Fall in line, Metropolitans!  Fall in line, you strumpets!  *Jerad Eickhoff goose steps up and down the starting lineup, screaming*  I am going to go nutzi on these weak sister Metropolitan hitters!  Nein chance!  You have nein chance!  *leaning in on Nieuwenhuis*  You look Anglo-Saxon, maybe I take it easier on you.  Not you, Michael Conforto…*then a small beat, in a pipsqueak voice*  Unless you know Mussolini.  Do you?  *can’t wait for Conforto to answer*  Forget it!  Fall in line!  And the Mets hitters did fall in line.  Jerad Eickhoff went 7 IP, 0 ER, 5 baserunners, 10 Ks, to lower his ERA to 2.65, and now has back-to-back 10-K games.  Maybe this guy isn’t a Jer-khoff.  *looks at his minor league numbers*  Yeah, I have no idea.  His minor league numbers give the impression that he’ll be a fourth to fifth starter.  That’s not for fantasy, that’s for real baseball.  A fourth or fifth starter on the Phils, even in 2016, doesn’t scream excitement to me.  Sorry, strumpets.  For this year, drop him and check out the Stream-o-Nator, there’s only three days left.  AHH!!!  Anyway, here’s what else I saw yesterday in fantasy baseball:

Darin Ruf – 1-for-3, 2 RBIs and his 12th homer, and his 4th homer in the last ten games.  There’s no time left, it’s now or never.  As Malcolm X once said about his fantasy baseball season, “By any means necessary, I will beat the guy who is one point up on me in homers.”  If Ruf is that guy, then so be it.  Or SoBe it, if you’re thirsty.

Steven Matz – The Mets said Matz will pitch Saturday or Sunday.  The Mets added, “Really, we just needed a pitching related soundbite and we’ve put the Harvey questions to bed, so we’re rolling with Matz soundbites.”

Hansel Robles – Suspended for three games.  Damn, with Hansel Robles done for the season, where can I take Cougs for a day trip to a winery?

J.J. Hardy – He revealed that this entire season he’s been playing through a torn labrum.  You and every gymnast!

Jonathan Schoop – Exited yesterday’s game with a hand contusion, and now he’s likely done for the year.  For those of you out there battling this final weekend, if a guy is day-to-day (Schoop, Yoenis, Cain, Upton, etc. etc. etc.), drop them for guys that are actually playing.  If you need room, I wouldn’t even bother to wait for posted lineups.  I’d hit waivers hard and fast like your 15-year-old self.

Manny Machado – 3-for-4, 3 runs, 3 RBIs and a double slam (32, 33) and a double legs (19, 20).  Manny MachadoManny Machado…Man-knee…Mah-cha-doh…It rolls right off the tongue, but that doesn’t mean he shouldn’t have a nickname.  I’m playing around with the idea of G.O.A.T.chado or The Manny, though I think the 2nd one was a Vin Diesel movie.

David Price – Won’t make his last regular season start.  Okay, I’m starting to get a little jazzed for the playoffs this year.  Who does everyone want in the World Series?  I’d love to see the Blue Jays defeat the Cubs in some heart wrenching way that ends with a Cubs fan, player or farm animal needing political asylum in Canada.

Troy Tulowitzki – Likely to return on Saturday, which is super awesome for, ya know, the fan who’s attending that game and has a Tulo jersey, but him or, say Jose Ramirez for fantasy this final weekend?  I’m going with the guy that is actually hitting.

Rich Hill – 6 IP, 2 ER, 7 baserunners, 6 Ks, ERA ends at 1.55 vs. CC Sabathia 5 IP, 1 ER, 9 baserunners, 3 Ks, ERA ends at 4.73.  Over-the-internet friends, one question:  Where were you when I was walking?  2nd question:  Who would you rather have next year:  Rich “Sniglet” Hill or Sabathia?  Neither isn’t an option.

Carlos Beltran – 1-for-4 and his 19th homer.  Here’s hoping he gets to 20 homers so some unprepared derp drafts him next year thinking Beltran’s ship hasn’t yet sailed.

Greg Bird – 1-for-4 and his 11th homer.  I don’t know anyone’s contract, so I’m talking out my ass a little here, but I wouldn’t be surprised if the Yankees trade Bird and $75 million for someone like Scherzer this offseason.

Rob Refsnyder – 1-for-4 and his 2nd homer.  Or the Yanks trade away this guy.  Some prospect is getting traded away for a big name pitcher.  Bet!

Trevor Bauer – 7 IP, 1 ER, 5 baserunners, 3 Ks.  After about 6 PM EST yesterday, absolutely no offense happened.  I’m guessing the Players Union has some sort of contract about not hitting in October unless they get playoff shares.

Evan Longoria – 2-for-5, 2 runs, 2 RBIs and his 21st homer.  Longo and Hosmer have really put on a show this final week.  As in, a show of hands for who can barely stand them!

Kevin Kiermaier – 3-for-4.  I’d say hot schmotato, but since there’s so few games left, at this point, I’m trying to stack my lineup with guys that are playing and hopefully getting four or more at-bats.  Hot schmotato isn’t a luxury I can currently afford.  Yo mama is so poor she can’t afford a hot schmotato!  Snap!

Jake Odorizzi – 7 IP, 0 ER, 6 baserunners, 7 Ks, ERA ends at 3.35.  Just think, next year you can draft Odorizzi and Odor and name your team, My Team Stinks Good.  Or just name it after your favorite Lebowski character as you’ve done for the last fifteen years.

Jose Fernandez – 6 IP, 2 ER, 11 baserunners, 9 Ks, ERA ends at 2.92 in 64 2/3 IP.  He’s going to start next year at the age of 23.  Aw sookie.

Ian Kennedy – 6 IP, 1 ER, 5 baserunners, 11 Ks as he beat Jungmann.  Now if it was a Jungwomann, Kennedy would’ve been all over her.

Yangervis Solarte – 2-for-4, 2 RBIs and his 14th homer.  I have a feeling I’m going to see Yangervis going way too late in drafts next year, and apathetically draft him and own him all year in very deep leagues, just as I did this year.  In deep leagues, there’s something to a guy getting ABs.  Not something exciting, but something.

Wil Myers – Left yesterday’s game with wrist soreness, and that’ll likely do it for him this year.  Well, Wil (almost stutterer!), we had a nice month of April.

Derek Holland – 6 1/3 IP, 3 ER, 6 baserunners, 6 Ks, ERA at 4.91 in only 58 IP.  He’s going to be a wild card next year, but I bet someone in the preseason still says I’ve ranked him too low.  It’s a rite of passage in March.  Some boy becomes a man and christens themselves by questioning my Holland ranking.

Albert Pujols – 2-for-4, 2 runs and his 39th homer, which he hit off of Holland.  Fun fact!  I’ve seen a movie where a Pujols was referred to as a “Holland Tunnel.”

Austin Jackson – 1-for-3, 2 runs, 3 RBIs and his 9th homer, and three hits on Wednesday.  Looks like a quick schmotato.  Yes, that’s me calling action on Jackson!

Jason Hammel – 5 IP, 0 ER, 5 baserunners, 5 Ks, but only threw 86 pitches.  That’s just Maddon managing Hammel’s arm headed into the playoffs.  *sees that Hammel has thrown only 62, 72 and 80 pitches in other September starts*  Well, since every baseball writer has taken an oath to never say anything bad about Billy Beane or Maddon, I’ll have to move on now.

John Lamb – 4 2/3 IP, 5 ER.  How does the expression go?  In like a lion, out like a John Lamb.

Stephen Strasburg – 6 IP, 0 ER, 7 baserunners, 7 Ks, ERA ends at 3.46.  From June 1st on, he was hit by random injury after random injury, but when he was on the mound, his ERA was 1.76.  One more time with some stank, in 82 innings from June 1st on, his ERA was 1.76.  Yeah, I’m gonna be back in on him next year.

Blake Treinen – 1 IP, 0 ER.  Um, yeah, so he’s not the closer.  Glad we have that worked out three days after I’ve held him for a save.  Can we get Papelbon to choke out Matt Williams?  As for who the Nationals did use to close yesterday — Felipe Rivero (2 IP, 0 ER).  So, one fantasy team collected that save, the team owned by Felipe Rivero Jr.   “Papa!”  I’m still holding Treinen, for what it’s Wuertz.

Hector Olivera – Scratched yesterday with a sore elbow.  We don’t have a huge sample size on Olivera — that’s what she said! — but I don’t see any way that he’ll be projected next year for more than 110 games.  Even that seems generous with how many injuries hit him in his first year.

Ryan Weber – 7 IP, 1 ER, 5 baserunners, 10 Ks.  Oh.  Huh?!  Ryan Weber?  I know Weber Grill.  I know Paine Webber.  I don’t know any Ryan Weber or Karim Garcia.

Mike Moustakas – 2-for-5, 1 run, 2 RBIs.  I kinda love that the Royals are playing hard through the last week of the season.  Much respectakas.

Patrick Corbin – 5 1/3 IP, 5 ER.  *raspberries lips*  Well, that’s that.  The good news is this start dropped his ERA down to 3.60 and likely dropped him a good two rounds next year.  The bad news, your H2H playoff team is in shambles.

A.J. Pollock – 1-for-5, 1 run and his 38th steal.  Nothing to go on here other than my gut, but I wouldn’t be shocked if Pollock tries to get 40 steals on the season just for his own stat line.  It’s the ol’ Jose Reyes School of Career Management.

Silvino Bracho – 1 IP, 0 ER and his first save.  The guy from The Sopranos got the save yesterday because Brad Ziegler’s wife is apparently having octuplets.

Yasiel Puig – Now running at 100%.  After only running at 80% on Wednesday.  I guess he made some great strides.

Brett Anderson – 7 2/3 IP, 2 ER, 4 baserunners, 3 Ks, ERA ends at 3.69.  Anderson was throwing a sparkler up until the 8th inning, but still ended up respectable, which sounds like his entire season.  He did have a new career high in innings and stayed relatively healthy.  A ‘new career high in innings’ is slightly misleading in a few ways with Anderson.  A) He seems a lot older than he is; he’s only 27.  B) Since 2009, he hasn’t thrown more than 112 innings, so he didn’t need to throw many to impress.  C) There’s no C.

Madison BumgarnerGiants shut him down early…after he threw 500 innings in the last 14 months.  Okay, so early-ish.

Jeremy Affeldt – Retiring from baseball.  With Affeldt gone, Gilbert Gottfried will need to find a new pitcher to voice during mound meetings.

 
  1. Joe says:
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    Matchup is currently 6-3. Opponent holds tiebreaker.
    UP: Rs 15-10, HRs 4-1, RBIs 13-11, AVE .248-.216, Saves 4-1, Ks 59-24,
    TIED: Steals. 0-0.
    DOWN: Ws 3-4, ERA 1.17-2.53, WHIP 0.82-1.05

    I’m starting Teheran today, Kluber saturday, Salazar & Shields Sunday.
    Opponent starting Keuchel today, Archer & Burnett Saturday, Matz on Sunday.

    I got one add left. They got two.

    Do I still use my add to stream any of Hendricks (@MIL), Santiago (@TEX), Colby (LAA), or Elias (OAK) in search of a win? Or should I use the add on Darin Ruf (facing Koehler and Conley at home) in case it comes down to RBIs?

    • Grey

      Grey says:
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      @Joe: You need to hope you hold RBIs and grab a starter…Colby

      • Joe says:
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        @Grey:

        That truth bomb just made my day turn grey. Hold me. I’m fragile right now.

        • Grey

          Grey says:
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          Holding for Joe…

  2. woodzler says:
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    What´s up with the SON?

    • Grey

      Grey says:
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      @woodzler: I don’t see anything wrong

  3. Dingbat says:
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    I humbly submit Manly Muchacho as the nickname for the macho man-boy Oriole. To quote your wedding vows to Cougs, “just accept the fact that you’re not going to do any better.”

    • Grey

      Grey says:
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      @Dingbat: Please, in my vows, I quoted Meatloaf, “I’d Do Anything For Love But I won’t Do That” then listed things I wouldn’t do

      • Dingbat says:
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        @Grey: Good to set those expectations low early on in the relationship! Also, the Stream-o-Nator doesn’t seem to be recognizing my subscription. Maybe it didn’t renew for the last month? Maybe we could all just get it for free for these last few days? (nah…)

        • Grey

          Grey says:
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          You should ping Rudy in the SON’s comments

    • White Rabbit says:
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      @Dingbat: I endorse this name … or we could with Much Man

      • Grey

        Grey says:
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        Much Man!

  4. So few comments and yet Grey continues to toil away for us. Thank you for another great season. Last one out get the lights please…

    • J-FOH says:
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      @RicoSuave: we never leave. Content is posted all off season and it’s quite a good time in here.

      • J-FOH says:
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        @Grey: why have people been commenting like we leave when the season ends. Damn, we are like 7-11 here.

        • Grey

          Grey says:
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          Meh, people say it every year and continue to stay on

        • Mike

          Mike says:
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          free Big Gulps!

          • Grey

            Grey says:
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            I do enjoy Big Gulps

  5. AL KOHOLIC says:
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    thanks again for everyones hard work here at razzball,the number one fantasy site,,drinks another beerand a dash of woodford reserve with a shit eatin grin

    • Grey

      Grey says:
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      @AL KOHOLIC: Amazing year for you, sitting near the top of the overall standings…I’m top ten and I have to say it’s not easy

      • AL KOHOLIC says:
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        @Grey: thanks boss,no it isnt,pretty much wears you out,especially with a hippo on my rear

        • Grey

          Grey says:
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          Haha

        • AL KOHOLIC says:
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          @AL KOHOLIC: and congrats to you,top ten is a major accomplishment,i grabbed beltran and bour when i lost springer and stanton,feel blessed to be where im at

          • Grey

            Grey says:
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            Yeah, it’s crazy hard…I challenge anyone to try to get into the top ten… It’s basically like winning DraftKings for six straight months

    • J-FOH says:
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      @AL KOHOLIC: damn you start drinking early. I appreciate the kind words in the update the other day too. If it wasn’t for good commenters like yourself this wouldn’t be as much fun to write.

      • AL KOHOLIC says:
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        @J-FOH: you guys are awesome and the football razzball also,,thanks again

  6. neogonzo mourning says:
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    yusmero petit gets his 2nd start of the season on sunday at home vs COL – do you buy this as a potential ‘message’ for the next year game to salvage a lost season, or not touchin’ it with a 10 ft pole?

    • Grey

      Grey says:
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      @neogonzo mourning: Yeah, it could be, considering they’re wasting him in middle relief

  7. 740 says:
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    wats good Grey, would u start Iwakuma? picthing is close and cant afford to lose era, whip!

    the guy im going up against has Dallas, E. Santana. i have Jake, Iwakuma.

    thank u for all ur help!

    • Grey

      Grey says:
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      @740: I’d start Iwakuma

    • White Rabbit says:
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      @740: you’re good

  8. Ty says:
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    I’m bummed there won’t be a buy column later.

    • Grey

      Grey says:
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      @Ty: I considered it, but there’s two days…You don’t buy names at this point, you just grab people who are playing

  9. Gus Pike says:
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    Thanks Grey, for the wicked writeups and headsup intel. Closing in on another title after dropping my team ERA from over 4.00 at the all-star break to 3.38 right now. Guess dropping Samardzija and picking up Garcia was a good move.

    Anyhow, props to this site – it’s my first read every morning!

  10. knighttown says:
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    Since it seems like I’m the only guy on here still competing (guessing all other Razzball followers have it wrapped up) I don’t mind asking a few mind numbing questions. Slipped 1 point back of first in my 12 team daily 5×5.

    Priorities at the plate first:
    Steals- In 7th at 129 steals but getting to 132 would put me in 4th; 3 extra points.
    HR- tied for second so a half point there
    Runs- don’t know if I can move up or down; 10 up on 9th and 13 down to 11th
    RBIs- same story; 13 behind second
    AVG- no where to move up but .01 and .02 ahead of second and third

    Pitching (aargh…every streamer is killing me…Corbin, Carrasco etc):
    WHIP- getting 11 points but tied at 1.16 with two other guys so must be a fraction ahead.
    K’s- 3 back of a point and 22 back of another point. Leader 20 behind me
    ERA- at 3.51. There’s a 3.47 and a few 3.41’s. May be too late
    Wins-two behind 3rd and two ahead of 5th, 6th and 7th.
    Saves- locked into first…dropped them all

    General thoughts on how to pull this out?

    • knighttown says:
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      @knighttown:

      Massive bench right now. Who to play?

      At MI- pick two; Pearce at Severino, Aybar at Martin Perez, Ketel at Aaron Brooks, Rendon vs Syndegaard.

      At 3b- Rendon vs Syndegaard or Gallo vs Weaver

      At CI/Util pick two- Duda vs LH Gio, Cron vs Martin Perez, Bour vs Harang

      At OF- (pick 4) Dickerson @ Heston, Altherr vs Nicolino, Burns vs Iwakuma, Trayce vs Alfredo, Gardner vs LH Chen, Pearce vs Severino

      • knighttown says:
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        @knighttown:

        And finally; stream these last few games knowing my shituation?

        Elias vs Oakland, Hendricks @ Milwakee, K-Zar vs Boston.

        Any other “out of LF” spot starts you like?

      • Grey

        Grey says:
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        @knighttown: MI — Ketel, Pearce; 3B — Gallo; CI — Duda, Bour; OF — Altherr, Gardner, Dickerson, Trayce

    • Grey

      Grey says:
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      @knighttown: Damn, close in everything… I’d go for hitting and be precious with your pitching

      • knighttown says:
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        @Grey: Thanks a ton Grey. I hate even asking such detailed questions but victory is so close I can taste it. Need some steals!!

        • Grey

          Grey says:
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          Yeah, really need steals and to hold your WHIP

  11. Ante GALIC says:
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    Grey!!

    a. Saw that both Dysons played yesterday and it hit me.

    In a parallel universe, Dyson bats for the Royals and strikes out. On the flip side his alter ego pitches out of the Rangers BP and fails to strike anyone out.

    b. Nice double negative. I remember when I first became brave enough to make a comment last year. My comment? Something about your spelling of Tehran. Can you imagine how much of a jerk I was???!!! I guess hoes will be hoes.

    Cheers,
    Ante

      • Ante GALIC says:
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        @Grey: Why the devil didn’t you mention that both Dysons played last night? Been dying to ask you since this morning? Answer?

        Cheers,
        Ante

        • Grey

          Grey says:
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          Honestly? I didn’t even see that they played?

          • Ante GALIC says:
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            @Grey: Ha! It reminds of when I was younger playing strat-o-matic until the wee hours. I would geek out my opponents by playing Ozzie Canseco for an entire year extrapolating his small-sampled ABs over a 600-AB season. Without injury, he would beat Jose!

            Cheers,
            Ante

            • Ante GALIC says:
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              @Ante GALIC: And they played. Dyson J (0/1 with a K) and Dyson S 1IP with a hold!

              Cheers,
              Ante

              • Ante GALIC says:
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                @Ante GALIC: It’s what Reimold owners are banking on for next year.

                Cheers,
                Ante

            • Grey

              Grey says:
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              Ante, how did you get into baseball? Did you grow up in this country?

              • Ante GALIC says:
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                @Grey: Ha! born in TO. Read my first Bill James book in a used book store on how Straberry’s ’89 season was better than his ’88 season because he did better in ’89 relative to the rest of the league as compared to his ’88 season even if he hit more HRs in ’88. Capiche?

                Cheers,
                Ante

                • Ante GALIC says:
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                  @Ante GALIC: Was hooked ever since. Predicted the Reds would beat the As in 1990 WS. All my friend’s said I was nuts.