day Before Tomorrow…which is a better movie than the Day After Tomorrow, would get critical acclaim and star Rockwell and never be watched.

Cram It
Cram It
Reply to  Sky
7 years ago

@Sky: Don’t get me started on my boy Gyllenhaal.

Sky
Sky
Reply to  Cram It
7 years ago

Donnie Darko!

J-FOH
J-FOH
Reply to  Cram It
7 years ago

@Cram It: he gets some, just not major pics.

Cram It
Cram It
Reply to  J-FOH
7 years ago

@J-FOH: Maybe he likes it that way. I always said, if I was ever an actor, I’d want to be Sam Rockwell. Long career as a supporting actor, do some indie flicks and never have to deal with being scrutinized in the Hollywood spotlight and all the bullshit that comes with it.

Joey Jo Jo Jr Shabadoo
Joey Jo Jo Jr Shabadoo
Reply to  J-FOH
7 years ago

@J-FOH: 7 psychopaths he was co-lead.

J-FOH
J-FOH
Reply to  Grey
7 years ago

@Grey: Pointed made. Weed saved my life! Nick cage back in the trash can

J-FOH
J-FOH
Reply to  Grey
7 years ago

@Grey: I wonder if he talks in the third person ? *crosses fingers*

Sky
Sky
Reply to  Grey
7 years ago

There are rumors that the ‘monkey ninjas while eating jelly beans out of a wine glass’ scene in Ghost Rider was actually just Cage wanting to eat jelly beans out of a wine glass while watching monkey ninjas while shooting a movie. I tend to believe them.

Sky
Sky
Reply to  Grey
7 years ago

Artists…they’re all cray.

Sky
Sky
Reply to  Grey
7 years ago

Speaking of artistry, JFOH and I were talking about a Netflix original series you need to pen: fantasy baseball nerd life. I don’t know, maybe it’s just a docudrama. Or maybe an autobiopic?

J-FOH
J-FOH
Reply to  Grey
7 years ago

@Grey: I already casted part of the show….can we get Taye Diggs to play tehol…it just feels right

J-FOH
J-FOH
Reply to  Grey
7 years ago

@Grey: HA HA DIX!

Last night I compared him to Matt LeBlanc by hashtagging to Tehol #URMattLeBlanc

J-FOH
J-FOH
Reply to  Grey
7 years ago

@Grey: two guys talking to themselves as they stand next to each other

J-FOH
J-FOH
Reply to  Grey
7 years ago

@Grey: maybe Busey can sub in for Hopper

GhostTownSteve
GhostTownSteve
7 years ago

A whiff of baseball in the air?

Profar is functionally throwing. Bauer has a bizarre new program. BJ Upton is working on swing changes. Tulo feels as good as he’s ever felt. Ryan Braun is participating in baseball activities (thumbs up). Javier Baez and Nick Swisher are losing weight (great things to follow). Jered Weaver is gaining weight (great things to follow). Michael Bourn is going to run wild. Jake McGee is playing catch (presumably in the back yard with his dad). Weiters plans to be ready. Austin Jackson plans to bounce back. Dustin Pedroia plans to be ready AND to bounce back. Alex Avila plans to be in the two hole (don’t we all). Yu Darvish feels great. David Wright feels great. Prince Fielder feels great…

c’mon baseball

J-FOH
J-FOH
Reply to  GhostTownSteve
7 years ago

@GhostTownSteve: you are killing all the content for my not really the news update post

GhostTownSteve
GhostTownSteve
Reply to  J-FOH
7 years ago

@J-FOH:

We’re eating more beets!

J-FOH
J-FOH
Reply to  GhostTownSteve
7 years ago

@GhostTownSteve: oh and The reds expect Joey Votto to return to form and Josh Hamilton is on drugs again because he predicts a 30/100/ .300 season.

Sky
Sky
Reply to  J-FOH
7 years ago

Your post should be cut into sections. One section should be called the ‘Stuart Smalleys’. That is where Josh Hamilton should go. No real reason he should be overly optimistic about this season other than he’s good enough, he’s smart enough, and gosh darn it, people like him.

J-FOH
J-FOH
Reply to  Sky
7 years ago

@Sky: noted, and then have the jenny craig section for the weight losers? now what about managers announceing big bounce backs for every player? what should that be called?

Sky
Sky
Reply to  J-FOH
7 years ago

Helicopter Parents

J-FOH
J-FOH
Reply to  Sky
7 years ago

@Sky: ooh, well played………did you read my nick cage saved me from getting shot at story?

Wake Up
7 years ago

Wait a sec…I have Theth Thmith ranked 99nth
*Rechecking everything with my niece’s lice comb*
Also, why am I now so itchy?

Wake Up
7 years ago

So, all the MM talk yesterday…the longest setup in the subliminal foreshadowing universe?

Wake Up
Reply to  Grey
7 years ago

@Grey: You’re good, you. The weirdest trick the devil ever pulled was, getting the demons and dust devils to do all the dirty work and the sucking and the blowing around and the sticky, misshapen, slippery balls…oh the balls…the balls are so gross, right?

Wake Up
7 years ago

Nice Stubbs blurb!

Big Magoo
7 years ago

That Brett Butler video kinda gets burned into your brain, doesn’t it?

Wake Up
Reply to  Big Magoo
7 years ago

@Big Magoo: Ha, I was thinking the same thing

Orval Overall
Orval Overall
7 years ago

Grey, I would appreciate your take on me offering Fister for the next 2 years for Machado for just this year..10 team H2H points league..

We can keep 9, I am not going to keep Fister, but to keep Machado, I would have to drop Pederson or Ventura, they are my 8th and 9th keepers, to make room..

thanks man

Orval Overall
Orval Overall
Reply to  Grey
7 years ago

@Grey: Thank you Grey

Swaggerjackers
Swaggerjackers
7 years ago

@Grey: In a 10 team OBP roto auction keeper league, is it crazy that I want to keep a $23 Rizzo over a $4 C Dick?

36 bombs, .360 OBP, (steamer)

Vs

26 bombs and a .335 OBP (steamer)

Gareth
Gareth
7 years ago

We just broke (check that, smashed) the selfie stick spotting record at magic kingdom today.

Wake Up
Reply to  Grey
7 years ago

@Grey: I wish I never read this…

Sky
Sky
Reply to  Wake Up
7 years ago

Grey knows where he can stick his selfie…

J-FOH
J-FOH
Reply to  Grey
7 years ago

@Grey: I selife my stick all the time

Sky
Sky
Reply to  J-FOH
7 years ago

That’s a different kind of duckface…

J-FOH
J-FOH
Reply to  Sky
7 years ago

@Sky: like platypus with all that fur

Sky
Sky
Reply to  J-FOH
7 years ago

Google ‘duckface + dick’ and you’ll get what i’m saying

J-FOH
J-FOH
Reply to  Sky
7 years ago

@Sky: Im at work

J-FOH
J-FOH
Reply to  Sky
7 years ago

@Sky: googled on my phone…oh like sucking your own dick? i’m too fat for that

Sky
Sky
Reply to  J-FOH
7 years ago

If I could find the right ‘Surprised Patrick’, I’d put it here.

Sky
Sky
Reply to  Grey
7 years ago

It’s your fault. You duckfaced

Sky
Sky
Reply to  Grey
7 years ago

Then why are you pushing your boobs out simultaneously? And why do you have boobs?!?

Sky
Sky
Reply to  Grey
7 years ago

Works for RuPaul. I’ll just say ‘you do you’ and slowly walk away…

Sky
Sky
Reply to  Grey
7 years ago

Sounds like there was a copious amount of the doing of you prior to this incident lead to this awful circumstance. But on the cool side, you can now learn braille.

J-FOH
J-FOH
Reply to  Grey
7 years ago

@Grey: but has anyone made those boxers?

Swaggerjackers
Swaggerjackers
7 years ago

Where’s Kevin Kiermaier???

Asked no one.

Ever.

Big Magoo
Reply to  Swaggerjackers
7 years ago

@Swaggerjackers: Not true. I was looking at Kiermaier the other day. But I’m a fantasy nerd, soooo…

Sky
Sky
Reply to  Big Magoo
7 years ago

He’s almost deep league thought-worthy. Almost…

Big Magoo
Reply to  Sky
7 years ago

@Sky: He just might be. I think there’s enough there to warrant it…

Sky
Sky
Reply to  Big Magoo
7 years ago

I’m not sold, especially with his L/R splits and lack of power. I think his defense will make him stick but I don’t know the bat does much moving forward. Could be a Sam Fuld type of guy.

Sky
Sky
Reply to  Sky
7 years ago

and by ‘lack of power’ I mean prior to his stint in the majors. Had 6 all of 2013, 3 in 143 PA prior to coming up in 2014

Swaggerjackers
Swaggerjackers
Reply to  Big Magoo
7 years ago

@Big Magoo:

Well, I mean, technically, the thought did cross my mind too.

I think MLB network had a projected lineup where he was batting in the top half of the order.

Big Magoo
Reply to  Swaggerjackers
7 years ago

@Swaggerjackers: Rosterresource.com (formerly MLBDepthCharts) has him hitting 6th at the moment, but I could see him hitting 2nd instead of Jaso. Either way, he could have some value.

J-FOH
J-FOH
Reply to  Big Magoo
7 years ago

@Big Magoo: any time I see two good months back to back I keep tabs on those guys.

Fireball Feliz
Fireball Feliz
7 years ago

Since Josh is so close to Hollywood he should just give up baseball and take up acting. I’d watch a show called Hamilton Under Fire

Anthony
Anthony
7 years ago

@Grey: Whats on the list for tomorrow ? SPS ?

Jon Jay Oversight Committee
Jon Jay Oversight Committee
7 years ago

It is a tragic indictment in this era of troubled bats when we say you completely overlooked our man. No split issues, no real competition for ABs, good hits, good obp, and a smattering of the other stuff. Scott Boras would say he’s the greatest last outfielder you’ll draft in all of baseball.

J-FOH
J-FOH
Reply to  Grey
7 years ago

@Grey: he didn’t get his papers in on time.

J-FOH
J-FOH
Reply to  Grey
7 years ago

@Grey: he may deserve an under the greydar post. I can see the opening sentence now ” If there was ever a poster child for luke warm schmotato who gets relevant for 12 days, not consecutively, out of the year it’s Jon Jay”

J-FOH
J-FOH
Reply to  Grey
7 years ago

@Grey: that’s why he’s lukewarm. The hot and cold mix like a faucet. Writing that post could get credentials revoked.

J-FOH
J-FOH
Reply to  Grey
7 years ago

@Grey: you mean the plastic deputy star you sent me? I cherish it and wear it to bed every night

J-FOH
J-FOH
Reply to  Grey
7 years ago

@Grey: no. It’s mine. Out of my cold dead hands.

Sky
Sky
Reply to  Grey
7 years ago

You do that every time I make a spelling error.

Sky
Sky
Reply to  Grey
7 years ago

Is JFOH Vern in this instance? I’ll gladly be be Gordie…

J-FOH
J-FOH
Reply to  Grey
7 years ago

@Grey: kiss my grits!

Jon Jay
Jon Jay
Reply to  Jon Jay Oversight Committee
7 years ago

@Jon Jay Oversight Committee: Even I’d rather have Alex Presley.

Scott Boras
Scott Boras
Reply to  Grey
7 years ago

@Grey: I’ve compiled a video of Jon for discriminating drafters. It shows he can now effortlessly lift a 10lb dumbell WITH EACH HAND….leap from a standing position ONTO THE FIRST STEP OF HIS PORCH…and finally, thoroughly annihilate his 4 year old IN A SACK RACE!

His 7/10 ceiling is a virtual certainty for 2015.

Scott Boras
Scott Boras
Reply to  Grey
7 years ago

@Grey: Great catch! I must dub that into my mktg video. Positional flexibility is worth MILLIONS!

Tigres
Tigres
7 years ago

RazzNation: Soler for Yelich. This trade a push? They were right next to each other in Grey’s top 40 OF ranks.

Ralph
Ralph
Reply to  Tigres
7 years ago

@Tigres: Totally contextual. Yelich is probably a bit safer, so I’d say you’re individual decision would depend on who your other keepers are. If you have safe guys, then maybe Soler is the upside play.

los locos
los locos
7 years ago

Grey

Currently my 3rd pitcher in a 10 team keeper league is either Shoemaker, Paxton or McHugh.

This morning I was offer arrieta, lee or iwakuma for a pick and possible offensive player. Can you rank those 6 players of who should be kept.

Turd Ferguson
7 years ago

Hey Grey,

I picked up a magazine at Target while my wife was…finding stuff to waste our money on. Where was I? Oh, the magazine…lets just say that I hope everyone I play against buys that magazine. As I paged through the first statement I read was: “Mike Trout is expensive and has risk because of his inability to handle the high heat. Be sure you know what your getting into with him.” So many things that I could say I won’t even start…

On a different topic topic and its probably just a waste of time..because I won’t be drafting him BUT I thought it was funny that yesterday on Bleacher Report Josh Hamilton predicted himself as saying he would “keep it simple. .300/30/100 this year.” Do you think that if he took some PEDs and found a way to not get caught this would even be possible for him still?

Thanks as always for the great content and the laughs,
Turd

Gareth
Gareth
7 years ago

G3!

goodfold2
goodfold2
Reply to  Gareth
7 years ago

@Gareth: (standing up clapping). there ya go!

Gareth
Gareth
7 years ago

I know a pitcher is a streamer by the way.

I just can’t wait for the top pitcher rankings!!!

Kluuubbbeerrrrrr!!!

Gareth
Gareth
7 years ago

Feels like a party in here today with all these streamers!

I was having a really great time until Bourn and Swisher walked into the room.

#overpricedvets

AJ
AJ
7 years ago

This list is sadder than watching Karyn Parsons (aka Hilary Banks from Fresh Prince) sit for 4 hours at the Steel City Con and not have one person ask for her Herby Hancock.

I wonder if she ever hooked up with Will Smith? “If you touch my Big Willie Style, I’ll give Hilary her own talk show.”

Cram It
Cram It
Reply to  AJ
7 years ago

@AJ: Says the guy who was AT Steel City Con *drops mic*

AJ
AJ
Reply to  Cram It
7 years ago

@Cram It: Anyone who would pass up a chance to see Dr. Saperstein, aka Barry Zuckerkorn, aka The Fonz is someone I don’t want to know.

Cram It
Cram It
Reply to  AJ
7 years ago

@AJ: Agreed, we wouldn’t be friends. I’ll take 4 hours alone with Karyn Parsons to work her over while you say “ayyyy” to Henry Winkler.

AJ
AJ
Reply to  Cram It
7 years ago

@Cram It I think I read somewhere that if it takes you four hours to work over a 48-year old former actress that you need to consult a physician. But hey, we can’t all be ladies’ men.

Cram It
Cram It
Reply to  AJ
7 years ago

@AJ: You misunderstood what I meant by ‘work over’. Besides, I would need some time to convince her to get Henry Winkler involved.

AJ
AJ
Reply to  Cram It
7 years ago

@Cram It: Now THAT sounds like fun.

J-FOH
J-FOH
Reply to  Cram It
7 years ago

@Cram It: hahaha getting in classic cram form.

Cram It
Cram It
7 years ago

Speaking of Bourns and Bournes, I just saw Bourne Legacy for the first time last night. The main guy isn’t even Jason Bourne! Call it something else and make it its own series for crying out loud. Sneaky bastards. Blasphemy! That said, baseball. I mean, it was pretty forgettable.

You should call this tier, let’s talk about movies instead.

J-FOH
J-FOH
Reply to  Grey
7 years ago

@Grey: it wasn’t the worst movie I saw and Renner isn’t bad at what he does. The story line leaves the franchise open for anyone to come in and be the star. Kinda like the Oakland A’s.

J-FOH
J-FOH
Reply to  Grey
7 years ago

@Grey: no shizz! I could carry him around in a baby bjourn.

For as much as I loved the hurt locker, I will always remember him from National lampoons senior trip.

J-FOH
J-FOH
Reply to  Grey
7 years ago

@Grey: totally agreed. It was the Corey Dickerson of movies.

Senior trip had the max headrom guy in it.

J-FOH
J-FOH
Reply to  Grey
7 years ago

@Grey: they should remake it with actual senior citizens who are washed up actors who enroll in night school and go on an overnight field trip.

J-FOH
J-FOH
Reply to  Grey
7 years ago

@Grey: hey wait. Last Vegas was a senior trip

Cram It
Cram It
Reply to  J-FOH
7 years ago

@J-FOH: Renner’s okay. He doesn’t have any memorable roles, aside from Hurt Locker, where I agree with Grey, it’s more the movie than him. I feel like he should always be playing a role of a Southie/the character from The Town.

J-FOH
J-FOH
Reply to  Cram It
7 years ago

@Cram It: he played his part well. He was also good in American Hustle

Russell
Russell
7 years ago

Could an Inciarte/Peralta platoon really work for AZ? They’re both lefties, seems like they might want to work a right handed hitter in there at some point

Natty Boh
Natty Boh
7 years ago

This looks like the list of players I’ll be throwing out in auction draft, allowing older players to overbid based on name recognition. Shane Victorino for a buck…

AJ
AJ
Reply to  Natty Boh
7 years ago

@Natty Boh: Any league that would work in is a league I wouldn’t want any part in, lol.

Ante GALIC
Ante GALIC
Reply to  Natty Boh
7 years ago

@Natty Boh: meant that they are no longer worthy of having a nickname.

Cheers,
Ante

Ante GALIC
Ante GALIC
7 years ago

Grey!

Gr8 read.

A. J-Ham and A-Jax should both revoke their nickbames. No one needs to separate them any more.

B. In mocks with full rooms (no bots), Bruce is getting overlooked (moving his ADP lower and lower). So is Bryce Harper. Thought(s)?

Cheers,
Ante

Ralph
Ralph
Reply to  Ante GALIC
7 years ago

@Ante GALIC: Carlos Gonzalez still has an ADP of 7 on MockDraftCentral while Anthony Rendon has an ADP of 48. this stuff will all shake out as we get closer to the season and they update the rankings on the various sites that are hosting mocks right now.

J-FOH
J-FOH
7 years ago

I call this page Creeper Candidates for 2015.

J-FOH
J-FOH
Reply to  Grey
7 years ago

@Grey: portmanteau point!

J-FOH
J-FOH
Reply to  Grey
7 years ago

@Grey: yahbam!

J-FOH
J-FOH
Reply to  Grey
7 years ago

@Grey: awesomatic!

J-FOH
J-FOH