Hiura Outta Here And Not Shaw How Long

The Brewers, as you likely heard, sent down Keston Hiura, which means the return of Travis Shaw, The Mayor of Ding-Dong City returns to Milkwaukee.  *sees Travis Shaw carrying a box of Ding-Dong snack cakes*  Oh!  See, the whole time I thought that meant home runs.  The nickname makes more sense now, and would’ve been good to know in the preseason. Let me hear your jubilation for manipulation of service time.  This, more than anything else, MLB really dominates. Hear that’s why MLB is the most popular sport amongst knobsticks, blacklegs and union busters. I grabbed Shaw, because he hit .235 during his rehab in the PCL, which is like hitting with aluminum bats on the moon.  No, his .235 average isn’t the reason I picked him up, it’s because I called him my preseason MVP and must wear him like a Scarlett Letter.  No, not for that reason either.  Because I had room and it was a deep league and I was like dubya tee eff.  That really is the reason.  Muy excitamente Señor Ding Dong!  Anyway, here’s what else I saw yesterday in fantasy baseball:

Carlos Gonzalez – 1-for-3, 1 run as he was called up by the Cubs.  I DM’d Prospect Mike to find out his thoughts about this call-up, and PM said, “Please don’t contact me.”  CarGo is the ultimate prospblock, even when there’s no prosps to block.  Have you ever seen a player be Spanish Fly to all managers like CarGo?  It’s almost like because he’s older, they’re able to talk about stuff that Olds like to talk about so they always play him.  “Remember when we needed a TV Guide magazine to find out what was on?”  “Those blurbs were the best!  24-character synopses!  None of this thinkpiece crap!  Kids nowadays!”  “Hey, wanna start in right field?”  “Sounds great!”

Jon Lester – 7 IP, 1 ER, 5 baserunners, 6 Ks, ERA at 3.32.  Seems ludicous to even have to point this out in today’s pitching environment, but I’m still very much in on Lester, and own him.  Yeah, I know, owning a 3.32 ERA shouldn’t need to be pointed out, but everyone’s got Shiny New Toy Syndrome–How about that Smeltzer guy?!  “Vegas is giving Smeltzer an over/under of five Ks for his next start.”  “That’s a clown prop.”

Javier Baez – 2-for-4, 3 RBIs and 14th homer, hitting .301.  Glad to see him pull himself out of his week-long slide, which lowered his average twenty points.  Didn’t need for Baez to then go on to sing, Diamonds & Rust.  Sorry if that’s folked up.

Willson Contreras – 2-for-4, 2 runs and his 13th homer, hitting .291.  He’s the 3rd best catcher (as of yesterday) on our Player Rater.  Any guesses where that leaves him overall?  Did someone just say Michigan?  How is that even a guess?  He’s around the 100th best player.  As I always say, even the best catchers are not that great.

Trevor Cahill – 4 1/3 IP, 5 ER, ERA at 7.18.  Ausmus texting pitching coach:  Should we try an opener and have Trevor start the 2nd?  Pitching coach:  K, he’ll still suck.

Robbie Ray – 7 IP, 3 ER, 7 baserunners, 9 Ks, ERA at 3.62.  Solid start, yadda³.  On a side note, if you haven’t watched Chernobyl, I give it my 4-star Grey approval.  That’s out of three stars.  I make up the damn rating system!  Even if you think you know the story, it’s worth checking out.  Though the one random Starbucks cup in the reactor was an odd choice.

Christian Walker – 1-for-3 and his 11th homer, and third homer in the last five games.  Turns out all Walker needed to do to get going was some hot air from the Diamondbacks saying, “We want to see what Cron can do.”  Cron’s Disease is similar to IBS, Intentionally Benching Sluggers.

Corey Seager – 1-for-4, 3 RBIs and his 8th home run, hitting .246.  Ya know the Player A or B Test?  Don’t ever do that with Seager, he fails.  Watch:  who do you want Player A:  14 HRs, 3 SBs, hitting .276.  Or Player B:  8 HRs, 1 SB and .246.  Player B is obvious, Player A is Ketel Marte.

Walker Buehler – 8 IP, 1 ER, 2 hits, 0 walks, 11 Ks, ERA at 3.69.  Is it finally the end of Spring Training for Buehler?  Please tell me it is.

Corbin Martin – 3 IP, 2 ER, in 76 pitches, ERA at 5.59.  Corbin Martin is about as efficient as following a sherpa to the summit of Mt. Everest to get some pink Himalayan salt.

Robinson Chirinos – 1-for-4 and his 8th homer.  Uh-oh, Chirinos!

Wade LeBlanc – 3 2/3 IP, 0 ER, zero hits, 1 walk, ERA at 6.19.  The Relievonator, which rates Openers (and relievers, dur), loved LeBlanc yesterday. No word if it’s because it just wants some Friends.

Mallex Smith – 1-for-4 and his 3rd homer, as he continues to hit leadoff.  Someone asked yesterday about where Dee Gordon bats when he returns, and I’m not sure, but my guess is Mallex is performing well, so Gordon gets Pipp’d back to the nine hole.

Edwin Encarnacion – 1-for-5 and his 16th homer.  As Edwin rounded the bases, he had his usual parrot on his shoulder, only this time, it was saying, “Polly, want off this team.”

Jon Jay – Beginning a minor league assignment and working on these papers he’s hoping becoming “federal.”

Hunter Dozier – Hit the IL with a pulled muscle in his chest.  Should’ve never changed his walk-up song to Squeeze’s Pulling Muscles (To The IL).

Manny Machado – 1-for-4, 4 RBIs and his 10th homer, hitting .251.  “I know he’s not known for hustling, but I think…it’s worse. He hasn’t moved in almost two months. Maybe we should see if we can make him fertilizer. We can call it, Man-ure–Wait!  He just moved!  Oh my, Manny’s alive!”

Franmil Reyes – 1-for-4 and his 17th homer, hitting .247.  Hitting about the same as Machado with seven more homers.  *places tacks on desk, slams head into desk* I’m good.  Just a little frustrated.

Eric Lauer – 6 IP, 1 ER, 5 baserunners, 3 Ks, ERA at 4.18.  The Streamonator was positive on Lauer for this start, but I’m positively never starting him in any leagues.

Aaron Nola – 5 1/3 IP, 6 ER, ERA at 4.63.  Not sure how familiar you are with Nola’s game, but it’s usually solid 9-ish Ks and great command.  So far this year, he’s getting more Ks (fractionally), but his command just isn’t there.  Everything else looks relatively normal, now that small samples have normalized.  My guess is it’s mechanics thing and he’ll right the ship. So, while I didn’t love him coming into this year, I’m in the Buy Low camp.

Andrew McCutchen – Went down in a heap during a run down, and needed to be helped off the field McClutchin’ his knee.  He also could not go down stairs.  Are there stairs on a baseball field?  Not unless Matt Stairs is back, so we so good!  *intern whispers to me* Being told we not “so good.”  Damn.  Gotta appreciate the Phils’ foresight to trade for another OF the day before this ghastly injury.  More like Phils of the Future!

Adam Haseley – Phils’ 2017 1st round pick is being called up to replace McClutchin’. Wonder if the Phils remembered they just traded for Bruce.  Guess they figure Bruce can’t play center, but Kingery can.  Prospectonator doesn’t love Haseley, giving him 15/7 with little average over the course of a season (by the way, if you click on Haseley’s name, his projections are there for free — like every player). I will say this for Haseley, he looks ready to contribute in the landmark case of sooner vs. later since he played college ball.  In NL-Only leagues, I’m interested since McCutchen looks out for a while, but wait and see in mixed. Kingery also gets a boost again as a possible replacement for McCutchen.

Nelson Cruz – Activated from the IL.  Kevin from ESPN’s “Get Him In Your Lineup” Department said, “Someone cooked fish in the microwave with the sign ‘Don’t cook fish in the microwave, it smells’ and framed me!”

Chance Sisco – Called up from the minors.  That’s right everyone’s favorite roll-of-the-die Bum Wine!  If you can say his name without singing ABBA’s Take A Chance On Me than you’re a lot straighter than I am!  He had 10 HRs and a .289 AVG in Triple-A, and you have to wonder why he hasn’t been with the O’s the entire time.  Anyone else notice the Orioles’ catcher situation sounds like a Vegas two-day vacay?  “We’re going from Wynns to Chance.”  In most mixed leagues, I could see grabbing Sisco if you’re struggling at catcher, and, no, Alfaro is not struggling.