When the Netherlands landed on the ABC islands in the Caribbean, the Dutch made three requirements of all people, when farting in bed, pin the sheet tightly to the bed surface to not let any smell emit; all restaurant checks must be split in half with all attending parties, and, finally, all names must have some random J in the middle of it and end in ‘stad.’ This is how I know Heston Kjerstad is A) Meticulously tight-sheeted bed farter. B) A tipper on only half the bill. C) There’s no C. I also know Heston Kjerstad is going to get more playing time now that Colton Cowser is persona non-thumba. Kjerstad has big-time power — think 35+ homer power if he had a full-time job for the year, and possibly no worse than a .255 hitter, i.e., he strikes out, but not that much for a power hitter. He also could have the next two months of runway since Cowser is wincing every time a child sings, “Where is thumbkin?” It’s in a gee-dee cast, kid! Anyway, here’s some more players to Buy or Sell this week in fantasy baseball:
BUY
Ivan Herrera – Only because I’m not going to tell you Hunter Goodman every week, but when I’m saying “Ivan Herrera,” I’m really saying, “Hunter Goodman every week,” but also Ivan Herrera but not just Ivan Hererra as in “Hunter Goodman every week.” Finally, just gave you an Ivan Herrera fantasy.
Dillon Dingler – Yes, I am dressed as a poop emoji in the Dingler Danglers’ Fan Club section of Comerica, but you don’t need to take what I’m about to say with a grain of salt: He went 17/5/.308 in Triple-A last year in only 263 ABs.
Gavin Sheets – If I were Gavin Sheets, I’d still have a duvet. Ya feel me? Stop. No, seriously, it’s weird, stop feeling me. Gavin Sheets is not just what you call the male housekeeper at the Ramada, it’s also a hot schmotato.
Wilmer Flores – You know we love Wilmer here, for crying out loud!
Otto Lopez – Nearly made Otto the lede Buy this week. No “but.” Otto Lopez is the co-lede. He’s Ed Norotton to Timothéejer Chalamestad. He’s Martin Shotto to Stevejer Martinstad. He’s Otto Preminger to Williamjer Holdenstad. Otto could be breaking outto. Is he a three-homer per month hitter or a three-homer in the month of April and zero homers in May, June and July? We don’t know that. We do know Otto has speed and is worth rostering based on that alone.
Jose Caballero – Josh Lowe’s eh-bees gotta go somewhere, or as Vinny from the Jersey Shore would tell Pauly, Jose Cab’s here!
Gavin Lux – Big week for Gavins. I be Gavin you guys every week, but what you be Gavin me? Huh? Think it over and reply at your earliest conevnience.
Ryan Bliss – SAGNOF is pure Bliss.
Kyren Paris – Players have to be hot to appear in this post. They might be one week hot, or full season hot. At this point in the season, we don’t know. I have a general sense of how good a player should be and where they should rostered, but, say, someone like Kyren Paris. He is an AL-Only right now, for sure, but could be a 15-teamer or a 12-teamer if he continues. I don’t think he’ll continue, but you never know.
Jacob Wilson – Pretty intrigued by this guy. He has Luis Arraez-type contact, and might have 15+ homer power. If he hits 15/.290, that plays everywhere. Prior to this season, he was making weak contact though, so if he’s more 10/.260, that plays barely anywhere. There’s a fine line between usable and boring, as your wedding vows should never say.
Max Muncy – No, not that one. Though, that one for power. Wait, which one am I talking about? I’ve confused myself. The A’s Muncy — in fact, I think I’m gonna start calling him Ma’s Muncy. It’s not clean, but it’s better than going through this every time. Ma’s Muncy has some power, and likely still only AL-Only, but I did grab him in one 15-teamer where I’m trying to fill in for Thairo, while I wait for Brett Baty to get eligibility. Oh, yeah, Brett Baty is a buy too.
Josh H. Smith – With Jung being injured — a first for everything! — Josh Hellboy Smith should get at-bats.
Miguel Vargas – As I look for hitters who are available in under 50% of leagues and who are playing every day and in the middle of lineups and, well, there’s Miguel Vargas.
Jake Mangum – Here’s what I said the other day, “Rays be making up players. They put a Dirty Harry DVD on top of a radiator and out popped Jake Mangum. In Triple-A last year, he had 20 steals and he makes good contact, but he’s also 29 with three MLB games of experience. Then again, it’s the Rays, so maybe he was ready five years ago and the Rays dragged their heels so they wouldn’t have to pay him. He should be nothing, but maybe he surprises pitchers. At the worst: Hot schmotato.” And that’s me quoting me!
Andrew Benintendi – Listen, I can’t choose who gets hot or when. I wish I could, and I have been taking a Power of Suggestion course at my local Ramada to try.
Dane Myers – It’s early, but Myers has speed and looks to be growing into an everyday job. For playing time, Myers still has to fight off Hill like your Volkswagen, and Sanoja, who I believe was an American Idol contestant.
Kameron Misner – Again, about Rays making up players, they put a brochure for Mizner Park’s newest ice cream shoppe on a carburetor and here we are.
AJ Smith-Shawver – This is a Streamonator call like the call it makes to your place of work.
Eduardo Rodriguez – This is also a Streamonator call. “Hello, yes, I would like to speak to his boss. Why? Because he won’t be my friend!”
Luke Jackson – This guy sounds like a country singer. So, if I have to choose, I’m going Chris Martin, but only begrudgingly. If we’re talking closers, who I’d go with doesn’t matter. Bochy seems to prefer Luke “Yeehaw” Jackson.
Jose Alvarado – Here’s what I said this morning, “I don’t know what Rob Thomson is doing. I don’t know what Rob Thomas is doing either. I have zero knowledge of Robs! My brain’s been Rob’d! My guess is Alvarado is in lead for saves, but maybe just at 70/30. It could be Romano for the next save though. All of this will be repeated this afternoon in my Buy column. You can hardly wait! No, you!” And that’s me quoting me telling you what to expect!
Emilio Pagan – Reds saves are: When does Alexis Diaz return? That’s what my gut is saying. I did just eat Taco Bell, though, so I have chalupa brain. Reds saves could be Pagan or Tony Santillan in the mean’s while.
Tyler Holton – Tigers saves are: How much do you need saves? Holton’s been fine, but zero opportunities, so there’s that.
Dennis Santana – Pirates saves are: Thank God Derek Shelton figured out David is Shit-the-Bednar.
Cade Smith – This is my middle reliever call of the week. Every week I give you a guy who should be rostered even if you don’t have Holds in your league and he doesn’t get saves. With that said. Dot dot dot.
SELL
Emmanuel Clase – As I mentioned the other day and on this week’s podcast, Rudy said Clase was his Bust of the Year, and I said I don’t believe in drafting top closers, but if I did, I wouldn’t be drafting Clase. So, none of you should have Clase, but, of course, some of you have Clase, so here we are. He was a mess last postseason. Doesn’t matter now? Sure, no, it doesn’t but his velocity is down too. He never was a strikeout reliever either — relieither? Yes, relieither! Can’t fight the relieither (relieither)! Can’t fight the relieither (relieither)! Veruca Salt wants a goose egg, and Clase’s not putting them up. Guards also have a ton of options. Not saying to trade Clase for a baby monkey that grows into an adult monkey that bites your face off, but I would go to the Fantasy Baseball Trade Analyzer and explore options.
