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(NOTE: THIS POST WAS RELEASED EARLY THIS WEEK ON OUR PATREON. IT’S $10/MONTH OR $13/MONTH WITH AN EXTRA WEEKLY PODCAST.)
First, allow me to share a story, uh, shared by frequent commenter, Travis Hafner. The Pronk One:
So, do we think Harrison Bader is into Pikachu or Mankey? Polyps? More like Poliwag or Poliwhirl! “Do you mind if I call you Jigglypuff?” That’s Harrison Bader talking to Yadier Molina. Harrison Bader looks at a fruit basket and is like, “Does anyone want this Flapple or can I have it?” Is this all gibberish or am I actually saying real words or am I reading aloud while I edit a Pokemonpedia? Who’s to say! In that fantastic story from Travis Hafner that I want to make all about Pokemon is a little tidbit about how Bader had polyps in his nose which hurt his equilibrium and his hitting. Reminds me of the time I had collagen sucked out of my face because my card was declined and now they say I got po’ lips. Sad for me, but positive for Bader, because he had surgery and it’s fixed. That could legitimately help him take his game to the next level. He’s been hitting this week, and I would absolutely grab him. Anyway, here’s some more players to Buy or Sell this week in fantasy baseball:
BUY
William Contreras – I had a Ralph Wiggum moment on this week’s podcast when I say to Podcaster Geoff something like, “Ralph–I mean, Geoffrey, I mean Geoff– William Contreras is supposed to be good offensively, right?” And when he answers you can almost hear my heart break in two. So, Geoff doesn’t like him, and, honestly, I don’t really either but he should be the Braves’ catcher — along with Alex Jackson — so if you need a fill-in with maybe/possibly/who knows upside, go for Contreras.
Daulton Varsho – After my 14,000th catcher question, I’ve obviously taken a different tact this week. Catchers who are really only deep league flyers. Enjoy, suckas!
Brandon Belt – Find a hotter hitter, I’ll wait (I won’t wait).
Pavin Smith – I almost listed Daniel Vogelbach, then I did a jolly laugh like Vogelbach might do with my belly jiggling and I tickled myself and the rest is behind a paywall. Any hoo! Vogelbach’s got some power, but he’s really nothing but a batty call outside of very deep leagues. Pavin Smith is potentially a guy for the shallowest of leagues. I’m still not 100% sold on his power, but it might be closer to 20+ vs. 15+ that I previously feared.
David Bote – With Nico Hoerner out due to clobbering Ian Happ and getting sympathy pains, Bote’s back. And if you pick up Bote and drop him repeatedly on your fantasy team, you can tell people you’re twerking. Then when they say, “I have a question mark above my head,” you can say, “Bote…Beau-tay…Beau-tay…picking up and dropping, I’m twerking. C’mon.”
Josh Rojas – Member for a while he was going by Joshua and when he was by a tree, someone said, “Not U2!” and he immediately shortened it to Josh to avoid confusion? Maybe that didn’t happen and it was a fever dream. Any hoo! Rojas excites me mucho with his speed and a little power, but he needs to play.
Jon Berti – Yes, I will continue to recommend Berti. No, he hasn’t done anything to warrant it.
Leury Garcia – With Lou Bob going down and…struggling…to…type…crying again…*sobs wildly, honks nose*…Okay, I’m good. Leury Garcia is mostly an AL-Only or deeper mixed grab, but if he’s running, well, yeah, it’s mostly a deeper league play.
Luis Urias – I usually go off of our 7-day Player Rater — yes, we have one of those too — and look to see who’s been hot. Shortstops didn’t offer a ton of options. Nico Hoerner was our great shortstop pickup but now he’s gone, due to running over Happ. Oh, and it’s Hoerner’s forearm, because he kneed Happ in the chest. Help this make sense!
Tyler O’Neill – This is one of those where ESPN says he’s rostered in less than 50% of leagues, and it just can’t be. There’s no way. It’s Trevor Story, Kris Bryant and Tyler O’Neill in the last week as the top bats. Tyler O’Neill is outproducing Lord Byron Buxton.
Adolis Garcia – Y’all a bunch of Robert De Niros in Awakenings you are so slow to react. I told you to grab Adolis three weeks ago! Let’s go! Snap out of it, then snap to it! Even if I told you Rafael Dolis, I’d expect at least 30% of you to tell Siri, “Grab a Dolis,” and have Garcia on your teams.
Khalil Lee – Just went over him this morning, use your scrolly finger to find it.
Josh Naylor – I need to make a list of all the guys I like more than I should and all the players I like less than I should, then have a middle column of the guys I like exactly the right amount with just Acuña’s name. Any hoo! Naylor’s in the left column, the guys I like more than I should. The potential 60-grade hit tool, the…well…Not much else. I wish he had a bit more power to go with a .290-ish potential average, but alas.
Mike Tauchman – Has been hitting, leading off on occasion and playing every day. Plus, if you grab him, you can sing, “You got the Tauchman.”
Hunter Dozier – The French idiom for a hunter who falls asleep and is carried away on a deer’s back is a Hunter Dozier. Just a bit of a trivia for you. Also, I just dropped Dozier this week so he’s going off. Now I have Travis Shaw on my team, and I feel like the one resident of Ding Dong City.
Jarred Kelenic – Also, Jarren Duran, Nate Pearson, MacKenzie Gore and Logan Gilbert. Yes, that order. You’re welcome for actual actionable fantasy advice.
Carlos Martinez – This is a Streamonator call, like the call it makes to the pet store.
Trevor Williams – This is also a Streamonator call. “Was wondering if you had any parrots that had an interest in art deco design. I’d love to chat.” Streamonator so lonely!
Jose Alvarado – Hector Neris is the closer in Philly. Or is he?! Damn, that reversal question literally made me pee a little. “Sorry,” replied Mr. Reversal Question, “OR AM I?!” Damn it! Neris is likely the closer, but Alvarado is just better. (And so is Coonrod.)
Mychal Givens – Daniel Bard looks like late-era Shakespeare, think from Henry VIII to the 1950’s sitcom, Daddy Doth Thee Dishes.
Jake Diekman – I was told bullpens would calm down. By who? A voice in my head. A stupid voice!
Peter Fairbanks – Rack focus! Smash zoom! The camera picks up Peter Fairbanks on the staircase for his entrance. “I’m ready for my closer opp.” Jeffrey Springs and Ryan Thompson have no idea why Peter Fairbanks only appears in black & white film, but they could get Rays’ saves too. My gut says by the time we figure out who has replaced Diego Castillo it will be Diego Castillo returning.
Tyler Rogers – At the top of his lungs, “The 9th inning is Mr. Rogers’ Neighborhood,” and that was Fred Rogers’s last words. RIP. Also, Tyler Rogers should see San Fran saves.
Lucas Sims – Do you see what socialism does, kids? The Reds have decided to let everyone close and no one’s closing. I hope you’re all happy.
SELL
Yermin Mercedes – Think about squeezing an orange of all its juice. Okay, now think about the very end before you throw the orange away, and look at that orange. Nothing left? That’s what you want from a player’s value before trading them away. You don’t want to see an empty orange, then hand it to a hungry man, and watch as they take out a tiny Hoover Dam souvenir spoon and enjoy themselves more orange. You ain’t trying to get anyone else oranger than you. You need to be the orangest. You can call this my Pulp Fiction. So, that brings me to Mercedes. I think his orange is getting near-dry. You don’t want to get stuck holding a guy who seemed like a breakout only to see him crash back to earth like he’s Dodi Fayed Mercedes. I wouldn’t sell him for a handful of Nivea body lotion, but I would look at our Fantasy Baseball Trade Analyzer and explore options.
