Seth Brown‘s minor league stats last year: *fracks fifteen hundred miles into the earth’s core, hikes down into the deepest, darkest cavern that my needless fracking created, realizes I forgot my megaphone, hikes fifteen hundred miles back up while wondering if you could frack all the way to China, when at the surface of earth, grabs a megaphone, then returns back down fifteen hundred miles, finding it an easier go this time because I’ve done the trip once before, when I reach the deepest, darkest cavern in the earth, I blow into the megaphone the world’s loudest chef’s kiss* That’s how good Seth Brown’s minor league stats are! In Triple-A, Seth Brown went 101/37/104/.297/8 in 451 ABs. El oh-*coughs dramatically and dies* Sorry to inform everyone that Grey died from black lung. He contracted it from fracking down fifteen hundred miles WHILE VAPING! He didn’t tell you about the vaping, did he? By the way, that’s totally going on my tombstone:  “He didn’t tell you about the vaping?” Anyway, what can we expect from Seth Brown for 2020 fantasy baseball?

I expected Seth Brown to look like Matt Stairs or maybe even Prince Fielder, but he looks like an actual outfielder — smooth swing, quick base/core. Speaking of Seths (nice lisp, homey), I expected Seth Beer to look like Matt Stairs too. People just aren’t out of shape like they used to be. Truly disappointing. Any hoo! Here’s Seth Brown, then we discuss more:

Obvi, could’ve pulled a home run video, but I wanted to showcase two triples to highlight his athleticism. (Pun! Ya know, because of his team. Is it getting better after the explanation? No? Cool!) Seth Brown also hit eight doubles last year in only 75 major league at-bats, while batting .293. As Prospector Itch told me privately (while asking if I had any hard-to-reach scratches), Brown is better than Piscotty right now. I’d go as far to say the A’s outfield is Ramon Laureano, then pot luck. Mark Canha had a decent-enough season last year, but c’mon, and Bob Melvin needs to take some cues from Robbie Grossman’s surname and recognize his grossness. So, even a healthy Piscotty doesn’t completely block Brown. If Brown can hold his 47% fly ball rate and 23% HR/FB from Triple-A, which is asking a lot in the A’s cavernous park, Brown could be 2020’s Pete Alonso. The closest comparison to Seth Brown’s batted ball profile is teammate, Matt Olson, and his 36 homers in 127 games. Even if Brown comes down to earth a little — be careful of that fifteen hundred foot-deep tunnel! — and gets a 40% fly ball rate with a 20% HR/FB, then he’s Michael Conforto, hitting 32+ homers. It’s all sexy-sexy, hump-hump. Of course, playing time is the biggest concern, and do the A’s put Brown in the Opening Day lineup and never remove him. A rookie not getting platooned bugs out Billy Beane so much he’s got to do five miles on a treadmill and 25 burpees. An everyday rookie? Billy Beane is not your lover! For 2020, I’ll give Seth Brown projections of 52/21/58/.277/5 in 403 ABs with a chance for much more.

  1. Malicious Phenoms says:
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    Seth Brown is old.

    • Grey

      Grey says:
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      Damn, we’re old ageists now!

      • CMUTIMMAH says:
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        Last I checked, 37 HRs play no matter what age you are… Brown threw in 8 steals in the minors last year, I doubt Matt Stairs ever had 8 steals in a season, ha squared.

        Brown is the classic Billy Bean boy too. Definitely will be in the under the Greydar category come under the Greydar day.

        I don’t care if he’s 36 years old. In redraft, at least.

        • Grey

          Grey says:
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          Yeah, same same — if anything, his age plays to his strength in redrafts bc he’s so old he should play every day now and he’s already in his prime…

  2. bigbear says:
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    Haha, I legit had to read the pun three times. Whiffed the first time. Read the explanation. Whiffed the second time. And this got hit by the pitch! <>

    Of the rookies you’ve posted so far, I think I’m on Seth Brown the most (or Louie Roebear).

    • The Great Knoche says:
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      I still dont get it…

      • Malicious Phenoms says:
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        Dude plays for the Athletics..

        • Grey

          Grey says:
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          Thanks, MP!

    • Grey

      Grey says:
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      Haha, nice! Louis Roux Baire is the tastiest, but Brown’s sneaky sexy… He could run into a huge year

  3. Brownie is starting to figure it out – don’t sleep on him

    • Grey

      Grey says:
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      Definitely!

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