(NOTE: THIS POST WAS RELEASED EARLY THIS WEEK ON OUR PATREON. IT’S $10/MONTH OR $13/MONTH WITH AN EXTRA WEEKLY PODCAST.)
I saw an article in the Denver Post the other day that said something like, “The Rockies should rebuild, and Bud Black is the man to do it.” And I became The Joker. I started tiptoeing down a staircase in bright makeup, twirling and cackling. Then I threw my computer out my window, hit a squirrel, who lawyered up and sued me, taking 51% control of Razzball. Which is why you can now find acorns in the Razzball store. Hope you understand why I have to say nice things about Jeff McNeil, too. Let’s be fair and honest and charitable, Bud Black was a good pitching coach. That the Rockies hired a pitching-first guy in Coors says all you need to know about how dumb that organization is, but rebuild? If Bud could lure Mark Reynolds out of retirement, he would play him over Ryan McMahon, because of his experience. Bud Black is the worst manager in baseball, and, as Quentin Tarantino says, that’s a very impressive feat. I bring this all up, not to crap on Bud, though that’s fun, but to warn you I only half trust him to play Brendan Rodgers. On our Prospectonator, we project every imaginable rookie, based on 162 games played. So, all things being equal, Alex Kirilloff is number one, Ke’Bryan Hayes is number two, but not that far down the list is Brendan Rodgers. He could be even the shallowest of leagues viable. Assuming the Rockies don’t lure back Mark Reynolds. Anyway, here’s some more players to Buy or Sell this week in fantasy baseball:
Francisco Mejia – Someone says anything about Zunino–“ACKCHUALLY, I like Francisco Mejia more.” Yes, hundred percent with red underlines. Zunino does get into these crazy streaks, like frosted-hair Justin Timberlake, but ACKCHUALLY, I like Francisco Mejia more.
Eric Haase – “My grandfather left me these Gregg Jefferies rookie cards, and I was wondering if you had any interest.” “These are great…coasters.” That’s my imaginary grandkids going into Pawn Stars in 2057 talking to Big Hoss. Nonsense aside, Haase has big-time power. He’s a 70-grade power guy, who hit 28 HRs in 102 minor league games in 2019. Also, sounds like Wilson Ramos could be out for a while.
Danny Santana – He should be playing full-time now that Franchy was optioned. Though, Duran should be playing full-time over Dannys. Is that going to happen? Have no idea. Duran is on the Olympic Dream Team with Homer Bailey, Todd Frazier and pitcher, Anthony Gose. An absolute Who’s Who of Where Are They Now. Someone find Kirk Nieuwenhuis, your Olympic dream awaits.
Seth Brown – Went back and looked at my Seth Brown fantasy from last year, and here’s my favorite tidbit, “Seth Brown’s minor league stats last year: *fracks fifteen hundred miles into the earth’s core, hikes down into the deepest, darkest cavern that my needless fracking created, realizes I forgot my megaphone, hikes fifteen hundred miles back up while wondering if you could frack all the way to China, when at the surface of earth, grabs a megaphone, then returns back down fifteen hundred miles, finding it an easier go this time because I’ve done the trip once before, when I reach the deepest, darkest cavern in the earth, I blow into the megaphone the world’s loudest chef’s kiss* That’s how good Seth Brown’s minor league stats are! In Triple-A, Seth Brown went 101/37/104/.297/8 in 451 ABs.” And that’s me quoting me!
Jonathan Villar – “Hey, this is Gary Cohen and welcome back to Mets baseball. Due to injuries, Jonathan Villar will be playing eight positions today, and acting 3rd base coach. Well, he should have no problems with the signs.”
Owen Miller – Standard 4020. Don’t know what that is? You need to study the glossary. It’s boring hitters that give two hits in four at-bats and no other stats. It’s how their stats appear in a box score.
Brad Miller – Sticking with the newly established Miller theme, a schmotato by any other name would smell as Brad.
Akil Baddoo – Wait a humdinger of a minute, Tuffy Rhodes never got hot a second time! Yabba dabba Baddoo has heated up again.
Adam Duvall – His walk-up song is, “If You Don’t Know Me by Now.” Take a hint.
Cornelius Randolph – Finally, the old man from Trading Places is fantasy relevant. So, this is a former-1st rounder by the Phils, who’s been a smoke show in Triple-A. Was hesitant about including Randolph, because he’s not on the 40-man, and might only be 12-team NL-Only worthwhile at this point, but might be a late breakout a’la Trent Grisham. Podcaster Geoff mentioned him to me; now I’m mentioning him to you. For shallower leagues, there’s Roman Quinn, who was just called up.
DJ Stewart – With Hays out and Brandon Hyde unable to get into the stadium parking lot because no one recognizes him, Stewart should be the fill-in, and he’s been hot.
Guillermo Heredia – The Braves took a major hit when they lost Ozuna, but who cares about the freakin’ Braves, this is fantasy! Heredia should see ABs with Ozuna out, and I’m struggling to say something else nice. Um…He’s 30, so maybe he has some wisdom? I don’t know.
Manuel Margot – Looks like 50 Cent, has initials like Eminem, and a manager who makes you want to sing, Cash Ruins Everything Around Me.
David Peterson – This is also a Streamonator call. “I want to throw a party, and they say if there’s a lot of people there, more people will show up, so, I was wondering if you have any extra mannequins.”
Paul Fry – Rather than list 5,000 closers no one wants to pick up — Michael Fulmer anyone? Rafael Montero? Hansel Robles? Ryan Stanek? See, there ya go, you have pseudo-closers to grab too. — I’m going to list a few Mr. MRs for your broken winged bullpens. So, Cesar Valdez sucks, but won’t be replaced because the O’s want to trade him. Fry could be the unlikely replacement, and, if not, he’s still great for Ks. The walks do worry me a bit though.
Chad Green – Here’s a Double Whopper with cheese. Green could get saves while Aroldis is sick, and Green throws cheese.
Scott Barlow – His numbers are so butter that ten out of ten Butter-Heads look at Barlow’s stats and think to themselves, “Can I put that on toast?” And those people know real butter! Also, Butter-Heads are not to be confused with Butterfingers or butterfaces.
Juan Soto – This is brutal. Someone hold me while I write this. Metaphorically! Get off of me! This is a Sell I don’t want to write at all…I’m struggg–Damn, I was typing this by letting the tears coming down my cheek hit the keyboard. There’s no easy way to say this, but Sexy Dr. Pepper appears injured. He’s not right. Something is so wildly off with his swing path, that I can only imagine he’s subconsciously altering his swing to take pain off his shoulder. Either that or the offseason seminar on Swing Mechanics with Yandy Diaz was not a good idea. His Exit Velocity, xBA and xSLG aren’t bad. It’s just his Launch Angle is goofy. Cancel the Green Thumb Guy, Soto will kill your weeds. I’m emphasizing here to not sell him low. Don’t sell him for a summer job digging holes in the desert for the mafia, but I would look at our Fantasy Baseball Trade Analyzer and explore options.