The title refers to Lisztomania by Phoenix, which led me down a rabbit hole of Wikipedia that I have to share with you. Lisztomania was a frenzy over composer Franz Liszt, the original Justin Bieber. This is especially hilarious from Wikipedia, “Lisztomania was considered by some a genuine contagious medical condition and critics recommended measures to immunize the public,” and not considered the same as Beatlemania, which was used to mean a craze; Lisztomania caused actual craziness. Will Luzardo-Manaea cause women to rip their brooches from their bosoms and throw them at passing horse-drawn carriages in Oakland? Well, let’s let Tupac tell you about Oaktown, “Out on bail, fresh out of jail, California dreamin’, soon as I step on the scene, I’m hearin’ brooches screamin’.” Screamin’ instead of whizzin’ by for the rhyme, obviously. Sean Manaea and Jesus Luzardo should be back with the team within ten days and now’s the time to stash them. For thousands of years, Samoans were a persecuted people, due to their big bones. One Samoan, Fa’a’la’a’la’la’la told one reporter, “If you ordered a flank steak, and got a thick ribeye, you’d be elated,” then Fa’a’la’a’la’la’la got choked up, “But if you order a five-foot, six-inch man and get a 485-pound man wearing a grass skirt, they make fun of you.” Manaea, the one skinny Samoan in the world, doesn’t have this problem. He has control, not just appetite control. He could have an under-2 BB/9, which should limit damage, just like his home park. I’m stashing him everywhere. Luzardo is a bit more of an upside gamble. He also has pinpoint control, and can strike out a ton of guys. There’s little to not like about Luzardo, except how he might be deployed in September and does he get enough starts to matter. Plus, roofies, those darn things. I’m stashing Luzardo too, but I’m not throwing brooches at him. Anyway, here’s some more players to Buy or Sell this week in fantasy baseball:
Francisco Mejia – Someone asked yesterday if I think Mejia is just a hot bat or if he can breakout still at the age of 23. 23 is young for a catcher. Yadier didn’t break out until he was 30. Mejia might not even break out by next year and still have time to become the best catcher in baseball, but it could absolutely happen. As for right now, he’s hot.
Yonder Alonso – On the 7-day Player Rater, Yonder was over all other 1st basemen who were under 50% owned. So, they were under Yonder, which is a great philosophical question for yodelers. “If everything is ‘over Yonder,’ what is under Yonder?”
Jon Berti – Not saying he would’ve been great but the Jays kept Berti in the minors for eight years and he had a season of 56 steals in the low minors, and 8/21/.314 in Triple-A, but the Jays really needed Brandon Drury getting at-bats. Baseball: The only sport where you don’t field your best team.
Ryan McMahon – The Rockies are home a lot in the final six weeks. Ya know, MLB schedulers put Rockies home when the weather gets cold again. Brilliant stuff, fellas. Put A-1 sauce on your brain because that is a prime cut.
Luis Urias – If you’re a ‘buy Urias’ guy, we won’t judge you here. We’re accepting of all people.
J.D. Davis – Just gave you my J.D. Davis fantasy. It was written on a piece of paper, put into a bottle, cast into the ocean and found by someone on a deserted island who read the first line and said, “Who can read this chicken scratch? They should’ve typed it.”
Kyle Seager – Or as Momma Seager would say, “I should’ve named that other kid Borey-in-Fantasy.”
Ian Happ – True story alert! I saw three U-Hauls outside of my house the other day, and it turned out someone ordered me “posts” to put in front of “hype” for every time I mention Ian Happ. Whoever was so generous, thank you.
Edwin Rios – Looks like a straight NL-Only pickup for now since his strikeout rate in Triple-A was *eyes bulge out like John Lithgow in The Twilight Zone movie* 34.4%.
Cameron Maybin – Worry a bit that now that the Yankees are done with the Orioles, Maybin (and other Yankees) are going to lose their shine, their luster, their…C’mon, thesaurus, give me a good one…their Estevez! Hmm, maybe I shouldn’t have tried a synonym for Sheen.
Randal Grichuk – The grand gentleman, Randal Grichuk, who puts a tarp down over puddles for ladies to traipse over, has been extremely hot recently, but if that’s too showy, he can do less. Just say the word.
Teoscar Hernandez – Ever hear about the snail who had dreams of fame in Hollywood? It was five inches outside the city, took five months to get to Hollywood, five seconds to get rejected and five months to get back home, while its family cheered, “Watch the Teoscar go!”
Anthony DeSclafani – This is another Streamonator call. “I saw a young lady sing That’s What Friends Are For on Tuesday night and I was wondering if she wanted another friend. You don’t know who I’m talking about? Oh.” Streamonator so sad!
Archie Bradley – Diamondbacks seem as committed to Bradley being their closer as they were to not making him their closer for the last two years. What changed? Therein lies the riddle wrapped in puzzle inside of Greg Holland’s signing.
Mark Melancon – What if the whole time Guy Fieri was telling us he was going to Flavor Town, as in a town is a boring mundane place, so he was going to add flavor? Flavor town as a verb and noun. Similarly, what if the Braves have been saying Melancon is the closer as in he’s closer to them when they’re saying it?
Jean Segura – If I did the ol’ Player A vs. Player B stats with Segura and any other player, you’d fall into a heap of tears screaming for your mommy to buy you Doritos and get out of her basement because you want your solitude. What’s that, you think you can withstand it? Okay, but I have my doubts. Here we go: Player A: 62/11/48/.283/7 vs. Player B: 57/19/56/.274/4. Player B is clearly better. Player A is Jean Segura, Player B is Freddy Galvis. I told you that you couldn’t handle it! If you still have a trade deadline, then check the Fantasy Baseball Trade Analyzer, but this is a drop not a sell. And a buy on a bag of Cool Ranch, ma!