This fall on Disney+ It’s LoGi! A Seattle Mariners pitcher, Logan Gilbert (6 IP, 1 ER, 5 baserunners, 11 Ks, ERA at 3.13) discovers his worst case scenario is still better than 95% of pitchers and decides to show them suckas. Critics rave, “He really shows them suckas.” “Suckas be shown,” another critic pronounced. “Showing suckas isn’t easy, but It’s LoGi makes it seem effortless.” The thing with starting pitchers is there’s just too many of them. In 2023 fantasy, the Scherzers, Coles, deGroms whoevers will be drafted early, but at a certain point, all those schmohawks drafting starters early will let up on the gas and draft hitters. While those hitters are being drafted, guys like It’s LoGi will just be sitting there, and you’ll be like, “Did I really just draft a starter who had a barely-3.00 ERA last year at pick 75?” And the answer is, as always, yes. There’s just so many pitchers that guys always fall through the cracks. Then next year It’s LoGi is again a 2.95 ERA guy and everyone like, “Damn, I can’t believe I drafted Gerrit Cole in the first 15 picks when I could’ve waited for It’s LoGi.” Yeah, no kidding. It’s always like this. Anyway, here’s what else I saw yesterday in fantasy baseball:
Carlos Santana – 2-for-5, 5 RBIs and his 18th and 19th homer, and fifth homer in the last six games. Oye schmotato yay! Wait until next year when there’s no shift and Carlos Santana is hitting .400 through two months and everyone is like, “The game! They’ve ruined the game!”
Ty France – 2-for-4, 2 runs, 4 RBIs and his 20th homer. Hey, that’s not a homer that’s a French fly!
Jose Suarez – 5 IP, 5 ER, ERA at 4.11. Jose Suarez had a 2.14 ERA over his previous last eight starts, going into yesterday’s game. That ERA prolly went up now. Sad trombone followed by the sad wail of a sea lion who just found out it’s not really a lion.
Nathan Eovaldi – Threw a 65-pitch simulated game on Sunday. There was a five-minute break in the simulated action while a simulated fan ran on the simulated field, screaming, “Death to infidels!” The simulated news reported.
Max Scherzer – 6 IP, 0 ER, 0 baserunners, 9 Ks, ERA at 2.15, as he was lifted with a perfect game after 68 pitches thrown. I’d love to shake a fist at the clouds and scream about pitchers nowadays and “in my day” but I’m alive and this is kinda my day. I can’t have this day? Only Zoomers get this day? What kind of BS is that? Would I love for Scherzer to throw 100 pitches? Sure, but he just returned from the IL and the Mets need him in the playoffs. So, yeah, I get it.
Pete Alonso – 1-for-4, 2 runs, 3 RBIs and a slam (36) and legs (5), hitting .267. Albombso!
Rowdy Tellez – 1-for-4, 2 RBIs and his 32nd homer. With Vogelbach back in Milwaukee, Tellez had to get a tater anywhere he could.
Corbin Burnes – 5 2/3 IP, 5 ER, ERA at 3.12. In the 2nd half, he has allowed 37 runs in 71 IP for a 4.69 ERA. We might just get a chance to draft him next if he falls to 50-ish on the board. Do we want to? Absolutely!
Jose Altuve – 2-for-4, 2 runs and his 25th homer. That was his 32nd leadoff homer and 11th this year, which I believe is only two off the record for a season. AlSo hit 13. Um, Alfonso Soriano, not “also” the word.
Drew Rasmussen – 6 IP, 4 ER, 7 baserunners, 3 Ks, ERA at 2.92. “So many guys going for their first of two starts this week, why am I not seeing any wins on my team? Hello?” I say as I shake my computer screen where my fantasy team has burned an imprint on my monitor because it’s been on there for six months.
Wade Miley – 3 IP, 7 unearned runs, 3 ER, ERA at 3.48. The Marlins?! You’re facing the Marlins?! C’mon, bro! It wasn’t even that much of a ticker shock, either. Sure, it’s great so many runs were unearned, but it was still the Marlins! The Marlins! Now I don’t know if I’m hoping he makes his 2nd start this week or is injured and won’t start. This weekend I’m gonna be saying, “The Pirates, bro?!” Aren’t I?
Christopher Morel – 1-for-3, and his 14th homer. Morel seems like a fun guy.
Trevor Rogers – Will miss the remainder of the season. Finally, some good news! I’m not being sarcastic. Seriously. It’s hard to tell, huh? Yeah, for me too.
Edward Cabrera – 5 IP, 3 ER, 6 baserunners, 4 Ks, ERA at 2.91. Streamonator seemed to be telling me to stream every two-start pitcher this week. At least this one kinda worked!
Jon Berti – 3-for-5, 2 runs, 2 RBIs and a slam (4) and legs (35, 36), hitting .249. Well, sure, because it was vs. Miley, a sorry excuse for a major league pitcher!
Charles Leblanc – 2-for-4, 2 runs, 2 RBIs and his 4th homer. Also, in this game, Bryan De La Cruz (2-for-5, 4 RBIs) hit his 10th homer, a grand slam off Miley. Heard of killing ’em with kindness? Marlins kill ya with “Guys you’d find on the side of a Fantasy Milk Carton.”
Nolan Gorman – Optioned to Triple-A Memphis, as he was told, “You don’t have to NoGo home, but you have to NoGo here.”
Eddie Rosario – 2-for-4 and his 5th homer, hitting .207. His career really derailed, huh? Member he used to be a threat to be a top 20 outfielder? Now he’s not even a top five outfielder on the Braves.
Austin Riley – 1-for-3, 2 runs and his 37th homer. Could he sneeze on Matt Olson?
Mike Yastrzemski – 2-for-5, 2 RBIs and his 13th homer. Carl’s Jr. Jr. has all but disappeared this year. Could say he’s In ‘n Out of people’s minds.
Thairo Estrada – 3-for-6, 3 runs, 3 RBIs and his 14th homer. The Greatest American Thairo as played by William Katt.
Joey Gallo – 2-for-3, 2 runs, 2 RBIs and his 18th homer. “Carlos Santana and Joey Gallo leading the league with .404 and .401 through two months.” That’s an announcer next year when there’s no shift.
Clayton Kershaw – 6 IP, 1 ER, 6 baserunners, 10 Ks, ERA at 2.39. Something I don’t mention nearly enough is old pitchers are better than old hitters. Not entirely sure why, but it’s true.
Tyler Alexander – 7 IP, 0 ER, 4 baserunners, 4 Ks, ERA at 4.91 vs. Tyler Wells – 3 IP, 5 ER, ERA at 4.25. This matchup was billed as, “Why are you telling me a Tyler did well and not Tyler Wells pitched good?! Don’t tell me it’s grammar thing! Please don’t tell me that!”
Miguel Cabrera – 2-for-4, 1 run, 1 RBI as he was activated from the IL. He’s being paid $32 million this year or $8 million per homer.
Josh Naylor – 2-for-3, 3 RBIs and his 18th homer. He had one homer previously in September and was hitting .206 this month, after hitting .198 in August. So, yeah, I’d like to see a bit more.
Luke Maile – 1-for-5 and his 3rd homer. The Maile man delivered that bomb (like an actor in a non-speaking role in a Unabomber made-for-TV movie)!
Amed Rosario – 2-for-4, 3 runs, 3 RBIs and a slam (11) and double legs (15, 16). Guarantee you he will be drafted so late compared to where he’s already ranked on the Player Rater this year, i.e., people don’t realize how valuable Rosario’s been. Here’s one comparison: Who will be drafted first next year: Amed Rosario or teammate closer, Emmanuel Clase? Yes, apples/oranges, but they’ve been essentially the same value-wise and people are going to draft Clase in the top 50 overall next year. How do I know? They did already this year and Clase hasn’t disappointed enough.
Cal Quantrill – 5 1/3 IP, 3 ER, 10 baserunners, 2 Ks, ERA at 3.56. Streamonator will never like Quantrill, due to the lack of Ks, but if you’re looking for a chance for a win and ratios, I’m fine with starting him.
Sonny Gray – 2 IP, 4 ER, ERA at 3.08, and left with hamstring tightness. Love digging a hole for myself on Monday. Gray’s velocity was down 1.7 MPH on his fastball, and was out after 44 pitches. Besides that, he looked great!
Luis Arraez – 1-for-3, 1 run, hitting .317. The AL Batting Title is so close Arraez went from first to third, then back to first all in the matter of three at-bats. Arraez and falls based on one pitch, one at-bat, one shot, one opportunity. To seize everything he ever wanted! One moment! Would you capture it or just let it slip? Yo.
Nick Gordon – 2-for-4, 2 RBIs and his 9th homer, as he hits cleanup. I know he’s not his brother Dee, but it’s just so funny anyone in any way related to Dee Strange-Gordon is a cleanup hitter. Two brothers cannot be so unlike that batting Nick Gordon cleanup makes any sense. I don’t care if the two brothers are DeVito and Schwarzenegger.
