Seattle Ready To Rip Off Their Hulk Logan Gilbertmania Shirt

May 13, 2021 | Fantasy Baseball Daily Notes | 523 Comments

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Roofies are real and they are not good. When you wake up after five hours and you’re missing a kidney? That’s a roofie. They’re a rookie pitcher who just decimates your ratios and leaves you wandering around for a light switch, only to realize you no longer have an arm. Though, you do have a hand, which is just puzzling. Yo, you T-Rex? With that said, rookie pitcher phenom Logan Gilbert is coming up. Prospect Itch just gave you the skinny, “If you’re going to hold one pitching prospect hoping he might come up and help your club, Gilbert should be that gottfried. He’s got a big league starter’s pitch mix and command, and he’ll be coming up to a hot club with pretty strong defense in a nice pitcher’s park. Speaking of which, I’d like to park my Subaru on Grey.” Okay, not sure what that’s about. I don’t say this lightly, but Logan Gilbert could win the AL ROY. Will he? What, I should sell my soul for future advice about a stupid MLB award? Get out of here! You sell your soul if you want to know! I’m just saying Gilbert’s plus command and strikeout ability makes him a must grab. I did in my RCL, and I would do it again! Though, I’m only in one RCL, so not sure how I can do it again. Anyway, here’s what else I saw yesterday in fantasy baseball:

Please, blog, may I have some more?

Freddy, Aim, Fire

May 12, 2021 | Fantasy Baseball Daily Notes | 499 Comments

by: Grey

Explain to me how you had to draft a top ten starter and Freddy Peralta (7 IP, 0 ER, 1 hit, 1 walk, 8 Ks, ERA at 2.77) wasn’t going to be good enough. Explain it to me like I’m a five-year-old. A well-read five-year-old, of course. Like I’ve read some of the classics, like that caterpillar turning into the butterfly book and the Berenstain Bears (eat that, Mandela Effect!). Explain how a guy with a 14+ K/9 and 2.92 FIP isn’t exactly what you want in every league and is worse than who? Who’s he worse than?! I’m all charged up because I ate some candy. I’ll calm down by the third blurb of the post. Explain to me how Freddy Peralta with an .130 xBA on all pitches, which is the top 1% in the league, and a top 5% in the league xSLG, and a top 3% strikeout rate in the league is not an ace? Explain how an expected ERA of 2.21 isn’t an ace. I’ll wait! (After the third blurb, I’m still running on sugar.) Explain how a guy with a .115 xBA on his fastball isn’t an ace. Explain it! Okay, I’m not even going to make it to the third blurb, I need a nap. Freddy Peralta is an ace, aside from his walks. If he can lower his walk rate, he’s a top five starter. Right now, he’s roughly a top 15 starter. Get on board or explain to me why not! Anyway, here’s what else I saw yesterday in fantasy baseball:

Please, blog, may I have some more?

Almost Time To Release Your Jarred Up Emotions

May 11, 2021 | Fantasy Baseball Daily Notes | 532 Comments

by: Grey

Close your extraneous browser windows right now–Not this one! This is not extraneous. How dare you, sir. Okay, now that the other browser windows are closed, open your fantasy team window. The team that’s hurting for offense and wouldn’t mind a top 10 outfielder. Yes, that team. Great, now go to waivers–Are you signed in? God damn it! Sign yourself in! Your password is Belle&Sebastian#1Fan. Okay, now that you’re signed in, go to waivers and grab Jarred Kelenic, he’s being promoted this Thursday. So, what to expect? Everything? Does that work for you? He’s already a 1st ballot “I can’t believe the Mets traded him away” Guy and he hasn’t played one MLB game. He could be 25/10/.290 this year. That obviously might be pie-in-the-sky-hopes, but that’s what we’re looking at in the range of possibilities. That’s otherwise known as “What you would’ve gave Haniger’s left nut to get from George Springer.” Realistically, we might see 17/7/.270. I’ll guess we’ll see, since Kelenic is coming in two days, but who’s counting? Anyway, here’s what else I saw yesterday in fantasy baseball:

Please, blog, may I have some more?

A Pearson Of Much Importance On Your Mother/Tucker’s Day

May 10, 2021 | Fantasy Baseball Daily Notes | 520 Comments

by: Grey

Happy Mother’s Day to all the baby’s mamas, mamas, mamas, baby mamas, mamas. Much respect to the mothers. Without my emergence from my mother’s vagina, I wouldn’t be able to bestow on you my fantasy baseball ‘pertness. We are one people and everyone has popped out of a mother’s vagina at one point, unless you’re an alien — I’m looking at you, Andrelton! — and with our emergence from our mother’s vagina — or that Cesarean stuff that I don’t fully understand — I say we should all live together, loving each other, and never speaking of Luis Castillo again, cause he sucks. Yesterday, the Jays called up Nate Pearson (2 1/3 IP, 3 ER, 4 hits, 5 walks) and he couldn’t find the plate, obviously. There was one inning there where it felt like I aged ten years, and I was still younger than Nelson Cruz. Nate Pearson shouldn’t be judged on one start. His stuff is as electric as any I’ve seen recently. Won’t mean it’s without some ups and downs, but a potential 10+ K/9 plays everywhere. He will need to rein in his control to be effective for the shallowest leagues. Far from an easy matchup against the Astros, though one of the easier outs Kyle Tucker (2-for-3, 3 runs, 4 RBIs and his 6th homer, hitting .188) was the bulk of the damage. I hope that Mother Tucker’s happy. Anyway, here’s what else I saw this weekend in fantasy baseball:

Please, blog, may I have some more?

Harrison Bader Buysberg

May 7, 2021 | Fantasy Baseball Buy/Sell | 522 Comments

by: Grey

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(NOTE: THIS POST WAS RELEASED EARLY THIS WEEK ON OUR PATREON. IT’S $10/MONTH OR $13/MONTH WITH AN EXTRA WEEKLY PODCAST.)

First, allow me to share a story, uh, shared by frequent commenter, Travis Hafner. The Pronk One:

So, do we think Harrison Bader is into Pikachu or Mankey? Polyps? More like Poliwag or Poliwhirl! “Do you mind if I call you Jigglypuff?” That’s Harrison Bader talking to Yadier Molina. Harrison Bader looks at a fruit basket and is like, “Does anyone want this Flapple or can I have it?” Is this all gibberish or am I actually saying real words or am I reading aloud while I edit a Pokemonpedia? Who’s to say! In that fantastic story from Travis Hafner that I want to make all about Pokemon is a little tidbit about how Bader had polyps in his nose which hurt his equilibrium and his hitting. Reminds me of the time I had collagen sucked out of my face because my card was declined and now they say I got po’ lips. Sad for me, but positive for Bader, because he had surgery and it’s fixed. That could legitimately help him take his game to the next level. He’s been hitting this week, and I would absolutely grab him. Anyway, here’s some more players to Buy or Sell this week in fantasy baseball:

Please, blog, may I have some more?

Albert Pujols Retires The Apostrophe From “I’m Mortal”

May 7, 2021 | Fantasy Baseball Daily Notes | 373 Comments

by: Grey

Start engraving the Hall of Fame plaque for Albert Pujols now: First a Cardinal, then an Angel, always a God. Been a while since I got choked up about a player retiring, but this one had me bent over in disbelief like Brad Lidge. Often made fun of Albert Pujols, but he was arguably the greatest 1st baseman I saw. Objectively, he’s the best post-war 1st baseman in MLB history. (Bet you can’t guess number two.) Sure, towards the end he would smack the occasional homer, and plop a tennis ball onto his bat as he used it as a cane around the bases. Those early Angels and Cardinals years, though, no one could sniff Pujols’ rarified air. If he wafted the Pujols air, they came, which sounds like some x-rated anime film. The Angels did him dirty by just releasing him — even the Yankees gave Jay Bruce one final game! Maybe the Angels feared Pujols’s retirement celebration around the league would take an extra year, as he decided to jog Cal Ripken-style around the field. All this is super sad, especially since I lowered Jared Walsh (1-for-4, hitting .330) in my preseason rankings at the last second, and where’s my Jo Adell at? Welp, fairly well, Pujols, you will leave a gaping hole in the game, even if he says he wants to continue playing, which will just be sad. Retire, man, it’s time. *finger to ear* Wait, we have breaking news! Albert Pujols to play center field for the White Sox. La Russa confirms. Anyway, here’s what else I saw yesterday in fantasy baseball:

Please, blog, may I have some more?

Means Treats Seattle To Score, Say, Zero Runs or Hits

May 6, 2021 | Fantasy Baseball Daily Notes | 462 Comments

by: Grey

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I means…The average of all Johns divided by X is the Means, and he stands in the middle of the field on the mound, so Means is also the Median. I am your math wizard! Bow down while I don a top hat with sparkles and flair! Who told you to draft John Means in every league? Was it…*takes a pause long enough to fly around the globe ten times in a prop plane*…me? Really? Damn, sounds like a smart guy, who drifts in and out of third person. Yesterday, John Means went 9 IP, 0 ER, 0 hits, 0 walks, 12 Ks, ERA at 1.37. John Means not getting a perfect game because of a dropped third strike is just another way baseball is very accessible to a new generation of fans. As for Means, I’d say I told you so, but clearly it’s very obvious I told you so, so (stutterer!) we’ll move on without embarrassing anyone. *dons very embarrassing cape and top hat* Toodles. Anyway, here’s what else I saw yesterday in fantasy baseball:

Please, blog, may I have some more?

Dylan Ceases To Amaze

May 5, 2021 | Fantasy Baseball Daily Notes | 641 Comments

by: Grey

With a two singles and a double, the White Sox big hitting star yesterday was Dylan Cease. Saying after the game, “With Lou Bob going down like a deflated beanbag — No offense, Mitch Haniger — it’s important we all step up like an 80’s aerobics teacher,” then he began to count off exercise moves, “5, 6, 7, 8, schlemiel, schlimazel, let’s see you burn, boys!” Then he did some step aerobics out of the room. Obviously, he’s being modest, and way more anaerobic. It wasn’t just his hitting people were doing the swoon for — 6 IP, 0 ER, 1 hit, 3 walks, 11 Ks, ERA at 2.37, and now his last 13 innings have been shutout with 20 Ks. That makes me want to sing (Keep Feeling) Fascination by The Human League. We’re all in that. The Human League. I’m saying that’s all of us. I will rock your world though if you say anything bad about boba. Cease looks to be going to his 96 MPH 4-seam fastball more than ever in his career, paired with an 86 MPH slider that has a .174 xBA, which is just goofy for a pitch he’s throwing 30% of the time. Don’t want to be caught with my shorts around my ankles because I’m wearing a banana hammock, but Cease looks to be emerging as an ace. Not a fantasy number two or three, but a number one. I don’t say that lightly, though I am writing this with a feather and 100 monkeys are typing it up later–Let’s go, Ling-Ling! Type faster! Anyway, here’s what else I saw yesterday in fantasy baseball:

Please, blog, may I have some more?

The Hip Hip Hop You Did Stop The Robert

May 4, 2021 | Fantasy Baseball Daily Notes | 607 Comments

by: Grey

“Hello, I’d like to sign up for your bartending course, Concocktailions. Yes, I saw you were officially endorsed by Bryan Brown who played Doug Coughlin in Cocktail. No, no, I don’t want to bartend professionally. Yes, just do some recreational cocktail slinging. Ideally, I’d just like to learn one drink. How to make a tasty drink from Drano.” Luis Robert will miss at least 12-16 weeks with a tear of the hip flexor, which is the season, boys and five girls. You can’t find a vacuum that sucks this much. Between him and Eloy, I mean, I mean, I mean! UGH! I can’t even grasp words! This is all Tony La Russa’s fault! And the Fantasy Baseball Overlord! *sticking head out of a window* I HATE YOU FANTASY BASEBALL OVERLORD!!! FBO, “I hate me too. Why do I suck so much?” Anyway, here’s what else I saw yesterday in fantasy baseball:

Please, blog, may I have some more?

Kris B Found His Original Recipe

May 3, 2021 | Fantasy Baseball Daily Notes | 705 Comments

by: Grey

Kris Bryant (3-for-5, 3 RBIs, and his 8th and 9th homer) pulled a fast one on us. A switcheroo not seen since the 1987 sitcom, Switcheroo. Singing theme song, “He thought being a kid was tough, and the dad did too…Then a witch came along and did a switcheroo…Now the dad goes to school and the son has sex with the mom…Whatcha gonna do it’s a Switcheroo!” Kris Bryant’s switcheroo was pretending to be a washed-up baseball player, and he did a switcheroo with his former MVP self. Classic hijinks ensue, like the scene where fantasy baseballers mentally replace Kris Bryant with the schmohawk they drafted instead around 120th overall. Singing, “I thought drafting Kris Bryant would be tough, so I instead took Didi Gregorius, and now there’s no way I will be victorious…Switcheroo!” Classic fun TV theme song there. There were five bajillion home runs in just this game yesterday, so let’s get to it…Humming, “…so I instead took Didi Gregarious, and now there’s no way I will be victorious…Switcheroo!” Sorry, it’s so catchy. Anyway, here’s what else I saw this weekend in fantasy baseball:

Please, blog, may I have some more?

I’ll Buy Your Mirror, Nico

April 30, 2021 | Fantasy Baseball Buy/Sell | 591 Comments

by: Grey

(NOTE: THIS POST WAS RELEASED EARLY THIS WEEK ON OUR PATREON. IT’S $10/MONTH OR $13/MONTH WITH AN EXTRA WEEKLY PODCAST.)

Little Nico Hoerner said he could play middle or corner or any of the field’s orifices,
After a meeting in David Ross’s office.
He stuck out his thumb,
Indicating hitchhiking or he could play with aplomb,
And said, “Eric Sogard sucks, so here I am.'”

Not sure that’s how the poem goes, and fields don’t have orifices and, ya know what, ‘Can Stanza’ I can’t stands ya, and I don’t care. Give Nico Hoerner his playing time, we’re ready to run this shizz. *does a dance that can only be described as a mule that stepped on a nail* Hoerner has solid contact — 17% K% — and can get on base — 10% BB%. Can he hit .300 and makes the most sense as the Cubs’ leadoff hitter? Does the Pope root for the Mets to lose in heartbreaking ways? Yes, and emphatically yes. Will Hoerner hit for big-time speed and power? Does the girl in your office mean anything more when she asks you how you’re doing? No, no and no. Hoerner is a leadoff guy, though. Much more so than Anthony Rizzo, Willson Contreras or whatever David Ross’s office’s orifices are rolling out there most days. Hoerner could be a top season-long pickup if he sticks, and now I’m getting Hoernerier. Anyway, here’s some more players to Buy or Sell this week in fantasy baseball:

Please, blog, may I have some more?

Rays Thank McClanahan For Being A Four Inning Friend

April 30, 2021 | Fantasy Baseball Daily Notes | 267 Comments

by: Grey

The Cleveland Starting Pitcher Factory (housed in a former The Old Spaghetti Factory) made its mark by producing low-priced alternatives that reduced meatball consumption. You might remember the host, Giuseppe, from the Dominican Republic, always mentioned his father loved “The Godfather.” Well, there’s another low-priced starter conveyor belt spitting out alternatives with nasty stuff, The Tampa Bay Rays Starting Pitcher Factory, which is in the back alley behind one of the 29 local-area Hooter’s ristorantes. The workers/coaches all wear hosiery, and manage to produce one fine-ass starter after another. Today’s starter was Shane McClanahan (4 IP, 2 ER, 5 hits, zero walks, 5 Ks), and excuse me while I put my eyes back in my head. His 92 MPH slider alone was like, “I’ll have some cheese, and the check please.” He partnered that pitch with a 101 MPH fastball, and I looked to grab him in every league. Honestly, I hadn’t seen stuff like that in some time from a prospect. I’d think of him like Michael Kopech. Solid handful of innings, who is rosterable in all leagues, but don’t drop anyone too valuable. The big concern for McClanahan is sometimes he losses the feel and the plate, so he could be prone to roofies, but I don’t put on hosiery and walk into a back alley of a Hooter’s asking for a factory tour for nothing. Anyway, here’s what else I saw yesterday in fantasy baseball:

Please, blog, may I have some more?

Author: Grey

Read some of Grey's 4943 posts

Seattle Ready To Rip Off Their Hulk Logan Gilbertmania Shirt

Freddy, Aim, Fire

Almost Time To Release Your Jarred Up Emotions

A Pearson Of Much Importance On Your Mother/Tucker’s Day

Harrison Bader Buysberg

Albert Pujols Retires The Apostrophe From “I’m Mortal”

Means Treats Seattle To Score, Say, Zero Runs or Hits

Dylan Ceases To Amaze

The Hip Hip Hop You Did Stop The Robert

Kris B Found His Original Recipe

I’ll Buy Your Mirror, Nico

Rays Thank McClanahan For Being A Four Inning Friend