How does Franmil Reyes have such quick hand-eye coordination for a big guy? Of course, it’s due to his 20/20 over 20/20 vision. Franmil’s two-upping your vision! Franmil Reyes isn’t just a big-time power hitter, he’s also the winner of the 1st Annual Kyle Blanks Look-A-Like Pageant. You might remember Franmil’s now famous answer to the question, “California is going through a world-record drought, what would you do to solve this dilemma if you had one afternoon to spend with your doppelgänger, Kyle Blanks?” Franmil took his time, then answered, “I’d go to the tallest peak in the Rockies with Mr. Blanks and we’d make snow angels, melting more snowflakes than Fox News and that water would roll into California. I.e., This is my Fran-friction!” I lifted myself from my Furby beanbag and cheered in my man cave. Bless you, Franmil! Bless you, child! Also bless his power. His batting average will come down some with a larger sample size, but there is no larger sample size than this 7-foot, 450-pound behemoth when it comes to dongs. Sounded better in my head! If you need power, I’d grab Franmil in all leagues. Anyway, here’s some more players to Buy or Sell this week in fantasy baseball:
Tucker Barnhart – Not to be confused with Tucker Barnhard, who was a character in the recently banned film, “A Sheep Named Lovely.”
Luke Voit – Already gave you my Luke Voit fantasy. It was written while being surprised by the twist ending to A Sheep Named Lovely. “That was his wife in sheep’s clothing the whole time? Wow! Did not see that, uh, coming.”
Matt Davidson – To answer your sweet, dimpled face before you ask, Trey Mancini was owned in more than 50% of leagues, which why he’s not listed, but instead mentioned in Davidson’s blurb. Any hoo! Davidson has 20 homers on the year and is hitting .279 in the 2nd half. What’s that, he’s been better than Eric Hosmer? Please, don’t make Hosmer’s owners cry.
Ryan O’Hearn – He has 4 homers in the last ten games, hitting .364 in the last week. Hot schmotato? Yeah, you O’Hearn right!
Hunter Dozier – You in March, “Pretty happy about Greg Bird and Jose Abreu as my corner men. Think I should coast to a H2H championship like nerds coasted to hot chicks in 80’s movies.” You now, “Deciding between Dozier or O’Hearn? I’m such a non-80’s movie nerd!”
Jonathan Villar – Oh, and on that same 30-day Player Rater, Villar has been the best 2nd baseman in the last month. Yup.
Adam Frazier – Did you know his prison nickname is, AdaM’Eff’r…? Interesting trivia, that’s what that is. Also, he’s been AdaM’Eff’r…hot schmotato!
Niko Goodrum – Is it just me or do you pick up Goodrum from waivers and swirl your hand like you’re holding a snifter?
Adalberto Mondesi – Shocked how few leagues Mondesi is owned in. Shocked, I tell ya! Dude disowns his father and can’t find any love from strangers? Open your arms, faithfully.
Luis Urias – He’s not yet clicking like Golden State. If you know you know, Pusha T. He is an easy .290 hitter though, when luck neutralizes.
Billy McKinney – Almost made McKinney my lede this week, but Franmil makes me giggle due to how far one of his dongs goes — still sounds better in my head — but McKinney is a guy I have picked up and own in multiple leagues. The Jays are trying him in the leadoff spot, and he walks a decent amount, so that might stick. He also has some power (16 HRs in 76 games in Triple-A). I’m intrigued, y’all!
Hunter Renfroe – Speaking of power like a speaking dog would say Renfroe, here’s another guy with power. By the way, I already debunked this, but I will continue to propagate this lie. The Padres hitters get hot in the 2nd half and this year is no different (it’s no different because it’s a fallacy and Padres hitters don’t get hot in the 2nd half).
Roman Quinn – How’s that expression go, even a broken clock is right twice a day? Quinn hitting leadoff is the time Gabe Kapler’s watch is twice a day. Now let’s just hope Kapler doesn’t bang his watch against a wall, trying to fix it, and the minute hand shifts unintentionally, which would mean Quinn is no longer starting and hitting leadoff.
Jace Fry – Fry’s a Jace for SAGNOF!
David Robertson – Could also be Dellin Betances for saves in en why cee. By the way, how has no rapper ever named himself MC En Why? My rap alter ego, B. Fire, nods in appreciation at that rap moniker.
Carlos Correa – In the last two weeks, he’s been a hair less valuable than Alen Hanson. I will now cackle for 45 minutes. *sets alarm clock, cackles, alarm goes off* Okay, I’m back. I needed that. I own the Google search “Carlos Correa overrated” too, because I was the only one telling you people to avoid him in the preseason. Yes, you people! Here’s my favorite line from my preseason Carlos Correa overrated post, “(Correa) looks way less than Machado, who I see being drafted after Correa.” And that’s me quoting me! Anyone who drafted Correa before Machado this year should need to pay a fine to get into a fantasy league in 2019. Any hoo! This is about this year, and I could see dropping Correa like you’re LBJ fudging his resume.