(NOTE: THIS POST WAS RELEASED EARLY THIS WEEK ON OUR PATREON. IT’S $10/MONTH OR $13/MONTH WITH AN EXTRA WEEKLY PODCAST.)
The Giants are Mr. Magoo of the MLB. They’re unknowingly walking up a scaffolding and everyone watching on is expecting them to fall, grimacing at starting Wilmer Flores, screaming, “Be careful if you’re going to start Alex Dickerson.” Mr. Magoo’s Giants can’t keep balancing on the precipice without falling, can they? Yet, the Mr. Magoo Giants just keep winning. At top of their improbable lineup sits, LaMonte Wade Jr. aka LMW aka Lavarian Motor Works. LaMonte Wade Jr. sounds like Sanford & Son’s, uh, son, and, like everyone else on the Giants team, he’s Mr. Magoo’ing his way to incredible value. Lavarian Motor Works has been one of the hottest hitters in the last week on the 7-Day Player Rater. How improbable has it been? LaMonte has more homers this year in the majors than he had in any combined year in the minors, and he’s been in the minors since 2015! Yeah, this is pretty improbable, and he has some serious splits where he sits, but that’s no reason not to grab him. Vroom vroom, it’s time to roll out the latest Lavarian Motor Works on your teams. Anyway, here’s some more players to Buy or Sell this week in fantasy baseball:
Daulton Varsho – Hasn’t just been good for a catcher, he’s been good for any position. Wack-a-mole pops up, “Fo sho?” Slams down rubber mallet,”Varsho!”
Luis Torrens – Took a week or two off from recommending Torrens, because Garver and Raleigh were interesting, but Torrens never stopped being interesting. What’s more interesting is the Mariners are winning with two catchers in their lineup. Possibly not the most interesting thing…*looks up, waits, nothing* Ugh, I was told the world record for using “interesting” in a “non-interesting” manner was four times in three sentences, but the ceiling balloons didn’t fall! What gives?
Ji-Man Choi – After he homered yesterday, I decided to add the Ji-Man, don’t make a federal case of it!
Rodolfo Castro – With Adam Frazier out of Pittsburgh, the Pirates are building a new kind of booty-seeking ship. One that isn’t buoyant on boringness. Castro is not boring. He might just be the most exciting rookie ever if he only homers.
Thairo Estrada – Though nothing, will keep Estrada and me together. He could steal bags and hit for average, just for one day. We can be Thairo’s, for just one day. What’d you say?
Kyle Farmer – “What the hell are you doing? We’re going out to dinner!” That’s your wife when she sees you dressed in overalls, after you tell her you’re a farmer for hot schmotatoes.
Dylan Moore – Was about to drop some crazy knowledge on your head about how well Moore is doing on the Player Rater, but he’s barely a top 300 overall player, and I’m not sure why I am rostering him or talking about him. This is me coming to a realization in real time. Now for denial: He’s got speed and power!
Brian Anderson – Usually he’s B.A. Brokeass, but I pity the fool who can’t recognize a hot bat.
Abraham Toro – Because his first name is Abe, and you can take his Toro last name and nickname him Fish, I’m going to start calling him Vigoda.
Jack Mayfield – “At New Mexico State, Jack Mayfield will teach you everything he knows about the no-look defense.” That’s Jack Mayfield talking in third person on a recruiting visit with the 1275th best college basketball prospect in Saskatchewan. Also, he’s been playing for the injured Rendon, and hitting better than him on the year.
Harrison Bader – I wanna send him an autograph request. Not because I collect autographs, but just so I can address it to Master Bader. Why am I so juvenile? Meh, an answer for another day, perhaps. Bader has been one of the hottest bats in the majors.
Brent Rooker – Who played Rooker on TV? Was it Shatner or Heather Locklear? I always confuse them. Wait, don’t tell me, I can guess if you tell me if it was Shatner who played Amanda on Melrose Place.
Tylor Megill – As with the rest of of this post, this is subject to change if someone is traded. With that said, this is a Streamonator call like the call it makes to its neighborhood Chinese restaurant.
Steven Matz – This is also a Streamonator call. “I got a fortune that says, ‘True friends share joy with each other,’ and the woman at your front desk’s name is ‘Joy’ so I was wondering–Hello? I think I was disconnected.”
Anthony Bender – The Marlins’ closer could also be Dylan Floro, who sounds like everyone’s high school principal. Bender’s Futurama and Dylan’s Floro. Clearly! I’d only speculate on Bender, for what it’s Cronenworth.
Kyle Finnegan – Is there any truth to the rumor that Kyle Finnegan owns a bar in your area? Yes, that’s prolly true. When someone says, “Kyle Finnegan really sets the bar high,” it’s to keep the glasses from getting handled too much. Also, Tanner Rainey is there for possible Washington saves.
Alex Colome – Due to Taylor Rogers’s injury, you couldn’t pass ol’ Robles, unless you love Merlot and hate yourself. Well, you Marwin some, but you lost that one. Wanna lose another? Alex Colome is the speculative closer, which is great if you’re desperate.
Paul Sewald – Might be the best “new” closer at the deadline or not, depending on Diego Castillo’s role. Sewald is worth grabbing either way. Sewald’s K/9 is 15+ and his FIP is ~1.75 and now I will make a weird face, that you’ll confuse with me orgasming, but I’ll insist I am not, then I won’t be able to stand up for five minutes and you’ll once again think something weird is happening that is hidden by my desk.
Corey Seager – The Dodgers are the greatest team since the 1927 Yankees. When Justin Turner shaves his beard, it will be donated to the Hall of Fame and hung next to Goose Gossage’s mustache, Rollie Fingers’ mustache, Eck’s mustache, Mattingly’s mustache, Rod Beck’s mustache–Okay, Cooperstown has a facial hair wing. The problem with supposedly great teams is they have a lot of options. Chris Taylor is just going to get benched? Treat Urner? Haha, please stop, your jokes are too hilarious. Corey Seager is returning today, and might have a great week while Urner recovers from Covid, but that’s just a chance for you to sell off Seager before he gets rested three times a week. I wouldn’t trade Seager for a fencing match with Indiana Jones, but I would go to our Fantasy Baseball Trade Analyzer and explore options.