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Scott Schebler looks about as DFA-able as I’ve seen anyone look in some time. DFA stands for Da F**k Attahere. Even if he’s not, Nick Senzel was promoted and is hitting 2nd tonight. So, what are we banking on, or simply FDIC? That’s not regarding fiduciary concerns, that’s F**k Do I Care? Or more accurately, why am abbreviating everything a NYC cabbie says? Senzel has speed/power and could hit .315+. He is one of the best pure hitters in the minors. It’s the Senzel SZN! SZN stands for Senzel, which means I just said, “It’s the Senzel Senzel!” Not only is Senzel owned in all of my leagues, but guys like Rudy have owned him all year, stashing him on their bench. I point to Rudy specifically, because he’s fairly agnostic on rookies, in general, so you know there’s something here. Things break right and Senzel could be the number one call-up this year. Yes, I avoided all the talk about his injuries, except for this throwaway comment, but we’re talking about the positives. It’s Friday, LMFAO! That’s Leave Me F**K Alone, Octopus. I’m floating in a giant aquarium as I write this. Anyway, here’s some more players to Buy or Sell this week in fantasy baseball:
BUY
Christian Vazquez – If only his parents knew he’d one day become a MLB catcher, they could’ve named him Dishin’. *cracks knuckles, exhales* Ah, I’m good for today. Jeeves, bring me my Boba tea!
Nate Lowe – Is it me or are there more players with the same last names this year than any year previously? Getting comments like, “Grey, you’re handsome, and oh, so wise, can you choose your favorite three from this list: Lowe, Santana, Cabrera, Reyes, or Martinez?” The only player who doesn’t share a last name is Dwight Smith Jr.! *rips hair out* As for Nate Lowe and not B. Lowe, I’m not a huge fan yet. I mean, I will be more than likely at some point, but I want to see something and everyday playing time.
Eric Thames – Right now he’s platooning with a few different players, not just Jesus Aguilar. A straight platoon with Jesus would be sacrilegious, but for baseball so…sacflygious. That rolls right off the tongue. Thames could hit 20+ homers in a platoon, and more if he can work his way into everyday playing time.
Rowdy Tellez – So far he’s been outperforming their 3rd baseman, Starboy, but that will likely stop and Starboy will become Starboy, but that doesn’t distract from Rowdy’s potential. He’s on pace for 26 HRs, .260 and could steal six bags. Who? Tellez. No, I’m asking you. Cute, Random Italicized Voice.
Matt Adams – I’ve mentioned this before but, eff it, not like I’ve never repeated myself before — and that’s me quoting me! Hot schmotato alert! Potatoes to chips, not for nothing, like, I don’t know, hedge, hedge, hedge! Grey’s malfunctioning! — Any hoo! What I said before is that there aren’t a ton of top 1st basemen, but there’s no shortage of scrubmarine 1st basemen on waivers.
Danny Santana – “Imagine the Lucy ‘Psychiatric Care for a nickel’ booth, but now imagine it says ‘Hot Schmotato for a nickel’ and Dannys Antana is standing there.” That’s me describing the worst tattoo.
Tommy La Stella – If you grab La Stella, you can change your fantasy team name to Eat A D, Stanley Kowalski.
Luis Urias – Bit surprised the Padres haven’t moved on from Ian Kinsler yet, and I think it happens at any moment for Urias. You care because Urias is hitting around .360 with power in Triple-A. Maybe the Padres have been holding Kinsler for his terrific tamping down of celebrations. “Hey, Kinsler, does that blanket have polio?” “Nah, man, it’s just wet.”
Michael Chavis – So weird to me how some players get so overhyped by the Red Sox *cough* Jackie Bradley Jr. *cough* while others like Chavis are taking forever to get picked up. He’s playing and hitting. Who’s going to replace him at 2nd base? Pedroia? P to the fft.
Ty France – Beginning to think France is a Quad-A player, but it’s too early to write him off, and I’d still grab him. Plus, if you own Britton too, you can one day drop France for your own personal Brexit.
Kelvin Gutierrez – This is funny (to me). I don’t know a thing about KelGu. I mean, I can look at his stats. He looks like a 20/10 guy, but I’m mostly just interested in him because of how much he’s a full-on $54 vending machine steak.
Carter Kieboom – So far he’s looking more like *pinkie to mouth* Kiebust! *turns to mirror, licks fingers, presses down eyebrows* Bleh, it’s early; I will and do own Kieboom still.
Luis Rengifo – I wish major league teams would call up some rookies. Said no one ever! Kidding, there’s an entire faction of people who only say this. “I like big butts and I cannot lie,” “Millennials ruined (fill-in noun),” and “I wish major league teams would call up some rookies.” That’s their top three refrains. They’re called The Refrainers; they used to go by The Proclaimers.
Jorge Mateo – Anime Grey mentions Mateo in the video at the top of the page, and I’ve picked him up in two leagues. With Jurickson Profar battling the yips with Benihana chefs as they show him how to flip a shrimp into his shirt pocket — “Be one with the shrimp tail.” — I’m fully investing in Mateo, and will likely be a lede for one of my posts very soon.
Josh Reddick – Coincidence or not, but my iTunes just started playing “Mama Do The Hump” as I wrote Reddick’s name. Oedipal complex is strong with this one.
Dwight Smith Jr. – He is doing exactly what I hoped from Cedric Mullins — Cedric the Mullinstainer — and I’m surprised DSJ isn’t owned in more leagues. He’s been a solid number three to four outfielder.
Alex Verdugo – With Pollock out, Verdugo should get more playing time. I’m coming up short of saying everyday playing time, because: Dave Roberts. Verdugo is a 17/10/.280 hitter, with some upside. I’m a fan, but you likely still need to platoon him.
Skye Bolt – If anyone loves a good name more than me, I haven’t met them, but I also keep my contact with people IRL to a minimum.
Raimel Tapia – Just gave you my Raimel Tapia fantasy. It had seventeen typos, and I might be miscounting.
Franmil Reyes – Just gave you my Franmil Reyes fantasy. It was written while photoshopping Dansby and Erik Swanson’s faces on The Guilty Remnant. “It’s The Leftovers!”
Martin Perez – I’m so intrigued by Martin Perez’s early-season numbers. You could say I’m supertrigued! *people shake their heads and start filing out* Ubertrigued! *they continue to exit* Resplendentrigued? Guys? Come back, we’re not done.
Lance Lynn – This is a Streamonator call. Like one of its calls to 1-900-Fri-Ends.
Spencer Turnbull – This is also a Streamonator call. “Sorry, no, this is not a hotline to just chat, it’s a hotline to complain about the ends of french fries that are too burnt to eat.”
Chris Martin – Could come down to whether the Rangers’ bullpen can handle seven, eight or nine innings of hearing someone hum, “Clocks.” S. Kelley’s no better with his Trapped in the Bullpen song. I’m stretchin’ and yawnin’ and ready for the ballin’ on that rookie nookie… You’re not singing a song, you are literally reading your dairy!
Hansel Robles – Or as fantasy owners call him, I Can’t Believe It’s Not Buttrey. I was saying this in the comments yesterday, but since it is so factually accurate (in my own head), I will repeat it. It’s not the Ausmus prefers Robles or Buttrey, it’s that he doesn’t have any game plan whatsoever. I’m not even 100% sure he knows when it’s the 7th vs. 9th inning. I want The Sciosciapath back! (Not really, but they’re close.)
Hector Neris – I just did a dry spit take when I realized what names I was listing for you to pick up for saves. Neris, Coldplay and Robles? How about I just put together a rack from Ikea’s Medieval section and torture myself? What a shizzshow these guys will undoubtedly be. I’d grab maybe one per league, says the guy who owns all three in some leagues.
SELL
Kris Bryant – “SELL?! HAHAHAHAHA–Oh, Lordie, can I just freakin’ drop him?!” That’s me screaming at Lordie. Lordie is the Lhasa that lives next door to me. Sweet dog, but barks a lot. K. Bryant should start going by White Mamba and sign up for Dancing with the Stars, because this baseball thing is not working out. Okay, so I don’t know if he’ll bounce back, because I don’t know if his shoulder is 100%. Not sure anyone knows but him, but it sure as fudge does not seem to be healthy. Go to our Fantasy Baseball Trade Analyzer and see if you can figure out some deals to trade Bryant away. I wouldn’t trade him for the job of the forensics investigator who had to examine the masseuse’s fingers that were up Robert Kraft’s butt, but I would explore offers.
