In a Hudson vs. Hudson battle, Tim won on a technicality as Daniel Hudson left the game with what seemed to be a forearm injury. To add insult to injury, he left the game after giving up 5 ER on 7 hits in 1 2/3 IP. With a ghastly 7.35 ERA in 45 IP this year, injury or not, it’s time to cut Daniel Hudson from mixed leagues. He looked primed to build upon a solid 2011 but so did Kate Hudson after Almost Famous. Let’s just hope Daniel doesn’t wake up to find Alex Rodriguez in his bed, begging him to go blonder and to tone up his arms. Anyway, here’s what else I saw yesterday in fantasy baseball:
Jason Kubel – 1-for-4 with his 2nd homer in as many games. Hey, Code Rossi wants back his fantasy outfielder value! Kubel has 4 homers this week and is hitting .333. May not be a long-term solution, but I’d give him the ol’ how’s your father? Even if his last name sounds like a vaginal exercise.
Bronson Arroyo – 7 2/3 IP, 3 ER, 4 baserunners, 4 Ks as he flirted with a no-no. Guess Bronson’s perfect game went awryo. When asked, Arroyo said a perfect game would be nice but what’s even better than that is a perfect riff. He then grabbed his guitar and played Pearl Jam’s ‘Alive’ until everyone cleared out of the locker room.
Aroldis Chapman – 1 IP, 0 ER, 3 Ks and the save. And it’s safe to drop Marshall again, but how about that cheap win yesterday? Like Robin Williams’s back, that’s follicle’ing awesome!
Drew Stubbs – 1-for-3 with the slam and legs. You know, before Mike Trout (there was a time before him) and Desmond Jennings, Stubbs was the Head Chef at the slam and leggery.
Jay Bruce – 1-for-3 with his 17th homer. I’m a big fan, so don’t take this the wrong way, but it’s almost like he wants you to hate him for a week or two, then he goes and hits some homers to stay on a 35 homer pace.
Norichika Aoki – 1-for-4 with his 10th steal. Right now, he’s playing like he’s Adrian Beltre in a contract year. 4 steals the other day, random homer on Monday, junky steal yesterday. Might have some hot in his schmotatoness.
Marco Estrada – 6 IP, 3 ER, 7 baserunners, 12 Ks. If you started him yesterday vs. the Reds, take a screenshot of it, then next time you’re about to get in a bar fight, pull out the screenshot and show the guy who’s giving you trouble. He’ll think you’re crazy and move on.
Giancarlo Stanton – 2-for-4 with his 17th homer. Big news in his personal life yesterday, he started dating a girl named Michelle who changed her name to Ginacarlita.
Yadier Molina – 1-for-4, 3 RBIs and his 3rd homer in as many games. Downright, Chooch-like.
Martin Perez – Called up by the Rangers after posting middling stats in AAA. Perez and teammate Neil Ramirez are like the Betances/Banuelos for the Yankees – top prospects with stellar stuff and less than stellar results. Figure the best case is under-the-radar MR work like Charlie Furbush on SEA. Figure the worst case is Justin Grimm’s last start.
Colby Lewis – To the DL with tendinitis in his forearm. More like a SOREARM! Am I right? Huh?! *crickets* Hello? Anyone here? I was just following this pun path and now I think I’m deep in the woods, but if it were Colby Lewis’s forearms instead of trees I’d be in a sorest! Right?! Right? Hello? I should’ve brought a flashlight.
Josh Hamilton – 1-for-4 with his 2nd homer in as many games, and the Flunkee of Stats Inc. tells us he has at least one homer in every month.
Dillon Gee – 5 IP, 4 ER, 11 baserunners, 6 Ks. I think you’re one letter off, Gee.
Anthony Rizzo – 2-for-4, 1 RBI. Not sure where I’ve heard his name before… Oh, I know, I’ve talked about him incessantly for the last week. Change this site to Rizzball.
Jemile Weeks – 0-for-2 with his first stolen base in Weeks. In related news, Tony Campana changed his name to Tony Campananosecond.
Phil Hughes – 8 IP, 0 ER, 7 baserunners, 4 Ks. I guess this was the New York pitcher to pick up for yesterday’s game. Hughes has now strung together 10 solid starts with two Vin Mazzacres (4 1/3 IP, 6 ER vs. the Braves; 5 1/3 IP, 7 ER vs. the Angels). Okay, so it’s stringing them together like one of those candy necklaces but every fifth smartie is a doodie bubble.
Cory Wade – 2/3 IP, 4 ER making it possible for Rafael Soriano to get a save. They should give Assists for that. I can get a job with Boras with that kind of talk. “My client had a 4.45 ERA, but he gave 16 assists to his closer. You want the closer to be rusty and not get any work?”
C.J. Wilson – 7 IP, 1 ER, 8 baserunners, 2 Ks to lower his ERA to 2.36. If you followed my rankings, you own Wilson on a bunch of teams… And Latos… Moving on….
Peter Bourjos – 1-for-4, 2 RBIs and his 3rd homer. Now has back-to-back games with a homer. I don’t fully trust The Sciosciapath to play him every day, but in deeper leagues it’s worth looking at him to see if he’s getting hot.
Mark Trumbo – 2-for-4 with his 18th homer. He’s on pace for 39 homers. Trum-boing!
Steve Pearce – 2-for-4 with a homer. We got double sonavabenched by Bourjos and Pearce yesterday. That’s interesting to me.
Clay Buchholz – Diagnosed with esophagitis. I’m not sure if that’s going to affect his pitching, but I’d pay money to hear the Red Sox announcers pronounce it.
Jacoby Ellsbury – Beginning rehab games on Friday. Better start sending emails now to the last place team that drafted him to see if they’ll trade him to you.
Jarrod Saltalamacchia – 1-for-4 with his 14th homer. Who has more homers? Salty or Pujols? And for Googlers of “Salty Pujols,” welcome!
Michael McKenry – 3-for-3 with his 4th homer. Wasn’t he on The Kids in the Hall?
Vance Worley – 6 IP, 3 ER, 8 baserunners, 5 Ks to raise his ERA to 2.92. The Vanimal is inching towards the mid-3 ERA where he should be, so commands the Fangraphs Database of pitching tom-FIP-lery.
Carlos Ruiz – 3-for-4, 2 runs, 2 RBIs and his 10th homer. After the game he said, “Chooch would’ve taken a 4-for-4 night, but there’s people starving in Africa. Who is Chooch to be greedy?”
Ty Wigginton – 2-for-4, 2 RBIs and a homer. Is it that time again already? Are him and Mayberry just passing the hot schmotato back and forth?
Ryan Howard – Has been playing simulated games in Florida. Cool, next time the World Series is played on a Wii, he should be ready to go.
Ryan Zimmerman – 3-for-5, 3 runs, 1 RBI and his 4th homer. That’s nice, do it for another month and a half, and unless the Nats start playing their games in Coors, I don’t think it’s happening.
Adam LaRoche – 2-for-4, 3 RBIs and his 14th and 15th homer. You know how they have those middle-aged man fantasy camps? They should have a similar thing where slumping hitters go to Coors.
Michael Morse – 4-for-5, 2 runs and 2 RBIs all because Bryce Harper complained it was stuffy in the clubhouse and someone from MLB shut off the humidor.
Ian Desmond – 4-for-5, 2 RBIs with three doubles. That’s more double-baggers than The Situation hits.
Travis d’Arnaud – While playing in the PCL, he tore his PCL. Luckily, he wasn’t playing for an All-Star Squad.
Dexter Fowler – 2-for-5 and his 10th homer as he was back in the leadoff spot, picking up right where Tyler Colvin left off. Put Nadir Bupkis leadoff for the Rockies and he’ll probably hit .300.
Jeff Francoeur – 1-for-4, 3 RBIs and now has two homers in the last three games. Looks like someone lit a fire under him. Probably while lighting a cigarette, those French!
Kosuke Fukudome – White Sox released him because they’re trying to win. Maybe the Cubs will pick him up. A nice draft pick for doing so poorly this year and a reason to fire Sveum doesn’t sound too bad.
Kevin Youkilis – 1-for-4. Return to sender!
Alex Rios – 2-for-4, 2 RBIs and a slam & legs as he goes for the world boringest 20/20 season. And boringest is surprisingly not a boring word. Or really a word at all.
Drew Smyly – 4 2/3 IP, 6 ER. “I am sorry. Your smiling emoticon is bleeding.” That was a robot from the future talking to your grandkids.
Travis Blackley – 7 IP, 2 ER, 6 baserunners, 3 Ks vs. Jason Vargas 6 2/3 IP, 2 ER, 5 baserunners, 10 Ks. As the mediOAKer went against the Marginer and… I fell asleep. Wha’ happened?
Ryan Vogelsong – 7 IP, 0 ER, 8 baserunners, 3 Ks to lower his ERA to 2.23. For Ryan’s next Vogelsong, he’ll play “I Don’t Even Know How I’m Doing It” off the “I’m Your Fantasy” SP.
Michael Bourn – 2-for-5, and his 7th homer. Member when Ben Zobrist started hitting homers and some hitting coaches came outta nowhere to say where the power came from? I think the same thing happened with Aaron Hill when he hit 36 homers, if I remember correctly. I’m waiting for Michael Bourn’s mama to come forward and say she fed him stick-to-your-ribs food all winter and then hug him until he says, “Mama, I can’t breath.”
Jed Lowrie – 2-for-4 and his 14th homer. Okay, who has more homers Lowrie or Pujols? Yup again.
Andrew Cashner – Being called up by the Padres to start, almost at the same time as the Cubs promoted Anthony Rizzo (whom they traded Cashner for). Cashner’s been solid in AA (22 K/3 BB in 14 IP) and has electric stuff. You could do worse than take a flier (or Friar if you’re punny or Asian) on a potential 2010/2011 Brandon Morrow who pitches in San Diego.
Travis Hafner – Set to begin a rehab assignment. Glad to see the pronktologist was able to fix him.
