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Official baseball starts in a few days, but it’s time to focus on what’s important: insane preseason predictions! Before we dive deep into countless hours rearranging lineups, FAAB bids, and making trade offers in order to win a couple hundred dollars in our friends and family league, which equates to roughly twenty-eight cents per hour, we here at Razzball want to take a moment and document some predictions for the upcoming season.

Please, blog, may I have some more?

I’m a big fan of the everyman. I consider myself the everyman. I’m every man’s everyman. A pioneer of normcore. Track pants and a blinking light on my car’s dashboard that either means my seatbelt isn’t on or I need oil. That is me. What better way to elevate the Everyman Culture than to take part in a tourney where no one is smarter than anyone else. Enter the RazzSlam, a Best Ball tourney.

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I love baseball. Probably an unhealthy obsession. As much as I love baseball, I somehow manage to hate so many things MLB does. Lots and lots of things. Having games in Seoul, South Korea, a week before every other team plays? Having the Dodgers/Padres play in two games over there then return to play Spring Training games? Those things I can’t get mad about. If they want to grow the game in Asia, sending the Dodgers is likely the best way. Plus, who doesn’t love Graham Pauley? Koreans, get your Graham Pauley shirts before they’re all sold out!

Please, blog, may I have some more?

We (me) have gone over the catchers sleepers, 1st basemen sleepers, 2nd basemen sleepers, shortstops sleepers, and 3rd basemen sleepers, because I have to do everything around here! Look at me, throwing shade like a beach umbrella! That makes sense…if you don’t think about it! That’s what I want my bumper sticker to say, “That makes sense….if you don’t think about it.” Okay, so this post is all the outfielders that are being drafted after 200 overall that elicit uber-sexy feelings. There’s guys like Wyatt Langford, Jackson Chourio, Riley Greene and Jordan Walker that I would draft everywhere

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While the 2nd basemen to target is a necessary evil like changing your underwear. This post, well, have you seen the top 20 shortstops for 2024 fantasy baseball? Dude, why did you not draft one of the glorious top top TOP guys? Did you show up late to your draft because they required you to wear pants? I’m hopeful that everyone rosters at least one shortstop prior to getting to the sleepers in this post, and likely two.

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Welcome to the cookout, step right up! Grab a plate! You’re gonna love these hamburguesas! I call ’em hamburguesas because that’s how you get USA into burgers! Let me just check the grill temp so the hamburguesas don’t get charred on the outside and raw on the inside. I hate those hamburguesas! Whoa, the grill temp is 900 degrees?! Damn, I used these new Burn-Super-Hot Coles, and now it appears Coles is cooked!

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I’m having this weird feeling. It’s not gas; I know what that feels like. It’s not anger that my neighbor planted a tree that smells like semen on my property line. It’s…I think…extreme happiness? I hate my AL-Only teams usually, but I kinda like this team. Oh, it has its flaws, we’ll get to those, but, is this. Dot dot dot. Bliss? I never love my AL-Only teams. Sometimes, I’m okay with them. Sometimes, I’m unhappy with them but pretend to be okay with them, like a sad clown with a painted-on smile. But “kinda like” an AL-Only team?

Please, blog, may I have some more?

Psst! This post is gonna list 2nd basemen that you should target in your 2024 fantasy baseball drafts. I’m whispering because you don’t want everyone to see this post. No, I can’t whisper louder, then it WOULDN’T BE WHISPERING! Okay, gig’s up (or maybe that’s jig’s up), the love I’m about to reiterately (Made Up Word of the Day!) confirm is on these guys I love later in drafts.

Please, blog, may I have some more?